Author: Rishi

Circle of life

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Hello! It’s me. You may not recognize me but I am your child. It’s just that I am still an embryo…

I was conceived a few days back and am eagerly awaiting my journey through the next few months to come into this world as a fully formed human. In this time, I am sure I will develop myself into a baby and when I come out I will be the apple of your eyes.

I know, you will already be wishing for me! I am surely excited about the prospect of meeting you, my parents.

*****

I got worried the other day, when I heard someone close enough to you whispering slowly, “Are you wishing for a girl or a boy”? I didn’t get the reference. Is it that me being a boy or a girl will in any way lessen my importance in your life?

What does a boy or a girl even mean? Is it supposed to denote someone who is or isn’t wanted? Or accepted? Or constrained?

Oh, I heard someone call you also a girl, Mom! So does it mean you are also a girl? We could both have so much fun! Not to keep dad away, I believe he loves you so much. And if he loves you, he will love me also I am sure. So, we will be a happy family.

*****

I finally came out into the world today. Yooohooo!!!

I cannot see much, it’s all hazy. But I could feel the tears rolling down your eyes onto my face and the kisses dad showered on me when he took me in his arms for the first time. And I heard some words of praise. I am one lucky girl.

Thankfully, all my fears were just figments of my imagination. I am your girl…

*****

It’s been a few days that I started going to school. My day at school is always amazing. I meet so many friends!

I remember on my first day, I was so sad when you and dad dropped me in the morning. However, once you left, I got curious to see so many other kids, just like me there. We all played and enjoyed together. And now, going to school is my favorite thing to do.

*****

Ma, it’s been one hell of a ride, this last year at school. We were all so sad letting each other go onto different paths we have chosen in our lives. I am particularly sad about the two best friends I have had for all my life. We have vowed to stay in touch forever.

At the same time, I am so excited to go to college and have new experiences. I know, you will be sad seeing me go but don’t worry. I am going to keep coming back every few months. And I am sure dad and you will visit me more often than not. After all, none of you can have enough of me even after 18 years 🙂

*****

Dad, it’s my pleasure to invite you and mom to my graduation ceremony. I am passing top of my class and have also got a job offer, to join work a couple of weeks post college.

Can we please plan a holiday right after it too? I want to spend time with you both before I join work.

Your loving daughter…

Mom, Dad: I am so thankful to you for raising me the way you did. I know you both feel proud of me and I promise to prove you right in every way I can

*****

Dad, I am so happy that I am getting married today. And glad you both agreed with my choice!

I am sure I have the best parents in the world. I know, I haven’t spent a lot of time with you both over the past couple of years. I can blame it all on work and being with my Prince Charming.

But no, it isn’t just that. I should have taken out more time over the last few years but I didn’t. Hoping I learn from this mistake and spend more time with you both in years to come…

*****

It’s been ten years since my marriage. My parents have aged beautifully. And I have been able to live up to my promise of spending time with them.

Today, when I told them that I am going to be a mother soon, they had the same tears of joy that I had experienced when I was a baby. I am sure, I will experience the same emotion when my baby comes out.

And I will provide for her the best possible of everything. For, she will be the apple of my eyes. And we will be a happy family…

Critical Elements

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It was an outdoor training exercise, whilst I was at the Indian Military Academy.

The exercise was to educate us on various firearms and how and when to use them in different situations. We were in small groups undergoing specialized trainings for different weapons. Rocket launchers, grenade launchers, different types of automated firearms, etc.

This was the last leg of our training as officers and we were all quite adept at understanding and recognizing the various aspects of handling these weapons. However, we hadn’t fired most of them yet with live ammunition and therefore the speciality of the training. Therefore, as we went through the motions, the officers and instructors in-charge of the exercise regularly cautioned us on the tiniest of details.

It’s been long. The details are hazy in my memory. But I recall the lesson very clearly.

I remember when it was my turn to fire the rocket launcher. We were in groups of two, with one person to load the rocket and another to launch it from the base of his shoulders. As we took our positions, the instructions were – clear the field in a 45 degree angle on both sides up to 30 feet (or so I remember), ensure your legs are sturdy on the ground and the launcher is squarely on your shoulder with tight hands, take aim at the target and launch, then wait for 5 seconds or so before offloading the launcher.

As me and my buddy went through the motions, we were told to be careful of each step. I remember I fired the launcher with a slightly loose hand and the recoil was so fierce and sudden that I had to balance myself really well to still keep standing.

I had missed one small detail. The reaction wasn’t severe thankfully. But enough for me to notice that if I had not followed any other instruction to the letter, it could have been quite catastrophic. As my ears buzzed with the explosion, I made it a point to follow critical elements when it was absolutely necessary…

This week, as I finally cleared my driving test in California, in the third attempt, this lesson hit me. I had come into the US with a couple of decades of driving experience. Of course not in this country but enough for me to learn quickly and drive fairly safely as per local laws.

It however took time for me to truly understand the various intricacies and expectations from a driver. After the first failed attempt I realized that I needed to pay more attention to the instructions and the handbook. I practiced for the next month and then reappeared. The result was much better but I still failed. Reason – I made one small mistake. Of not looking back while merging into a bike lane.

Well, I still believe I had not made that mistake and the instructor had ignored my reaction to call it a critical error and fail me. I was aghast at her as she didn’t call it out at that time and only when the entire test had completed with only three other errors.

Anyways, it was useless to fight the system because that’s how it is set. The instructions in the handbook have to be followed and demonstrated to prove that one can drive within the permissible boundaries.

The next few months, with travel plans and other work, I couldn’t take the test. But I kept on driving with my Indian-issued international driver’s permit and learned to take heed of every single instruction. The result, my latest attempt resulted in a pass through with just four minor errors.

Happy to have passed the test, as I traveled back from the DMV office, I recalled how simple things matter so much. How one single mistake can sometimes really be the reason for an accident. And how critical the various elements are for an instructor to test, to ensure that the driver, unknown to her, can drive safely and consciously in all settings.

This doesn’t apply to every setting or for everything we do. But it does apply to a fair no. of things in our life. Mechanical and personal.

Like driving safely. Like walking with our eyes on the street. Like handling sensitive or dangerous items carefully.

Or like being honest to ourselves. Being faithful to our partner. Being open and receptive with our family. Being a guide to our children.

The question is – are we taking care of any applicable critical elements while executing routine or special tasks on an everyday basis??

The Choices We Make.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Last two weeks were eventful!

I rounded up an India trip including a short visit to my home. I also spent late hours working in and off the office as well as landed up in a few parties with my colleagues.

The whirlwind speed with which this all transpired, didn’t let me breathe until I got back on the plane to SF. As I spent a few hours contemplating on the visit and going through the days in my mind, I reflected on some chats with a common thread.

This common thread was the choice of food. Unintentionally, in some or the other way, I spent quite a while talking about it with a friend, with a couple of cousins, and with a few colleagues.

Since the last few months, as I have started following a disciplined regimen of daily exercise and a calibrated nutritional diet, my body has had to adjust with this new routine. It had gotten used to eating a lot more junk and bigger portion sizes during the beginning of this year. Now, it suddenly had to expect less and make do with it.

My body adjusted to this reduction made by me just fine, and in turn rewarded me with burning through the fat deposits. As I wished for!

Maybe my mind has also fallen in line. It has made me control myself better. For whatever reason (I am still investigating), it stopped thinking about food every now and then and in fact, actively sends me signals to ensure I don’t again overload myself.

On this entire India trip, every time I overate, my body actively discouraged me from within. My mind has stopped sending me any hunger signals if it senses there’s still calories to be burned. And my own discipline meant I spent a fair number of days in the hotel gym. These all obviously helped me.

While talking about this with friends/family/colleagues, they also relayed the same experience. If they decided, their body and mind cooperated and helped them in their journey. The positive effects in turn helped them stay the course. And the body and mind tuned in more.

As I reflected on my way back, I realized that this is true not just in matters of the culinary kind but even in other aspects of life. I have experienced this at work, in business, and in relationships too.

What we choose and how it helps us – positively or negatively, is usually a function of our choice. If it is positive, we get reinforcements. If it is negative, we only see pitfalls.

What still surprises me though is how we fall of this curve at times and derail ourselves. Perhaps, it is because we don’t accept the choice wholeheartedly. Or maybe we take it to the other extreme, where things become boring and we miss simple pleasures of life and eventually get off the track.

Any which way, what I learnt is important is being conscious about making these choices and then sticking to them for as long as we can…

The Sound of New

~ Rishi ~ 2 Comments

When something is new or happening with us for the first time, it’s always so rewarding. Why does that happen? And why doesn’t it happen often?

This week, while travelling from Bangalore to my home town, this question hit me. And took me down my own rabbit hole.

As it happened, the gentleman sitting next to me was perhaps sitting in a flight for the first time. There are lots of Indians who can now afford flights and are taking to the skies for the first time.

Naturally, this person was amazed with the experience. He was clicking photos and videos, wanted to experience the onboard services, and so on. Sitting next to him, I was keenly observing him.

Towards the end of the flight, every passenger’s attention turned to him. As it turned out, this person couldn’t hold his water and needed to visit the loo quite frequently and was getting up to go to the washroom.

He was reprimanded by the air hostess a couple of times for getting up from his seat while the seat belt sign was on.

What I found amazing was that he didn’t get offended by the air hostess. He took the reprimand in his stride and sat down the first time, attempting the feat again after a few minutes. In vain, for he was asked to sit down again.

Even then, he had a boyish smile on his face and he didn’t worry about it. As soon as the flight landed, he got up quickly and went over to the washroom. As we were getting out, he thanked me for letting him through (I was sitting on the aisle seat).

I left the plane with a smile on my face. I could relate this person’s experience to what a young child finds herself in when she experiences something for the first time.

The child is amazed and curious at the same time. She explores things and figures out what they mean by herself. She sometimes lands in trouble but continues to move ahead undeterred.

She is sometimes reprimanded by a parent or an elder, but doesn’t take it inversely. She rather checks herself and then does the right thing.

We, elders on the other hand, lose our curiosity after a few experiences and take everything with the familiarity of the known. We stop wondering at the small things. We take offence on minute things even if we aren’t in the right.

Our knowledge and ego perhaps stops us from experiencing life to the fullest and explore new things. Or to understand when to move forward or to check ourselves…

Maybe, we need to remind ourselves to not have our mind so full all the time!

Change

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It’s a word which evokes a lot of emotions…

Some of us like it. Some of us hate it. Some enjoy being part of it. Some detest being in its shadow.

No matter what we feel though, none of us can ignore it. For its in the very fabric of our lives!

And yet, there’s something enigmatic about it that draws out our emotions like few other words do.

This week, during a conversation with my coach, we got into the depth of what change means to me and how do I deal with it.

While I have never run away from a change, there are a few that I haven’t particularly enjoyed. But one thing that I do hold dear to myself is the learning and experience I gain out of the change. For me and from what it means to those around me.

As I described this to my coach, I went back into time thinking about some of those instances when I didn’t agree with the change easily or didn’t enjoy it.

The first instance was when I left home for the first time to stay in a hostel. The second was when I had to leave the armed forces because of a medical injury. The third was when I had to shut down my business after putting in a lot of hard work.

As I thought through, I realized that each of those instances were tough for me either because I didn’t like what the change offered me in return for my future, or I dreaded it because I was on the losing side from my perspective.

But when I look back at life around those junctures now, those were the experiences that made me tougher and made me dig deeper. And I am highly grateful to those around me, who pushed me forward into that change.

I may have succeeded even though I may not have had those challenging experiences. But I am sure I wouldn’t have been as matured and resilient if not for those changes.

In my case at least, they proved to leave a lasting impression and contributed big time to make me who I am today!

Lovingly, yours…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Rain was coming down with a patter on the streets. It was late and the man inside the car knew it.

As his car rushed through, piercing the silence of the night, he could almost feel the closeness of being home. His body was tired and his mind was overworked after the long trip. His heart was however longing for the known touch.

In a few more minutes, he got home. As he parked and went inside the house, there was a hushed silence. Everyone had slept off, rightfully so. He didn’t want to disturb his parents, wife, or the kids at this odd hour. So, he silently got in and used the guest room to change over. This was a routine affair for him.

Coming out of the shower, his mind reminded him of the fact that he had not slept properly for the last couple of days. Again, a common feeling, which would have led him to his bedroom. His heart however, moved him in another direction today.

He slowly entered his children’s room and saw his daughter and son sleeping soundly on their respective beds. He slowly sat down beside his daughter and pecked her on her forehead. In her sleep, her face brightened up and she held his hand, not wanting to let it go. He remained like that for a while, until he was sure that she had gotten back to her fairly land dream world.

He went over to his son, tucked him in nicely and stroked him, pecking him too on his forehead. His son turned over to the side and half opened his eyes. Not realizing it was dad, he again closed them and went back to sleep.

With a smile on his face, the man came out of the children’s room. He longed for these moments with his children, when he could be with them without any worries of the world.

Then, he cautiously opened his parent’s bedroom door. They were both light sleepers, and he didn’t want them to get a hint. He saw they were comfortable and closed the door. There was always the morning to meet them.

Finally, he went over to his own bedroom. His wife was fast asleep. He lay beside her, hugged and kissed her.

He had a lovely family. If not for his work, he would have liked to just hang around them all day long. He had been planning to do that soon enough, after all he had been working hard for almost twenty five years. He had thought he will take up a less demanding role, without travel, and slow down his life.

With these thoughts he passed out…

Next morning, as he woke up there was commotion all around. The kids were off to school, the wife was busy with household chores, the parents were just returning from their morning walk. He freshened up and came out. Just in time to wave a bye to his kids going out through the door.

As he sat down with his parents and his wife joined them too for the morning tea, he was back in familiar territory. This was home, his folks. A few minutes of chit-chat covered a couple of anecdotes from his trip, recent happenings in the house, and an upcoming social gathering at their cousin’s place.

The tea had finished. It was time to go and get ready. Everyone sitting there expected it.

But today was different. He didn’t get up. Instead he continued sitting there, chatting about other things. It was as if time didn’t count for him somehow. As if it was that rare holiday or the weekend when he had decided not to work.

His wife had a surprised look at her face. So did his parents. He looked at them and understood.

Leaning forward on his chair, he announced that he had decided he could skip the rest of the week at the office, taking time off completely, to be with them. Yes, there were some internal meetings. But they could happen the next week also.

He had envisioned this some times, while on a flight. But had always casted it away as a wishful dream. But now that he actually put words to the thought, he felt liberated. From the load of always taking his work more seriously than anything else.

His folks were elated. The conversation turned to the day’s plans, what they could do over the weekend, and how he could surprise his kids after their school…

He had always loved them all. But today, they had felt, perhaps after a long time, that he was lovingly theirs…

Playing the long game…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This past week, I had three instances when I was talking to someone about how I am working on my first book.

As I wrote earlier, I have been inspired by my dad’s will to finish and publish my grandfather’s magnum opus. With this inspiration, I took it upon myself to translate the book, originally written in Hindi with Sanskrit words, into English.

I chose English because that’s how I think and write. But more importantly because I feel that will help me expose the book to a far wider audience.

As I was talking about it this week, it felt good that I am able to contribute to this legacy that our family holds.

Then, as I reflected back on those conversations, I realised that it isn’t just because I am contributing but also because I am picking up a challenge!

The challenge of translating my grandfather’s poetic flourishes into an equitable prose form. Translating a story steeped into mythology into something which is perhaps more relatable to the current generation.

While these thoughts were overwhelming, I also echoed the goals I have set for myself during these conversations.

This year is dedicated to understanding the original version. The next year is meant to start translating and writing down portions. And the one after is when I hope it will all come together.

By breaking down my ambitious take into smaller goals, I feel I am helping myself. To be able to measure progress in one’s pursuit is helpful and I should be able to do that with these goals.

I may slip a bit sometimes. For example, I haven’t been able to spend any time on the book reading with my dad for the past three months. But I know that having gone through sixty percent of it, I have time to do it before the end of the year.

Maybe I will slide some more and miss some goals. But I will continue to strive to keep myself in pursuit without too much deviation.

For playing the long game requires planning and patience…

It also requires to be appreciative of the phases when things don’t go as per plan. And then recover and start again.

Something worthwhile for us to think about in general in our life!

“Legend”

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It is a heavy word – Legend. Could be a person who has done something spectacular in his/her field or could point to notations on a map / drawing. But it also means a story that has carried on for years about someone or something.

I am talking about the third type today…

Idling around the house this weekend, this question raked up in my mind. What is it that people around us know us for? How is it that we come across when others talk about us, even when we are not there?

Not that it really matters to me much. I am someone who doesn’t care for what people talk about behind my back. And I rarely indulge in petty gossip.

But this weekend’s inquisitiveness was more from the fact that when we do so many things in our lives, what is it that we leave behind? How do people recall us? What do we stand for?

Long back, if someone would have asked me this question when I was in my early 20’s and 30’s, I would have pointed my finger at success. How successful I am in a particular endeavor. For I believed that nothing speaks like success does.

It does for sure. But I also discovered through my own life’s twists and turns that what matters more is what we do and how it turns out. And more importantly, how do we treat others working alongside us.

We may have done something really well and still failed to see success. Or we may go the extra mile to make things happen without getting adequate results. Those efforts still count. And are still remembered by people.

In fact, as I looked back into my own life, I realized that this is the value system that I had always received. At one point in time, somewhere in the early race for life, I put that aside for a while and started treating success as more important than effort.

It took me a few shocks to get back to my previous self and understand that what matters is how I do things and how I treat others and work with them during the course of my endeavors.

As I changed my approach and my thinking, my efforts improved and so did my relationships with those who I worked with. And eventually it led me to successful outcomes. For all.

For, what is success, if it comes at the cost of burnt bridges or sour feelings…

In the Zone

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It’s only some times that we get into “the zone”. I mean a mind space where we are doing things right – in terms of effort and in most cases, output. And feeling good about what we are doing!

During our lives, we go through multiple ups and downs. And phases of high or low effort or output. But very few times we are in the zone.

The thing is, we are never pushed into these zones, we rather do it due to an intrinsic motivation. And that’s what makes it worth its while.

These last few weeks, I have been in that zone. Work wise as well as fitness wise. And it’s a good feeling.

I can distinctly recall those few times when I was in the zone. When I put in that extra effort because of an internal calling. And whenever I have a reference point of how I felt about my contribution on the work front or the effort I put in on myself, I always go back to those few times.

So, it has been a pleasant surprise to me that I have been able to maintain this streak!

I call it a streak because that’s what it is. Until it continues, I am in the zone. Then, something switches off and I move out of the zone. I don’t know what changes but that heightened level isn’t sustained beyond a particular period of time.

One thing that I have been able to recognize though is the fact that my internal feelings guide whether I continue in the zone or not.

As I reflected this weekend, taking time off my fitness routine to rest and recuperate, I realized that this probably isn’t just a pattern with me. When I look around, or when I think of people whom I know and have observed operating in their zone, it’s almost always been because they were feeling good inside in that period of time.

So, what’s important for us is to identify how to get to that sweet spot where we feel good. Where we feel we are doing something important. For ourselves and for those around us. Whether at work or in our personal lives.

We all possibly already know that sweet spot in our lives. But still, we don’t get there often. Not because we don’t want to. But perhaps because we don’t let ourselves.

We often get stymied by middling concerns that divert our mind. We lend our heart to unimportant things and give our time away. All the while thinking about how we could have done better.

Only if we could focus ourselves on what we want to do that gives us happiness. And then doing it religiously, for days to come, no matter what. Until we get to the zone and then strive to stay there…

“Breaking up”

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No, I am not only talking about the kinds that come to our mind immediately…

Well, matters of the heart between two lovers are of course a much more difficult topic to deal with. A subject that can be written about endlessly and has been explored in depth by much more accomplished writers and thinkers.

So, the only thing I would like to mention on that aspect is that we have increasing rates and decreasing remorse. Something, that shows either we are becoming more experimental by nature or that we are becoming more intolerant.

But I am more interested in talking about the general culture of breaking up. Something that’s quite visible these days.

These are break-ups between friends, between siblings, between parents and children – human bonds which seemed made on another planet.

We as a society and as humans are drifting apart. In our thoughts. In our minds. In our behavior. And in our actions. We are becoming more intolerant of other views. Of other’s perspectives. And of other’s preferences.

And that is leading to breakage of long-held bonds!

Friends don’t talk to each other over a small skirmish and give up on that friendship that they held close to their heart for so long. Or they hold that grudge and increase the distance between each other, giving up on the string that pulled them both through laughter and sadness. Without realizing if it was worth it.

Siblings have always fought. Specially so in their childhood. But now they are fighting way too often over frivolous things, while being grown ups. Which ought not to matter so much in the grander scheme of life. But matters for some strange reason in that ephemeral moment when they must prove that their argument holds more weight. And then post that moment, the only way ahead between them is down.

Even parents and children are growing apart in some cases, which is quite shocking. May be due to mismatched expectations and thoughts or due to the age/cultural differences with the idea of living life on one’s own terms. Now, that’s a bond that forever existed and will continue to be and breaking up isn’t even an option. But then, such is life and we definitely have the capacity to surprise ourselves as people. So instead of talking things through with each other, we hold it in our heart and let it play with our mind.

These things I am talking about aren’t a figment of my imagination. They are happening around me and I am writing this with pain in my heart on having witnessed some of these situations first-hand.

We celebrate these relationships and friendships with special days. And yet, there are so many of us who aren’t going to celebrate knowing someone, somewhere. Because, well, we decided to break up!!!