Month: September 2021

The secret to better experiences

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Saturday morning, I and my little one got up at almost the same time and as it was the weekend, lazed around in bed “talking”.

As we spent the next 30 minutes having a hearty conversation, the topic centred around how she should speak up rather than feeling something in her heart or mind but not blurting it out. She is a sensitive child and I wanted her to understand it is ok to speak up and let the other person know if she doesn’t like something rather than bottling her feelings inside.

We got through that conversation and did multiple other things during the weekend. But the entire 2 days, this was a theme that kept recurring in my mind…

We are by nature socially active and thrive in the company of others, whether its family, friends, or colleagues. However, there are groups where we feel and act better than in others. It might be because of multiple reasons that we have different experiences in different groups, but in my analysis most of the times, the one thing that really defines the experience for me is what is the level of communication in that group.

I didn’t realize it until I had a sub-par experience during one of the most seminal phases in my youth. It wasn’t my first bad one with a group. But I was perhaps more matured than before. And as I thought about it, I had a difficult time understanding the reasoning behind why it so happened. But as I reflected back on it in solitude, I figured that the communication between me and the others in the group wasn’t really great and it contributed majorly to the experience I had.

Ever since, I figured that if I want to make the most of what any group has to offer me, I better communicate and do it well. And that has been the most important focus area for me as I passed through different experiences in the professional and business world.

What has constantly amazed me though is that most of us don’t realize the importance of communication and the role it plays. Most of the times, we take it for granted and assume that it is going to be at a de-facto good level. What we miss out is that it takes two to tango and building the right level of confidence in each other’s communication takes time and effort. And if not handled in the right manner and early enough, we can miss the boat.

In fact, not just in our professional relationships, even in personal ones, communication is the key to thrive and succeed. If we let it slide, it can soon create a crack wide enough for the relationship to get stuck there. It can happen in the best of relationships and the only way to guard against it is to be mindful of it at all times.

Critically, according to my limited experiences and from what has worked for me, just being honest and upfront works most of the times. Something that our polluted adult minds refuse to believe at times.

Perhaps we need to unshackle our minds and speak directly through our hearts to rekindle our relationships and improve trust and understanding. Or maybe, just communicate better and frequently to remove those clouds of misunderstandings that start forming every now and then.

Or probably just keeping it simple like my daughter, who promised me after my boring lecture on Saturday morning, “Ok dad, I will not keep things to myself now onwards, I will speak out and share my thoughts as it is for the other person to understand me better. I know, I will feel better that ways”…

The Inner Struggle…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

How do we choose what we choose? Why do we behave the way we do?

How do we better control our thoughts and emotions and channel them into the positive zone? Is it something that we can do to mentally train ourselves better on? Or is it a factor of our conditioning and our circumstances and not always controllable?

These questions have been on my mind more than once.

This weekend, as we sat down for a family movie night, I didn’t expect that these will be answered. But as I got up after those 2 hours, the fog had somewhat been cleared!

It was the animated movie ‘Inside Out’, which is a beautifully crafted story of how the mind behaves in different situations and reacts to them, depicted through a week in the life of a young girl.

The one answer to my questions – what we choose and do is a constant struggle within ourselves – one that we fight day in and day out. And the feeling we have conditioned ourselves to sense the most wins over more than the others.

That’s the reason, some of us get flustered even on small things while some don’t mind even bigger problems and smile them away. Or why sometimes we may get sad but recover while someone else becomes sad and goes into depression.

It is complicated!

One thing I did realise though is that the power to swing to one or the other direction is in our minds and hearts.

The power to move from being self-focussed, apprehensive, and angrier than we used to be in today’s hyperconnected yet disjointed world, to become more accepting, welcoming, and less exacting.

Or to move from the ‘rat race mindset’ so that we allow ourselves to experience happiness in the small things in our life, rather than being dissatisfied even when we have achieved something.

Or to be proud of even the small achievements that our kids have landed up with, instead of pushing them for more and more out of our desire to excel at all costs.

I am sure, all of these are, or will be, inner struggles for most of us. But winning over them and emerging on the right side is perhaps the only thing that’s important today, as we reset our lives and relations in this new world…

The most important thing!

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

March 2001. With my course-mates in the Indian Army, we were all learning the basics of mountain climbing. As it so often happens, all of us, a bunch of rookies who were full of confidence but short on skill, were grappling with new things that were confounding us and increasing the anxiety of doing something for the first time.

While some of the drills were pretty basic, there was a lot of apprehension about falling down while rapling down the steep rocks or when climbing up using our hands. Then there was zip lining, which was a task unto itself and gave most of us goosebumps.

As we started getting into the act, the one thing that the instructor tried to drill inside our minds was that you have got to trust the rope and the equipment. We didn’t realise it in the beginning but as the practice sessions progressed, we realised the truth behind the statement.

Trust was paramount!

Unless we did that, progress was extremely difficult and slow. Some of us had our own trust issues but slowly we all gathered our wits and once that trust was established, it became fun and adventurous. We all enjoyed the entire camp thoroughly.

It’s been more than 20 years. Yet, that lesson got embedded within my being.

Trust is paramount!

In everything we do. Right from who we love, who we are friends with, who we deal with at business or work, what we eat, how we drive, to the many sundry things we go through in our daily routines.

It’s the cornerstone of our relationship with the other human beings or a group or a thing. It is what helps us move forward on anything with reasonable surety that we are heading in the right direction.

It is what we should be focused squarely on establishing. Right from the beginning. Through the relationship or process. And right till the end. Verifying and re-establishing it periodically.

And yet, it is something we usually overlook or take lightly. Sometimes, it happens deliberately. But most of the times, it is a slow erosion. We don’t realise it but suddenly after a period, all appears wasted and the common ground sinks and creates a crater.

It is hence upon us, as a party to any relationship, that we abide by the code and keep the trust high. In each and every transaction. For otherwise, we could end up down the road rueing what happened and how things turned out.

Unless of course, we want to cut it off…

Empathy

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I met a somebody. I heard him say something which wasn’t aligned with my thought process. I formed an opinion about that somebody. This is often what happens to us or with us. On a regular basis!

This week, as I encountered a similar scenario and these thoughts formed within my consciousness, I realised that we humans are programmed for this.

We constantly try and judge others. We fall prey to being inconsiderate about people with other things as well. About how they appear. Or what they wear. Or how they talk. And on and on…

It is not that we are doing this intentionally. Or with a mal-intent. It just happens.

And while most of the times, this is a fleeting feeling and doesn’t get carried forward, at times it can get retained and lead us in a different direction with respect to that person. May not be the best possible direction.

As I thought about all this, I realised that the only way to avoid this trap is by being conscious of this natural instinct and making an effort to be empathetic.

To give the other person a chance to explain herself fully without forming any opinion beforehand. To not judge her but to reserve our thoughts for later. To allow ourselves to understand her perspective before answering back.

That requires us to behave consciously in a deliberate manner. Something that can only happen with practice.

I am starting my practice now onwards. It will hopefully lead to more fruitful and engaging conversations for me and for others I interact with!