Outdoors!

Rains bring nostalgia. They also bring fond memories of childhood. At least for me.

Today, as it rained in the evening and I stood in the balcony, enjoying the fresh air. As the petrichor wafted through my senses, I floated back to the past.

Where I come from, rains used to be a welcome relief after the sweltering summer heat. It meant cooler days and the prospect of playing outdoors again.

Not that we children were stopped by the heat to play outdoors. But the play time used to be limited in those months, as most kids were bound inside or traveling during the holidays.

Another factor adding to the fun used to be the timing of our schools, with the initial few weeks of a new session relatively easier to deal with. So, everyone had more time on their hands, and no pressure of tests.

We used to get wet in the rain playing football. Cycles zooming past the by-lanes, riding around was another fun activity. And even though we would get drenched quite often, we enjoyed those days.

So, while winters used to be the prime time for sports and a lot of other activities, rainy season had its own charm. And something to maximise for, in our dictionaries.

Cut to today, I didn’t see any kid playing outside in our community. In fact in my previous ones as well. They were all playing inside, in the games room and were not happy about it. But probably conditioned by their families to not get wet, they were reluctant to venture out.

As I observed them, I realised that we as parents are creating too many boundaries for our kids. We are constantly policing their whereabouts, instructing them to not do anything that we won’t like to do ourselves.

In fact, a lot of kids don’t even come to play outdoors now. Because they have classes at that time. Engaged in extra curricular activities, they rarely experience the joys of being outdoors.

I believe that is a big reason why kids today are more awkward socially than we were. We are restricting them from free flowing natural and serendipitous interactions, and instead creating too many structured paths for them.

Structure is good. In its limits. For, we don’t know how the world will pan out in the next five years, forget in a decade or two.

On the other hand, outdoors teach kids things that they wouldn’t learn in a classroom. Behaviours and attitudes reflect naturally in a field. And playing together creates bonds and memories that last for a lifetime.

By not letting our young ones outdoors, we are putting a lot of pressure on them to succeed in a chaotic future world that will behave randomly and with new rules. Or maybe with none…

Close Enough.

Adil was waiting impatiently. He had been waiting for this moment for a long time now.

As his anticipation rose, he realised he was breathing heavily. He took a small pause, slowed down his breathing and calmed his nerves. After all, years of practice had made him aware of how to control his body’s rhythms.

The list of new players who had made it to the national team was being announced now. It was in alphabetical order so his name would have been second.

The selector announced the first, second, and third name. Adil thought his name must be lower down, ordered by his last name. After a while, that illusion too shattered.

He had not been selected. After being a star player for his state team, and earning praise from the national team captain and a couple of selectors, he still wasn’t good enough.

When you’re good but not enough to cross over, doubts flood your mind. What else can I do to make this happen? Am I doomed to ignominy? Am I not good enough?

Adil sat with these thoughts through the next few days. His coach, family, friends, and teammates all expressed solidarity with him. Yet, his pain was his alone to live with…

A couple of weeks passed. The thought kept ringing in his ears. He had taken time off from regular practice and had been sitting idle. His parents pushed him to restart once, but seeing his mood, thought it’s better to let him fight this.

Then, on a friday, as they were at the mosque for their afternoon prayers, Adil saw a senior player from the national team. He knew him well, so he waved to him and sought some time to speak with him.

The two decided to go for lunch and Adil beared his heart out in front of his senior. He was dejected and wanted to understand if there was anything else he could do to make his case stronger.

The senior, wiser from his years playing the game, just told him to bide his time and make the most of available opportunities. He asked Adil to practice hard and not let go now, as his name was already being mentioned among the national team members.

As they left, Adil thanked the senior and felt a burden lift from his mind. There was some validation and a certain relief knowing he was on the right track.

He decided that he will focus on his journey and enjoy it. Milestones will come when they will.

The road wouldn’t be easy. But whatever turns it may take, he was on it. He was getting closer to making it count…

Why too serious?

There are too many things in life that we take too seriously.

And in that quest of taking ourselves too seriously, we often forget to enjoy life…

The past week, a colleague who was also a friend, passed away. He had been battling cancer for a long time.

As I received the news and saddened by it thought about my last meeting with him, I couldn’t help but reflect on his journey.

Especially the past few years, and his approach towards life!

In the most testing times, he was still full of life. It was as if he had made a resolution to let nothing affect his zest for life.

When someone battling with life on a daily basis shows that commitment, you stop and take notice. You wonder at the bravery. You smile at the tenacity.

So did I. But I never looked deeply enough to understand how commendable it was.

For I, lost in my own thoughts and problems, was too seriously involved in my life.

It was only in his passing, did he leave me a lasting lesson. To not be too serious. And to enjoy life come what may!

As I thought about this aspect through the last week, it became clear to me that I can afford to loosen up.

To enjoy life even when things are not going my way. To enjoy life even if I am not feeling well. And to enjoy life even if there isn’t much left of it.

For in that enjoyment is the essence of life. To live it. To experience it. And to see it through…

All Heart!

I think from my heart. That’s when I do best. It’s my strength.

I have claimed this before in word and letter. And felt it for sure.

Yet, as it often happens with us mortal beings, we forget our strengths. And deviate from the usual path.

That’s what I realised over the past few days. Twice!

On both those occasions, I had the chance to think from my heart. The situations demanded that I do so.

Still, somehow my mind weighed heavier on my heart in those moments. And I chose ‘rationally’!

My mind was probably too determined, because even after the choice, it didn’t let go of its chokehold on the reason for the decision.

So, I continued to operate without a question. My heart tugged at me a few times in between, but my mind brushed it off.

Eventually, my heart gave up and my mind won!

That clarity lasted only for a few days though. Through an interjection, which was like a jolt, I was snapped out of my state.

As soon as the fog lifted and the heart realised it had been tricked, I fell. I fell so hard that my heart wept. My eyes wallowed. And tears streaked down.

It was only then that I realised I had made an error in my choice in those moments. And how I had failed even after so much training and self awareness.

I realised how I had brushed off my heart’s pleas to reconsider. And how I had justified my choice to myself reluctantly.

But it was too late…

The choice had been made and the decision had kept me out of loop on the things that mattered more to me than what I left them for.

As I sat down on the second occasion, wiping my tears, it became clear to me that I need to retrain myself.

To believe in my strength. To acknowledge any nudge or thought that is asking me to reconsider my choices.

And to be all heart again…

Talk!

The one thing that we are gifted with. And the one thing we don’t do enough of.

Even when we can. Even when we should…

In fact, even though we have this clarity at the back of our minds, it’s surprising that other emotions or distractions stop us from doing so.

During the past two weeks, there were quite a few instances when I felt how this basic skill had helped me. And each time, as I realised its importance, I couldn’t believe that the realisation wasn’t the first time.

The first was when I had to talk about a recent failure at work. It was hard. Even though I had already communicated the mistake and the learning to some people via email.

But because I had already talked about it earlier, I had normalised the failure in my mind. Talking had helped me tide over the disappointment.

So, when I recounted the mistake and the learning, I wasn’t hesitant or defensive. And because the team had seen me come out honestly, I felt they appreciated that there was willingness to learn and do better.

The second was when I was having a conversation with my brother. We were talking about a personal decision that he was making. I wasn’t very sure about it when I heard it. So, I was pushing back.

My brother was however very clear about the reason for his decision. I could have shut up and let him decide but because we trust each other, I continued to ask.

As we discussed further, he was able to explain his rationale to me. We finally agreed that it was the best choice right now, decision taken. Only made possible because we talk a lot and there is trust between the two.

The last one was when my wife and I were having a frank conversation this weekend. We both believe in talking things out. In good times and in not so good times.

As we went deeper into the discussion, I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy one. But having an understanding that we only gain by speaking our minds, we didn’t say away.

Eventually, we talked about a couple of difficult things and asked each other uncomfortable questions. It wasn’t easy but we didn’t stop talking. And that helped us get to a better place from where we started.

Why am I recounting these? Because I think it’s important for us to talk more. To hear each other. And to build our bonds through real conversations.

After all, better said than done…