Personal

I have a dream!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Such is the connotation with this statement that it’s almost considered cliched.

And yet, the power and excitement it holds is still something I ponder about every time I hear it.

This week, as I took some time off work and roamed around in the western forests of South India, this line kept coming back to me.

At first, I went back in time to when I was a child. The statement had no relevance for me then, except for the fact that I did have a dream.

To get into the armed forces and to fly fighter jets. As I have mentioned earlier in these blogs, that was not to be. I did join the Indian Army but the dream was shattered and I had to leave early on due to a medical injury.

Thinking back about those days, the only thing I can remember is the fierceness with which I protected my dream. How I went out of my way to practice, train, excel in things that I had not done before. All to live that dream! What lessons I learnt then…

My mind then fast forwarded to my headspace post MBA. Convinced that I was meant to do something more with my life, I dreamed of becoming an entrepreneur.

I left the job I had gotten after college, choosing instead to grind myself in the intricacies of a sector and sphere I had no clue about. It was hard but fun.

Again, the one thing that had me going was my dream of becoming a successful businessman. Building something from the ground up, daring to go where my sane mind won’t have gone.

It didn’t turn out well in the end but living that dream life taught me much. Some of that learning has helped me a lot subsequently.

As these memories kept swirling, taking inspiration from them, my heart asked me a simple question – then why are we not chasing something big now?

My mind raced to answer it. But before it could do so, my heart reconciled – because there’s no dream that is big enough, yet, to give it my all.

Yet. That’s the key word my mind recognised. It heaved a sigh. For it is pursuing a large goal right now. And it knows that it will take all my energy to achieve the goal I am behind right now.

The heart was smiling though. Because it knows that dreams often come when they aren’t expected. But when they come and hold, the force often knocks down walls built over years…

The commercial angle

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We, mortal beings, seek simple pleasures in life. We want to enjoy life, be around our loved ones, and be happy.

And yet, often I have found that somehow our motives are commercial in nature.

We may start off naively but soon enough, the sound of money or the lure of the benefit gets us.

And then, we start basing our decisions and actions around those “important factors”.

It doesn’t sound sexy or in fashion, so maybe we don’t talk about it. But I don’t think there’s anyone who hasn’t been tempted at least once.

A few weeks back something similar happened with me. I was writing my blog on the Sunday when India’s national cricket league came to a close.

Cricket in India is above everything else, so there was bound to be a lot of chatter about the winners. Bangalore being the champions, was the cherry on the cake for those of us from the city.

As I finished watching the match and then my blog, before posting it, the thought ran in my mind – if I post it now, what is the likelihood of people reading it? Will it get drowned in the sea of messages across channels?

I hesitated for a bit. Should I wait till the morning? Or should I go ahead and publish as per my usual Sunday night schedule?

That opening was enough for more doubts to crop up. Who’s reading my posts? What time do I publish and how soon do they get it on their feed? Do I need to do some more amplification?

Sitting close to midnight, these thoughts were only delaying my sleep. But the left brain wanted to press on, asking logical questions.

It took me a while to realise that I was drifting away. The debate was endless and its merit to me wasn’t clear enough.

Not that I don’t care about who reads my posts or how do I reach them and others better. But that’s not the sole purpose of my writing.

I write for myself. I write because I want to. I write whether someone reads or not.

That clarity, as it emerged, grounded me again. I knew what I had to do.

Publish the post. Share on social channels. Share on various groups. Forward to subscribers.

Then, repeat it the next Sunday…

Of commitments and promises…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Our lives are full of these. We make many in a single week sometimes.

How many of them are for the long term or continue long enough to be considered golden?

This weekend, as my parents celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary, and we got together to spend time as a family, this question rang in my ears.

Forty five years is a long time. A lifetime for some. Kudos to them!

It isn’t easy to carry on for so long, unless there’s real commitment and promise on both sides…

Growing up, I was witness to that commitment and promise on a regular basis. Whether it was the small everyday things or the big decisions, it was visible.

Not that there weren’t arguments or disagreements. There were many. But at the end, the commitment to each other and the promise to be together saw them resolve those differences amicably.

When it felt like the commitment was being tested during tough times, their promise to stand by each other shone brighter. And when good times rolled by, the trust in each other was only strengthened.

Today, as we celebrated their anniversary, it wasn’t anything grand. A quiet family lunch, banter and anecdotes through the day, and conversations about random topics, interspersed with calls from others to wish them, rounded off our day.

But it felt so grateful that we could get together and spend time as a family, without having to worry much. To be able to take out time from our schedules and be with them in a wholesome manner!

As a child in the household, if you see such a strong example, you’re bound to be influenced. So was I. Valuing commitment and promises has held me in good stead, in my own personal life.

But as I reflected more on the topic, it came to my attention that this isn’t just true for personal but also the professional world.

We can only excel at something when there’s commitment from inside, and when we are promising ourselves that we will do our best. If any of these two don’t sync, either the process or the results fall short.

What we often forget though, is that any commitment needs to be nurtured, and promises need to be kept. It is when we do this long enough, is when we get the results we had hoped for.

Just as in relationships and personal life, so too in our work and professional spheres…

Balancing it all

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Maintaining a state of equilibrium. That’s how balance is defined.

It couldn’t be truer for own management of life and how it is so important to maintain the balance at all times.

As is so often the case, each one of us tries to find this balance and builds a template around our lives.

But sometimes our life changes, even though temporarily, such that the template doesn’t work in that duration. That is when we get tested the most!

Last few weeks, this is what I have been dealing with…

Over the past year or so, I had built a template to balance the various things go on around me. At work and at home.

Then, in the last month, as my role and responsibilities evolved, and some new challenges came to the fore, my previously set template came under pressure.

At first, I tried to not change anything and continue as is. I struggled. The template was built for a different rhythm, and wasn’t fitting in, although I was trying my best.

I didn’t want to change many things in the balance I had found and as I kept thinking about what to tweak, I let it slide for a couple of weeks.

Not changing anything yet, I was hoping the new rhythm will settle down and my template will continue to function as is. That obviously didn’t work.

By last week, I knew that my previous tactics were not working. I could either accept it and build a new rhythm, or drop a few things that were hanging in the balance.

I haven’t nailed down everything and how I want to change my routine to handle some of those aspects. I am still figuring it out.

But I am hopeful I will find how to balance it all. And have the right template to balance things in this new phase of life. Until something changes again…

The first time you’re alone…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It felt strange. Leaving behind my parents, to travel to some other place on my own.

It felt liberating. As if I had grown up by a couple of years suddenly.

It felt exhilarating. In anticipation of what I was going to encounter.

I remember the first time I went on a trip on my own, I was in high school by then. I went to Delhi, along with my cousins, to spend time there.

It was a great learning experience. Away from my parents, doing everything on my own, having fun but being responsible at the same time. I still cherish that trip.

But it wasn’t just the fun I had there. It also opened my eyes to the world around me, in a way earlier trips didn’t.

Not because I wasn’t surrounded by other responsible adults. My cousins were there. But without my parents, my senses were operating on a higher level.

I saw things that I had not seen before – how people behaved, how the world operated, how I was fitting in (or was not)!

As I thought about that trip randomly this weekend, I was quickly reminded that our daughter had her first trip without us when she was still in primary school.

A full week away from us, among her classmates, on a learning journey. It was an anxious few days for us. And for her as well, I guess.

But more than anything else, it was a great experience for her. She learnt so much in those few days. As a parent, I could observe the change I saw in her post that.

I have always been a believer that kids learn more when they step away from home, something I propose to everyone in the family.

So, I am happy that our daughter got her first experience when she was much younger. And yet, as a parent it wasn’t easy to see her go alone.

I guess there’s a first time as a parent too…

I will be there for you.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It was a very busy day. Preet had multiple meetings lined up with important clients.

He had been preparing for a couple of weeks for these, as they were tied to new business that could secure his promotion.

So, naturally he was in the zone and working through the finer details in the last minutes. And no interruption was acceptable.

He had put his phone on silent and hidden from view. So, when it rang a couple of times, he didn’t see it.

But then, just before the meeting he saw it was his wife calling him and he picked up. His young son was running a high fever and she had called him to inform that she was rushing to the hospital.

He talked to her quickly for two minutes, noticing the feebleness in her voice but whisking it away as exhaustion from the effort to take care of their son.

Over the next couple of hours, caught up in meetings, no thoughts crossed his mind about the situation at home. Only after he had taken a break for lunch, did he remember and call back.

His son was now in the hospital, under observation. His fever had not come down yet. Doctors had diagnosed it as brain fever. His wife was holding the fort but he could now sense that she needed help.

At first Preet thought he will postpone his meetings and rush to the hospital. But then, the thought of the impending promotion crossed his mind. And the meetings continued.

By the time everything ended and he got to the hospital, his son’s situation was deteriorating. He quickly realised that the doctors had not been able to get the situation under control and after discussing with them, he was shifted to the ICU.

For the next three days, Preet and his wife spent all their time at the hospital. Tensed and anxious. The fever had subsided but their son was still not out of danger.

Thankfully, their prayers were answered and over the next two weeks, their son recovered. He had got a new lease of life!

During this time, as Preet thought about the first day, he wished he could have acted differently.

He had promised his family that he would take care of them always, but when it actually came to it, he was missing in action…

The guilt led him to cry silently at first. And then in front of his wife when their son was wheeled out of the ICU.

It was not that the turn of events with his son could have been different if he was there. It was just his presence that was needed…

The promise meant something. It had to be lived!

Lost for Words

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I am… A lot of times!

My bio on LinkedIn says I am an aspiring author.

My writing streak on this blog is running at 331 posts without a break.

I have written six short stories to go with these posts.

And yet, for the last couple of years, I have been stuck at writing my first book.

Not because I don’t have ideas. I have three.

Then why am I not able to progress? Why I am lost for words?

As I was thinking about this and trying to figure out what should I do to unblock myself, I realised I am in this situation because of time!

Or the excuse thereof…

Time to think and refine my ideas. Not today or tomorrow. One perfect day/week/year.

Time to write when I will have bandwidth in my life. While prioritising everything else.

Time to actually do this sincerely, to do complete justice to the process and the goal. And yet, not being sincere about the quest.

As I thought more about it, I figured I was giving myself excuses to not start writing. And instead procrastinating it because it’s easier to do so.

I haven’t gotten over the line yet. Am still waiting and thinking.

But it feels like a good lesson to share. There are a few things we should wait for, but there are others which we should just go after!

Perhaps, time for me to cross the line and just start. Writing.

Why too serious?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There are too many things in life that we take too seriously.

And in that quest of taking ourselves too seriously, we often forget to enjoy life…

The past week, a colleague who was also a friend, passed away. He had been battling cancer for a long time.

As I received the news and saddened by it thought about my last meeting with him, I couldn’t help but reflect on his journey.

Especially the past few years, and his approach towards life!

In the most testing times, he was still full of life. It was as if he had made a resolution to let nothing affect his zest for life.

When someone battling with life on a daily basis shows that commitment, you stop and take notice. You wonder at the bravery. You smile at the tenacity.

So did I. But I never looked deeply enough to understand how commendable it was.

For I, lost in my own thoughts and problems, was too seriously involved in my life.

It was only in his passing, did he leave me a lasting lesson. To not be too serious. And to enjoy life come what may!

As I thought about this aspect through the last week, it became clear to me that I can afford to loosen up.

To enjoy life even when things are not going my way. To enjoy life even if I am not feeling well. And to enjoy life even if there isn’t much left of it.

For in that enjoyment is the essence of life. To live it. To experience it. And to see it through…

All Heart!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I think from my heart. That’s when I do best. It’s my strength.

I have claimed this before in word and letter. And felt it for sure.

Yet, as it often happens with us mortal beings, we forget our strengths. And deviate from the usual path.

That’s what I realised over the past few days. Twice!

On both those occasions, I had the chance to think from my heart. The situations demanded that I do so.

Still, somehow my mind weighed heavier on my heart in those moments. And I chose ‘rationally’!

My mind was probably too determined, because even after the choice, it didn’t let go of its chokehold on the reason for the decision.

So, I continued to operate without a question. My heart tugged at me a few times in between, but my mind brushed it off.

Eventually, my heart gave up and my mind won!

That clarity lasted only for a few days though. Through an interjection, which was like a jolt, I was snapped out of my state.

As soon as the fog lifted and the heart realised it had been tricked, I fell. I fell so hard that my heart wept. My eyes wallowed. And tears streaked down.

It was only then that I realised I had made an error in my choice in those moments. And how I had failed even after so much training and self awareness.

I realised how I had brushed off my heart’s pleas to reconsider. And how I had justified my choice to myself reluctantly.

But it was too late…

The choice had been made and the decision had kept me out of loop on the things that mattered more to me than what I left them for.

As I sat down on the second occasion, wiping my tears, it became clear to me that I need to retrain myself.

To believe in my strength. To acknowledge any nudge or thought that is asking me to reconsider my choices.

And to be all heart again…

Honour.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I have often wondered how strongly do our deeds binds us to our words. Why would I do as I say? And what if I am not able to honour them?

This past week, on the work front, this aspect came into sharp focus for me personally.

Something I had promised didn’t go through. It was a setback. When I learnt of it, the first reaction was of disbelief and frustration. Why did it have to happen!

Then, as the aftermath of the situation dawned on me, I felt stifled. The next couple of hours, wading through anguish, I kept on thinking about how I had not been able to honour my words.

It was the worse I have felt in a few months. Not being able to do something about it immediately further added salt to the wound.

But as my mind calmed down and I started thinking about the entire episode, I realised that I had not honoured the basic premise on top of which I had made my promises.

I had been too confident that things will go as planned. That confidence didn’t allow me to look for alternatives even when the deadline was fast approaching.

I had depended on others promises, only to learn that they couldn’t be honoured, on the last day. And in doing so, I had not left any room to honour my words to others!

It has been a stark reminder. To not accept promises on face value. And to always have alternatives to ensure my words can be honoured.

But as they say about mistakes, “if it happens to teach you something, it’s worth it”, I am imbibing this as a lesson.

Shaken but not stirred…