Family

The Support System

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

The lights were zooming in. There was applause in the hall, as Viraj was called on the stage.

She got up and started walking towards the stage. Some people shook her hand, some shouted her name, and some just smiled. She responded positively to everyone.

As she reached the stares, she hesitated. Not because she was unsure of herself. But because she suddenly remembered those who had made it happen.

It wasn’t just her win. It was a collective effort. By her team which consisted of her husband, son, and mother-in-law. They had all played their part in her success.

She looked back, to where they were seated. There were big smiles on that table!

She climbed up. There was more applause. As she received the award for the best functional leader in her company, she could hear her son shouting for her.

In that instance, her mind went back a couple of years. She had taken a sabbatical from the company she had been working for seven years, to rethink about her future.

She had been a steady performer and had always been happy doing the job entrusted to her. With timely promotions and pay hikes, she couldn’t complain much.

Over the last few months though, she had been feeling unsettled. She wanted to do more but wasn’t sure if she was ready to take up those responsibilities. Battling with this uncertainty, she dragged her feat for a while.

Anshul, her husband, knew her well. He had always supported her and there was no need for her to feel that ways. But as sometimes happens with the best too, self doubt had creeped in. He just advised her to take some time off and think through on her path ahead.

Heeding Anshul’s advice, Viraj decided to go for a three-month sabbatical. This three months, she spent time with herself. She traveled a bit and unwinded.

As her mind relaxed, and she got more time to reflect on things, it became clear that she wanted to lead the function she was in. She had the experience and the understanding of doing so. And she saw herself doing more complex things naturally.

The only hitch – their young son was autistic, needing time and attention. She had been managing with Anshul’s help till now. But if she took up a bigger role, she would have to devote more time at work. How would they be able to manage themselves.

She didn’t have an answer. She pondered over it but still had nothing. As had been their practice, she discussed this with Anshul. He asked for some time to think and pondered over it.

In a few days, he came back with a solution. His mother, who was on her own now after his dad’s demise, could shift with them. She would be at home, to give the attention their son needed. And Anshul would himself take it slower at his workplace over the next year or so to settle things down.

She was apprehensive of the plan, because it would change the setup. But Anshul convinced her that they will make it work. He also had a chat with Kush, their son, and explained to him the situation. He was a very understanding kid, and instantly liked the idea of spending more time with his grandmother.

Settled in her mind, Viraj joined back the company and talked to her boss about what she had in mind. It was as if he was waiting for her to claim the role, and it was agreed to.

Bracing herself for the change, Viraj dived deep into the role and gave it her all. Over the course of the next year and more, she established herself as a natural leader. Her team couldn’t be happier, her peers respected her, and her bosses had confidence in her.

No doubt, when the annual awards happened, she won the best functional leader award!

Beaming with joy, as she climbed down the stage, and headed for her table, her family was waiting to hug her and congratulate her.

After all, it was the support system that made this all possible…

Of commitments and promises…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Our lives are full of these. We make many in a single week sometimes.

How many of them are for the long term or continue long enough to be considered golden?

This weekend, as my parents celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary, and we got together to spend time as a family, this question rang in my ears.

Forty five years is a long time. A lifetime for some. Kudos to them!

It isn’t easy to carry on for so long, unless there’s real commitment and promise on both sides…

Growing up, I was witness to that commitment and promise on a regular basis. Whether it was the small everyday things or the big decisions, it was visible.

Not that there weren’t arguments or disagreements. There were many. But at the end, the commitment to each other and the promise to be together saw them resolve those differences amicably.

When it felt like the commitment was being tested during tough times, their promise to stand by each other shone brighter. And when good times rolled by, the trust in each other was only strengthened.

Today, as we celebrated their anniversary, it wasn’t anything grand. A quiet family lunch, banter and anecdotes through the day, and conversations about random topics, interspersed with calls from others to wish them, rounded off our day.

But it felt so grateful that we could get together and spend time as a family, without having to worry much. To be able to take out time from our schedules and be with them in a wholesome manner!

As a child in the household, if you see such a strong example, you’re bound to be influenced. So was I. Valuing commitment and promises has held me in good stead, in my own personal life.

But as I reflected more on the topic, it came to my attention that this isn’t just true for personal but also the professional world.

We can only excel at something when there’s commitment from inside, and when we are promising ourselves that we will do our best. If any of these two don’t sync, either the process or the results fall short.

What we often forget though, is that any commitment needs to be nurtured, and promises need to be kept. It is when we do this long enough, is when we get the results we had hoped for.

Just as in relationships and personal life, so too in our work and professional spheres…

I will be there for you.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It was a very busy day. Preet had multiple meetings lined up with important clients.

He had been preparing for a couple of weeks for these, as they were tied to new business that could secure his promotion.

So, naturally he was in the zone and working through the finer details in the last minutes. And no interruption was acceptable.

He had put his phone on silent and hidden from view. So, when it rang a couple of times, he didn’t see it.

But then, just before the meeting he saw it was his wife calling him and he picked up. His young son was running a high fever and she had called him to inform that she was rushing to the hospital.

He talked to her quickly for two minutes, noticing the feebleness in her voice but whisking it away as exhaustion from the effort to take care of their son.

Over the next couple of hours, caught up in meetings, no thoughts crossed his mind about the situation at home. Only after he had taken a break for lunch, did he remember and call back.

His son was now in the hospital, under observation. His fever had not come down yet. Doctors had diagnosed it as brain fever. His wife was holding the fort but he could now sense that she needed help.

At first Preet thought he will postpone his meetings and rush to the hospital. But then, the thought of the impending promotion crossed his mind. And the meetings continued.

By the time everything ended and he got to the hospital, his son’s situation was deteriorating. He quickly realised that the doctors had not been able to get the situation under control and after discussing with them, he was shifted to the ICU.

For the next three days, Preet and his wife spent all their time at the hospital. Tensed and anxious. The fever had subsided but their son was still not out of danger.

Thankfully, their prayers were answered and over the next two weeks, their son recovered. He had got a new lease of life!

During this time, as Preet thought about the first day, he wished he could have acted differently.

He had promised his family that he would take care of them always, but when it actually came to it, he was missing in action…

The guilt led him to cry silently at first. And then in front of his wife when their son was wheeled out of the ICU.

It was not that the turn of events with his son could have been different if he was there. It was just his presence that was needed…

The promise meant something. It had to be lived!

The ship had sailed…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

The day was fine. In fact, it was probably the best weather of the month.

Ajit, however, was distraught. He had been sitting at the park bench for sometime, looking at people walking past him happily.

There was no happiness in his heart. His wife was admitted in the nearby hospital, and he had just received confirmation that she was on her deathbed.

He had no one to share the grief with. They had no children. His siblings had passed away. His wife had a sister but they hadn’t spoken in a long time.

Ajit kept thinking about who else he could speak with. They had some friends but they were away due to the ongoing festival and he didn’t want to reach out to them and spoil their mood. They could always meet Malti once they returned.

His mind went back to his sister-in-law, Jahnvi. She was younger than Malti by a couple of years and lived in another city in the north.

The sisters had been quite close and the first few years had been a blast. They often planned vacations together and always made it a point to spend the new year with their parents. Ajit had always accompanied Malti on those trips.

However, a few years after their parents had passed away, the two sisters had an ugly fight. It was during their usual new year trip, which in that particular instance had turned sour.

The two sisters exchanged heated arguments with no holds barred. Malti was so distraught that she had compelled Ajit to leave immediately.

Ajit always thought that somehow they will make up. But neither approached the other. He had asked Malti to forgive and forget but the words she had heard that day had inserted themselves deeply within her heart. And she was not ready to forgive.

She had also said a lot of things that Jahnvi must have gotten hurt. And she also couldn’t forget. So, without any communication or forgiveness, the two families had grown apart…

Ajit, sitting at that bench that day, wanted to reach out to Jahnvi. He knew it could help heal a deep wound inflicted on both.

After much thought, he dialled her number. Someone else answered. She had changed her phone number. He tried his brother-in-law. Same result.

He wasn’t connected with them on any other platform. Nor to anyone else who could have helped.

All ties had been severed. The ship had sailed! The scar remained…

Dance on…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It’s strange how we sometimes open up to the world!

In the first twenty five years of my life, I always saw my mom as a serious and devoted person. Always very conscious of herself and her surroundings.

She would always want to ensure she was at her best in whatever she did. But what others think of her mattered a lot to her. So her behaviour, when in public, was in some form and shape guarded.

Then, as me and my brother settled down into a life of our own during college days, I saw her get out of her focused shell that was built around us. She started doing a few more things freely.

Later, as life progressed, the instances when she would prioritize herself went up. We started seeing her less worried about others.

Over the last ten odd years, I have observed how she has come out of that cocoon. And be herself more often.

The most surprising thing about it is the form she has chosen. Dance!

I never thought she was interested in dancing earlier. But over the last few years, that has given her a chance to express herself and do it with a feeling of abandon that I hadn’t experienced.

Today, as she performed at a cousin’s wedding, in the middle of some great performers, she held onto her own. And delivered an amazing rendition of a popular song. With just a couple of hours of practice!

I am still stunned. Both because she was able to pull this off and because I could sense that she was really enjoying performing.

As I mentally saluted her and appreciated her dance in person, I couldn’t help but think about some of those things that I am living with, not yet able to express myself as freely on those aspects.

Maybe, another post on those some other time…

Selfless Dedication

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This weekend was special. We got together to celebrate my maternal uncle and aunt’s fiftieth wedding anniversary!

The occasion itself was momentous. Not everyone gets to enjoy marital bliss for so long.

What made it more memorable was the time I spent with my cousins together. We were catching up with each other after a while.

As we tried to make the most of these two days, every hour spent having fun felt great. I thought it couldn’t have gotten better. But then something very special happened…

During the celebrations, when their grandchildren asked my uncle and aunt some questions, my uncle described my aunt’s unfailing dedication and contribution to home building. And how that was an important aspect of how their relationship strengthened.

How she, being a housewife, took it upon herself to raise the kids, took care of everyone in the extended family, and handled all the changes with aplomb, being at his side always.

It was so refreshing to hear those words. Not just because his love and care for her shone through those words, but also because it reflected the important contributions our mothers made to our lives.

I thought about how my mother, again a housewife, always put our interests first before hers. How she took extra efforts and care to ensure everything in my extended family always went on smoothly. How she continues to do so even now.

Selflessly dedicated. To us. To the family.

And yet, we don’t consider homemaking as a critical part of our lives as much today. Or don’t give it the importance it is due.

Yes, women now work more often than not. And that means many more responsibilities than before. Life’s more busy in general and that means many more things to take care of. But somehow, they cobble it together well.

It’s an amazing quality that women and moms have. I see the same attitude and spark in my wife. And many of the other women in the family I know or have observed closely. More superpowers to them!

Later that evening, as my mom and aunt danced gracefully to celebrate the occasion in their own style, we were all cheering from the sidelines.

For the performance of their lifetime…

Nightmare

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Vivek was sweating in the middle of a cold night.

He had just had a nightmare. One that had woken him up with a knot in his stomach.

He had dreamt of being involved in an accident and the only one to have survived. The pain of losing his near ones was unbearable, even if in a dream.

Vivek’s heart couldn’t take it and he started weeping. Lying on his bed.

Amisha, sleeping next to her, heard some faint sobs and as she turned around, Vivek had sat up in his bed now. She knew something was wrong. She too got up and hugged him.

As a few minutes passed by, Vivek sobered up. And told Amisha about the nightmare.

Amisha was well aware that Vivek hadn’t seen his parents for a while. His busy work schedule didn’t permit any leaves. And while she had put up with his schedule due to the seasonal nature of work, she knew it wasn’t sustainable.

She had only one thought in her mind…

They slowly slept off, Vivek cuddled like a baby next to her.

The next day, once they both left for office, Amisha booked tickets for her in-laws to visit them for an extended period of time. She also booked a couple of trips with them, to ensure they were able to spend time together at leisure.

That Saturday, as Vivek got up, he saw Amisha wasn’t at home. She had left him a note mentioning she was out for some weekend errands and would be back only by the afternoon.

He lazed around for a bit and then got something to eat. Around noon, while he was still trying to figure out what to do, he heard the doorbell.

His parents were at the door. It was a surprise Vivek had not dreamt of.

He hugged them both, and saw Amisha standing behind, smiling silently. He hugged her too.

The nightmare had led to a beautiful reunion, unanticipated but most welcome…

Filling the void…

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Raj was sitting on the bench at the hospital. He had just heard the worst news possible.

His mom, aged all of sixty five, was in the last stages of her life, fighting a debilitating disease. She had been diagnosed with brain tumour recently and there was nothing much the doctors could do this late. The tumour had already spread to a large part of her brain.

As he sat, looking at the wall in front of him, and contemplating the future, he heard some commotion.

At the other end of the corridor, an emergency case had just come in. A lady, almost the same age as his mother, had just been rushed in.

She had met with an accident and suffered multiple injuries. A passerby had got her to the hospital and they were going to operate on her.

As he heard news about her condition, he felt a sudden emotion. A lady, his mom’s age, who was absolutely fine, was fighting for her life because of someone else’s mistake. He could relate this to his mom’s condition, who until a month ago had no inkling about her deadly disease.

Over the next few days, as he attended to his mom, he also kept track of the other lady. There was no one who had come forward as her next of kin. It was surprising but quite possible.

He decided in his mind that he would befriend this unnamed and unknown lady, once her condition improves. Not for any other reason but to give her company at this juncture in her life. For she needed it, just as his mom needed his support through this trial.

He told his mom about the entire episode and she was very supportive. After all, she knew that Raj’s heart was in the right place. She was proud of his feelings.

A couple of months passed by. Raj’s mom’s condition was only worsening and the doctors had no hope. They asked her if she wanted to spend the rest of her days at home and she readily agreed. Leaving the unknown lady, still in a coma, behind. But Raj kept checking on her condition frequently.

Then one day, as he came in to his mom’s room, she looked at him for the last time and passed away. Raj knew this was coming but was still overwhelmed. He completed her last rites and bid her adieu.

Once the ceremonies ended, the next day he was again at the hospital. Sitting outside the intensive care unit, where the unknown lady was.

Waiting for her to awaken from her slumber!

Waiting to fill the void that was left in his life…

The good ol’ days!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We all have those people whom we spent some good days with. Family, friends, colleagues.

Often, when we meet, the conversations turn toward the days we spent together. How it felt and how it continues to give us joy even now.

This weekend, as I spent time with cousins and then a couple of childhood friends, the time together allowed us to feel the vicarious pleasure of living those golden moments again.

There’s something about spending time together. In person, with other human beings…

Just the other day, I was reading and then chatting about loneliness and how we are becoming distant from others. Today, as I settled down to write, this appreciation dawned on me.

That I am someone who needs to be around people I enjoy being with.

That I want to feel the voices and touch the feelings of togetherness across different relationships I have.

That I crave talking to people who I am friends with, even if it is whiling away time in small talk.

That I am much more happier and satisfied with a day well spent in a group rather than a week of being alone.

That I must take out time to do so, as often as I can.

For, there are very few things more enjoyable than sharing moments which you can remember and feel fresh again reminiscing about those good ol’ days later!

A ‘familiar’ weekend!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It was a busy afternoon. The dining table was full. Different dishes were on it, with plates already served. The entire family was sitting around. There were multiple conversation threads going on.

The lunch had started with a round of appetizers, a couple of new dishes that they were trying today. Aarav, the grandson, had tried a new recipe he had learnt of online. As is often the case, it hadn’t turned out well.

Grandfather quipped, “This is such a waste, we could have used the cheese for something better”. The grandson added, “And of course, would have saved my time and your appetite!”. Everyone grinned.

After a while, as the main course was being served, mom declared, “This chicken dish has turned out to be my best till date. I am thinking of making this again when our cousins come over later this month”.

Dad, rather bemused, offered some advice, “How about we keep this as the recurring one on our menu for every dinner we host?”. Mom looked puzzled until Dad burst out with a laugh.

I am exhausted, this is too much food to enjoy!”, the grandmother chipped in. “Of course, that’s why we don’t have any dessert today, I already predicted it”, pat came his sister’s reply who was responsible for the dessert. They all laughed again.

The lunch went on for over an hour. Everyone laughed, talked, and shared stories and anecdotes from their life.

As they got up from the table and settled down on the couches, they all were brimming with happiness. The banter continued until late evening and ended only when they finally got up to retire for the night. It was one of the best days they had had after a long time.

That day had been the best ever for Aarav. He had forgotten that he could have so much fun at home with his family. Staying alone in the city, engrossed in his work, he had missed this belongingness and harmony in his life.

It wasn’t just because they were all together at one place but also because they could enjoy time together as a family, away from the usual trappings of the modern life. No mobiles, no social media, no television.

As he went to his room, he saw his phone for the first time since noon. His screen time for the day was down to one-tenth of his usual. He felt an unusual happiness in his heart and mind.

What had not been possible to do away with even after trying so much, had been accomplished by being together physically in a single place with his family. He wished for this to recur frequently, as his sleepy eyelids closed to dream of the day’s happy memories.