Month: May 2023

Weighty Issues

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Most of us don’t recognize that our weight is important. Well, literally our body weight, not the other kinds that we tend to display in different environments!

And yet, when we aren’t doing well and our weight drops significantly or increases rapidly (more common use-case!), we feel awful. Most of us, I mean.

Not because it is a sign of we losing grip on our own life. That anyways is lost with all the mayhem around us on an everyday basis.

But because we start noticing how smaller things start becoming annoying. Like clothes that used to fit, don’t fit in well suddenly. Or we cannot walk or run for the same distances or at the same pace. Or we develop other side effects, be it in the form of some disease or temporary condition.

These are those weighty issues in life that tend to be ignored or not given due importance, until it isn’t possible to do so anymore.

And yet, we don’t really recognize when these weighty issues start. We believe these issues will never impact us as much as they impact others. Because, we believe we are in control of our weight always.

I discovered recently that it is not always the case. We lose control, at times totally randomly. I definitely lost.

I have always vouched for maintaining a healthy regime. Exercising regularly, although different kinds of activities as per my mood. Eating with adequate restraint, ensuring I don’t over indulge myself. And taking care of my health on a general basis by keeping a track record of how I am doing.

Then suddenly, we shifted countries six months back. The routine I had in India went for a toss and I had to adapt myself to a new routine.

Where I had the morning to myself, reserved for exercising, I now had to give way to calls with colleagues in other geographies. Where I was used to eating a balanced diet, I unknowingly gave way to eating more food, and a good amount of it with high calories. And where I was used to a temperate climate, I suddenly had the Bay Area winds and chill to contend with.

It wasn’t that I stopped exercising or eating right. I tried to do as much as I could. But I underestimated the impact of the shift. It played with my weight.

It also wasn’t that I hadn’t noticed these changes or ignored them. I knew the impact and half-heartedly tried to take matters in my hands. But it was already late. The couple of months of abuse had already taken a toll on my weight, which sprang up by almost 10%.

As I started noticing the weighty issues, I realized I had lost the game in the middle overs. My clothes suddenly became tighter, my running and walking pace dropped, and my vitals weren’t up to the mark in the latest medical report.

It struck me suddenly when I was talking to a few colleagues. I realized, I had myself to blame to let this pass by and had to act now. I made a resolve to myself to get cracking at the problem immediately.

It has been two weeks since I re-started my healthy regime. Daily exercise, healthy eating with limited portions, and tracking everything rigorously. And some early results are encouraging, with my body weight already dropping by about 20% from its peak.

Let’s see how things go in the next few weeks, with more travel on the cards and a visit home. Hopefully, I will continue to stick to my healthier regime and get back to my normal weight…

The spirit

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

A cold but sunny January morning greeted the girl as she peeped out of the window of the hospital.

She had been at the hospital for a couple of months now. What had seemed like a minor accident had ended up damaging both her eyes badly. The doctors had painstakingly operated her and the nursing staff had looked after her with a lot of care.

It was a day of reckoning for her. She had needed rehabilitation so that she could re-learn things and get back into the world but with a heavily blurred eyesight.Today was the day when she was going to start demonstrating her learning to her tutor.

She felt a shiver down her spine at the thought of being without her good sight in the big mad world. It was as if something natural was no longer a part of her, as if she had been robbed of her identity.

And yet, she had resolved in her mind that even though she had gone through this misfortune, she wouldn’t let this stop her life. She would re-learn and find a new place for herself.

She went through her morning motions and got ready right on time for the demonstration. Her tutor was there and she took her out of the ward and into the nearby park.

For the first time, the girl was out in the open after her accident. She had so much wanted to see what was outside the hospital. The only thing she could do now though was to experience the sounds and smell of nature. The park in front of her was a blur.

The teacher made her sit down at a bench and then gave her instructions. She was supposed to get up, cross the street, and climb the stairs to reach the hospital reception. Post that she was supposed to get to the canteen for a cup of coffee.

She got up, confident about one thing – that she will give it her best shot.

As she was about to take her first steps, a voice inside her head called out to her, stopping her from doing that. She brushed it aside and started walking.

While she was crossing the road, her mind told her to stop and turn back and just be in the park. She somehow managed to overcome that feeling and with her walking stick, guided herself across.

Then, as she was climbing up the stairs, she slipped and fell down. For a moment the world stopped. She was aware, people around her were watching her. She couldn’t see them clearly but she could feel their gaze on her. Someone would surely step forward to help her.

But she had come alone thus far. And nothing could stop her now. She scolded the voice inside the head and got up, dusted herself and strode forward, not waiting for any help.

Once atop the stairs, she moved to the reception using the signs indicated on the walls by touching and feeling her way. This was all new to her. Her former self would have thought nothing of this effort. Her new self appreciated the hardships those without sight had to go through on an everyday basis.

After a few more minutes of this new labour, she reached the canteen, ordered her coffee, and had sat down at a table. As the waiter got her coffee and she started sipping the cuppa, she smiled to herself. The coffee had never tasted so good.

She had taken a small step toward reintegrating with the world around her. It was however a giant one. She had proven to herself that she could do whatever she set her mind to.

And that was enough to go on…

Parents

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

The most demanding and most satisfying job in the world. That’s how I would describe parenting!

This week, as I went through the motions, this theme recurred time and again. And it made me appreciate what we do and the importance of it all over again.

The first instance was a random discussion with a couple of colleagues. We recalled ourselves growing up. Our parents were strict, frugal, and demanding. But on the other hand, they cared, loved, and nurtured us continuously. We didn’t realize it then, but they shaped us into someone who could go on and find their place in the world.

At that time, it did seem to most of us that we were at the receiving end of our parents. Too many restrictions, too many rules, heavy focus on being upright. A bit of a stretch to say, but we felt as if we were being constrained in many ways. And yet, that taught us the value of many a things. Values which we need to pass on to our kids. Yet,

How do we exercise controls and help build values, knowing fully well that we’re constraining our kids for their own good?

The second instance was an observation with our daughter. She spent a lot of time preparing a card, a booklet, and a gift bag for wifey on mothers day. She had written some wonderful things there and showcased some of her drawing and art skills. But as I read through the booklet, I saw how we have been helping her growth and yet falling short.

Now, I definitely feel that we have become much more pally with our children and have given them more freedom to do things. And that’s helping them make their own choices. But at the same time, I also think we have been shielding her from the world by being too careful.

I remember our parents weren’t so bothered about where we were all the time. Yes, times have changed and it’s become more riskier for kids to be out and about on their own. But I feel we have gone too much to the other side now, which is hurting her growth. And we need to do something about it! So,

How do we provide for various experiences for our kids in a dynamic world and yet ensure a good, wholesome upbringing?

The third instance was a post by a friend, where he wished his mother but also thanked his father. Both of them had played an equal part in his success. As I read through, I realized that it was always this balance that helped shape me. It may not have been possible otherwise.

Not that single parents cannot function at the same level. But even on our best days, it is hard to play a single role. Playing a double role through your life is incredibly difficult and something I wouldn’t wish for anyone.

Coming back, this is something that we don’t appreciate enough. How to play the yin to the yang, the apprentice to the master, the carrot to the stick. For, that balance is what creates different experiences and approaches for the child to learn from and grow. Therefore,

How do we ensure that we can complement our better halves and provide a balance that’s needed to nurture our children?

If you look at the three questions I pose above (in bold), these are all difficult ones. There are many more such demanding questions that we face as parents on an everyday basis.

And yet, we continue to do our best and the most we can in all circumstances. Doing what we think is right for our kids. And taking pride in helping them grow, feeling satisfied in the progress they and we are making…

Regrets and Gratitude

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I often come across people who ask me questions around regrets.

Do I regret that I couldn’t continue in the Army and had to come out because of a medical injury?

Do I regret that my business luck didn’t work and I had to move back to a job?

Do I regret that those moments happened in my life? Yes, absolutely there’s regret. I will be feigning if I said I don’t regret. If I could have done something differently or been in another place another time.

But that regret has reduced. Specially as years have progressed!

Because, while those failures or mishaps did leave me in a lurch, they also taught me a lot. That realisation has only grown stronger with each passing year.

Yesterday, while taking a walk in the neighbourhood, I was thinking about what I missed in those years when I was trying to run my own business and it didn’t work out. What did I lose?

Of course, I lost monetarily. I could have earned some more money. I lost some hair on my head. Which is not a non-guaranteed outcome elsewhere. I lost some years in the corporate race. As if it really matters.

As I thought about these things, I realised that I have been more than compensated for these losses in the years since (if you don’t consider hair fall to be one really!).

I learnt so many things that I wouldn’t have in a job. I got to do so many new things I hadn’t done ever. And more than anything else, those days opened my vistas and my outlook towards life.

Moreover, I realised life has in some way helped me recoup the self-perceived losses. I am not worse off in any sense because of that lost time.

This made me think – we live our life with regrets. About not having done something or achieved something. What if we flipped it and instead be grateful for what we are experiencing and learning. And how it helps us in the larger scheme of things.

After all, what are a few years when compared to decades of life that most of us experience!

Life’s Direction

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Struck by an unfortunate event in the extended family, I spent much of my time this weekend ruminating on life and what I want out of it.

As I delved into my past and my learnings from my mistakes, as well as my aspirations for the future, I realized that a lot of times we get our priorities wrong. Not that it is intentional or ill natured.

Think for one instance about what most of us want to do in terms of work. We want to have a good work life, feeling happy and satisfied about what we are doing in terms of work or our contribution. But then many among us remain disillusioned or unsatisfied from their work but continue to do the exact same thing for long years. Not because we couldn’t get an opportunity to try out things that may give us higher satisfaction but because trying something new is riskier than what we do in their day jobs.

Or take for instance how we value family much above other things in general. Most of us live to provide for it. But often we get so embroiled in work and other things that life has to offer, that we forget our families or do not take out enough time for them.

Relationships is another classic one. We love to be in one and it’s often a great start. Slowly however, we start taking it for granted and neglect each other unknowingly. Result: we feel the pain in different ways and remain unhappy.

Consider health. We swear by it and make every possible resolution. But then we go on without exercising for days altogether. We neglect healthy food and binge whatever we crave for. Ending up with some lifestyle disease that we could have avoided. And then spend our life trying to control our urges.

How do we go about making decisions that affect our life and then remain noncommittal to them? Why does it happen to us?

I think we do it not out of compulsion but sub-consciously choose paths or do things that don’t match with what we want out of life. And that’s how these divergences occur. By the time we realize it and can take action, it’s often late or we are bound in a corner.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the key to being happy then is to be conscious of our decisions and re-evaluate what we are doing to keep our end of the bargain. If the goal is important to us, we should be able to plan around it. At any point in time.

If we keep on assessing whether we really still want to head in the direction we wanted to move in, it will help keep our head straight. For if the answer is no at any point of time, it’s better to change things then, rather than holding onto a false pretense.

The theory of sunk costs doesn’t always work and can sometimes be a fallacy…