Month: June 2024

Filling the void…

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Raj was sitting on the bench at the hospital. He had just heard the worst news possible.

His mom, aged all of sixty five, was in the last stages of her life, fighting a debilitating disease. She had been diagnosed with brain tumour recently and there was nothing much the doctors could do this late. The tumour had already spread to a large part of her brain.

As he sat, looking at the wall in front of him, and contemplating the future, he heard some commotion.

At the other end of the corridor, an emergency case had just come in. A lady, almost the same age as his mother, had just been rushed in.

She had met with an accident and suffered multiple injuries. A passerby had got her to the hospital and they were going to operate on her.

As he heard news about her condition, he felt a sudden emotion. A lady, his mom’s age, who was absolutely fine, was fighting for her life because of someone else’s mistake. He could relate this to his mom’s condition, who until a month ago had no inkling about her deadly disease.

Over the next few days, as he attended to his mom, he also kept track of the other lady. There was no one who had come forward as her next of kin. It was surprising but quite possible.

He decided in his mind that he would befriend this unnamed and unknown lady, once her condition improves. Not for any other reason but to give her company at this juncture in her life. For she needed it, just as his mom needed his support through this trial.

He told his mom about the entire episode and she was very supportive. After all, she knew that Raj’s heart was in the right place. She was proud of his feelings.

A couple of months passed by. Raj’s mom’s condition was only worsening and the doctors had no hope. They asked her if she wanted to spend the rest of her days at home and she readily agreed. Leaving the unknown lady, still in a coma, behind. But Raj kept checking on her condition frequently.

Then one day, as he came in to his mom’s room, she looked at him for the last time and passed away. Raj knew this was coming but was still overwhelmed. He completed her last rites and bid her adieu.

Once the ceremonies ended, the next day he was again at the hospital. Sitting outside the intensive care unit, where the unknown lady was.

Waiting for her to awaken from her slumber!

Waiting to fill the void that was left in his life…

Back to home

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This is my last weekend in the US.

As I return back to India to start a new chapter in my life, many thoughts are running through my mind.

The past year and a half allowed us to experience different cultures, different cuisines, and be a part of the first world. It was both good and not so good.

First and foremost, it was a pleasant experience. We had never stayed outside India as a family for long, so we had no understanding or expectations about what we may come across. But the US wasn’t unwelcoming, perhaps because we were in the Bay Area.

But more so because we didn’t feel as out of place as someone coming from the India of 90’s or early 00’s may have. We weren’t in awe of the place or the people and that helped us settle down quickly. And comfortably.

We also enjoyed being on the other side, understanding the motives and inclinations of people we have worked with. It’s one thing to be aware of the other side of the world and completely different to actually appreciate why they think or act the way they do. It definitely made us wiser.

Our daughter studied in a truly multi-national setting with classmates from more than half a dozen countries. It was amazing to see her grasp some of the cultural nuances and feel at home with her own identity.

We got to visit many places across the US and experienced the country in a way which we wouldn’t have as a tourist. It was great travelling to such a diverse set of places and enjoying nature.

If we enjoyed being here, then why are we coming back to India? This is what I think is the difference between the outer and inner lives that we lead now. One that’s visible to the world outside and what we grapple with within.

What I wrote about above were all the things that I liked from the outside perspective. Internally though, I was in conflict.

I love India, not just because it’s where I was born or where I have stayed for forty years of my life. Also because I genuinely feel happy about being there. There’s something about the infectious bonhomie and camaraderie that we are known for!

I realised I needed to be around people I knew and am friends with. While I met many good people in the US, and had a couple of friends and cousins here, it couldn’t compare with the feeling of being amongst known faces.

I also figured that if I want to do something more in life, I will be better served being in India. Because I have the freedom there to experiment and do even offbeat things, which I cannot enjoy in the US with the pressures and travails of life (read constant need to work to earn enough).

Maybe it’s not true for everyone but I thought a lot about it before deciding. And the decision, even when I look back now, seems right.

Lastly, I believe it’s better to be decided in mind than live in a dilemma. I could have easily continued with the conflicted feelings and put up with them. But then, I would have constantly evaluated pros and cons. And whiled away my time thinking what’s the right thing to do.

Is it the right decision? I don’t know for sure. But it feels like.

Perhaps, if I had moved here a bit earlier in life or had given it more time, the decision would have been different. But then, it wouldn’t have been me as you know it…

“The Eye of the Beholder”

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This ain’t no Rocky Balboa inspired post. It is but for sure one inspired by recent travels…

The last week, as we roamed around a couple of national parks in the US Midwest, one point repeatedly came across. What do I, or anyone, perceive what they see or experience?

The answer I landed up with repeatedly was that the beauty of the sight or the richness of the experience lay in the eyes of the beholder.

A couple of instances crossed my mind as those words came through my mouth the second time.

The first was a flashback to when I used to travel a lot in trains. I was fascinated by the countryside and would often stand near the gate or stare out the window, soaking in the beauty. Most people didn’t find it as interesting. But I did.

The second, was when I had to close my startup and get back to working in a regular job. For most, it might seem like a massive failure. Yet, what I experienced and how that built my character is so rich, I cannot even explain in words.

As I thought about and uttered the phrase, it occurred to me that my perception will of course be different than anyone else. And it should be. For that is how we maintain our individuality and our self.

Even then, we don’t value other perceptions enough. We label our understanding better than someone else’s. We call out those who deviate from the norms that we believe in, discounting their originality.

When we fall in this trap, which is almost every time, we land up in a tight spot. One where we no longer absorb new things and where we antagonise others.

Perhaps, sometimes it is warranted. But is it every time?

The good ol’ days!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We all have those people whom we spent some good days with. Family, friends, colleagues.

Often, when we meet, the conversations turn toward the days we spent together. How it felt and how it continues to give us joy even now.

This weekend, as I spent time with cousins and then a couple of childhood friends, the time together allowed us to feel the vicarious pleasure of living those golden moments again.

There’s something about spending time together. In person, with other human beings…

Just the other day, I was reading and then chatting about loneliness and how we are becoming distant from others. Today, as I settled down to write, this appreciation dawned on me.

That I am someone who needs to be around people I enjoy being with.

That I want to feel the voices and touch the feelings of togetherness across different relationships I have.

That I crave talking to people who I am friends with, even if it is whiling away time in small talk.

That I am much more happier and satisfied with a day well spent in a group rather than a week of being alone.

That I must take out time to do so, as often as I can.

For, there are very few things more enjoyable than sharing moments which you can remember and feel fresh again reminiscing about those good ol’ days later!

The Connection We Have

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

AI is the flavour of the season and in Silicon Valley there is a palpable feeling of you being in the wave (riding or not is another matter)!

This weekend I was reading up on what some researchers at Anthropic (one of those heavyweight startups) are up to. They are basically trying to understand neural networks and how they deduce the outcomes that we get.

Then, I read another piece about how there are companies working to figure out different AI agents/models around making humans, sitting in back offices and chatting with you and me to help resolve our queries, redundant.

After reading these articles, I was imagining how these developments will affect the world of writing.

There’s already a lot of debate on how AI generated content is becoming quite common and how it is different from human generated content and which is better.

Naturally, as someone who aspires to write more, it does feel I am choosing the road which will be increasingly less travelled. And yet, not ready to give up the romanticism of my new aspiration, I have tried to keep on writing, working on my craft.

The more I reflected on the articles and what’s about to come, one thing became clearer in my head. In this age of AI, the connection I build with my reader is going to be the key to my satisfaction as a writer.

If I, as a writer, am able to connect at a deeper, emotional level with the reader, I will have done my part well. At least a few of those reading will find my work authentic and connect with it.

And if I am able to keep connecting repeatedly, I should be able to do justice to the time someone invests in reading my stuff.

It’s a precariously tight rope to walk on. If I swing too much, I may trump myself. If I don’t, I risk being stationary and eventually falling down.

The only way is to keep an eye on my goal, take deep breaths and write with my heart…

By the way, just realized while writing this is applicable not just for writing but for pretty much anything we want to excel in in our life!

Being authentic is the way forward then.