Observations

‘Freedom to Fail’

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

These words contain a dichotomy. How can someone be given the room to fail?

And yet, they are magical. For in these words, lie the very essence of why someone succeeds…

A couple of weeks ago, I watched a new TV series on how India’s biggest watch company, Titan, came into existence.

It was a great reminder of the heroic power of entrepreneurship and the persistent belief to make it happen.

The biggest line that remained with me post the watch, was “freedom to fail”!

It was used by the protagonist to egg on his team after an abject failure. And by his mentor, silently, to convey his confidence in his protege.

In the past couple of weeks, as I often thought about it, I realised how important it is in our life too.

Ask a parent about how their child grew up. Most likely because they let her have the freedom to fail. When she was taking her first steps, or when she was rushing to make friends, or when she was trying to learn a new skill. They didn’t judge her or stop her from doing those things.

Ask a teacher about her best students. She allowed them to experiment and learn, rather than stopping them from anything. Even her worst students were allowed the freedom to fail, in the hope that they will rise some time.

Ask a husband about his wife. How they became successful in their marriage because they allowed each other the freedom to be themselves and fail at a few things when it came to each other’s expectations. And in doing so, how they learnt to stand by each other during the toughest times, even though they may have failed on a simple occasion.

Or ask anyone who succeeded in a corporate job, how they reached where they are. I doubt if we will find even one case where they would not have encountered a senior who had allowed them to falter and yet succeed in the longer run.

You see, it is this freedom to fail that gives anyone the confidence to succeed. That is why the child, the student, the spouse, or the teammate get past hurdles in life and learn to live.

And yet, the first thought that comes to mind when we hear these three words is, “oh, that’s strange!”.

It is perhaps our conditioning that needs to change…

A retired life?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Anil was on the couch, fidgeting with his beard.

It was a dull day, in a rather dry June. The fan was humming above his head, with light coming into the room through the large window.

There was silence at home. His wife had gone out shopping and there was no one else. Anil was staring at the ceiling, pondering over his future.

Having turned sixty, he had just retired two months back. After spending more than three decades in different roles in the same organisation, he had finally called it a day.

He had initially thought that he would take it easy post his retirement. After all, he deserved to enjoy life.

The first couple of weeks were nice. No pressure of a routine, no stress of work or deadlines, and no worry. Then, as he entered the third week, he started feeling a little bored.

What should he do with all the time he had on hands now? Sitting around at home seemed like a waste beyond a point. How much television could he watch. Or how many conversations could he have with his wife, the only other person at home now?

He felt he had energy that he could utilise. So, he started playing tennis every day. Moving from a weekend routine to weekdays did help his game but it was enough to fill just a couple of hours. There was still so much time.

He then thought of meeting with friends and other people he had known. Some of them had time for him, while others didn’t. So, it meant only a couple of meetings every week.

By the time the second month finished, he was restless. He enjoyed a routine less life, but he also craved to do something with his skills.

There wasn’t a particular passion he had in mind to follow. Or a desire to do something alternative as an extension of his career.

He had planned poorly…

As he kept thinking that day, fidgeting with his beard, he realised that he wasn’t alone in this trap. There were many contemporary professionals he knew of who probably were facing the same challenge.

Was there a way to do something together? He gnawed at the possibility for a while, eventually realising that it was worth trying.

He got up from the couch. Sitting down at his study table, he mapped out a plan. Not a thorough one that he usually did in his work days, but a rough sketch of what he can do about it.

Over the next couple of days, he spent more time thinking and jotting down notes. Finally, he had an outline he was happy with.

It wasn’t a full time role. It wasn’t a gig. It was an experiment to see if he could apply all his learning to do something interesting, something he had not even thought about before.

He was retired, but that didn’t mean he had to live a boring life…

In the spotlight

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There have been a few instances when I have come across celebrities or famous people at various places during my travels.

As is often the case, at least in India, celebrity spotting usually means crowding. Everyone trying to get a look at the famous person.

At first, when it happened many years ago in my teenage years, it was exhilarating. Something I would talk about with friends.

However, over the years, that charm has reduced considerably. Probably, out of respect for their privacy. Or because it has become second nature to not get over excited by something like this.

Any way, last week, as I was spending time with my cousin during a weekend on a work trip, this topic came up. She was telling me how they have also seen some famous people during their travels.

As we talked about it, one thing flashed back at me. How difficult it must be for the celebrity to live a normal life!

I have seen people clamouring for pictures around them, trying to get autographs, hounding them on their way to some place. And as if that is not enough, they live at the constant mercy of the omnipresent media, who reports on everything they do.

If I put myself in their shoes, it would be very unnerving for me to live life as such. I would be constantly bugged by random people trying to get a piece of me.

I would probably not go out at all. Or do it in secrecy. To avoid embarrassment and to feel and behave like a normal person. I would do anything to avoid the constant scrutiny…

But the famous ones have no such choice. They do it sometimes out of compulsion, sometimes maybe out of pride, but also sometimes just because there is no way out.

Perhaps, being in the spotlight is not always a good thing…

Paradox of the Known

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We all know our race is evolving faster than ever. And we are all riding along the wave.

And yet, some of us feel we are on top while some of us feel the exact opposite.

Over the last couple of weeks, as I jostled with a new subject that I am studying, I found myself in this paradox. Between the unknown and the known.

I don’t have as much knowledge of this new subject, so it is of course an unknown. And I know I will have to build my know-how and expertise in it through my own efforts.

As I started studying the subject and its basics, it became evident to me that I could increase my pace of learning by using AI tools.

With these tools, we don’t just have all the information at our fingertips but also efficient ways of harnessing it.

So, the reasoning was that these tools will help me learn rapidly, improving my knowledge base. And help me identify best approaches and strategies to decide between two different things.

It will cut down on my unknown areas quickly.

But when I started using these tools, I realised that while my know-how started improving quickly, I was scratching the surface.

I understood the basics faster, but this knowledge gathering only equipped me so much. I still didn’t have the required depth to decide on which choice to make or didn’t develop an independent point of view on some of the aspects I was studying.

Then, I looked back at my life and it became apparent that this is how things have been all this time…

All through our life, we have learnt much more and in a shorter timeframe than before. We have more information available to us, and so we are generally better informed about things.

Yet, unless we have spent time on a subject matter and have gone through the grind to build our point of view, we haven’t succeeded in that particular endeavour.

And unless we have done that, we didn’t become an expert on the subject.

So, while we continue to have easy access to information, for the unknown to become well known, we still need to put in the time and effort!

And that’s the paradox of knowing our unknowns today and yet being aware of how to convert them to “known-knowns”.

Click Click

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Aarti was exhilarated. This was her best vacation ever.

She was on a solo trip after a very long time. And was in the Himalayan mountains that she had visited as a child with her cousins.

She chose the location not because of nostalgia but because she wanted to see the place, she held so many memories of, again. After a couple of decades.

As usual, she had planned her trip well, taking care of almost everything. She always liked to travel with all the loose ends tied.

Naturally, with such planning, she made the most of the week away from home. She roamed around on her own, visited far flung temples, and met local residents.

She also did a couple of treks that she couldn’t have done earlier as a child.

All through the trip, she clicked a lot of pictures. As memories to be preserved.

But also with a thought to put them on her Instagram feed and social media channels. To showcase her solo trip to all her friends and colleagues.

Today was the second last day and she was feeling both exhilarated and contemplative. Exhilarated for having had this experience, and contemplative because she truly wanted to savour the feelings in her heart and mind.

As she thought about the last few days and recalled her trip, she felt an instant urge. To share the pictures she had taken with the world.

She took out her phone, connected to the WiFi, and opened Instagram. This was the first time in a week she had done so, which otherwise was a multiple-times-a-day activity.

She wanted to post the best pictures online. After all, everyone would want to see them…

Or did they? The thought crossed her mind.

When was the last time she was looking forward to seeing pictures of someone else’s vacation? Very rarely!

When was she genuinely awaiting news about others outside of her immediate family? Very rarely!

The more she thought about it, the more she realised that the online posting of pictures was only to make herself feel good about it. And to showcase her happiness to the world.

But to what end? And why was that important?

She didn’t have a clear answer…

She then remembered her previous trip as a child. She had some pictures from those days, scanned and stored as memories on a cloud account. She opened them and went through, fondly remembering those days she had spent with her cousins.

When she looked at those pictures now, she realised they meant something to her. They were memories that she had savoured. And continued to. They were a small part of her life.

She then scrolled through the pictures she had taken on this trip. And the same feeling came back. That these were her memories, to be preserved. But for herself, for the future.

She turned off the phone and sat down near the window.

As she looked outside the window, there was a nice view of dusk on the horizon.

She savoured it wholly and clicked a couple of pictures. For herself…

The Fear Factor

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I was holding my breath, trying to not look down.

At one end of a zip line between two mountains in the lower Himalayas, I was unsure of a lot of things. Fear was taking root in me.

Just behind me, the instructor was pushing me to let it go and literally, go! To overcome my fear and take inspiration from the views I was about to enjoy.

At nineteen years of age, not many people would be in such a scenario. But I was, and so were my other Army batchmates at the mid term camp.

As I contemplated my options, the only way forward was to go. So, I let my body loose and zipped through. Fear turned into exhilaration and by the time I touched the other end, I knew that I could do this again.

This lesson has remained with me all my life. And a mantra to use when in doubt…

This week, as I was talking to a couple of colleagues and then a friend, this theme recurred. Of deciding to let go and conquering fear to get to the other end.

I think all of us live in some or the other fear. Very few are truly fearless.

And those fears often hold us back. They cloud our judgement, make us overcautious, and reduce our chances.

Often times, it is easier to say than do. But in this case, saying makes it tougher. In our minds.

But what if we were able to always draw inspiration from the view we would uncover through the journey to the other side? What if we just let go and find for ourselves what lies beyond?

Conquering the fear factor.

We will either uncover a view not seen before, or fall flat and rise up again, never to make that same mistake. And that in itself is a win!

Here’s to unshackling ourselves and moving forward…

On a Mission.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Who? A person, who could be anyone. You, me, anyone.

Whose focus is on just one thing. And nothing else… One who is putting all efforts to make it happen.

Will succeed! At least has a good chance to succeed!

Why? Because, the mission is what energises and pulls that person forward.

And anything and everything has to be done to make it happen. Going beyond one’s known limits.

For that goal is important to achieve!

What if the goal is far away? Or there are slippages or obstructions in between?

A person motivated enough will do all that’s needed to still make things happen.

Just like you and me. At various moments in our life!

But if the goal is not worthy or enticing enough, or is no more desirable?

The person then pauses. Reassesses. Maybe even withdraws.

Until a new goal emerges that is worthy and enticing!

Because, there will always be something. Professional. Personal. Social. Emotional.

And no person can be as detached. Unless the person has either given up completely in life, or has attained nirvana…

Outdoors!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Rains bring nostalgia. They also bring fond memories of childhood. At least for me.

Today, as it rained in the evening and I stood in the balcony, enjoying the fresh air. As the petrichor wafted through my senses, I floated back to the past.

Where I come from, rains used to be a welcome relief after the sweltering summer heat. It meant cooler days and the prospect of playing outdoors again.

Not that we children were stopped by the heat to play outdoors. But the play time used to be limited in those months, as most kids were bound inside or traveling during the holidays.

Another factor adding to the fun used to be the timing of our schools, with the initial few weeks of a new session relatively easier to deal with. So, everyone had more time on their hands, and no pressure of tests.

We used to get wet in the rain playing football. Cycles zooming past the by-lanes, riding around was another fun activity. And even though we would get drenched quite often, we enjoyed those days.

So, while winters used to be the prime time for sports and a lot of other activities, rainy season had its own charm. And something to maximise for, in our dictionaries.

Cut to today, I didn’t see any kid playing outside in our community. In fact in my previous ones as well. They were all playing inside, in the games room and were not happy about it. But probably conditioned by their families to not get wet, they were reluctant to venture out.

As I observed them, I realised that we as parents are creating too many boundaries for our kids. We are constantly policing their whereabouts, instructing them to not do anything that we won’t like to do ourselves.

In fact, a lot of kids don’t even come to play outdoors now. Because they have classes at that time. Engaged in extra curricular activities, they rarely experience the joys of being outdoors.

I believe that is a big reason why kids today are more awkward socially than we were. We are restricting them from free flowing natural and serendipitous interactions, and instead creating too many structured paths for them.

Structure is good. In its limits. For, we don’t know how the world will pan out in the next five years, forget in a decade or two.

On the other hand, outdoors teach kids things that they wouldn’t learn in a classroom. Behaviours and attitudes reflect naturally in a field. And playing together creates bonds and memories that last for a lifetime.

By not letting our young ones outdoors, we are putting a lot of pressure on them to succeed in a chaotic future world that will behave randomly and with new rules. Or maybe with none…

Close Enough.

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Adil was waiting impatiently. He had been waiting for this moment for a long time now.

As his anticipation rose, he realised he was breathing heavily. He took a small pause, slowed down his breathing and calmed his nerves. After all, years of practice had made him aware of how to control his body’s rhythms.

The list of new players who had made it to the national team was being announced now. It was in alphabetical order so his name would have been second.

The selector announced the first, second, and third name. Adil thought his name must be lower down, ordered by his last name. After a while, that illusion too shattered.

He had not been selected. After being a star player for his state team, and earning praise from the national team captain and a couple of selectors, he still wasn’t good enough.

When you’re good but not enough to cross over, doubts flood your mind. What else can I do to make this happen? Am I doomed to ignominy? Am I not good enough?

Adil sat with these thoughts through the next few days. His coach, family, friends, and teammates all expressed solidarity with him. Yet, his pain was his alone to live with…

A couple of weeks passed. The thought kept ringing in his ears. He had taken time off from regular practice and had been sitting idle. His parents pushed him to restart once, but seeing his mood, thought it’s better to let him fight this.

Then, on a friday, as they were at the mosque for their afternoon prayers, Adil saw a senior player from the national team. He knew him well, so he waved to him and sought some time to speak with him.

The two decided to go for lunch and Adil beared his heart out in front of his senior. He was dejected and wanted to understand if there was anything else he could do to make his case stronger.

The senior, wiser from his years playing the game, just told him to bide his time and make the most of available opportunities. He asked Adil to practice hard and not let go now, as his name was already being mentioned among the national team members.

As they left, Adil thanked the senior and felt a burden lift from his mind. There was some validation and a certain relief knowing he was on the right track.

He decided that he will focus on his journey and enjoy it. Milestones will come when they will.

The road wouldn’t be easy. But whatever turns it may take, he was on it. He was getting closer to making it count…

Talk!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

The one thing that we are gifted with. And the one thing we don’t do enough of.

Even when we can. Even when we should…

In fact, even though we have this clarity at the back of our minds, it’s surprising that other emotions or distractions stop us from doing so.

During the past two weeks, there were quite a few instances when I felt how this basic skill had helped me. And each time, as I realised its importance, I couldn’t believe that the realisation wasn’t the first time.

The first was when I had to talk about a recent failure at work. It was hard. Even though I had already communicated the mistake and the learning to some people via email.

But because I had already talked about it earlier, I had normalised the failure in my mind. Talking had helped me tide over the disappointment.

So, when I recounted the mistake and the learning, I wasn’t hesitant or defensive. And because the team had seen me come out honestly, I felt they appreciated that there was willingness to learn and do better.

The second was when I was having a conversation with my brother. We were talking about a personal decision that he was making. I wasn’t very sure about it when I heard it. So, I was pushing back.

My brother was however very clear about the reason for his decision. I could have shut up and let him decide but because we trust each other, I continued to ask.

As we discussed further, he was able to explain his rationale to me. We finally agreed that it was the best choice right now, decision taken. Only made possible because we talk a lot and there is trust between the two.

The last one was when my wife and I were having a frank conversation this weekend. We both believe in talking things out. In good times and in not so good times.

As we went deeper into the discussion, I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy one. But having an understanding that we only gain by speaking our minds, we didn’t say away.

Eventually, we talked about a couple of difficult things and asked each other uncomfortable questions. It wasn’t easy but we didn’t stop talking. And that helped us get to a better place from where we started.

Why am I recounting these? Because I think it’s important for us to talk more. To hear each other. And to build our bonds through real conversations.

After all, better said than done…