The past week, I was in my hometown for my cousin sister’s wedding. It was a grand affair, as weddings in India tend to be. As much as I will remember it for the fun we had, I will also recall it for the changing social moorings.

In our society, marriage is a landmark in a girl’s life. It’s almost as if she has been reborn into a new role with a new life.

Until marriage, she lives life carefree, like a starlet / diva, the favourite child. She is hinged to the support provided by her family. Suddenly, she steps over to a new life and world. Where she is expected to be responsible and cautious. She has to adhere to new norms and practices at the in-laws. And she probably doesn’t know anyone well enough (unless it’s a love marriage).

So, when the marriage ceremonies end and the bride leaves the house, there’s a river of emotions running through everyone – the bride, her parents and siblings, and other near and dear ones. This often culminates in large bouts of crying and hugging and a general gloom about the daughter leaving for a different abode.

Let me confess a bit here. I have always been one whose eyes get moist in an emotionally charged atmosphere. I remember having a lump in my throat on a previous occasion when my cousin sister, elder to me, was being sent off. When I got married almost 10 years ago, I had a similar feeling but with a lower magnitude.

But somewhere in my mind, I have been troubled that apart from the grief of separation and distance, it also happens because somewhere we are considering that the daughter no more belongs to our house or that she is an outsider in the new house. Or that the son-in-law belongs to another household.

Which isn’t the right way of looking at it. Even if the social practice demands that the daughter-in-law stay with her husband, she still is a daughter of the house and should be treated like one. Although she has jumped ship to come to her husband’s side, henceforth she is going to be an integral part of the family and hence should be placed on the same pedestal as the son. Or for that matter, the son-in-law has agreed to live his life with the daughter and therefore has become an equal part of the family.

So last week, as the marriage rituals concluded and the last hour approached, I was expecting a prolonged farewell session.

Instead, to my surprise, it turned out to be a happy farewell. My sister’s mother-in-law took the lead and gave confidence to my uncle, aunt and others that she is going to be treated like a daughter and they needn’t worry about anything. Her assurance and confidence preempted the grief of separation and actually turned it into a celebratory send-off. Hats off to Aunty!!!

Not that others wouldn’t have tried or the assurances don’t work. Sometimes they do. I have heard of a couple of marriages where the farewell happened in a celebratory mode.

This however for me was the first time I was witnessing it live. And it was so refreshing. When I reflected back, I realised that in this case, marriage was just a ritual and the happy farewell was perhaps a by-product of the rapport that my sister and her in-laws had built up. And the knowledge of the fact implicitly comforted my uncle and aunt – that their daughter will continue to be a daughter on the other side as well.

Wish every marriage culminates in such a happy farewell. After all, it’s a celebration and the bride and groom are getting a new set of parents…