Month: November 2022

Ties

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We come across different ties in our life.

Ones which are worn around the neck, also called the neck tie. When I was a young kid and started going to school, that is what a tie meant to me. It was a discipline to be followed every day.

Or the tie that we come across sometimes in a game. As I started growing up and played or watched sports, whenever two individuals or teams ended up at the same score, I used to marvel at the coincidence.

Or the tie that we have with our loved ones. What keeps us together as a family, with our friends, attached to those who care for us. The one which was invisible to me till I became an adult and understood life.

The tie that we wear equates to prestige. It provides for self-esteem, pride related to wearing a group colour, is considered to be an important accessory. But it’s very relative, may lead to happiness for some while could be a restriction for another.

The tie that we witness equates to excitement. It provides for fun, anxious moments, and a sense of longing for the victory that could have been ours. But it’s mostly fleeting, gets forgotten after a few days or weeks.

But the ties which we form, nurture and sustain are special and equate to belongingness. Their importance becomes more clearer as we grow old. And it always remains, like a constant source of energy powering us.

We humans, however very easily get confused and mix up the pecking order of these ties. Prestige takes precedence over excitement over belongingness. When that happens, it messes up our lives big time!

This week, I was engaged in a family function, held to launch a book that my grandfather had written 43 years ago. As we prepared and then executed on the entire program successfully, I ended up realising this very fact.

The tie associated with prestige (the accessory) was only an accompaniment and a reminder of self pride and inner happiness and importance for us. Thankfully, most people in our family treated it only as such.

The tie associated with excitement was a reminder of how somethings are meant to be. As we recounted the journey of the book, we discussed amongst us how the tiebreak situation of the last few chapters being completed after my grandfather’s death was a tricky and a long winding road, but totally worth the effort.

But the ties among people took center stage and have left us enriched forever. As the entire family came together to celebrate this important milestone and support each other, the ties that we have formed between us were visible in full flow and further got reinforced.

Thankfully, we as a family kept our heads on our shoulders and didn’t mess with the pecking order of the ties. Even one of them being off-balance could have led to a very different outcome!

Faith

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Children have special questions. Some which we can answer, some which we aren’t able to.

This past week, my daughter had a lot more free time than usual, and one day caught hold of me to ask a few of those difficult questions.

She began her questioning on the lines of how did the universe come into being. That diversified into how did humans evolve, ending with one on God and why we follow whom we follow.

Now, some of these were easily answerable for me from a scientific perspective. But as we got onto the theological plane, I had to think harder until I couldn’t any more!

We somehow got distracted and that conversation didn’t reach its logical conclusion…

We were at my in-laws place, Deoghar, in northern India. It’s known for being one of the twelve Jyotirlingas, special temples of lord Shiva. There are also a few other important historical sites nearby. So, two agenda items for the weekend were a visit to a nearby tourist spot and of course to the temple. Unknowingly, those trips proved insightful!

The spot we visited, Mandar hill, has a special role in the Hindu mythology. It’s believed by the locals that this mountain was used for the “Samudra Manthan”, or the churning of the oceans, that took place between Devas (Gods) and Asuras (Devils).

On the way back, I read out the story from Wikipedia to her, describing how the entire mythological tale panned out. As I read it (and would recommend for a lot of us who only know the term and not the story), I realised that it was heavily loaded in favour of the winning side. Seemed just like most other world history.

Then, in spite of I being weary of going to temples with large crowds, this time, I decided to take the risky bet. With some encouragement, I visited the Baidyanath temple, the Jyotirlinga.

It’s always been overcrowded and very congested and hence not to my liking. But since I had not been there for the last 10 years, I thought it will be good to seek some blessings. As it turned out, it was also a great exercise in observation.

From the time I set foot in the temple premises, I could feel two distinct vibes. One of the devotees who would do anything to get close to the lord they believe in. And the other of the priests who wanted to take advantage of that faith in whichever form and fashion. Don’t want to comment on the social fabric here, so I will cut out that bit.

Nevertheless, it was an eventful morning for me. As I walked out after offering our prayers, I realised that we have always been intricately intertwined with the beliefs and faith we follow.

The stories we are told and believe in, more than anything else, must have been spawned by the need to increase faith amongst people. That was perhaps the force that kept those medieval people together.

In modern times, it is the places of worship and the religious traditions we follow that probably help us stay together and chart a common course through our lifetimes.

Immense pride, love, respect, and the social compass keep us rooted into these traditions. And the belief and faith that these traditions invoke, help us stay together as a society and a community through generations. After all, what is religion if not a mechanism to align people to a common, shared perspective!

Ah, there is the answer to my daughter’s question…

Communities

~ Rishi ~ 2 Comments

It was April 2017. Me and my wife were out in the summer searching for a new place to stay.

We had been in Bangalore for a long time by then, having lived mostly in the Koramangala area. But with the rapid commercialisation of the place, we took a call to move. With our daughter just a year old, the space we had was restrictive and not entirely safe for her to play.

As we searched for something that could be our home for the next few years, we came across Raindrops. For the uninitiated, this is the name of an apartment in Bangalore near to where most startups and software companies operate from.

We fell in love at first sight! The initial unwillingness of even venturing this far from Koramangala turned into immediate acceptance as we entered the apartments. And without a doubt, we signed up for renting a place.

Our love for the place blossomed as we stayed along. Not just because it was where we spent most of our time (thanks to Covid) but more importantly because of the community.

For who we are if not a social animal, living with others and forming communities. Communities that are a reflection of who we are and what we think or do.

Most communities are formed around an ideology or common interests. A few centred around people or based on where we stay. But only a few of those communities engage and bind us. The Raindrops community was one such experience for us.

As we got to know our fellow residents and made acquaintance with them, we realised that the community we were a part of was special. Helpful, cultured, compassionate, and above all responsible. Celebrating each other’s successes, helping others in their times of difficulties, working together as a team when needed.

Whether it was contributing to common causes, celebrating festivals, playing as a team in multiple sports, or helping each other during tough times, I always saw the community stepping up, with a surreal suspicion of how is it even possible. It was only a few heated exchanges thrown into the mix that made us human in this peaceful Co-existence…

This was where our daughter made her first few friends and where we went through life’s ups and downs. Over five and a half years.

This week, as we said our goodbyes to some of the fellow residents, the realisation of leaving this community finally sunk in. Of leaving behind a place and a bunch of people who we got to know well and with whom we shared a lot of amazing memories and life stories.

While our daughter is still sad from leaving behind her friends and the fact that she won’t be able to play with them anymore, and we soak in the changes in the new environment that beckons us, we hope to find a place that’s equally engaging and binding. A tall order indeed!

Moving Places

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We started off as nomads. Adventurous people, living for the moment.

Then, somewhere along the way, we settled down. And became comfortable. With the knowns.

Somewhere, within the economic rhythm of different times, we got the notion that if we settle down and keep working our way through, we will eventually get where we want to.

But what we missed noting is that as our comfort converted into inertia, we got too naive. About other places. About other people. About other cultures. And most importantly about how that newness enriches us.

True, the world has become more globalised. We are travelling far more. People are moving places more than they ever did before.

But are we using that as an opportunity to create that wealth of experience for ourselves? Are we among those people who are ready to have some adventure in life, unsettle a little, experience the wild (not literally always)!

This week, as I started to figure out how to wind up things before a planned relocation, I came across this realization.

Most of us, including myself, in seeking steadiness, have become staid in our lives. We eschew the unknowns, confine to the tried and tested, and smirk at discomfort of any kind.

Even if we face some displacement, there are lot of anxieties that crop up within us. We tend to overanalyse impending changes a lot and weigh too much on pros and cons, to the detriment of our own sanity at times.

It doesn’t need to be so though.

If we just look at life as that adventure that’s waiting to give us a ride, and take ourselves slightly lightly, we will realise that any change is for the good. It always helps uncover things that we didn’t know about ourselves.

And while transitioning through that period of change is cumbersome and not necessary, the process itself yields benefits beyond what we can perceive at the beginning.

Easier said than done, however. Speaking about it from self experience…

Perhaps, the only way out is to believe and roll with it!