The Team Spirit.

May 13, 2024 ~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Three years to date, I called up my partner at my previous firm. I had decided to take up a new role.

I had been looking for a new challenge for sometime. And when I got something that made sense for me to pursue, I dialled up my manager’s no.

It was a direct conversation. He as well as the senior partner offered me some food for thought but I was clear about the move and it was both personally and professionally making sense for me. So, eventually we agreed amicably about the separation.

However, what I had not thought about was my team and how they would feel. And how I would feel about the fact that I was moving out, after having hired quite a few of them myself and having managed them for a while.

After running with this conflict in my head for a couple of days, I decided to be upfront about it. I called up each person on the team, breaking the news to them and talking about why I was moving on from what we had signed up for together.

Most folks accepted and wished me well. Some were surprised and told me that they would have wanted to continue working together for longer. I am sure, some thanked their stars for good riddance as well!

My heart wasn’t still contented. I had this guilty feeling about leaving those team members in the middle of an unfinished journey. With some of them, I had spent just shy of five years. It troubled me for a few days.

Then, I remembered those times when someone in the team, who I absolutely wanted in, had decided to move on. It was always difficult to let go but I was never one to hold back anyone. It had pinched me but work never stopped.

And I realised that while I was going out of the equation, work that my team was doing won’t stop. That they will continue to excel. I need not be guilty but should go out with the confidence of having done good by them.

With my worries put to rest, I enjoyed those last few days with my colleagues and friends and moved on to a new path. We remain in touch and with quite a few of them, I have maintained a great bonhomie.

Recalling those days and what came of all that time spent together is something I still cherish today and will continue to in the future. We may have moved in different directions but that team spirit lingers on somewhere…

A ‘familiar’ weekend!

May 6, 2024May 6, 2024 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It was a busy afternoon. The dining table was full. Different dishes were on it, with plates already served. The entire family was sitting around. There were multiple conversation threads going on.

The lunch had started with a round of appetizers, a couple of new dishes that they were trying today. Aarav, the grandson, had tried a new recipe he had learnt of online. As is often the case, it hadn’t turned out well.

Grandfather quipped, “This is such a waste, we could have used the cheese for something better”. The grandson added, “And of course, would have saved my time and your appetite!”. Everyone grinned.

After a while, as the main course was being served, mom declared, “This chicken dish has turned out to be my best till date. I am thinking of making this again when our cousins come over later this month”.

Dad, rather bemused, offered some advice, “How about we keep this as the recurring one on our menu for every dinner we host?”. Mom looked puzzled until Dad burst out with a laugh.

I am exhausted, this is too much food to enjoy!”, the grandmother chipped in. “Of course, that’s why we don’t have any dessert today, I already predicted it”, pat came his sister’s reply who was responsible for the dessert. They all laughed again.

The lunch went on for over an hour. Everyone laughed, talked, and shared stories and anecdotes from their life.

As they got up from the table and settled down on the couches, they all were brimming with happiness. The banter continued until late evening and ended only when they finally got up to retire for the night. It was one of the best days they had had after a long time.

That day had been the best ever for Aarav. He had forgotten that he could have so much fun at home with his family. Staying alone in the city, engrossed in his work, he had missed this belongingness and harmony in his life.

It wasn’t just because they were all together at one place but also because they could enjoy time together as a family, away from the usual trappings of the modern life. No mobiles, no social media, no television.

As he went to his room, he saw his phone for the first time since noon. His screen time for the day was down to one-tenth of his usual. He felt an unusual happiness in his heart and mind.

What had not been possible to do away with even after trying so much, had been accomplished by being together physically in a single place with his family. He wished for this to recur frequently, as his sleepy eyelids closed to dream of the day’s happy memories.

The Precious Years…

April 29, 2024April 29, 2024 ~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

I live in a state of concern and apprehension. Concern about how my parents, who are getting older, age. And apprehension about how I would support them in the years to come.

I was born and brought up in a joint family and stayed away from my parents, by choice, until I was eleven. Not entirely, but for elongated periods of time when my mom joined my dad in his postings. In those days, I never really felt too much when they left me behind.

Then, as I grew up and joined the army, for the first time in my life, I felt the pangs of separation. Perhaps more so because that was the first time I was staying away from my family. But I did miss my parents a lot in those days.

So, when I had to come out, I went over to Delhi, where they were. Even post finishing college and starting work, I continued to visit them quite often. I started enjoying their company and the times we spent together as a family.

Life moved on, I found the love of my life, and got married. We moved to Bangalore for work and my parents made it a point to come over once a year to spend time with us, while we took time out for a couple of weeks to go spend with them. It made me habitual to they being around to share life’s important moments.

Then, with our daughter’s birth, the relationship further evolved and they started spending more time with us, weeks together. As they settled in their new rhythms of post-retirement life and having a grandchild, it gave our relationship a new perspective. I suddenly grew up in their eyes.

Over the last few years, our relationship has further blossomed more than I imagined. We enjoy spending time together, going on vacations, enjoying as a family. Or being at home and watching a movie together or playing games. At ease with the time we get together, knowing it is only a few weeks.

While they pass on more wisdom to me every time, I too have come to respect them more and more for what they did as parents. It’s not easy being one.

But it’s also a realisation on my part that whatever time I get to spend with them now and as long as I can, is most precious. Almost like the younger days of our daughter were, when she was growing up every single day. Not discounting the time I have spent with them earlier or what I spend with my daughter now, but speaking relatively.

So, when they decided to come over for a couple of months to stay with us, I was so excited. Those two months got over today and they are heading back. As I stood at the airport, waving them the final byes, a lump formed in my throat.

Not because it will be some time before I meet them again and we stay together for a while, but because I wished the time spent with them could have been longer…

On my way back from the airport, I found solace in the fact that I was able to spend so much time with them. And do so many things while they were with us.

The words of a recent chat with a friend echoed in my mind – “Past a certain age, every moment is in itself precious. We just have to learn to enjoy our time with our parents to the maximum!”

The “Me” Question

April 22, 2024April 22, 2024 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

How would you describe yourself to someone?

This isn’t a self cantered question that I am asking of myself. It is a deeper reflection on how we come across as an individual to others.

We start in the unbridled, unhindered category. We are ecstatic to begin communicating while growing up and use any and every opportunity to make ourselves felt.

Right from our young age, we strive to talk and share. And we do so without any filters, without worrying about how we come across, and what’s our audience. It also helps that most folks we talk to in that age are close family and friends, not someone we want to hide from.

Then, as we start growing up, we realise that there are times when hiding our true feelings or being vague is beneficial for us. We do it a few times. Still, we are our authentic selves.

We pride being with like minded people, having friends who care for us, and a family that dotes on us. This all gives us confidence to continue speaking true and right.

However, this touch gets lost as our adulthood advances. We become more and more careful about what we want to reveal or hide. We use facades where necessary, whether professionally or personally.

And this removes us from the reality quite a bit. It also doesn’t help that most people we are surrounded by are acquaintances who we don’t know well or don’t trust enough.

We remain the same authentic self in front of our childhood friends or family but those are only a few days or moments. The heavy tilt towards our alter egos takes a toll on us. We begin to push the envelope on what’s real vs what’s made up about ourselves even with those who we know well.

Soon, the only difference that remains between the true self and the alter ego is what we retain in our heart. And that too contracts as time passes by.

By then our children are growing up and keenly observing us. We would have had the opportunity to pass on a more authentic outlook to them but we are too far down the road to do that now.

They too observe and learn how to not be authentic when it’s to one’s liking or advantage. Just like we did from our parents when we were teenagers. And the cycle repeats…

What if we decided to be true to ourselves and leave our facades behind? How would that change our and our children’s future choices and outcomes?

Maybe the fork in the road is now. Better late than never…

I am however, still grappling with this question even though the benefits are quite clear!

“Coloured”

April 15, 2024 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Deep was sitting at the sea shore, not believing himself. His group of friends had just fought between themselves and dispersed.

They had all been friends through middle and high school. Most of them for the entire time, except for Kavya.

Kavya had joined them in ninth grade and had soon become thick with most. He had an easy charm and was very good with words.

While Deep had welcomed Kavya in the group, he never got too close with him. Kavya tried a couple of times but Deep didn’t feel comfortable when he started raising points around skin colours, religion, social status etc. So, he had kept his distance.

Others weren’t so bothered. They knew Kavya came from a wealthy family and regularly lent his newest toys and gadgets to his friends. They all wanted to partake in that feast.

At first, it all seemed harmless. The gang was just having fun, and with Kavya’s generous attitude, they could do many more things.

But then, one day Kavya denied Romil his new headphones. He jokingly told him, “you cannot speak English fluently, how will you listen to my English song collection”. Others let it pass, not really bothering about correcting the bias.

Another time, he openly made fun of Karthik for his skin colour and religious beliefs in front of a couple of other group members. Again, everyone kept quiet. No one wanted to upset Kavya.

This behaviour continued but neither Deep, nor anyone else had the gumption or the sense to counter Kavya. Soon, it became the norm.

Kavya had once imitated Deep too and that had not gone down well with Deep. When he confronted Kavya, others in the group asked him to calm down and not take it seriously.

But as time progressed, the fissures within the group grew. Those who had been singled out, including Deep, felt wronged. And that feeling was not just for Kavya, but for others in the group too who had sided with him.

Deep had felt a sense of frustration in himself about his group of friends. He still continued to hang around with them because he considered them well.

But Kavya’s behaviour had rubbed off on others. Anand had reduced his interaction with Arif due to his religion. Jose had suffered bias at the hands of Bijoy due to his caste. Even Deep had felt unease about Romil’s non-vegetarian preferences. The group was starting to show fissures.

However, today was the worst. Kavya had openly made fun of people and that had led to Deep and Romil launching a tirade against his behaviour. Some others had opposed it even as Kavya threatened them.

Then, unimaginable to anyone, he kicked and punched Romil, who was standing nearby. Deep and Karthik in turn grabbed him and kicked him. Soon, everyone was fighting each other.

After a full ten minutes, some onlookers had separated the boys. The ‘friends’ had cursed each other and left. Only Deep continued to sit there, longing for an explanation about how it had come to this.

Then he recalled how he and the others had tolerated the initial bad behaviour. And how they had been coloured with how that behaviour was acceptable…

The Grand Picture…

April 8, 2024 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Our life centres around our “self” and that too in the moment. But are we really able to see the grand picture?

My mind raced in all directions this past week, as I visited the canyons with my family and absorbed the grandness of them all.

While walking an aptly named ‘trail of time’ at the Grand Canyon, where every long step is equal to a million years, our meagre years seemed infinitely small.

And yet, as I contemplated about life over the past week or so away on vacation, I couldn’t help but think about what am I doing, where are things heading, etc.

The contrast of these two at the same time couldn’t be starker. I was concentrating on self in the moment, and not looking at the bigger picture.

Paradoxically, thinking about this contrast also helped clear my head. It became easier to think of life as a series of events that lead to something meaningful at the end of it all.

Not random happenings but inter-connected dots that leave an impression, howsoever small or faint, on some people and things.

A journey that starts and ends in a few years but continues to echo through the chambers of time for a few more years to come.

As these thoughts raced in my mind, I figured the bigger picture for me as an individual would be my entire life and what it affects. Not just what I am doing right now or what may have happened or will happen.

So what’s my bigger picture – I don’t know yet what that entirety entails!

I just know that I have to continue doing things which are interesting to me, which help me progress my knowledge and experiences, and which make me a better father/husband/son/brother/friend/human.

If I am able to do that, I will have lived a life worth something…

Something which will complete my grand picture…

The life she wanted!

March 31, 2024April 1, 2024 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

The girl was having the time of her life. With her cousins on a trip, she was enjoying every moment she lived…

They had been on a trip for 3 weeks now and as the time to go back came nearer, she was dreading going back to the usual grind.

Being a sole child, she didn’t have many people at home. Her parents doted on her and did all they could to give her company and she liked being with them. But she enjoyed her time with friends more.

She had a few cousins as well. But she didn’t meet them as often and whenever they met, it was only for a few days. Never enough.

Then, a few months back, she heard from her dad about the trip to meet with her cousins and a chance to spend a month with them. Her excitement knew no bounds.

She spent the next couple of months planning the details on her own and then subsequently with her cousins. She discussed about those plans umpteen no. of times with her parents as well.

They could see the eagerness in their daughter to be in the company of other kids. While spending time around their extended family, they further noticed that she was in a different orbit.

As the clock wound down and the day of departure approached, both the parents realised that it was this life that their daughter was missing. They started thinking about how they could give her more such experiences.

The next day, as they woke up, they were in for a surprise though. On their bedside, was a card. It was from their daughter.

She had expressed how much she had enjoyed this trip and thanked them for it. She acknowledged it wasn’t always possible for them to take such long breaks always.

But what if she could be given permission to do so by herself? If her aunt/uncle were ok, she could come by or invite her cousins and spend her holidays with them.

The little one had grown up. And she was asking for a life that she always wanted. Days filled with fun and frolic with cousins and the extended family…

How could they say no!!!

Hand over Heart

March 25, 2024March 25, 2024 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It’s the festival of colours. It is also a festival that brings friends closer and increases bonding. That’s how my dad described Holi to my daughter.

We were on the road, when this topic came up. As my dad narrated the mythological story behind the festival and my daughter tuned in, I went back in years to how we celebrated Holi back in the days.

A right turn brought me out of that stupor, making me realise that the festival doesn’t just symbolises friendship and love but also how heart is more important than head.

I know, I am making a sweeping statement here. May not be agreeable. But see if my logic makes sense…

In years gone by, our heart always held more love than we have now. And it always weighed heavier than our head. Well, at least in my immediate circle it did.

But as days passed by, the head started becoming stronger. It thought too much, painted alternatives vividly, ascribed wins and losses, and in just a few years, stood on par with our heart.

We began taking decisions not just weighing what our heart said but listening equally to what our head said. It meant prosperity, better luck, more fruitful outings, and so on. But it also meant lesser no. of people in our inner circles, constricted thinking patterns, and individualistic fervour.

Today, therefore, we need a festival to remind us of wishing people, meeting them, enjoying our life with them!

My own journey reflects this. Whenever I listened to my heart, or still do, my head seeds doubts. Did I take the right decision? Will this turn out well?

I sometimes fall into the trap and overlook my heart. But when I don’t, and go with what my heart said, I rarely find the path I took to be bad for me. It may be difficult, yes. But then, so is life.

Coming back, this heart over head bit plays a big role in my social life too. When I go with my heart and don’t bother about what I gain out of doing something for someone, I always come out for the better. I feel more satisfied. More connected. More in sync with life.

And so, this Holi, as the fire burns and engulfs us all in its warmth, I hope to go back to my earlier days and believe more in my heart.

It won’t turn back the clock on some not-so-good days but will hopefully keep me tuned in to have many more good ones!

Throes of Wants

March 11, 2024March 11, 2024 ~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

“Badal”, the man’s ears echoed, the Hindi word for change. It seemed like his soul was telling him to change the ways of his life.

He kept sitting and staring at the sky. It was almost sunset, with the last light few minutes away. As he watched the sun going down, his life ran in front of him…

He remembered the initial, fun filled days when he would spend hours with his friends walking around the markets. He remembered how they went to the movies and had luncheons that lasted for four hours.

He also remembered how he met his wife and the days they spent during their courtship at the cafés jotting the downtown streets.

It all seemed long ago. For as life caught on, he just got busy and somehow never got time again to do all of those things.

With work occupying his life, he had kept everything aside. For he wanted all the money he could earn to buy all the things he ever wanted.

He had spent the last decade or so amassing all those material desires. He had a big house, a couple of fancy cars, watches, suits, gadgets. The list was endless.

But today as he stared at the horizon, he was feeling empty inside. He had no friends around. His wife had left him. No kids.

It seemed as if he was all alone in this wide world.

With a heavy heart, he got up. His life was done. If he had any hope of changing it, he had to make amends. He had to give up his urge to fulfil his desires and wants, and instead focus on relationships and love.

Resolving in his mind, he turned around and walked to his car. It was time to get home and chalk out the plan for getting things on track.

Just as he was getting in, he saw the car parked next to his. It was the latest model of a new breed, something he had been researching upon.

He stood there admiring the contours. He then moved around it, looking inside to get a feel. It was expensive! And he wanted it!

It was time to hit the job circuit and get a raise to buy that car. There was no waiting. Everything else would wait, as always…

The Face of ME!!!

This site is about my ideas and what I believe in!

Author: Rishi