Life

‘Freedom to Fail’

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

These words contain a dichotomy. How can someone be given the room to fail?

And yet, they are magical. For in these words, lie the very essence of why someone succeeds…

A couple of weeks ago, I watched a new TV series on how India’s biggest watch company, Titan, came into existence.

It was a great reminder of the heroic power of entrepreneurship and the persistent belief to make it happen.

The biggest line that remained with me post the watch, was “freedom to fail”!

It was used by the protagonist to egg on his team after an abject failure. And by his mentor, silently, to convey his confidence in his protege.

In the past couple of weeks, as I often thought about it, I realised how important it is in our life too.

Ask a parent about how their child grew up. Most likely because they let her have the freedom to fail. When she was taking her first steps, or when she was rushing to make friends, or when she was trying to learn a new skill. They didn’t judge her or stop her from doing those things.

Ask a teacher about her best students. She allowed them to experiment and learn, rather than stopping them from anything. Even her worst students were allowed the freedom to fail, in the hope that they will rise some time.

Ask a husband about his wife. How they became successful in their marriage because they allowed each other the freedom to be themselves and fail at a few things when it came to each other’s expectations. And in doing so, how they learnt to stand by each other during the toughest times, even though they may have failed on a simple occasion.

Or ask anyone who succeeded in a corporate job, how they reached where they are. I doubt if we will find even one case where they would not have encountered a senior who had allowed them to falter and yet succeed in the longer run.

You see, it is this freedom to fail that gives anyone the confidence to succeed. That is why the child, the student, the spouse, or the teammate get past hurdles in life and learn to live.

And yet, the first thought that comes to mind when we hear these three words is, “oh, that’s strange!”.

It is perhaps our conditioning that needs to change…

A retired life?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Anil was on the couch, fidgeting with his beard.

It was a dull day, in a rather dry June. The fan was humming above his head, with light coming into the room through the large window.

There was silence at home. His wife had gone out shopping and there was no one else. Anil was staring at the ceiling, pondering over his future.

Having turned sixty, he had just retired two months back. After spending more than three decades in different roles in the same organisation, he had finally called it a day.

He had initially thought that he would take it easy post his retirement. After all, he deserved to enjoy life.

The first couple of weeks were nice. No pressure of a routine, no stress of work or deadlines, and no worry. Then, as he entered the third week, he started feeling a little bored.

What should he do with all the time he had on hands now? Sitting around at home seemed like a waste beyond a point. How much television could he watch. Or how many conversations could he have with his wife, the only other person at home now?

He felt he had energy that he could utilise. So, he started playing tennis every day. Moving from a weekend routine to weekdays did help his game but it was enough to fill just a couple of hours. There was still so much time.

He then thought of meeting with friends and other people he had known. Some of them had time for him, while others didn’t. So, it meant only a couple of meetings every week.

By the time the second month finished, he was restless. He enjoyed a routine less life, but he also craved to do something with his skills.

There wasn’t a particular passion he had in mind to follow. Or a desire to do something alternative as an extension of his career.

He had planned poorly…

As he kept thinking that day, fidgeting with his beard, he realised that he wasn’t alone in this trap. There were many contemporary professionals he knew of who probably were facing the same challenge.

Was there a way to do something together? He gnawed at the possibility for a while, eventually realising that it was worth trying.

He got up from the couch. Sitting down at his study table, he mapped out a plan. Not a thorough one that he usually did in his work days, but a rough sketch of what he can do about it.

Over the next couple of days, he spent more time thinking and jotting down notes. Finally, he had an outline he was happy with.

It wasn’t a full time role. It wasn’t a gig. It was an experiment to see if he could apply all his learning to do something interesting, something he had not even thought about before.

He was retired, but that didn’t mean he had to live a boring life…

Balancing it all

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Maintaining a state of equilibrium. That’s how balance is defined.

It couldn’t be truer for own management of life and how it is so important to maintain the balance at all times.

As is so often the case, each one of us tries to find this balance and builds a template around our lives.

But sometimes our life changes, even though temporarily, such that the template doesn’t work in that duration. That is when we get tested the most!

Last few weeks, this is what I have been dealing with…

Over the past year or so, I had built a template to balance the various things go on around me. At work and at home.

Then, in the last month, as my role and responsibilities evolved, and some new challenges came to the fore, my previously set template came under pressure.

At first, I tried to not change anything and continue as is. I struggled. The template was built for a different rhythm, and wasn’t fitting in, although I was trying my best.

I didn’t want to change many things in the balance I had found and as I kept thinking about what to tweak, I let it slide for a couple of weeks.

Not changing anything yet, I was hoping the new rhythm will settle down and my template will continue to function as is. That obviously didn’t work.

By last week, I knew that my previous tactics were not working. I could either accept it and build a new rhythm, or drop a few things that were hanging in the balance.

I haven’t nailed down everything and how I want to change my routine to handle some of those aspects. I am still figuring it out.

But I am hopeful I will find how to balance it all. And have the right template to balance things in this new phase of life. Until something changes again…

Why too serious?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There are too many things in life that we take too seriously.

And in that quest of taking ourselves too seriously, we often forget to enjoy life…

The past week, a colleague who was also a friend, passed away. He had been battling cancer for a long time.

As I received the news and saddened by it thought about my last meeting with him, I couldn’t help but reflect on his journey.

Especially the past few years, and his approach towards life!

In the most testing times, he was still full of life. It was as if he had made a resolution to let nothing affect his zest for life.

When someone battling with life on a daily basis shows that commitment, you stop and take notice. You wonder at the bravery. You smile at the tenacity.

So did I. But I never looked deeply enough to understand how commendable it was.

For I, lost in my own thoughts and problems, was too seriously involved in my life.

It was only in his passing, did he leave me a lasting lesson. To not be too serious. And to enjoy life come what may!

As I thought about this aspect through the last week, it became clear to me that I can afford to loosen up.

To enjoy life even when things are not going my way. To enjoy life even if I am not feeling well. And to enjoy life even if there isn’t much left of it.

For in that enjoyment is the essence of life. To live it. To experience it. And to see it through…

Relieved.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Fatima was sitting down, holding the side of the bed. The same bed where her beloved husband of over forty years, Zafar was lying still, never to get up again.

She kept sitting in that position for a good hour or so. Re-living all the memories of their past.

Theirs was an arranged marriage. But they had fallen in love with each other soon after meeting for the first time, and then multiple times over those forty odd years. It was a match made in heaven!

Over the years, as they fulfilled their familial responsibilities, they had built a beautiful home for themselves. They had a daughter, married and happily settled close by in the same city. Their son-in-law was a gentleman, ensuring that he prioritized their well being in all cases.

They had grown old together and especially after Zafar’s retirement from the bank, had established a daily routine to spend more time together. Morning walks, long sittings over crossword puzzles and old film music, evening tea with friends from the neighbourhood, and their love for movies kept them busy. Their daughter and son-in-law would come over on the weekends and sometimes they would all go out for a meal. Life was going on in a fulfilling fashion.

Then, soon after his sixty-fifth birthday, Zafar started complaining of some headaches. He was a health conscious man, so without taking any risks, he consulted the doctors. And as unfortunate it could be for the family, he was diagnosed with an extremely rare condition which was causing tension in his brain’s blood vessels.

It wasn’t a very good sign and the doctors told him that he could either get operated or otherwise had little time left. The chances of success were low and they were non-commital about the after effects of the surgery.

Zafar had seen his father pass away after a prolonged cancer and knew that his case could end up with he being bed-ridden for the rest of his life. While the doctors were suggesting surgery, he also knew that post-surgery recovery would be prolonged and may not even happen. He didn’t want to be left in a vegetative state towards the end of his life.

He consulted another doctor in a different hospital and the findings were the same. The doctor confirmed that there was a low chance of success. He did tell him that in case the surgery doesn’t succeed, he could be much worse-off.

That evening, Zafar had sat Fatima down and explained to her the second opinion. She already knew about the health condition, so had started preparing herself mentally for anything. When Zafar told her that he had decided to let things play out naturally and not go for an uncertain surgery, she wasn’t surprised. After all, he had taken many unemotional but necessary calls during his lifetime and was doing the same at this juncture.

Their daughter and son-in-law did try to persuade Zafar otherwise but he saw no good reason to put the entire family through an ordeal no one understood, including the doctors. Convinced that he could not be moved, the family decided to make his remaining time as good as it could be.

The routines thus resumed. No one around him was told of his condition, so that they behaved normally with him. Only the family knew, and they kept it at the back of their mind, but without showing off their emotions, continued to live normally.

It was hard for Fatima. Knowing that she could soon be staring at life without him. She ensured that from that day onwards, she wouldn’t leave him for long. And over the next couple of years, she spent as much time as she could, soaking in all that she could with Zafar.

He had not shown much but she knew how painful those last few months had been. And how he had continued to live his life normally, ignoring it.

That day, as she got up after her afternoon siesta, she saw Zafar wasn’t moving. He lay still. She sat down beside him and checked. He was gone.

All those years of togetherness were over. He would be around no more. She would just have his memories to carry along.

She was crying. But it wasn’t just because she had lost him. It was also because he had been relieved! He had embraced death and death had come slowly, allowing her to hoard as many memories as she could have…

The Slow Lane

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

No one wants to be caught up in a slow lane. All of us want to move as swiftly as possible. Mostly.

Until, we can’t. Or maybe, in some cases, until we don’t want to.

This last week, I was contemplating the pace of life and how hectic it seems to have become!

We have all become slaves of pace. Constantly feeding on the frenzy. Be it news, views, reactions, joy, sorrow, or the many myriad emotions that now twitch at a faint hint.

So much so, when we do slow down due to a forced or a chosen reason, it seems excruciating. To the point that we want to get back on the treadmill as soon as we can.

Now, it’s common knowledge that if you continue to run and push yourselves harder, there will be a time when you will reach your limit. And will have to drop off at some point.

As I contemplated this fact more, I tried a couple of experiments on myself. One of the days, while practicing Yoga, I decided to try a module for sleep meditation.

I had to do nothing. Just lie down in Shavasana and meditate. I could hold myself still for only about 20 minutes. My mind and body gave up after that. And that’s when I hadn’t had a good night’s sleep!

Another one I tried was to do nothing during my commutes to office and back, and instead spend that time in thought on a particular topic. I could successfully only do it a few times, my mind wandering away to other things. Or worse, I took my phone to check something and the rabbit hole was waiting to consume me.

Then, as I was traveling to meet a friend on Friday evening, I saw a couple of young kids playing. They were fully engrossed in what they were doing, oblivious to the cacophony around them. It appeared as if their only purpose was to do that one thing. So refreshing!

Why have we become like this? Who’s pushing us to the wall and telling us to continue life at this frenetic pace? I guess it’s no one and it’s everyone.

It’s our choice!!!

When I look around, I see most folks are constantly busy. When I think about my own schedules, it’s relentless. If I look at most children, we have made a choice on their behalf to run harder.

The only group I see are taking it slow are the elderly. Senior citizens who have time on their hand to consider and do things as they wish to. When they wish to. And to cherish various moments through the day, not worry about taking off for the next critical thing. That’s such a bliss!

I do have a few friends, who lead a slow relaxed life. Either because they don’t have to earn for a living, or because of their life choices, have given up on this madness. And their life is much richer now.

Maybe, I will get enough conviction to emulate them one day. Until that day arrives, its back to the treadmill for another round then…

Hindsight

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I have often wondered, with the wisdom of hindsight, about how I could have done certain things differently.

It seems so obvious or clear at times.

And yet, when we are in the midst of something, we don’t have the same line of sight.

So, we go with what is the best approach or the most sensible decision at that point of time. Then, when we look back, we realise whether that decision was a blunder or was fine.

This week, as I got some time to sit down with my parents and talk, we ventured into the past. And discussed how some things that we decided on panned out for us.

It was surprising for me to note that we made quite a few mistakes. But even then, overall life has turned out fine.

The most important realisation however was the fact that whatever we decided on, we did it with the right intention. And with a feeling that we are doing something because we will be happy about it. And we followed through.

Although, in hindsight, the outcome may have varied from what we desired, but the happiness out of that decision was real.

And that to me is the real treasure uncovered from all those decisions!

Being happy about having made that decision and not getting influenced by the anxiety post that decision, or the frustration of the decision not turning out well.

In this age, we often get befuddled about whether our decisions will turn out fine or not. Or what will be the outcomes.

Only if we could decide on things with purity of intention, and follow through with the right plan, we would be so much happier for it…

The Grand Picture…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Our life centres around our “self” and that too in the moment. But are we really able to see the grand picture?

My mind raced in all directions this past week, as I visited the canyons with my family and absorbed the grandness of them all.

While walking an aptly named ‘trail of time’ at the Grand Canyon, where every long step is equal to a million years, our meagre years seemed infinitely small.

And yet, as I contemplated about life over the past week or so away on vacation, I couldn’t help but think about what am I doing, where are things heading, etc.

The contrast of these two at the same time couldn’t be starker. I was concentrating on self in the moment, and not looking at the bigger picture.

Paradoxically, thinking about this contrast also helped clear my head. It became easier to think of life as a series of events that lead to something meaningful at the end of it all.

Not random happenings but inter-connected dots that leave an impression, howsoever small or faint, on some people and things.

A journey that starts and ends in a few years but continues to echo through the chambers of time for a few more years to come.

As these thoughts raced in my mind, I figured the bigger picture for me as an individual would be my entire life and what it affects. Not just what I am doing right now or what may have happened or will happen.

So what’s my bigger picture – I don’t know yet what that entirety entails!

I just know that I have to continue doing things which are interesting to me, which help me progress my knowledge and experiences, and which make me a better father/husband/son/brother/friend/human.

If I am able to do that, I will have lived a life worth something…

Something which will complete my grand picture…

Connections and meaning…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We make them. We break them…

We sustain them. We ruin them…

We nurture them. We ignore them…

It’s one of those dichotomies of our life, where this very word conjures both happy and sad feelings in us. For the same people, or the same surroundings, but different feelings in different times!

Nothing unique about it though. It’s the same dichotomy that surrounds love and health. They both make us happy or sad at different times for the same reasons.

However, coming back to connections, as I unwound during the year-end break and reflected on the last couple of years of my life, this was my big realization.

I had not made many new connections. I had not sustained some of the older ones well enough. And I had not nurtured those that are dear to me.

Not that I wanted to intentionally land like this. I had made efforts all this while to ignore precisely this situation. But life had taken its toll. I had flown with the daily turbulence of life and had unknowingly been busy paddling all across.

As I reflected on these thoughts, it occurred to me that this wasn’t the first time it had happened. And it probably wouldn’t have been so stark a realization, if not for my current state of mind. A mind which is seeking meaning.

As I thought about how I want to make the new year different and my life more fulsome, I came to one non-negotiable conclusion. That I have to make new connections, sustain those I have, and nurture the ones I really care about.

For what is life without being and remaining connected!

Who Moved My …

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Life is uncertain. This is one of the first truisms I learnt. I guess, all of us realise this at some point in time. And then live with it unconsciously.

Until, when life throws a curveball at us…

The most common fallacy we live with till then is that this won’t happen with us. Until it does.

And then we get surprised, knocked out, and end up dejected. Some times, we see this coming. Often times, it is completely tangential.

While watching a couple of movies this weekend revolving around this theme, I relived my own days of despair and came through with these thoughts.

As it so happened, whilst in the Army, I was hospitalised for a long time on account of a cervical spine injury. As days became weeks and months, I was advised to multiple doctors and finally it was decided that I will be medically boarded out.

It took me a while to first accept the fact that this would be the end of my dream. The world I had been building up to in my life. And it took me down a rabbit hole of despair and solitude.

As I was fighting these feelings, I was gifted the book “Who Moved My Cheese” by Spencer Johnson. It is an interesting parable and talks about how life throws a spanner in the works sometimes and how to recover and keep moving.

That book helped me get a new perspective. It made me look at the brighter side of life, where I could go out and get another shot at doing something else rather than being stuck in a frustrating situation with a physical category in the army.

Slowly, I came out of that despair and hopeless situation that I had found myself in and started looking at things with a brighter perspective again.

Time moved on and I got other opportunities to prove myself, gain new experiences, and grow. I of course made more mistakes and lost some keys to some rooms, but I am in a decent place in life.

As I recalled these details this weekend, I was reminded of how most of us are so stuck in the worlds we are building for ourselves, in our own small way, that we often are blindsided by these curveballs.

Believe you me, they are somewhere on their way. Only if we could keep our eyes and minds open to these possibilities of mishaps. But even then, we could completely be caught off guard.

I guess the only way we can keep up and prepare for such scenarios is by knowing deep within that nothing is permanent and tides change.

As long as we can get up and get moving after that shock, we will be fine. And all will be ok!