Perspective

Generation Gap!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Something that we often refer to when we don’t know how to bridge the distance between us and someone younger or older…

This is how I define the term. And have often used it accordingly. Mostly when I am referring to the age difference being a decade or more.

A couple of weeks ago, I however, had a most illuminating conversation with my daughter.

She was relaying to me how different kids respond when asked about their device usage. Sample this response to the following question –

“Do you have a phone or any other personal device like a laptop or an iPad?”

Kid in sixth grade: No, I don’t have a phone; I have a laptop (or an iPad) for school work.

Kid in fourth grade: Obviously, I have a phone; and yes I have an iPad (or a laptop).

My daughter told me this quite animatedly, which made me laugh. She too laughed along, amused that a kid just two years younger had a very different answer.

Amusement aside, what she was pointing to me almost seems like a generational gap!

As I wondered about it later, and relayed it to a friend over dinner this weekend, it occurred to me that the entire concept of the term is due to change.

With the rapid pace we are seeing in some areas of development, such scenarios won’t be too far off.

It led to a question – what happens when people just two or three years apart start feeling a difference in how each of them conduct themselves?

While growing up, as well as later in life, we often rely on our elder siblings, or cousins, or school/college seniors for guidance, learning, and a myriad of other things.

If the gap starts to form so early in life and continues to expand, how are these learning pathways going to cope with them?

How will we feel, how will we share, how will we shape up?

Or are we all going to rely on some AI to keep us feeling that we are in the midst of people who understand us???

Pulling in which direction?

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Often, I have wondered about where are things heading? And what am I doing?

Not just when I am confused about something. But also when I have been extremely clear.

I am sure many of us have felt this way. Because I get this sense often when I talk to others.

Many a times, we let it be. We flow in the direction we are being pushed at.

Sometimes, we resist. The struggle isn’t pretty. But we fight in the hope to change the direction.

But what if it is life’s way of pulling us in a certain direction?

The past few weeks, I have been grappling with a question…

I don’t have an answer. I don’t even know which direction is the push or pull happening from/to. What I only know is that there is something tugging at me.

So, I am unable to decide whether to flow along or resist. And this state hasn’t been easy.

I like having answers. I like to be in control of what’s happening. When it is not the case, I feel the need to try more, to think more.

The older me would have done so, restlessly trying to get an answer.

The new me isn’t losing sleep over it. I am letting it be. For, I realise that I just need to give it time.

I don’t need the answer today. It is ok if the answer comes a little later.

Because, whatever it will be, the push or pull will take me in a direction where I will only gain from. In some form or the other.

And when I will look at it in hindsight, hopefully, the pattern will make sense. Yet again.

Just like it does most times…

Culinary Differences!?

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Sometimes, the simplest of things tell you a lot. For instance, food and our choices. And how we handle culinary differences…

This weekend, I flew to spend time with a friend in Dallas, while on a business trip to the US. I had not met him for a decade and we had a lot to catch up on. So, I was expecting long chats and fun and laughter.

I had also never spent considerable time with his family. Having met his wife a couple of times before, I knew her to be jolly by nature and did expect to have some good conversations with her too.

What surprised me though, as we spent time talking, eating, and repeating this schedule over two days, was the amount of discussion we had about food.

My friend’s wife is from Bengal, from the eastern part of India. As with most people from that region, she is naturally excited about food, Food is very dear to them and meal times are about enjoying a feast together.

I received this affection from her during my visit. There were multiple dishes prepared, elaborate lunches and dinners set up, and lots of good conversations happened over those meals.

We talked about how eating Bengali food is an acquired taste, due to the use of specific condiments and ingredients. And how it takes time for people from other regions to appreciate it.

I have eaten some nice Bengali food earlier, so it wasn’t completely new for me. What stayed though, was the way she explained how my friend, who like me is from the central part of India, had adjusted to this taste. And how he enjoys it now.

Later in the afternoon, she and I talked about how they enjoy different cuisines from other regions that they have been exposed to in the US. And how she has noticed, even within her family, there are people who adjust or take a liking to it, while others fret and eat, or simply refuse to try.

I could completely relate to it. Over time, I have seen similar things in my family and circle. I could say I can easily adapt to other cuisines but have been in settings where others find it difficult.

While until now, I had never paid much attention to this fact, ignoring it as a thing that just happens, this conversation made me think for a bit…

As it so happens, most of us are very used to the food we have had while growing up. It’s our comfort place. We crave it. We love it even though it is what we have everyday.

But when it comes to food from other regions or places, we are not always as open. We blame it on our palette or worse, make it sound inferior or very different than ours. Talk about biases!

It cannot be true that the taste of food in these other regions is never to our liking. I have seen older people adjust well to new cuisines relatively easily.

I feel, sometimes it is that our mind doesn’t want to accept that we can enjoy other kinds of food. Or maybe, sometimes it goes against our religious beliefs or health notions, and we avoid them.

But most times, we instantly close ourselves to new experiences and indulgences. We deliberately stay away from them, either viewing them with skepticism or simply fear of the unknown!

What we forget is that trying does us no harm. If anything, it may just propel us in a certain direction. Or repel us because something didn’t feel right. But shouldn’t be for the lack of trying…

Maximizing Profits

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

This isn’t a business post. It is not linked to anything remotely business.

Why am I saying so? Because we instantly associate profits with business and work. But is that the only way to look at it?

The past few weeks, in multiple conversations with colleagues and friends, and in my thoughts, I came across this theme. How to maximize profits?

Well, you see, it is how our minds work. How we retain what we have been taught. And of course, how work consumes so much of our daily lives!

But we would be amiss to think about profits only in the context of our work or business. Of course, profits in that arena is what we all want to maximize. To gain more and faster. To prove that we are contributing meaningfully with the right impact. To ensure we can justify what we do.

Profit also comes in the context of our relationships. The positive mind may think of how we are benefitting each other in a relationship. The circumspect one will also think about how are we maximizing our closeness to someone to benefit in some form and shape.

There’s another angle though. How do we profit collectively and become better – a better family, a better community. How do we maximize this?

Then, there’s profit in the context of our health. How do we profit from healthy habits to elongate our chances of living more? Or how do we maximize our profits from the workouts we engage in, and if there’s enough return on investment of time and energy.

But here also there’s another angle. How do we maximize our profits and hit our goals while allowing ourselves to enjoy the little pleasures of life?

How could I forget money matters and profit in that context. How do we ensure we are maximizing our returns and adopting the right strategy for investing our hard earned money? Or how do we maximize both short-term and long-term profits.

Of course, there is another angle here too. How do we maximize our knowledge and hold on financial matters, such that profits are a by-product and not left to the skill of others only or luck.

If you look at all these aspects – relationships, health, financial matters, work or business – they are all interrelated. If we don’t handle them in the right proportion, profits from one domain could be at the cost of a great loss in another.

That’s a rather tricky thing to achieve…

The commercial angle

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We, mortal beings, seek simple pleasures in life. We want to enjoy life, be around our loved ones, and be happy.

And yet, often I have found that somehow our motives are commercial in nature.

We may start off naively but soon enough, the sound of money or the lure of the benefit gets us.

And then, we start basing our decisions and actions around those “important factors”.

It doesn’t sound sexy or in fashion, so maybe we don’t talk about it. But I don’t think there’s anyone who hasn’t been tempted at least once.

A few weeks back something similar happened with me. I was writing my blog on the Sunday when India’s national cricket league came to a close.

Cricket in India is above everything else, so there was bound to be a lot of chatter about the winners. Bangalore being the champions, was the cherry on the cake for those of us from the city.

As I finished watching the match and then my blog, before posting it, the thought ran in my mind – if I post it now, what is the likelihood of people reading it? Will it get drowned in the sea of messages across channels?

I hesitated for a bit. Should I wait till the morning? Or should I go ahead and publish as per my usual Sunday night schedule?

That opening was enough for more doubts to crop up. Who’s reading my posts? What time do I publish and how soon do they get it on their feed? Do I need to do some more amplification?

Sitting close to midnight, these thoughts were only delaying my sleep. But the left brain wanted to press on, asking logical questions.

It took me a while to realise that I was drifting away. The debate was endless and its merit to me wasn’t clear enough.

Not that I don’t care about who reads my posts or how do I reach them and others better. But that’s not the sole purpose of my writing.

I write for myself. I write because I want to. I write whether someone reads or not.

That clarity, as it emerged, grounded me again. I knew what I had to do.

Publish the post. Share on social channels. Share on various groups. Forward to subscribers.

Then, repeat it the next Sunday…

On a Mission.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Who? A person, who could be anyone. You, me, anyone.

Whose focus is on just one thing. And nothing else… One who is putting all efforts to make it happen.

Will succeed! At least has a good chance to succeed!

Why? Because, the mission is what energises and pulls that person forward.

And anything and everything has to be done to make it happen. Going beyond one’s known limits.

For that goal is important to achieve!

What if the goal is far away? Or there are slippages or obstructions in between?

A person motivated enough will do all that’s needed to still make things happen.

Just like you and me. At various moments in our life!

But if the goal is not worthy or enticing enough, or is no more desirable?

The person then pauses. Reassesses. Maybe even withdraws.

Until a new goal emerges that is worthy and enticing!

Because, there will always be something. Professional. Personal. Social. Emotional.

And no person can be as detached. Unless the person has either given up completely in life, or has attained nirvana…

Spot the difference.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We always will be different from others. That’s a fact. But we don’t treat it as such. And that often leads to differences!

The past two weeks, I was traveling for work. During that trip, I met a lot of people at a conference, from different nationalities. Apart from the usual work-related discussions, there were also some great conversations about personal stuff as we compared notes on a multitude of things ranging from life to culture to values.

Guess what was the common thing? Everyone was different. In terms of their outlook, their perspective, their values, their beliefs, etc.

Over the weekend, I also observed many a people while roaming around markets and in restaurants. Those observations tallied with my personal interactions.

And yet, as I reflected upon those insights and my behavior, I found that while I inherently understand that others are different than me, I often expect them to behave the way I do. Or understand me instantly.

As I dug deeper through my interactions and observations, I also found a few common themes. Shared values, beliefs, perspectives. Those are what allowed us to mingle with each other and have those myriad conversations. Those are what enabled us to understand each other even though we are from different countries.

There seems to be a dichotomy here, until you realise that there isn’t. This is how it is meant to be.

For, even though we may have different ideologies and values, we mostly want to treat others the way we would like ourselves to be treated. We don’t hesitate to talk and share perspectives, even though they may differ. And we mostly don’t walk in with a closed mind, as otherwise it may be difficult to even have a conversation!

We agree to disagree. We listen to other’s perspectives and then either assimilate or discard them. We hold on to our values, well mostly, until something earth-shattering chnages them.

So, even though we are different in many aspects, it is worth remembering that what we believe in, value, and aspire for may be different than the others. But that shouldn’t lead us to a corner if we spot differences.

Instead, it should help us recognise that there is an opportunity for sharing and learning from each other…

Assumed assumptions!

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We like assuming. In fact, we love to assume and move forward.

A lot of times those assumptions are just those. Assumptions. Without any rhyme or reason.

But because we like to keep things simple and probably see them through our own eyes only, those assumptions are valid and reasonable.

But what if that isn’t true? What if we could do much better not assuming those assumptions?

Over the last few weeks, as these thoughts ran in my mind, I started observing. How I was reacting and deciding. And how others around me did the same.

There were times when I found my assumptions to be convenient for me. Because I didn’t want to go through the hard work of finding the right details.

Often times when I was assuming something, it was so just because I had not been able to consider the viewpoint of someone else. Looking only through my own eyes.

Sometimes I also found that I assumed just because I had some precedence or experience of dealing with that same person or thing in a different setting.

As I started questioning my assumptions and if I had made the correct ones, I started uncovering my own blind sides.

As I started thinking about others, my horizon expanded and I could look at the problem with a fresh pair of eyes.

There’s still a long way to go. After all, the mind has been conditioned to perform in a certain way. But what I do realise is that there’s power in not assuming just because we can or we should.

Sometimes it helps to check ourselves again…

“Virtually Connected!?”

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This week, I was talking to a cousin, a younger brother who grew up before me. We were talking after almost six months. And we were discussing how we had both been so busy that time just slipped by.

The next day, I read somewhere, “the more we are connected, the more disconnected we feel”…

As I reflected on the statement and my chat with my cousin brother, it occurred to me that this couldn’t be further from the truth.

We are all very well connected. We carry a phone with us all the time and we are reachable instantly. But we find it increasingly difficult to call those who we want to be connected with.

It isn’t so much to do with only willingness. Maybe that’s the case in a few instances. But otherwise, we are all just badly caught up in life.

What used to be living has turned into survival. What used to be life has turned into a race…

Not so long ago, there was a time when we would spend an hour writing letters to our friends. They later became emails and then social media messages. Now-a-days, they are confined to mere wishes and maybe an occasional phone call.

Those were the days, when we would just arrive at someone’s doorstep and be invited instantly to partake in whatever meal everyone was having. Now, we plan much ahead of time, and yet find it onerous to arrange everything.

Those were the days, when we would just gather together for a game of cards or something indoors. Hours would be spent playing, without realising the time that had passed. Now, we try and time things so much that these fun times aren’t happening so often.

We are all to blame ourselves for this situation. We thought we are progressing but what has really happened is we have degraded in the one thing that really matters – human connection!

And then, we see our kids, who are already glued to their phones and gadgets, preferring to be virtually connected, rather than in person. Preferring to be online and hiding behind the screen anonymously.

We want them to go out and play. We want them to engage with other humans. We want them to develop bonds.

But we are the ones holding them back. By continuing to be a slave of our recently developed habits. And by setting a bad example for them during their formative years.

Perhaps, this Diwali, we ought to switch on the lights, invite people home, and enjoy being in other’s company! Setting an example for our little ones and more importantly, for ourselves…

I have arrived!!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

What makes us think that? And is it really ever true?

This last week, I was incessantly scrolling my Google app feed. There were a lot of articles related to financial advise, probably owing to my recent searches to identify certain investment decisions and taxation.

As I went through some of those articles, I ended up reading a detailed review of the data on income distribution in India and the US and how that’s becoming more lopsided over the years.

Consuming the laid out information, my mind went to how do I fare in these distribution models. As an individual and as a household.

I quickly began to think about what it means to lie in the top x% of the population and how we associate our success to how we have moved up that ladder through our lives. Except for maybe a few who were born with a silver spoon!

Figuring the progress from the start point felt like a self congratulatory realization. A pat on my back for what I have been able to achieve till now. Good while it lasted.

But as my mind raced in that direction, the next question that occurred to me was what was a target to seek? Am I happy with where I am or do I need to strive for more? And where to draw the line of satisfaction?

Thinking deeper, I also came to terms that financial success couldn’t be the only metric on which I can decide whether I have arrived or not…

There are many things that make up my life and existence. And while money is an important aspect of it, it’s not the only one in that list.

My relationships and my association with my family and friends is critical to my functioning. My health is important for me. The contribution of my work to a bigger cause matters to me.

So, while I may associate my success momentarily with how much money I make or what’s my net worth; but in the scheme of life, all those other things matter almost as much as money.

The only difference is that money is probably the easiest to quantify and hence the most exciting of the lot. Their value and importance in life only comes to the fore when there’s something specific happening.

That, however, shouldn’t be so. A good reminder to myself…