Month: January 2022

Mentors

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Defined as someone who is an experienced and trusted advisor, it is a heavy word. Not only in gravity but also in intent…

A mentor helps us understand that which we don’t, and guides us to make sense of what is happening and what can happen. Often in situations that have us in a bind or cannot fathom.

In my professional life, I consider myself lucky to have had 3 such great people, whom I have turned to for advice and guidance. Having worked with them closely and having known them for a good time, I know they always have the right intent while talking to me. But what has helped me and motivated me to seek their advice is the fact that they empathize with me but at the same time show me the reality.

Over the last few years, as I have grown professionally and aged personally, there have also been instances when colleagues / friends / cousins have turned to me for advice. And while I wouldn’t venture as far to call myself a mentor to them, it is often a case of someone reaching out believing that I will hear them out and throw some light from a different perspective. This weekend, as I was generally recalling some such conversations, I was astounded by the responsibility they had or continue to bestow on me each time they reach out to me.

It is fascinating to think about, your persona assuming enough importance or gravitas for someone to talk to you about a seemingly difficult aspect of their life. It is enthralling and actually quite easy to give advice, for even if you have not come across that situation, you can always say something that may make sense.

But it is hard. And requires deep thinking if you really want to do it genuinely. Because the other person giving you this resposibility is expecting the right intent and empathy from you. Not only that, the advice they are seeking could help them become better or worse. And knowing that, suggesting the right way, with a personal touch, isn’t easy.

As I looked back at some of my interactions with my mentors and reflected on their suggestions, I was thankful they adviced me well. A lot of those conversations helped me not only immediately but continue to ring in my ears whenever any similar situation arises. Gratitude!

Qualities that hopefully will be by my side, as I go along and get more opportunities to help others…

Who to listen to?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This week, while spending some time with our daughter, we had an interesting problem to solve. We were having a conversation and while chatting about her room’s furniture, I told her that she should listen to us as we are older to her. She had a curious look on her face and rather innocently asked me, “Shouldn’t I also get to decide sometimes?”.

We chose to finally go with a mixed approach, combining both what we thought was good and what she wanted. But this made me think about the journey we have as an individual in terms of listening to others and taking decisions for ourselves.

We all go through different stages in life as an individual – a child, teenager, young adult, a spouse or partner to someone, a parent (well, for most of us), and then as our old self. Each of these stages teaches us something new but also forces us to think about who should we really listen to and how we should decide.

Like when we are a child. During that period when we are growing up, we are supposed to listen to what our parents say and ask us to do. Most of the times, we don’t decide for ourselves. But as we start approaching teenage, there are often situations when we are told something by our parents or well wishers, which seems contrary to what we want to hear. And while a lot of times we may do as told, it feels like “why am I doing this, when I would rather do this in some other way”. In these situations, we try and find some way of getting what we want. Some of us even rebel and decide that we must choose whatever we want to do with our life, without the interference of anyone. While some of it may be childish, it definitely helps us set ourselves up for the next phase in our life by slowly forcing us to think about what we want.

For as we grow into an adult, we are expected to decide on things on our own. Most of us, in this phase become more independent and choose and decide the way we want to live. This new found independence is a breath of fresh air and we make the most of it. We get into relationship(s), start earning, and travel to places we want to go to, giving us a new perspective about life. We mostly listen to ourselves in this phase, overruling others and following our heart, learning our way through life.

Then, as most of us get into parenthood, life takes a full circle. As our children grow and we guide them but also let them discover for themselves, we learn to adapt. There emerges some understanding within us that at times, it is better to listen to what our parents, elders or well wishers have to say. We start understanding the need for a guide and well wisher. At the same time, we also realize the need for the child to develop her own thought process and build herself. And this gives us a new perspective about how to balance who we should listen to. While we are still our own person, we learn to listen at times and understand the other lens.

Finally, when our children grow older and enter teenage / adulthood, we start working with them as partners and slowly start relying more on their decisions. This new phase teaches us new things about how to decide for ourselves but also factor in the choices of others in our plans. And how to take everyone along in a positive direction without fussing about the details. This is when we let go of our independence at times to let others decide for ourselves, knowing that they have our good in their heart or mind when they are making that decision.

This shift in perspective from being a child to a parent and then to an elder is just amazing. It rounds up our journey of development as an individual, shifting us from the dependent to independent stage at first, and then helping us switch gears between the independent and semi-dependent orbits, as the situation demands. It not only changes us an individual but also our approach to life.

This is why we call it maturity. Because, it takes time to mature. After all, character doesn’t get built in one day!

Superpowers.

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There are times in life when something unexpected happens, which may not be good but still turns out well…

Earlier this week, as I got detected with the famous virus that is fast becoming a long friend with humans, I experienced one such moment in life. Unexpected, uncalled for, unhinging.

And yet in some ways, reassuring.

I know there is a dichotomy here! Let me explain…

As I tested positive with only mild symptoms and then progressed well on the way to recovery, it was a few days of “taking it easy”. In these last few days, isolated in a room with nothing else to do except reading, watching, listening, and thinking, I got ample opportunity to reflect on some of these life’s vagaries.

What definitely helped was that no one else tested positive at home, and my symptoms were mild enough to not worry. Perhaps someone else with the virus but with difficulties or higher severity may not empathize with what I am saying here. Not disrespecting them. I have all the sympathy for those who have had a tough time. But then, all of us have our own experiences and perspectives and I am recounting mine.

So coming back, as I was speaking to a friend about how I was doing, we conversed about how this can be a blessing in disguise. He mentioned that I was now endowed with a superpower against the virus and I could now be less worried about contracting it for at least some time. While I listened to his statement and laughed it off, I realized that is was true scientifically. And that’s the reassuring bit.

But as I thought deeper about it, I realized that life offers us opportunities to gain these superpowers. Specially so, immediately after something unexpected has happened.

Like after we are down in the dumps and have had a massive fall, we become aware that the only way from there is up. We let go of our fear of failing anymore and set our sight on succeeding again. Superpower to control our own destiny and of those who are associated with us.

Or after we have had a health scare and decide to be fitter and take our health in our own hands. We let go of our unhealthy lifestyle, change our habits, and discipline ourselves on an everyday basis. Superpower to improve our life at all costs and live longer.

Or after we come out of a self-imposed bout of anger and jealousy post a big fight and decide to mend ourselves to not go into the same direction again with the same person or with others. We slowly learn to control our mind and behavior and not get flustered in such situations again. Superpower to help ourselves and others in all situations.

Or after we let go of lethargy and inertia and pick up the pen/brush/lens or whatever tool we may have in our arsenal, to devote time to things we love to do. We enjoy those few moments spent in creating something or working on the hobby we find pleasurable. Superpower to be happy at all times and live well.

These are all superpowers because we want them in our life at all times, with all their might. If given a choice, we wouldn’t part with even one of them, ever.

The interesting thing is, all of us have had these superpowers at least once in our life. But somehow, implored with life, we chose to give them away. Unknowingly. Unwittingly. Unintentionally.

Hopefully, the next time we gain any of these superpowers, we recognize the opportunity and don’t let them go off into the ether…

How far would you go?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

On everything? Really. Have we thought about it?

On life. Should I want to live life king size at all costs and be ready to do whatever may be required for it? Or should I be ready to draw a line somewhere and stay within that for my own heart’s sake?

On work. Should I compete with all others and do everything that’s required to reach the summit? Or should I balance things with a perspective of reaching where I intend to reach, without considering myself in a race?

On relationships. Should I do everything to take care of my relationships and maintain them, come what may? Or should I accept the strain or tension that some of them may imply, either vitiating myself or severing those ties, if it ever comes to that?

On health. Should I adopt habits that help me take care of myself for years to come and be conscious of my lifestyle choices even at the expense of my happiness? Or should I not worry too much about it and enjoy things that I like and live as I want to, postponing the worries to sometime in the future.

On wealth. Should I focus on earning more and saving more to ensure I can live comfortably later on? Or should I spend on things I want right now and assume the future will sort itself out and we will cross the bridge when we get there.

On ethics. Should I always have a upright stance on everything and morally do the right thing, even if it lands me in trouble or pulls me back? Or should I be ok to tweak things a bit to benefit myself in the spirit of being always successful?

On feelings. Should I be straight forward with them and let them be visible to others, even in difficult times? Or should I hide my true self from the world and put on a game face if required?

These are all difficult questions. Perhaps with no right answer.

This week, as I went through life in the wake of the new year, some of these thoughts occurred to me. Not in terms of making decisions about these points myself but generally, as something that I haven’t thought about explicitly.

Yet as I reflected more, I realized that most of us make one or the other choice on these spectrums in different points in our life. Some of these choices are made explicitly and some implicitly.

What matters is the understanding of the mechanism we use to make these choices – the inner workings of our head and our heart, combined with our circumstances and the atmosphere around us. Along with complete ownership of our decision and consciousness about our choices.

For that helps us be truthful about whether the choice we made was right or wrong, depending on the results and the path it led us to. And more importantly, allows us the freedom within to not be trapped eternally within those choices but to make corrections if needed or choose the next fork in our life’s journey…

Time

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As we enter 2022, it’s that time of the year when we feel the most hopeful, the beginning…

With the new year’s greetings posted and pictures of the recent vacaction or family time shared, everyone looks forward to what the new year holds in store for them. We make plans for the coming months and adopt resolutions that we hope to stick to forever.

And yet, time is an ironical friend!

It takes away at times, it gives more at times. It helps us experience highs and lows of life, sometimes all within a short span. And it certainly seems like the easiest thing to manage but is the most difficult to handle.

As we were winding up 2021, this apparent truth hit home for me.

We had planned for some travel in the new year to spend more time with our parents but with the oncoming rapid surge of the third wave in India, we decided to cut short our visit and return to base immediately, lest we get caught in the middle.

As the decision was taken within a span of 2 days, the earlier thought out plans all came to nought. Naturally, it wasn’t a great feeling for us to cut short a well planned out visit and neither was it for our parents. While they supported our decision to return, we could understand they ruing the missed opportunity of staying together longer.

While we proceeded with our new plan and are now back home, it reminded me of how often we take time for granted and instead of making the most of what we have on hand, plan ahead for the days and months to come. Sometimes too far in the future.

How we curtail things that we ought to do with our loved ones because we want to prioritise our time on seemingly more important things. Or how we take our relationships for granted and instead of investing time on them, try to put them into autopilot. Or worse still, cut ourselves off from others on the pretext of being busy with work and then drift apart from those folks.

So, as I entered the new year and was on my way back, while putting together in my head a broad plan for the year, I also resolved that I will spend more time with those who matter to me. In person, on the phone or on video calls, and through messages. Not only on weekends but also during the week, taking out time as I may be able to. Perhaps only for small things but nevertheless.

I know it will be difficult. But will strive to as much as possible. And hopefully, as the year goes by, will have a better feeling about how I utilized my time!