Culture

Culinary Differences!?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Sometimes, the simplest of things tell you a lot. For instance, food and our choices. And how we handle culinary differences…

This weekend, I flew to spend time with a friend in Dallas, while on a business trip to the US. I had not met him for a decade and we had a lot to catch up on. So, I was expecting long chats and fun and laughter.

I had also never spent considerable time with his family. Having met his wife a couple of times before, I knew her to be jolly by nature and did expect to have some good conversations with her too.

What surprised me though, as we spent time talking, eating, and repeating this schedule over two days, was the amount of discussion we had about food.

My friend’s wife is from Bengal, from the eastern part of India. As with most people from that region, she is naturally excited about food, Food is very dear to them and meal times are about enjoying a feast together.

I received this affection from her during my visit. There were multiple dishes prepared, elaborate lunches and dinners set up, and lots of good conversations happened over those meals.

We talked about how eating Bengali food is an acquired taste, due to the use of specific condiments and ingredients. And how it takes time for people from other regions to appreciate it.

I have eaten some nice Bengali food earlier, so it wasn’t completely new for me. What stayed though, was the way she explained how my friend, who like me is from the central part of India, had adjusted to this taste. And how he enjoys it now.

Later in the afternoon, she and I talked about how they enjoy different cuisines from other regions that they have been exposed to in the US. And how she has noticed, even within her family, there are people who adjust or take a liking to it, while others fret and eat, or simply refuse to try.

I could completely relate to it. Over time, I have seen similar things in my family and circle. I could say I can easily adapt to other cuisines but have been in settings where others find it difficult.

While until now, I had never paid much attention to this fact, ignoring it as a thing that just happens, this conversation made me think for a bit…

As it so happens, most of us are very used to the food we have had while growing up. It’s our comfort place. We crave it. We love it even though it is what we have everyday.

But when it comes to food from other regions or places, we are not always as open. We blame it on our palette or worse, make it sound inferior or very different than ours. Talk about biases!

It cannot be true that the taste of food in these other regions is never to our liking. I have seen older people adjust well to new cuisines relatively easily.

I feel, sometimes it is that our mind doesn’t want to accept that we can enjoy other kinds of food. Or maybe, sometimes it goes against our religious beliefs or health notions, and we avoid them.

But most times, we instantly close ourselves to new experiences and indulgences. We deliberately stay away from them, either viewing them with skepticism or simply fear of the unknown!

What we forget is that trying does us no harm. If anything, it may just propel us in a certain direction. Or repel us because something didn’t feel right. But shouldn’t be for the lack of trying…

In the spotlight

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There have been a few instances when I have come across celebrities or famous people at various places during my travels.

As is often the case, at least in India, celebrity spotting usually means crowding. Everyone trying to get a look at the famous person.

At first, when it happened many years ago in my teenage years, it was exhilarating. Something I would talk about with friends.

However, over the years, that charm has reduced considerably. Probably, out of respect for their privacy. Or because it has become second nature to not get over excited by something like this.

Any way, last week, as I was spending time with my cousin during a weekend on a work trip, this topic came up. She was telling me how they have also seen some famous people during their travels.

As we talked about it, one thing flashed back at me. How difficult it must be for the celebrity to live a normal life!

I have seen people clamouring for pictures around them, trying to get autographs, hounding them on their way to some place. And as if that is not enough, they live at the constant mercy of the omnipresent media, who reports on everything they do.

If I put myself in their shoes, it would be very unnerving for me to live life as such. I would be constantly bugged by random people trying to get a piece of me.

I would probably not go out at all. Or do it in secrecy. To avoid embarrassment and to feel and behave like a normal person. I would do anything to avoid the constant scrutiny…

But the famous ones have no such choice. They do it sometimes out of compulsion, sometimes maybe out of pride, but also sometimes just because there is no way out.

Perhaps, being in the spotlight is not always a good thing…

Spot the difference.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We always will be different from others. That’s a fact. But we don’t treat it as such. And that often leads to differences!

The past two weeks, I was traveling for work. During that trip, I met a lot of people at a conference, from different nationalities. Apart from the usual work-related discussions, there were also some great conversations about personal stuff as we compared notes on a multitude of things ranging from life to culture to values.

Guess what was the common thing? Everyone was different. In terms of their outlook, their perspective, their values, their beliefs, etc.

Over the weekend, I also observed many a people while roaming around markets and in restaurants. Those observations tallied with my personal interactions.

And yet, as I reflected upon those insights and my behavior, I found that while I inherently understand that others are different than me, I often expect them to behave the way I do. Or understand me instantly.

As I dug deeper through my interactions and observations, I also found a few common themes. Shared values, beliefs, perspectives. Those are what allowed us to mingle with each other and have those myriad conversations. Those are what enabled us to understand each other even though we are from different countries.

There seems to be a dichotomy here, until you realise that there isn’t. This is how it is meant to be.

For, even though we may have different ideologies and values, we mostly want to treat others the way we would like ourselves to be treated. We don’t hesitate to talk and share perspectives, even though they may differ. And we mostly don’t walk in with a closed mind, as otherwise it may be difficult to even have a conversation!

We agree to disagree. We listen to other’s perspectives and then either assimilate or discard them. We hold on to our values, well mostly, until something earth-shattering chnages them.

So, even though we are different in many aspects, it is worth remembering that what we believe in, value, and aspire for may be different than the others. But that shouldn’t lead us to a corner if we spot differences.

Instead, it should help us recognise that there is an opportunity for sharing and learning from each other…

“Virtually Connected!?”

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This week, I was talking to a cousin, a younger brother who grew up before me. We were talking after almost six months. And we were discussing how we had both been so busy that time just slipped by.

The next day, I read somewhere, “the more we are connected, the more disconnected we feel”…

As I reflected on the statement and my chat with my cousin brother, it occurred to me that this couldn’t be further from the truth.

We are all very well connected. We carry a phone with us all the time and we are reachable instantly. But we find it increasingly difficult to call those who we want to be connected with.

It isn’t so much to do with only willingness. Maybe that’s the case in a few instances. But otherwise, we are all just badly caught up in life.

What used to be living has turned into survival. What used to be life has turned into a race…

Not so long ago, there was a time when we would spend an hour writing letters to our friends. They later became emails and then social media messages. Now-a-days, they are confined to mere wishes and maybe an occasional phone call.

Those were the days, when we would just arrive at someone’s doorstep and be invited instantly to partake in whatever meal everyone was having. Now, we plan much ahead of time, and yet find it onerous to arrange everything.

Those were the days, when we would just gather together for a game of cards or something indoors. Hours would be spent playing, without realising the time that had passed. Now, we try and time things so much that these fun times aren’t happening so often.

We are all to blame ourselves for this situation. We thought we are progressing but what has really happened is we have degraded in the one thing that really matters – human connection!

And then, we see our kids, who are already glued to their phones and gadgets, preferring to be virtually connected, rather than in person. Preferring to be online and hiding behind the screen anonymously.

We want them to go out and play. We want them to engage with other humans. We want them to develop bonds.

But we are the ones holding them back. By continuing to be a slave of our recently developed habits. And by setting a bad example for them during their formative years.

Perhaps, this Diwali, we ought to switch on the lights, invite people home, and enjoy being in other’s company! Setting an example for our little ones and more importantly, for ourselves…

Native connection

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I am a big proponent of using our native languages in regular settings. It’s a big part of our culture. And identity.

There have been quite a few discussions at the workplace and at home, where I have taken the side of the native language.

I feel it is incumbent upon each one of us, as an inheritor of our rich culture(s) and traditions, to embed them into our daily lives. So that we carry on with the torch before passing it to the next generation.

Naturally, we have enrolled our daughter to learn Hindi as the additional language of choice at the school. It’s one way to provide her a structured environment to grasp the details.

This week, when we visited her school for a parents-teachers meet, I expected her Hindi teacher to talk to us about how we should encourage her to do more in Hindi. She did that but she also talked about another important aspect that stuck with me.

She talked about how through our native language children connect with their roots and how it shapes their association with the family, especially as they grow through teenage into adulthood.

While I was quite impressed by what she said and how she did so, what stuck me more was that our mother tongue forms a core part of our identity.

As I looked back at my own childhood and teenage, I realised that my tryst with Hindi, the times spent listening to stories from my grandmother, reading Hindi comic books, the countless fun conversations we had around the house in our mother tongue, all of them helped shape me.

More importantly, they connected me to my roots. To my family. And that has stayed with me all my life.

I don’t feel the same level of connectedness when I talk in English today. Not that I consider English to be a second grade citizen, but it doesn’t have the same effect. It feels neutral.

I know it’s not easy. The environment today around us in Indian cities is geared towards English. Our kids have multi-cultural influences and friends, and therefore English becomes the common ground to connect.

But if I don’t make the effort, at least at home, to use our mother tongue, the native connection that I built with my roots may not happen with my daughter.

So while I do want her to be fluent in English and be ready for the future, I also want her to be connected to her roots, natively…

Lost in Translation

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Aamir was excited. It was his grandparent’s first visit to the US.

His parents had migrated to the US when he was six years old and he had grown up in the developed world.

They had travelled to India in the last five years only once, for a short trip. His grandparents had never been outside India and ran into some visa issues, which prevented them from coming over earlier.

As their arrival inched closer, his anticipation grew. He had some fond memories of spending his early years with them, while still in India. And while they had kept in touch through video calls, most of those conversations were for a few minutes only.

He planned for their trip with much anticipation. There were quite a few places he wanted to take them around to. And wanted them to meet his friends.

The day they landed, he made sure to finish all his homework and be ready for receiving them. When he first saw them, he ran over and hugged them. They were also elated to see him and held him close.

Over the next couple of days, as their jet lag veered off, Aamir got more time with them. He realised that while they were fine with talking in English for short sentences, they weren’t very comfortable.

He had barely used his mother tongue, Hindi, over the last few years! Even at home, his parents hadn’t bothered talking in Hindi and so, he had lost touch with the language.

This fact troubled him. It wasn’t just that he couldn’t talk to his grandparents fluently but also because most conversations had no meaning without either of them understanding the other well.

At first, Aamir withdrew into a shell. He deliberately avoided long chats, instead using short words or signals and head nods. It got him past most things and was the easier way out.

A week into the practice however, he realized that this wasn’t going to help him. It would also reduce the joy his grandparents would experience. Resolving to remedy the situation, he hit upon an idea.

The next day, as he woke up, he loaded a translation app and started using it to frame questions and replies for his chats with them. At first, it was awkward. But then, observing that his grandparents were visibly happier talking to him, he persisted.

He also requested them to help him with common words and phrases, and to teach him in his spare time. With the help of the app and his grandparents, things became much fluent and simple.

Over the next few weeks, as his grandparents’ trip progressed, Aamir executed his planned itinerary for them. He became their local guide and also took them around to meet with his friends, acting like a translator for those small chats.

By the time his grandparents left, Aamir had earned two things. Pride of his grandparents and a small vocabulary of Hindi words to use when needed…

Made up, no more!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Mary was staring at the mirror. Looking at the dark spots and the aging lines on her forehead.

Her husband Akshay was standing behind her, admiring her. She appeared contented and he was happy for her.

As they looked at each other, Mary remembered their chat from a few weeks ago…

They had just returned from a party that night and as she sat down to take off her makeup, she realised she didn’t look like herself.

The thick layer of makeup had made her look younger, yes. But it had also given her an almost artificial cover. It was as if there was a thin sheet of plastic on her body, hiding her true self.

She reflected on her last twenty five years of having been used to putting makeup. That had started after college and while it was good for as long as it lasted, after almost turning fifty, she didn’t want to look all dolled up anymore.

She told Akshay in a straightforward manner, not wanting to put it nicely. To her surprise, he took it positively and encouraged her.

His words still echoed in her mind, “It’s not that you’re younger any more. Everyone knows this. So, why pretend if you’re not comfortable with it?”

The next week, as they were dressing to step out for a family get-together, she decided to skip any makeup.

When she got ready, she went up to Akshay. He saw her and knew she had taken his advice seriously. He smiled and hugged her. She looked much more graceful to him suddenly.

The next few days, Mary was very conscious about not putting on any makeup every time she went out. There were few compliments but she also knew that a few people were taking behind her back.

She didn’t get discouraged though. In her heart she knew she didn’t want to prove anything to anyone and was following her own mind. That confidence showed through in her and carried her forward.

Then, after a couple of weeks, it became natural for herself to not think about going out without makeup. And as time progressed, it became usual for people around her to notice her without makeup always.

They slowly started respecting her choice, more so for the move of looking natural. She could sense there were no more ‘behind-her-back conversations’ and she was accepted as she was.

And even if there were any murmurs, she didn’t care about them anymore. She was a free bird again, radiating from every pore of her body.

It was as if in those few weeks, she had rewritten the rule book on how other people perceived her!

Pedigree

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Why do we bias towards pedigree? Is it or is it not as important as we think it is?

This is the kind of term we use when we want to show that the subject in focus belongs to a particular group. Mostly, the highly desirable groups who have been educated or come from a higher class background.

Is it our fascination with higher classes in general? Or has it got to do with some deep rooted feelings that get ignited within us?

These past few weeks, I have been listening to a podcast by ‘The Ken’, titled ‘First Principles’. It is interviews with some of the well known startup founders and what drives them and their companies.

As I listened to some of the well known and successful founders, I tried to observe patterns. And some interesting insights have emerged in my head.

One such important question, that rears time and time again in my head, has been this one about pedigree…

Those who graduated from the top schools and universities had a strong alumni backing, plenty of confidence in their abilities, and above all, a general sense of accomplishment that they embody. They seem to have a sense of purpose and a particular vision about how they see the world and their specific area of interest.

But even those founders who are not very high pedigree display a high sense of accomplishment and confidence. They have the same sense of purpose and vision. The society probably doesn’t hold enough confidence in them. Or they don’t have the same strength of alumni’s backing. But their success isn’t middling, in fact much better in some cases.

In fact, I think for most people who are capable enough, pedigree stops mattering after the first few years. It may have helped in getting a start but the person’s progress is more dependent on how s/he does going forward rather than what s/he did earlier.

If I look at myself, it is the same pattern. Pedigree stopped mattering after the initial years. What I lack in some way I make it up in other aspects because of my capabilities and abilities. And where I come from matters less and less.

Am guessing it is the same for most folks.

We however, personally, still view pedigree as important. We go out of our way to recognise it, idolise it, aspire for it, and discriminate basis it!

Perhaps, it is too ingrained a thought in our beings. Trapped within this thought process, we consciously or unconsciously try and move in that same direction as we have been accustomed to going in.

That’s probably why sometimes we overlook potential and fitment, incurring a loss when instead we should have kept the pedigree aside and chosen on the merit of the case…

Context and Culture

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It is fascinating how we view culture. Through our eyes and based on our past experiences. But do we miss the context sometimes?

I recently had an interesting experience that forced me to think in this direction…

This happened when we went to buy new phones for ourselves. It was a pending item on our list, and we took out sometime this week to check new iPhones at a nearby Apple store.

We have bought iPhones from an Apple store in India. So we were expecting a similar experience here in the US.

In India, I recall my interactions about 4 months back, when I took my sister-in-law to get her a new iPhone. The sales guy gave as much attention he could not only to explain the product to us but made sure he stayed with us till the time the transaction was closed. This, even when there were other customers in the store, checking out the phones or other products. Maybe, he had a knack of figuring out which customer would ultimately purchase, as I observed him quickly floating in and out of the conversation with us, and helping close the sale. But I was impressed that he could devote so much time to a single customer.

In the US, while we got attention from the sales rep at the store, she had others to attend to as well. Then, as we were taking our own time to decide, she got engaged with another customer. When we were ready to complete our purchase, she was indisposed and had to put us in a queue with a wait time of 30 minutes. We respected the process but as we wanted to trade in our devices only after duly transferring everything, we decided to instead order the phones online.

Eventually, Apple got our money for one of their products. However, I couldn’t help but wonder at the seemingly easy-going approach of the sales rep. I was almost going to classify her as being too high-handed but then realized that people here respect that they may not have someone’s attention all the time and are ready to wait their turn. That’s the culture they are accustomed to.

Now, I am no one to judge which system is better and am definitely not inclining toward any particular culture. All kinds of systems and cultures can work, provided they match the context and expectation of the constituents. But it is interesting to understand why these differences exist.

Imagine someone in India adopting the US approach to sales! He wouldn’t just risk losing the customer but will also most definitely get negative remarks on his scorecard. So, he will go all out to secure the business he sees on hand.

And specially if he is dealing with luxury products, like an iPhone, he will be expected to devote as much time to the customer as she needs. It will otherwise be considered rude and unbecoming of him. Plus he always will have this at the back of his mind that the customer can go and get another phone (or even the same phone) from a different shop next door. There’s just hyper competitiveness, fueling the need to be on top of the game at all times.

In the US, I presume the customer is walking in to the store knowing that they will need time to make a purchase. And they don’t have as many stores to purchase their phones from, for sure. So, the amount of competitiveness is lesser. More importantly, Apple being the dominant brand in the US, the brand recall is higher. It has hundreds of people walking in all day into their stores and the sales system works for most people and allows them to sell efficiently.

Difference in context, which leads to different cultures!

If a US citizen visits India and heads to a mobile shop, she will most likely feel that this sales person is behind her to buy the product, when in fact he would only be acting like he would with most customers. She will be coming from her experience and expectations and the sales person will be coming from his. Just like me, who was expecting a different experience but ended up with another.

The revelation? It is very easy to label cultures, to call out things that are not as per expectations, to make fun of those ‘other’ people. It is however in most cases not the entire picture. We need to look deeper into the context of the other person/party to understand where they are coming from and to respect their culture.

That is if we are trying to be genuine…

Roots

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

You can take the (wo)man out of the country but not the country out of the (wo)man. The same is true for most people, Indians more so.

We have one of the largest populations. Combined with a high literacy rate, a lot of us are now spread out into the far reaches of the world. But still then, even if it’s been a few years or a generation that the person may have been out of India, you can still find some resemblances.

This whole week, I have been in London for work and meeting a lot of interesting people from different walks of life. Colleagues who have relocated, friends staying here for more than a decade, strangers working elsewhere who I came across, et al.

It probably is also a bias that I have, that I noticed similarities in the Indian cohort rather than with others. But that’s more because of my limited understanding of those cultures. Anyways, that’s a natural tendency I believe because we are all prone to this bias.

Coming back to the point, I realised that depending on where we have been brought up, how ingrained some of the nuances are in our nature. We may not be intuitively aware of those but if we ponder over it, it’s easy to notice.

So, for adults who were raised in India, the roots are still predominantly there and their beliefs, values, behaviour aligns with the home country more. They may have stayed in a new country for a large part of their adult life but will still associate more with their culture than the new one.

However, it’s not as simple for kids. Those who have been born or brought up overseas and been there most of their lives, they associate more with the new country. And while their parents may still be thoroughly Indian in their outlook, they aren’t.

Good for them if they are going to stay in the adopted country, as it is just so much more easier to acclimatise with the native folks.

It is also a function of how independently the parents let the children evolve as they grow up. Do they still enforce things that they believe in or are they open to new ideas, methods, and cultural traits that the younger one(s) want to adopt.

And this is true not just for people relocating to another country but even to other regions within large countries like India. We often get trapped into the way things are done in our home town and don’t adjust to the new culture, standing out from the crowd.

Not to say that we move away from where we began from but more to highlight the fact that we need to assimilate and evolve. After all, change is the only constant and most times is for the good.

As we all fan out in different directions, sometimes within the country and sometimes outside, and settle down, it is for us to think through and align ourselves with the new. To make our lives less stressful and more fun…