Month: October 2023

“Respect”

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It’s a very loaded word. Often misused as well. But it is also a very important one!

We use respect in the context of personal and professional relationships. We use it in the context of someone’s deeds. We use it in the context of how we feel about others. And sometimes, we also seek it through command, or in other words by demanding it.

In all of these contexts, what is important to note is that respect is not free. But it doesn’t ask for any fees also. On the contrary, it is something that is very intrinsic to us – both in terms of how we give it and how we receive it.

For our loved ones or personal relationships, we tend to mutually respect each other. Well, most of us. Either because the other person is elder or knowledgeable or is close enough to us.

We do it not for the sake of ourselves but for the sake of the relationship. To ensure it is healthy. To keep it going. For, how will two people who aren’t respectful toward each other enjoy each other’s company…

But there are instances when we turn disrespectful – because of something that we don’t agree with or because we are mistaken. In any case, if the personal relationship is important to us, we realize the fault and resolve the issue between the two people!

In professional relationships, we respect others if they are senior or are more accomplished or have achieved something significant. Again, in most cases.

But there is a higher frequency of turning disrespectful about others in our professional environments. I have seen umpteen seniors disrespecting juniors, team members making fun of someone they have singled out, juniors talking behind the back of someone they dislike.

This happens because there isn’t a personal bond…

What does happen in each of these instances is that it throws people off. Either because they were undeservedly disrespected, or because the manner in which they were called out.

Often, this breeds resentment. And that isn’t healthy. For it alienates people.

As is true for most things, looking at things from the other’s perspective can help us see things clearly. But then, that’s not a commonly used sense that most of us have inherently developed within!

The things I will miss…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There’s a saying I’ve heard many a people say, “Enjoy your time with your children until they grow up”. One of my colleagues even relayed a scientific study that quoted how we spend almost two thirds of our entire time with our kids during their first ten years.

This weekend, during a casual conversation at the salon while getting a haircut, the owner was relaying to me how her daughters have grown up now and they hardly have time for her. She was talking about it in a humorous manner but I could also sense a tinge of sadness behind her voice at times.

As I stepped out and walked my way back home, I was reflecting on what I will miss with my daughter as the years pass by. She is eight currently, so I have technically spent more than half of my entire lifetime’s worth of time with her already!

I will surely miss her innocence. How she can ask the most simplest of questions without any prejudgements or implying anything. How she means only what she says and nothing else. And how she accepts any apologies with an open heart.

I will miss her laughter and the unbridled fun she has right now. How she goads us to tickle her, just because she likes it. Or how she finds joy in the smallest of things around her and reminds us of the beauty around us.

I will miss her curiosity and ability to grasp things. How she asks all kinds of questions because she genuinely wants to know. How she believes in things someone has told her and we have to then make efforts to prove it otherwise, in case she has learnt something wrong. How she is able to make sense of things so rapidly, while sometimes we are at sea.

I will miss her banter with us and the endless conversations she initiates. How she can strike up a chat on random things and go on about them for a long time. How she tells us everything, whether good or bad, because that’s how she feels like.

I will miss a lot more. I maybe don’t know yet. But what I do know is that as she grows up further, some of these things will go away from her behavior or change over time. She will surely have lesser time for us then.

Hopefully, I will be able to make the most of the times we have with her now and conserve all these memories while we still have the time to make them…

Storytelling

~ Rishi ~ 2 Comments

The movie ended on a note that made me watch it again! Unusual, though not the first time for me…

Memento was probably the second or third movie, which I wanted to rewatch immediately. I watched it the second time with my wife, relishing the details and making sense of the amazing style of storytelling that the director has used in this movie.

As I thought about the narrative style and the effects the director, Christopher Nolan, had employed to make his story compelling, the writer in me naturally marveled at the way a linear story had been twisted to make it complex.

How sometimes a change of perspective gives a different spin to the narrative! Something which is seemingly confusing becomes clearer suddenly.

How we as an audience invest into absorbing a story when we find it compelling and stay with it till the very end because it continues to make sense.

This thought remained with me all day yesterday. And then, as I was reflecting, I realized how powerful storytelling can be…

It is something we all practice in our daily lives multiple times. The stories we tell in our workplace, the stories we tell at home, the stories we tell ourselves!

Sometimes we chose to tell straight forward stories. We like to state facts and touch upon them as they happened.

Sometimes we chose to narrate with added emotions, inferences, or opinions. We like to give the story our own spin, for what is a straight forward tell!

Sometimes we chose to approach the storytelling from a different perspective and try to induce empathy / sympathy in the audience. In the hope that we would be able to effect an outcome that we want.

We use one or the other approach depending on the situation. For the simple purpose that we want to pass on the message to the other person in the most effective way.

As long as it is done with the right intention. Intention which is generally accepted as right, not as per us. For our understanding could be colored or biased.

And as long it is genuine. For what is the fun in telling a story that’s not genuine, unless we want to continue building a web of stories to hide the lies in the first one…

Circle of life

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Hello! It’s me. You may not recognize me but I am your child. It’s just that I am still an embryo…

I was conceived a few days back and am eagerly awaiting my journey through the next few months to come into this world as a fully formed human. In this time, I am sure I will develop myself into a baby and when I come out I will be the apple of your eyes.

I know, you will already be wishing for me! I am surely excited about the prospect of meeting you, my parents.

*****

I got worried the other day, when I heard someone close enough to you whispering slowly, “Are you wishing for a girl or a boy”? I didn’t get the reference. Is it that me being a boy or a girl will in any way lessen my importance in your life?

What does a boy or a girl even mean? Is it supposed to denote someone who is or isn’t wanted? Or accepted? Or constrained?

Oh, I heard someone call you also a girl, Mom! So does it mean you are also a girl? We could both have so much fun! Not to keep dad away, I believe he loves you so much. And if he loves you, he will love me also I am sure. So, we will be a happy family.

*****

I finally came out into the world today. Yooohooo!!!

I cannot see much, it’s all hazy. But I could feel the tears rolling down your eyes onto my face and the kisses dad showered on me when he took me in his arms for the first time. And I heard some words of praise. I am one lucky girl.

Thankfully, all my fears were just figments of my imagination. I am your girl…

*****

It’s been a few days that I started going to school. My day at school is always amazing. I meet so many friends!

I remember on my first day, I was so sad when you and dad dropped me in the morning. However, once you left, I got curious to see so many other kids, just like me there. We all played and enjoyed together. And now, going to school is my favorite thing to do.

*****

Ma, it’s been one hell of a ride, this last year at school. We were all so sad letting each other go onto different paths we have chosen in our lives. I am particularly sad about the two best friends I have had for all my life. We have vowed to stay in touch forever.

At the same time, I am so excited to go to college and have new experiences. I know, you will be sad seeing me go but don’t worry. I am going to keep coming back every few months. And I am sure dad and you will visit me more often than not. After all, none of you can have enough of me even after 18 years 🙂

*****

Dad, it’s my pleasure to invite you and mom to my graduation ceremony. I am passing top of my class and have also got a job offer, to join work a couple of weeks post college.

Can we please plan a holiday right after it too? I want to spend time with you both before I join work.

Your loving daughter…

Mom, Dad: I am so thankful to you for raising me the way you did. I know you both feel proud of me and I promise to prove you right in every way I can

*****

Dad, I am so happy that I am getting married today. And glad you both agreed with my choice!

I am sure I have the best parents in the world. I know, I haven’t spent a lot of time with you both over the past couple of years. I can blame it all on work and being with my Prince Charming.

But no, it isn’t just that. I should have taken out more time over the last few years but I didn’t. Hoping I learn from this mistake and spend more time with you both in years to come…

*****

It’s been ten years since my marriage. My parents have aged beautifully. And I have been able to live up to my promise of spending time with them.

Today, when I told them that I am going to be a mother soon, they had the same tears of joy that I had experienced when I was a baby. I am sure, I will experience the same emotion when my baby comes out.

And I will provide for her the best possible of everything. For, she will be the apple of my eyes. And we will be a happy family…

Critical Elements

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It was an outdoor training exercise, whilst I was at the Indian Military Academy.

The exercise was to educate us on various firearms and how and when to use them in different situations. We were in small groups undergoing specialized trainings for different weapons. Rocket launchers, grenade launchers, different types of automated firearms, etc.

This was the last leg of our training as officers and we were all quite adept at understanding and recognizing the various aspects of handling these weapons. However, we hadn’t fired most of them yet with live ammunition and therefore the speciality of the training. Therefore, as we went through the motions, the officers and instructors in-charge of the exercise regularly cautioned us on the tiniest of details.

It’s been long. The details are hazy in my memory. But I recall the lesson very clearly.

I remember when it was my turn to fire the rocket launcher. We were in groups of two, with one person to load the rocket and another to launch it from the base of his shoulders. As we took our positions, the instructions were – clear the field in a 45 degree angle on both sides up to 30 feet (or so I remember), ensure your legs are sturdy on the ground and the launcher is squarely on your shoulder with tight hands, take aim at the target and launch, then wait for 5 seconds or so before offloading the launcher.

As me and my buddy went through the motions, we were told to be careful of each step. I remember I fired the launcher with a slightly loose hand and the recoil was so fierce and sudden that I had to balance myself really well to still keep standing.

I had missed one small detail. The reaction wasn’t severe thankfully. But enough for me to notice that if I had not followed any other instruction to the letter, it could have been quite catastrophic. As my ears buzzed with the explosion, I made it a point to follow critical elements when it was absolutely necessary…

This week, as I finally cleared my driving test in California, in the third attempt, this lesson hit me. I had come into the US with a couple of decades of driving experience. Of course not in this country but enough for me to learn quickly and drive fairly safely as per local laws.

It however took time for me to truly understand the various intricacies and expectations from a driver. After the first failed attempt I realized that I needed to pay more attention to the instructions and the handbook. I practiced for the next month and then reappeared. The result was much better but I still failed. Reason – I made one small mistake. Of not looking back while merging into a bike lane.

Well, I still believe I had not made that mistake and the instructor had ignored my reaction to call it a critical error and fail me. I was aghast at her as she didn’t call it out at that time and only when the entire test had completed with only three other errors.

Anyways, it was useless to fight the system because that’s how it is set. The instructions in the handbook have to be followed and demonstrated to prove that one can drive within the permissible boundaries.

The next few months, with travel plans and other work, I couldn’t take the test. But I kept on driving with my Indian-issued international driver’s permit and learned to take heed of every single instruction. The result, my latest attempt resulted in a pass through with just four minor errors.

Happy to have passed the test, as I traveled back from the DMV office, I recalled how simple things matter so much. How one single mistake can sometimes really be the reason for an accident. And how critical the various elements are for an instructor to test, to ensure that the driver, unknown to her, can drive safely and consciously in all settings.

This doesn’t apply to every setting or for everything we do. But it does apply to a fair no. of things in our life. Mechanical and personal.

Like driving safely. Like walking with our eyes on the street. Like handling sensitive or dangerous items carefully.

Or like being honest to ourselves. Being faithful to our partner. Being open and receptive with our family. Being a guide to our children.

The question is – are we taking care of any applicable critical elements while executing routine or special tasks on an everyday basis??