Experiences

Learning from Experience

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It is such a cliched phrase. We often quote it, we often read it, we often hear it.

But do we practice it enough? Do we deliberately seek that wisdom?

As is often the case, we do know this subconsciously. We know that there’s much more our elders or just people who’ve had more experience than us can offer us.

Perhaps, as with those truisms that stay with us without being heeded enough, we ignore or overlook this powerful tool.

This past week, I had a couple of instances when I was reminded of this timeless adage.

The first, as is the wont for a dad, was a conversation with my girl about her learning. I was speaking with her about how these days kids don’t spend enough time with elders, and how it robs them of learning through from the wisdom their elders have.

As we discussed my childhood and how I learnt from my elders, I realized that I still have opportunities to do so. Somehow, in the humdrum of acting like a grown-up, I had unknowingly overlooked the fact.

It made me think about the benefits I could reap in different spheres of life by doing so. And the more I thought about it, the more it made sense to me.

The second instance was a conversation with a neighbour about an issue we have been dealing with. He is quite elder to me but is also a friend.

As we were discussing the issue, he shared some insights from his past life which aptly fit the situation. And as I listened to him, I felt I was being immersed in something I had never known.

Just during the chat, talking about his experience, I learnt so much. And I believe, as we work through the situation we have in front of us, I will surely learn much more.

What a wonderful way to learn, I recalled after our chat…

There are so many other contexts, that I don’t know about or haven’t been exposed to yet. Hopefully, I will find enough opportunities to know and interact with experienced people on those topics.

All I have to do is to remain open to learn!

Just decide.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It is a simple enough statement or request. But often times, it isn’t. Or doesn’t seem so.

It does seem like good advice. Just get on with it. But when it’s your turn, often there’s hesitation!

And whether you are deciding or waiting for the decision, the lead up to it and the final act can be excruciating.

I am talking about rather important decisions, not the routine stuff. Although, what is routine for someone could be a rather important one for another…

Keeping these complexities aside, I want to talk about this critical skill.

How do we decide and how soon is often a personal trait. It changes over time but not drastically.

As a leader, I have often been in these situations. And also observed others from near and far.

When you are called upon to decide, faced with a question that doesn’t have a straightforward answer, how do you move forward? Do you go with your gut and decide quickly, or do you follow a very structured approach?

As I was thinking about this, I was reminded of two teachings I received through my experiences.

The first was during my army days. As was the case on most days and in most situations, we were being trained to decide quickly. Under pressure, the focus was always on being on top of things.

The instructor in our first term had a simple rule – feel what your intuition and gut says, decide quickly and move on. By staying on with the decision, you won’t gain much.

The second was when I was starting my own business and deciding on how to do a lot of things that I had not done ever! And there was no one to help me decide.

A mentor then told me, there are only two ways to swim – to learn through a structured process with a coach, or to just jump and then fight it out. And I had chosen the second path, so I had to decide how I could stay afloat, while learning to swim.

These two teachings have stayed with me through these years. And they have shaped me on how to decide.

Perhaps, someone else with different life experiences, will have a different approach to deciding.

What’s important though, I have figured, is to get to the point where you can put self doubts, questions, and the shadow of future judgements aside. And then just decide…

Of commitments and promises…

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Our lives are full of these. We make many in a single week sometimes.

How many of them are for the long term or continue long enough to be considered golden?

This weekend, as my parents celebrated their 45th wedding anniversary, and we got together to spend time as a family, this question rang in my ears.

Forty five years is a long time. A lifetime for some. Kudos to them!

It isn’t easy to carry on for so long, unless there’s real commitment and promise on both sides…

Growing up, I was witness to that commitment and promise on a regular basis. Whether it was the small everyday things or the big decisions, it was visible.

Not that there weren’t arguments or disagreements. There were many. But at the end, the commitment to each other and the promise to be together saw them resolve those differences amicably.

When it felt like the commitment was being tested during tough times, their promise to stand by each other shone brighter. And when good times rolled by, the trust in each other was only strengthened.

Today, as we celebrated their anniversary, it wasn’t anything grand. A quiet family lunch, banter and anecdotes through the day, and conversations about random topics, interspersed with calls from others to wish them, rounded off our day.

But it felt so grateful that we could get together and spend time as a family, without having to worry much. To be able to take out time from our schedules and be with them in a wholesome manner!

As a child in the household, if you see such a strong example, you’re bound to be influenced. So was I. Valuing commitment and promises has held me in good stead, in my own personal life.

But as I reflected more on the topic, it came to my attention that this isn’t just true for personal but also the professional world.

We can only excel at something when there’s commitment from inside, and when we are promising ourselves that we will do our best. If any of these two don’t sync, either the process or the results fall short.

What we often forget though, is that any commitment needs to be nurtured, and promises need to be kept. It is when we do this long enough, is when we get the results we had hoped for.

Just as in relationships and personal life, so too in our work and professional spheres…

Click Click

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Aarti was exhilarated. This was her best vacation ever.

She was on a solo trip after a very long time. And was in the Himalayan mountains that she had visited as a child with her cousins.

She chose the location not because of nostalgia but because she wanted to see the place, she held so many memories of, again. After a couple of decades.

As usual, she had planned her trip well, taking care of almost everything. She always liked to travel with all the loose ends tied.

Naturally, with such planning, she made the most of the week away from home. She roamed around on her own, visited far flung temples, and met local residents.

She also did a couple of treks that she couldn’t have done earlier as a child.

All through the trip, she clicked a lot of pictures. As memories to be preserved.

But also with a thought to put them on her Instagram feed and social media channels. To showcase her solo trip to all her friends and colleagues.

Today was the second last day and she was feeling both exhilarated and contemplative. Exhilarated for having had this experience, and contemplative because she truly wanted to savour the feelings in her heart and mind.

As she thought about the last few days and recalled her trip, she felt an instant urge. To share the pictures she had taken with the world.

She took out her phone, connected to the WiFi, and opened Instagram. This was the first time in a week she had done so, which otherwise was a multiple-times-a-day activity.

She wanted to post the best pictures online. After all, everyone would want to see them…

Or did they? The thought crossed her mind.

When was the last time she was looking forward to seeing pictures of someone else’s vacation? Very rarely!

When was she genuinely awaiting news about others outside of her immediate family? Very rarely!

The more she thought about it, the more she realised that the online posting of pictures was only to make herself feel good about it. And to showcase her happiness to the world.

But to what end? And why was that important?

She didn’t have a clear answer…

She then remembered her previous trip as a child. She had some pictures from those days, scanned and stored as memories on a cloud account. She opened them and went through, fondly remembering those days she had spent with her cousins.

When she looked at those pictures now, she realised they meant something to her. They were memories that she had savoured. And continued to. They were a small part of her life.

She then scrolled through the pictures she had taken on this trip. And the same feeling came back. That these were her memories, to be preserved. But for herself, for the future.

She turned off the phone and sat down near the window.

As she looked outside the window, there was a nice view of dusk on the horizon.

She savoured it wholly and clicked a couple of pictures. For herself…

Honour.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I have often wondered how strongly do our deeds binds us to our words. Why would I do as I say? And what if I am not able to honour them?

This past week, on the work front, this aspect came into sharp focus for me personally.

Something I had promised didn’t go through. It was a setback. When I learnt of it, the first reaction was of disbelief and frustration. Why did it have to happen!

Then, as the aftermath of the situation dawned on me, I felt stifled. The next couple of hours, wading through anguish, I kept on thinking about how I had not been able to honour my words.

It was the worse I have felt in a few months. Not being able to do something about it immediately further added salt to the wound.

But as my mind calmed down and I started thinking about the entire episode, I realised that I had not honoured the basic premise on top of which I had made my promises.

I had been too confident that things will go as planned. That confidence didn’t allow me to look for alternatives even when the deadline was fast approaching.

I had depended on others promises, only to learn that they couldn’t be honoured, on the last day. And in doing so, I had not left any room to honour my words to others!

It has been a stark reminder. To not accept promises on face value. And to always have alternatives to ensure my words can be honoured.

But as they say about mistakes, “if it happens to teach you something, it’s worth it”, I am imbibing this as a lesson.

Shaken but not stirred…

Reliving a lived experience.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There are moments in life which we relish and often remember. In the hope that we could relive them again or at least feel the same way again.

And then there are experiences which shape us. They may not necessarily be in the earlier category but are important to us as an individual.

This last week, I had an opportunity to relive a lived experience, one that fundamentally shaped me.

It was a visit to the Indian Military Academy, which I graduated from more than two decades ago. Those were the most formative years in my life, joining the Academy as an eighteen year old.

Thanks to a course mate, who was able to get a tour arranged, I visited the institution along with my family. As the assigned staff member took us around, I recounted some of my experiences to my wife and our daughter.

It was poignant to walk the same corridors once again. Now as a civilian, but with the same proud feeling of being able to walk there.

It was nostalgic to visit the rooms and stand in the same place I spent countless days in. And feel a little bit of what I went through in those days.

It was reliving memories filled with bitter sweet moments as I saw other parts of the academy. The playgrounds, the practice areas, the places I used to go past every day.

It was a reminder of how much things have evolved. The staff member was kind enough to detail how many things had changed from those days to now, and we compared them with what we used to do. They ought to be, in two decades.

It was fun to recall some of my experiences and share them with my family, as we zipped past some of the best and worst memories of the days lived there.

Finally, as we completed the tour and bid farewell to the staff member, driving out on the main road, I felt a tinge of sadness within myself. For the entire tour had ended in a couple of hours and my journey of reliving the lived experiences had ended.

I was overwhelmed thinking about how much time had passed since those days. At the same time, I was thankful that I got this opportunity.

Enough for me to carry fresh impressions of my days spent in that place so many years ago…

Immersive Experiences

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Some happen by chance. But most happen by design!

This weekend, I watched a movie that I was completely immersed in.

As I emerged out of the movie hall, I was trying to figure out what made the movie tick for me. And why the long length didn’t bother me as much.

As I thought about the overall experience and my connection with the movie, I realised that I felt it was immersive because at no point did the storytelling slack.

Then, as I compared it with some of the best books I have read, it occurred to me that those also had a style of storytelling that felt as if I was transported into that world. And within that experience, it was as if I was living it.

In fact, most of such immersive experiences are designed in a manner that the storytelling draws the listener or audience in, hooking them into the narrative, making them as a part of the story.

Having started my experiments with writing over the last six years, I must admit that it is very hard to do. On my best days also, weaving the tale together to make it compelling is an extremely difficult task.

Naturally, there are very few of these experiences that immerse us completely. But the ones that do, leave us with a sense of wonder and concern. Wonder about how it all panned out and concern about the characters.

That’s why I feel that storytelling is about the characters and how their interconnections are explored and structured!

What I am sure of though, is that the immersion is an outcome of design. And the design is always in the hands of the creator…

Experience counts.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

How often do we disregard experience and consider that it is not really important? Or take it for granted in a lot of things?

This week, as I was working to get some brand-new IKEA furniture assembled, I realised the power of experience.

As it so happened, we had bought a new table that I wanted to fix. Given that a carpenter was working on some other furniture in our house, I asked him for help.

He was a thorough hand with a lot of experience under his belt. I, on the other hand, being an inexperienced fellow in that field, wanted to exactly go by the book.

So, I opened the IKEA manual and started referring to detailed notes to identify how I should assemble the table. This guy was rather eager to get it done quickly.

Initially I took his eagerness for getting the job done as fast as he could and head back home, since it was already evening. As there were a few other things to take care of, I told him that we can do it the next day and we left it as is.

The next day, I was at work. Once he came in, he just referred to the manual once and understood how to actually put the table together. When I got back, he had done some of it already.

More importantly, he knew how the pieces would fit together and could visualise the joints perfectly. Observing him at his craft, I was amazed.

Then, I realised my folly. I had underestimated someone who lives and breathes this work day and night!

That evening, as we finished assembling the table together, I could sense a satisfaction within his voice. Of having been able to do it without extensively referring to the manual. And of having taught me a lesson.

The next time, when I call someone to get odd jobs done, I ought to remember that they are experts in their field and would know better.

While it’s always good to question and discuss things, it pays to respect experience…

The meandering climb.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Aniket was panting. He was on a steep climb and was running out of breath.

He found a small rock that was protruding out, almost as if inviting him, to sit down. He took that offer.

It had been a relentless last couple of hours. Once he had reached the base of this summit, he was ecstatic. He had scaled three folds to get there.

And yet, as he looked back and then ahead, Aniket’s mind told him that he could do more. There was more power left in him to scale the next one.

Not one to ever stop for rest, he took up the challenge with aplomb. Stuffing a quick packed meal into his mouth, he gulped down some water, and took out the map to chart his course.

Aniket was ambitious. And he wanted to get to the top quickly. So, the most natural path was straight up!

He started out in zest but somewhere within the first hour itself, he could feel his legs weren’t strong enough. They needed some rest. He kept pushing though.

Then, after a while, his breathing started to give him problems. His heart rate monitor was constantly in the high zone. Eventually, when he saw the rock he was now resting on, his mind gave up and he settled down.

He was tired and soon felt asleep. After dozing for almost an hour, he woke up. As he saw around, for the first time, he noticed the beauty of the surroundings in all their might.

He had scaled many a peaks but had not seen this beauty anywhere. It was magical, paradise like. There was a light fog and the sun was peeping through the clouds, shining on some parts of the valley.

As Aniket looked around, he realised that it would be a big mistake if he just climbed up without absorbing all this nature around him. He still wanted to get to the top but his heart raced at the thought of walking through those beautiful narrow pathways he could see ahead of him.

He decided to change course. For the next couple of hours, he walked on those meandering pathways, touching the plants on the sides, enjoying spring water from the tiny streams, feeling the air around him.

It took him longer than it would have if he had climbed straight but he got to the top just before dusk. He saw the sun setting, soaking in the evening rays and their wonderful colours.

He was dead tired now but also very happy. He had listened to his heart and had gone through a new experience. Something, he would remember all his life. He slept peacefully that night.

The next morning, when he woke up, Aniket realised that what he had seen was a dream. He was in his apartment, lying next to his wife.

He lay there, staring at the ceiling and remembering the experience. And the lesson.

He could aim for the summit but that didn’t mean he had to climb straight up. There were different pathways, some of them richer than the straight climb, that he could take.

That meandering climb will take him longer but will be worth it…

That empty feeling

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I was standing in the corridor, stuck on my feet!

While my friends were walking away towards the after party, I felt stuck. The event was over.

It was the early months of 2009. Peak of global recession, in the aftermath of which, most people were still smarting about what turns life will take.

We all, having joined our MBA just post the Lehman Brothers collapse, were gingerly going through the paces.

However, as was our wont, we couldn’t just accept things to meander. We needed to take some control of the situation. Make some noise about ourselves.

In a country like Singapore, where you’re not a big brand, you need to figure out creative ways to do stuff.

So, we decided to organize our first inter-college fest. It was a tried and tested method to do something inclusive and network effectively, and we decided to give it a shot.

A small committee of students was formed, with I leading it. Our role was to figure out the entire program, engage with other colleges, and run the show. Pretty much everything.

We of course had some assistance from our professors and administrators, and from the larger group. But that group of 5-6 students did the heavy lifting.

As we got to the deep end, alongside our classes and the numerous tests, it wasn’t easy. We had to scramble on many fronts.

But so we did. We came out as a team and did ourselves proud. Everything started falling into place.

Eventually, we managed to get things done with a good turnout. Participation from other colleges, well organized events, fun banter, good food to go around.

As that day drew to a close, I felt a lump building in my throat. I had breathed at this frenetic pace and lived the moment for so long, that seeing it all come toward a close, my mind didn’t know what next to do.

So, as others walked toward the after party, I felt rooted to my place, smiling from the outside but feeling an emptiness inside.

A few of my friends noticed and asked me to join, I waved to them as if I was going to follow. But I didn’t. I couldn’t.

I just needed to be by myself. To feel that emptiness and relish the memories.

I wept in the open air. It was as if a chapter of my life had closed.

Later, the next morning, as I woke up, I realized that the heady feeling of the last few days was gone. It was replaced by a question – will I get to experience something similar again!