Culinary Differences!?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Sometimes, the simplest of things tell you a lot. For instance, food and our choices. And how we handle culinary differences…

This weekend, I flew to spend time with a friend in Dallas, while on a business trip to the US. I had not met him for a decade and we had a lot to catch up on. So, I was expecting long chats and fun and laughter.

I had also never spent considerable time with his family. Having met his wife a couple of times before, I knew her to be jolly by nature and did expect to have some good conversations with her too.

What surprised me though, as we spent time talking, eating, and repeating this schedule over two days, was the amount of discussion we had about food.

My friend’s wife is from Bengal, from the eastern part of India. As with most people from that region, she is naturally excited about food, Food is very dear to them and meal times are about enjoying a feast together.

I received this affection from her during my visit. There were multiple dishes prepared, elaborate lunches and dinners set up, and lots of good conversations happened over those meals.

We talked about how eating Bengali food is an acquired taste, due to the use of specific condiments and ingredients. And how it takes time for people from other regions to appreciate it.

I have eaten some nice Bengali food earlier, so it wasn’t completely new for me. What stayed though, was the way she explained how my friend, who like me is from the central part of India, had adjusted to this taste. And how he enjoys it now.

Later in the afternoon, she and I talked about how they enjoy different cuisines from other regions that they have been exposed to in the US. And how she has noticed, even within her family, there are people who adjust or take a liking to it, while others fret and eat, or simply refuse to try.

I could completely relate to it. Over time, I have seen similar things in my family and circle. I could say I can easily adapt to other cuisines but have been in settings where others find it difficult.

While until now, I had never paid much attention to this fact, ignoring it as a thing that just happens, this conversation made me think for a bit…

As it so happens, most of us are very used to the food we have had while growing up. It’s our comfort place. We crave it. We love it even though it is what we have everyday.

But when it comes to food from other regions or places, we are not always as open. We blame it on our palette or worse, make it sound inferior or very different than ours. Talk about biases!

It cannot be true that the taste of food in these other regions is never to our liking. I have seen older people adjust well to new cuisines relatively easily.

I feel, sometimes it is that our mind doesn’t want to accept that we can enjoy other kinds of food. Or maybe, sometimes it goes against our religious beliefs or health notions, and we avoid them.

But most times, we instantly close ourselves to new experiences and indulgences. We deliberately stay away from them, either viewing them with skepticism or simply fear of the unknown!

What we forget is that trying does us no harm. If anything, it may just propel us in a certain direction. Or repel us because something didn’t feel right. But shouldn’t be for the lack of trying…

Optimism

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It’s an infectious feeling and attitude. It’s also a cliche used when you want to sound positive…

What is optimism? And why is it that so many of us vouch for it but very few practice it?

This week, two incidents prompted me to think deeply about this word and feeling.

The first was our CEO addressing a room full of business leaders, talking about how he wants everyone to believe we can do magic together and that high levels of optimism is bound to win the day for us.

It came out genuinely from him, allaying apprehension about new bets and cementing belief in those bets. It did energise the group. At that moment.

Having delivered a few similar pieces myself over the years, I also know that it will only remain with a few in that group. Very soon, others will revert to their previous state of mind.

But why does that happen?

The second instance was a meeting of a newly formed group within our community to take up and resolve issues with the developer. On both sides, there were people who had past experience of doing this and were skeptics. And there were people who genuinely wanted to understand the other perspective.

As we spoke to their team, I could sense hints of optimism in a few threads. The overall tone sounded more positive than it ever had, and it gave us some hope.

But having been in similar situations earlier in life, I also know that the optimism will remain only for a short period. And will be replaced very quickly with either renewed skepticism or resignation to the affairs, as they are!

How do we end up like this so soon?

Perhaps the answer to both these questions is that we expect too much too soon. Or expect that suddenly things will change. And when that doesn’t happen, we tend to then slide back into the zone we were in before.

Maybe, we also are creatures of habit. Some of us have seen things not panning out so many times that we approach everything with caution.

Unlike a child who is always optimistic. Because it knows too little. Or maybe because it knows that the secret to progress is optimism!!!

The lie that stayed…

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The room was dark, with only a faint light from the outside street lamp filtering in. Kirit was lying on the bed, not able to sleep.

For a 9-year old, that is unusual. It was certainly for him. He was used to falling asleep as soon as he was tucked into the bed.

He was trying very hard to get to sleep. Shutting his eyes off with his hands, sometimes blocking his ears with the help of the pillow and the blanket. But sleep alluded him.

The reason for this rather disturbing experience for Kirit was what had happened in the day earlier.

He was with his family, visiting some family friends. A usual catch up, except that this was the same people they had been going on vacations with too. Close friends of his dad and mom, he had expected them to be there for every trip.

This time though, as they were getting ready to leave their house, his mother told him not to talk about the summer holidays. When he looked quizzed, she mentioned that for a change, they had planned a trip only for the three of them this time.

And she wanted him not to bring up a topic which may end up in an unpleasant conversation. Kirit was flummoxed. He didn’t know what to do.

Naturally, he raised a pertinent question. What should he say if they ask him first. To this, his dad had replied that he can say they hadn’t planned yet.

Kirit was more confused now. He sensed this will be a lie, but his own parents were asking him to utter it. On the way, he tried to get some more discussion going, but his parents shut him off, saying the more he talks about it before, the difficult it will be for him to do what was being suggested.

It was of course difficult. Kirit had always believed in being a honest kid. He knew some kids his age were used to lying or resorted to it occasionally. He was proud he hadn’t done so. Until now.

He closed his eyes and prayed that the situation may never occur. God was perhaps not in a mood to listen though!

As soon as they got off and started playing, his friends Ahan and Deb asked him what were his holiday plans. They wanted to plan together. He looked sheepishly at his mom, who nudged him with her eyes.

Not too confidently, Kirit uttered the lie. He further asked them to clarify with his parents. He couldn’t take it anymore when his parents supported his version and lied too. Running to the bathroom, he closed the door and sobbed for a while.

That entire day, he was awkward. He expected someone to catch their lie. It was what he had learned in school. But by evening, when no one reacted adversely and feigned indifference, he realised that the lie had passed muster.

On the way back home, Kirit was quiet. He was reflecting on the situation and the behaviour. He had learnt something important today.

A lie well told and corroborated with can seem like a truth. And it wasn’t as bad as it was made out to be.

His conscience was still in conflict though. He kept on hearing his inner voice asking if he had done the right thing.

At first he tried ignoring it and carried on with his bed time routine. But when the question didn’t go away for a while, he firmly told his mind that since there was no fallout of the lie, it was ok.

Now in his bed, trying to get sleep, his mind had flipped and was constantly humming with ideas of where he may be able to lie and get away. His thoughts were racing at how he could use it smartly at school and home.

That was the reason for the struggle that night. The lie he had uttered in the day, had stayed with him in the night.

And the memory and change in behaviour for possibly all his life…

The Yearning for Home.

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We all want a home. And we all yearn to go back to it. Whether we accept it or not.

Some of us yearn for it much sooner than others. But what is it that we yearn for? And why is it such a constant feeling?

This weekend, as I watched “The Odyssey” and reflected on some of the other conversations I had with a few friends, this topic kept coming back to me.

Well, one reason I think is generally true is that we revel in being amongst known people and in our comfort zone. And a home provides us just that.

But then, it wouldn’t explain the entirety of this feeling.

I think the main reason why we yearn for our home is because it grounds us. It makes us feel who we are. It provides us with an inner satisfaction of being in a place where we are looked after.

Most importantly, it envelopes us in a sense of belonging. Within the world. With our own place in it. With the comfort of knowing that we are safe there…

But that explains why a home is important for us in our lives. It doesn’t yet explain why we yearn for it.

I think the answer to the second part lies in the basic nature of us humans. We want something that we can call our own. We desire to be with it. And we plan to hold on to it and the feeling of being there.

And that’s why, wherever we may be around the world, that yearning keeps us going back to our homes. To the harbour that we are anchored to.

Isn’t it constraining us then? Someone may ask! I think it doesn’t.

Yearning doesn’t mean we can’t explore or be outside. It just means we are as normal as a person can be, and we have willingly agreed to keep that yearning at bay for a while as we seek out life…

Maximizing Profits

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

This isn’t a business post. It is not linked to anything remotely business.

Why am I saying so? Because we instantly associate profits with business and work. But is that the only way to look at it?

The past few weeks, in multiple conversations with colleagues and friends, and in my thoughts, I came across this theme. How to maximize profits?

Well, you see, it is how our minds work. How we retain what we have been taught. And of course, how work consumes so much of our daily lives!

But we would be amiss to think about profits only in the context of our work or business. Of course, profits in that arena is what we all want to maximize. To gain more and faster. To prove that we are contributing meaningfully with the right impact. To ensure we can justify what we do.

Profit also comes in the context of our relationships. The positive mind may think of how we are benefitting each other in a relationship. The circumspect one will also think about how are we maximizing our closeness to someone to benefit in some form and shape.

There’s another angle though. How do we profit collectively and become better – a better family, a better community. How do we maximize this?

Then, there’s profit in the context of our health. How do we profit from healthy habits to elongate our chances of living more? Or how do we maximize our profits from the workouts we engage in, and if there’s enough return on investment of time and energy.

But here also there’s another angle. How do we maximize our profits and hit our goals while allowing ourselves to enjoy the little pleasures of life?

How could I forget money matters and profit in that context. How do we ensure we are maximizing our returns and adopting the right strategy for investing our hard earned money? Or how do we maximize both short-term and long-term profits.

Of course, there is another angle here too. How do we maximize our knowledge and hold on financial matters, such that profits are a by-product and not left to the skill of others only or luck.

If you look at all these aspects – relationships, health, financial matters, work or business – they are all interrelated. If we don’t handle them in the right proportion, profits from one domain could be at the cost of a great loss in another.

That’s a rather tricky thing to achieve…

Health.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It is such an important part of our lives, being healthy! How much importance we give to it is another matter.

Over the past few weeks, a thought had been playing in my mind – why are so many young, seemingly healthy people, falling sick or passing away? A couple of incidents happened within my known circles, and they only added further anguish to these thoughts.

As I thought more about this subject, I naturally started to think about my own lifestyle and what am I doing right or wrong – at least as per my understanding.

Over the years, I have been generally taking care of myself, eating in moderation, exercising regularly, and switching off from work as much as I can. So, my self-rating on some of these aspects was quite ok. But then, there were a couple of things that I wasn’t doing very well on.

Sleep, for one. My sleep patterns had been disturbed for the past few months and while I had tried to make it better, there was still room for improvement.

Controlling my urges in between meals. Having been disciplined at it in the past, I had loosened my reins. Resulting in random snacking at times, all in the day.

Taking stress about things that can be avoided, and always being worried about something or the other going on in life. I have always wanted to do my best, and that naturally leads to high internal expectations, creating tension and stress at times.

Most importantly, I had not got a health checkup done for a couple of years. No excuses here, apart from general procrastination.

As I took stock of these shortfalls, I started to map out improvements needed. Over the last couple of weeks, I have made conscious efforts to sleep on time and not overstretch myself on weekends. I have also become disciplined again about what I am eating, to the degree I can. Avoiding stressing myself about small things, while making peace with how things are, rather than fighting them all the time.

And finally, after some nudging in the office as well, I went ahead and got an extensive checkup done. There are a couple of concerns those tests unearthed, which is a good thing.

Knowing is half the battle won, they say. I say, it is just an internal acknowledgment and unless paired with action, doesn’t mean anything. So, next in line is a plan to bring down those identified troublesome markers.

Having turned wiser from this experience, I reflected on what took me so long to recalibrate!

I think it was just the fallacy of everything is fine with myself, and it is only others who get affected by health concerns. Too much overconfidence, or ignorance.

Probably a reason why a lot of us are unhealthy and unaware about it, leading to an illness or a never-thought about turn of events…

The Support System

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The lights were zooming in. There was applause in the hall, as Viraj was called on the stage.

She got up and started walking towards the stage. Some people shook her hand, some shouted her name, and some just smiled. She responded positively to everyone.

As she reached the stares, she hesitated. Not because she was unsure of herself. But because she suddenly remembered those who had made it happen.

It wasn’t just her win. It was a collective effort. By her team which consisted of her husband, son, and mother-in-law. They had all played their part in her success.

She looked back, to where they were seated. There were big smiles on that table!

She climbed up. There was more applause. As she received the award for the best functional leader in her company, she could hear her son shouting for her.

In that instance, her mind went back a couple of years. She had taken a sabbatical from the company she had been working for seven years, to rethink about her future.

She had been a steady performer and had always been happy doing the job entrusted to her. With timely promotions and pay hikes, she couldn’t complain much.

Over the last few months though, she had been feeling unsettled. She wanted to do more but wasn’t sure if she was ready to take up those responsibilities. Battling with this uncertainty, she dragged her feat for a while.

Anshul, her husband, knew her well. He had always supported her and there was no need for her to feel that ways. But as sometimes happens with the best too, self doubt had creeped in. He just advised her to take some time off and think through on her path ahead.

Heeding Anshul’s advice, Viraj decided to go for a three-month sabbatical. This three months, she spent time with herself. She traveled a bit and unwinded.

As her mind relaxed, and she got more time to reflect on things, it became clear that she wanted to lead the function she was in. She had the experience and the understanding of doing so. And she saw herself doing more complex things naturally.

The only hitch – their young son was autistic, needing time and attention. She had been managing with Anshul’s help till now. But if she took up a bigger role, she would have to devote more time at work. How would they be able to manage themselves.

She didn’t have an answer. She pondered over it but still had nothing. As had been their practice, she discussed this with Anshul. He asked for some time to think and pondered over it.

In a few days, he came back with a solution. His mother, who was on her own now after his dad’s demise, could shift with them. She would be at home, to give the attention their son needed. And Anshul would himself take it slower at his workplace over the next year or so to settle things down.

She was apprehensive of the plan, because it would change the setup. But Anshul convinced her that they will make it work. He also had a chat with Kush, their son, and explained to him the situation. He was a very understanding kid, and instantly liked the idea of spending more time with his grandmother.

Settled in her mind, Viraj joined back the company and talked to her boss about what she had in mind. It was as if he was waiting for her to claim the role, and it was agreed to.

Bracing herself for the change, Viraj dived deep into the role and gave it her all. Over the course of the next year and more, she established herself as a natural leader. Her team couldn’t be happier, her peers respected her, and her bosses had confidence in her.

No doubt, when the annual awards happened, she won the best functional leader award!

Beaming with joy, as she climbed down the stage, and headed for her table, her family was waiting to hug her and congratulate her.

After all, it was the support system that made this all possible…

I have a dream!

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Such is the connotation with this statement that it’s almost considered cliched.

And yet, the power and excitement it holds is still something I ponder about every time I hear it.

This week, as I took some time off work and roamed around in the western forests of South India, this line kept coming back to me.

At first, I went back in time to when I was a child. The statement had no relevance for me then, except for the fact that I did have a dream.

To get into the armed forces and to fly fighter jets. As I have mentioned earlier in these blogs, that was not to be. I did join the Indian Army but the dream was shattered and I had to leave early on due to a medical injury.

Thinking back about those days, the only thing I can remember is the fierceness with which I protected my dream. How I went out of my way to practice, train, excel in things that I had not done before. All to live that dream! What lessons I learnt then…

My mind then fast forwarded to my headspace post MBA. Convinced that I was meant to do something more with my life, I dreamed of becoming an entrepreneur.

I left the job I had gotten after college, choosing instead to grind myself in the intricacies of a sector and sphere I had no clue about. It was hard but fun.

Again, the one thing that had me going was my dream of becoming a successful businessman. Building something from the ground up, daring to go where my sane mind won’t have gone.

It didn’t turn out well in the end but living that dream life taught me much. Some of that learning has helped me a lot subsequently.

As these memories kept swirling, taking inspiration from them, my heart asked me a simple question – then why are we not chasing something big now?

My mind raced to answer it. But before it could do so, my heart reconciled – because there’s no dream that is big enough, yet, to give it my all.

Yet. That’s the key word my mind recognised. It heaved a sigh. For it is pursuing a large goal right now. And it knows that it will take all my energy to achieve the goal I am behind right now.

The heart was smiling though. Because it knows that dreams often come when they aren’t expected. But when they come and hold, the force often knocks down walls built over years…

‘Freedom to Fail’

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These words contain a dichotomy. How can someone be given the room to fail?

And yet, they are magical. For in these words, lie the very essence of why someone succeeds…

A couple of weeks ago, I watched a new TV series on how India’s biggest watch company, Titan, came into existence.

It was a great reminder of the heroic power of entrepreneurship and the persistent belief to make it happen.

The biggest line that remained with me post the watch, was “freedom to fail”!

It was used by the protagonist to egg on his team after an abject failure. And by his mentor, silently, to convey his confidence in his protege.

In the past couple of weeks, as I often thought about it, I realised how important it is in our life too.

Ask a parent about how their child grew up. Most likely because they let her have the freedom to fail. When she was taking her first steps, or when she was rushing to make friends, or when she was trying to learn a new skill. They didn’t judge her or stop her from doing those things.

Ask a teacher about her best students. She allowed them to experiment and learn, rather than stopping them from anything. Even her worst students were allowed the freedom to fail, in the hope that they will rise some time.

Ask a husband about his wife. How they became successful in their marriage because they allowed each other the freedom to be themselves and fail at a few things when it came to each other’s expectations. And in doing so, how they learnt to stand by each other during the toughest times, even though they may have failed on a simple occasion.

Or ask anyone who succeeded in a corporate job, how they reached where they are. I doubt if we will find even one case where they would not have encountered a senior who had allowed them to falter and yet succeed in the longer run.

You see, it is this freedom to fail that gives anyone the confidence to succeed. That is why the child, the student, the spouse, or the teammate get past hurdles in life and learn to live.

And yet, the first thought that comes to mind when we hear these three words is, “oh, that’s strange!”.

It is perhaps our conditioning that needs to change…

The commercial angle

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We, mortal beings, seek simple pleasures in life. We want to enjoy life, be around our loved ones, and be happy.

And yet, often I have found that somehow our motives are commercial in nature.

We may start off naively but soon enough, the sound of money or the lure of the benefit gets us.

And then, we start basing our decisions and actions around those “important factors”.

It doesn’t sound sexy or in fashion, so maybe we don’t talk about it. But I don’t think there’s anyone who hasn’t been tempted at least once.

A few weeks back something similar happened with me. I was writing my blog on the Sunday when India’s national cricket league came to a close.

Cricket in India is above everything else, so there was bound to be a lot of chatter about the winners. Bangalore being the champions, was the cherry on the cake for those of us from the city.

As I finished watching the match and then my blog, before posting it, the thought ran in my mind – if I post it now, what is the likelihood of people reading it? Will it get drowned in the sea of messages across channels?

I hesitated for a bit. Should I wait till the morning? Or should I go ahead and publish as per my usual Sunday night schedule?

That opening was enough for more doubts to crop up. Who’s reading my posts? What time do I publish and how soon do they get it on their feed? Do I need to do some more amplification?

Sitting close to midnight, these thoughts were only delaying my sleep. But the left brain wanted to press on, asking logical questions.

It took me a while to realise that I was drifting away. The debate was endless and its merit to me wasn’t clear enough.

Not that I don’t care about who reads my posts or how do I reach them and others better. But that’s not the sole purpose of my writing.

I write for myself. I write because I want to. I write whether someone reads or not.

That clarity, as it emerged, grounded me again. I knew what I had to do.

Publish the post. Share on social channels. Share on various groups. Forward to subscribers.

Then, repeat it the next Sunday…