Author: Rishi

Let Go…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Ansh was excited. He had just got a bigger bicycle on his fifth birthday and was graduating to the next level.

Most of his friends had the bigger bike, so it was as much a matter of proving himself and belonging to the group, as it was to feel older in his mind and heart.

The next day he took his bike down along with his dad, Bijoy. He wanted to get some practice in. However, the bigger bike wasn’t a natural promotion, when it came to riding it. He had to now learn how to ride one without side supporters. Which meant he had to learn to balance, learn to coordinate his actions, and learn to always be alert.

Ansh felt overwhelmed by the thought and asked his dad if it was indeed a good idea to practice then or come back later the next day. His dad understood. After all, he had gone through similar anxiety when he was younger. Bijoy told Ansh that he need not worry and with his support he will be able to learn soon.

The first couple of times, Ansh was very cautious. He continued to turn back to check if his dad was holding the bike or not. Only after the second run did he stop doing that every minute.

By the time he had gotten to his fourth run, he was pedalling well, braking well, and Bijoy could sense that he was ready. So after giving him an initial push, he left the bike. Only to see Ansh go for a few feet and then turn back, stare at him in horror, and topple over.

Bijoy rushed to the spot. He looked over Ansh to check if he had got any injury and if he was ok. Ansh was crying, feeling as if he had been cheated. It took him a lot of consoling to regain his composure. But without the confidence of riding the bike again. So, they both went back home.

Bijoy asked him to come along again the next day and while Ansh was hesitant, he promised Ansh that he had only left him because he thought Ansh could now ride on his own. While that was a little comforting, it wasn’t entirely convincing. Ansh however went along.

After a couple of runs, Bijoy could observe that Ansh was getting into the groove. However, knowing that Bijoy may do a repeat of the previous day, he was checking again and again if he was being held. After the fourth time, Ansh asked to stop. He had had enough practice for the day.

The same pattern repeated for the next two days. While Bijoy thought Ansh was ready to be left alone, he couldn’t muster the last push and let go. He had continued to hold the bike all along for those few practice runs.

Eventually, he realized that by not letting Ansh go on his own, he was becoming an impediment in his learning. That day, after the first two runs, as Bijoy noticed Ansh was getting comfortable, he decided to leave Ansh on the third one. Ansh went a slightly longer distance before he looked back and realizing Bijoy wasn’t there, panicked. However, by now he had learnt how to control the bike well, so he didn’t fell down. He just continued riding and then got back the full circle, stopping the bike in front of Bijoy.

Bijoy was elated. So was Ansh. He took Ansh into his arms and hugged him.

While Ansh had learnt how to ride a bike, Bijoy had learnt how to let go…

Disagreements…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Father and daughter disagreements are common in our home. There are quite a few petty things that we both don’t agree with each other on and argue about!

Like, how much time can one watch television. Or when is the right time to sleep. These are fun.

Then, there are the more serious ones. Like, how much should one eat. Or how much should be individual contributions to household chores.

And finally, there are the critical ones. Like, which colour combinations to wear or not. Or how much time can be spent outside home in play.

Which of these happen at what time of the day is a compeltely random phenomenon. It could be triggered by an event like getting back from school or getting back home after play. Or could be triggered while we are sitting together and spending time doing something…

Whenever we have one of these disagreements and an eventual argument, I think I am right but maybe my daughter has a point. My daughter thinks she is right but maybe there’s something I am stating that may be important. And both of us believe this completely.

During the peak of the argument, it seems like we may stick to our individual stance. However, most of the arguments end with one of us agreeing to the other’s point of view because we started with the belief that maybe the other person has a point of view that is right!

Sometimes those conclusions are reached amicably. Sometimes there is a struggle and after much pulls and pressures, one of us bows down. And then, there are a few times, when we agree to disagree and move on to deal with other stuff.

In either case, these disagreements rarely lead us to a place where we don’t talk to each other. Even when we agree to disagree, there’s reconciliation by way of hugs, kisses, or holding hands.

And while it doesn’t take us long to get into another disagreement, we rarely get into an argument about the same thing the same day. Unless, of course the trigger event recurs. Which is, quite possible!!

Eventually, these situations are making us tougher. To continue disagreeing with each other with respect for the other’s ideas. And with the tacit understanding that an argument is just that, an argument…

“Technified”

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

All of us have different mechanisms to cope with things we find difficult. While they may seem amusing to those who are at ease in those situations, there is an ingenuity involved in figuring out how to get by things that are not natural to you.

One such thing that most people have had to adapt to is using mobile phones. While for most of us born in the last fifty years it comes somewhat naturally, for many of the older folks as well as for not-so-regular users of tech, they have had to adapt to this now inseparable extension of self.

Over the last few years, I have seen people use their own mechanisms to effectively use mobile phones. Some have learnt the basics and take their own time to do other things, some others have used it as little as needed.

I have seen many people use their native language to make it easy to navigate the system. Others use dictation instead of typing long sentences while communicating. Many use it only as a phone.

I, having been a natural with tech, find some of those patterns amusing.

Like using google to help with basic tasks. Strangely, folks who can play all kinds of games on the touchscreen but aren’t as well versed with the other functions of the device.

Or like dictating instead of typing. For me, writing comes naturally. So even when I am conversing in long sentences, I prefer typing them. But for many folks around me, I am increasingly observing the use of dictation.

Then I saw some pretty slick users adapting to these new patterns as well. My wife using dictation to send long messages. One of my friends using google as it would have been faster than finding something buried in settings.

As I saw those same patterns repeated with relatively sophisticated users, I realised that they love these shortcuts or tricks because it works for them. That’s the bottom line.

We technologists may think of features and usage patterns in an absolutely purist sense, not realising that the world has all kinds of people and they have different kinds of needs.

Maybe that’s why most technology products fail. They only serve the selected few. Or are built for specific use cases.

Some of them do become runway hits. But only the ones who adapt to what the users want, stick around and become ubiquitous.

Perhaps, that is the lesson we need to consider when we think of how to solve problems. Would the solution be applicable for all kinds of users? Or is it only solving for a niche or edge case?

Worth pondering how technified we are and how technified are those who we are catering to…

I have arrived!!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

What makes us think that? And is it really ever true?

This last week, I was incessantly scrolling my Google app feed. There were a lot of articles related to financial advise, probably owing to my recent searches to identify certain investment decisions and taxation.

As I went through some of those articles, I ended up reading a detailed review of the data on income distribution in India and the US and how that’s becoming more lopsided over the years.

Consuming the laid out information, my mind went to how do I fare in these distribution models. As an individual and as a household.

I quickly began to think about what it means to lie in the top x% of the population and how we associate our success to how we have moved up that ladder through our lives. Except for maybe a few who were born with a silver spoon!

Figuring the progress from the start point felt like a self congratulatory realization. A pat on my back for what I have been able to achieve till now. Good while it lasted.

But as my mind raced in that direction, the next question that occurred to me was what was a target to seek? Am I happy with where I am or do I need to strive for more? And where to draw the line of satisfaction?

Thinking deeper, I also came to terms that financial success couldn’t be the only metric on which I can decide whether I have arrived or not…

There are many things that make up my life and existence. And while money is an important aspect of it, it’s not the only one in that list.

My relationships and my association with my family and friends is critical to my functioning. My health is important for me. The contribution of my work to a bigger cause matters to me.

So, while I may associate my success momentarily with how much money I make or what’s my net worth; but in the scheme of life, all those other things matter almost as much as money.

The only difference is that money is probably the easiest to quantify and hence the most exciting of the lot. Their value and importance in life only comes to the fore when there’s something specific happening.

That, however, shouldn’t be so. A good reminder to myself…

Yes sir!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Mornings always were a time for self reflection for Krishna. It was his ‘me time’.

Today, he was flabbergasted. He had just remembered the most amusing introduction he had received from one of his team members in front of a client.

It had been more than a month but those words had remained with him. He went back to that day to replay the situation, for the umpteenth time.

However, as he was running through it, he realized that the mannerisms of his team member seemed forced. It was as if he was trying to get Krishna’s attention through those words and then agreeing with him during the entire conversation.

Krishna jumped out of his chair. He started pacing the room, trying to recall his recent interactions with this person. The pattern was quite clear.

He then recalled his interactions with other team members and found the same patterns repeating. Most of his team members were just agreeing with him all the time! And It had been going on for a while!

Krishna was an experienced senior VP and had been in the industry for a long time. He had moved to his current company and role about three years back and was clearly the person with the most amount of knowledge about his domain.

Naturally, in a new setup with a lot of youngsters, this had translated into everyone around him looking up to him. They knew that they could learn a lot from Krishna.

Coming from a traditional setup, Krishna was accustomed to hierarchy and respect. However, it was more due to the merit of the person than anything else.

Unknowingly though, in his current team, he had also fostered a sense within them where they defaulted to agreeing with him, rather than question him at times.

This had meant he was able to move faster with his decisions than usual. He had attributed it to his experience then but now he knew it was happening only because everyone thought he knew the best. And they had stopped applying their minds in front of him…

He had built a team of people who liked saying “yes sir”, than think critically on their own. It was a setup doomed for failure sooner than later.

Krishna knew he had to change this. It couldn’t go on any longer. Even if it meant he stepping back on some occasions and asking more of his team than what he thought they were capable of.

Thankfully, he had come to this realization soon enough, and on his own…

Native connection

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I am a big proponent of using our native languages in regular settings. It’s a big part of our culture. And identity.

There have been quite a few discussions at the workplace and at home, where I have taken the side of the native language.

I feel it is incumbent upon each one of us, as an inheritor of our rich culture(s) and traditions, to embed them into our daily lives. So that we carry on with the torch before passing it to the next generation.

Naturally, we have enrolled our daughter to learn Hindi as the additional language of choice at the school. It’s one way to provide her a structured environment to grasp the details.

This week, when we visited her school for a parents-teachers meet, I expected her Hindi teacher to talk to us about how we should encourage her to do more in Hindi. She did that but she also talked about another important aspect that stuck with me.

She talked about how through our native language children connect with their roots and how it shapes their association with the family, especially as they grow through teenage into adulthood.

While I was quite impressed by what she said and how she did so, what stuck me more was that our mother tongue forms a core part of our identity.

As I looked back at my own childhood and teenage, I realised that my tryst with Hindi, the times spent listening to stories from my grandmother, reading Hindi comic books, the countless fun conversations we had around the house in our mother tongue, all of them helped shape me.

More importantly, they connected me to my roots. To my family. And that has stayed with me all my life.

I don’t feel the same level of connectedness when I talk in English today. Not that I consider English to be a second grade citizen, but it doesn’t have the same effect. It feels neutral.

I know it’s not easy. The environment today around us in Indian cities is geared towards English. Our kids have multi-cultural influences and friends, and therefore English becomes the common ground to connect.

But if I don’t make the effort, at least at home, to use our mother tongue, the native connection that I built with my roots may not happen with my daughter.

So while I do want her to be fluent in English and be ready for the future, I also want her to be connected to her roots, natively…

Life’s a race…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Life’s a race. That’s what most of us have been taught or are made to understand during our early adulthood years.

But what if it wasn’t? What if it was meant to be lived on our own terms, without any race to prove ourselves to anyone?

What if it was just us living life on our own terms? And taking things as they come?

I think there is merit in this thought.

I have been on both sides of the fence and when I have done things on my own terms, the results have always elated me. On the other hand, when I have run someone else’s race or in a direction I wasn’t sure of, I have mostly faltered.

Another thing I have noticed is when I have taken my time and space to do things, I have done a much better job at it than when I was out on a deadline or trying to impress someone.

Does that mean we live life in a dull manner? Or don’t ever hustle? I don’t think so and definitely don’t mean so.

What I believe is that we should be the decision maker of our own destiny. If that means walking slow at times, so be it. If that means doing things contrary to popular perception or wisdom, so be it.

And if that in turn results in a tougher life, so be it. After all, that’s the challenge we chose to accept…

Lonely.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Living alone isn’t something that I desire for. But there are times when I have to do that for a period of time, and it is never easy…

The last two weeks, I was away on a work trip. Traveling away from the family, it was my usual routine. The only difference – I didn’t have anyone to meet during the weekend. I had not planned anything. And I was all alone.

I had things to do. There were quite a few items on the shared shopping list with wifey! But that amounted to chores – you have to do it because you have to do it. Even if there are some fun moments, it feels like a chore.

Once I was done with the shopping and the ensuing walks around the city, I was left with a lot of time to kill. I went to the theatre and whiled away some time. But there still was half a day left and I didn’t have anyone to catch up with!

I just decided to pass that remaining time of the weekend on my own. Tucked away in my bed, I read a book and then watched a few episodes of a new TV series.

But all of that only made me more miserable. I had not met a friend or family member throughout those two days and it wasn’t a great feeling.

So, the next day, as I walked into the office and spent time with some colleagues, it was extremely relieving. I also had some office meetings, so it was a great way to catch up with others.

Doing all of this reminded me that I crave companionship. When I don’t meet with enough people for a stretch of time, it sucks energy from me. It is as if I draw energy from others!

Maybe, I am a by-product of the times I have lived in, yearning for a good conversation and familiar faces. Maybe, it’s just my way of taking solace in the known. Or maybe, it is an affliction that makes me better.

Whatever it is, I resolved that moving forward, I will avoid going through such unplanned and lonely time spans. As much as I can…

The meandering climb.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Aniket was panting. He was on a steep climb and was running out of breath.

He found a small rock that was protruding out, almost as if inviting him, to sit down. He took that offer.

It had been a relentless last couple of hours. Once he had reached the base of this summit, he was ecstatic. He had scaled three folds to get there.

And yet, as he looked back and then ahead, Aniket’s mind told him that he could do more. There was more power left in him to scale the next one.

Not one to ever stop for rest, he took up the challenge with aplomb. Stuffing a quick packed meal into his mouth, he gulped down some water, and took out the map to chart his course.

Aniket was ambitious. And he wanted to get to the top quickly. So, the most natural path was straight up!

He started out in zest but somewhere within the first hour itself, he could feel his legs weren’t strong enough. They needed some rest. He kept pushing though.

Then, after a while, his breathing started to give him problems. His heart rate monitor was constantly in the high zone. Eventually, when he saw the rock he was now resting on, his mind gave up and he settled down.

He was tired and soon felt asleep. After dozing for almost an hour, he woke up. As he saw around, for the first time, he noticed the beauty of the surroundings in all their might.

He had scaled many a peaks but had not seen this beauty anywhere. It was magical, paradise like. There was a light fog and the sun was peeping through the clouds, shining on some parts of the valley.

As Aniket looked around, he realised that it would be a big mistake if he just climbed up without absorbing all this nature around him. He still wanted to get to the top but his heart raced at the thought of walking through those beautiful narrow pathways he could see ahead of him.

He decided to change course. For the next couple of hours, he walked on those meandering pathways, touching the plants on the sides, enjoying spring water from the tiny streams, feeling the air around him.

It took him longer than it would have if he had climbed straight but he got to the top just before dusk. He saw the sun setting, soaking in the evening rays and their wonderful colours.

He was dead tired now but also very happy. He had listened to his heart and had gone through a new experience. Something, he would remember all his life. He slept peacefully that night.

The next morning, when he woke up, Aniket realised that what he had seen was a dream. He was in his apartment, lying next to his wife.

He lay there, staring at the ceiling and remembering the experience. And the lesson.

He could aim for the summit but that didn’t mean he had to climb straight up. There were different pathways, some of them richer than the straight climb, that he could take.

That meandering climb will take him longer but will be worth it…

That empty feeling

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I was standing in the corridor, stuck on my feet!

While my friends were walking away towards the after party, I felt stuck. The event was over.

It was the early months of 2009. Peak of global recession, in the aftermath of which, most people were still smarting about what turns life will take.

We all, having joined our MBA just post the Lehman Brothers collapse, were gingerly going through the paces.

However, as was our wont, we couldn’t just accept things to meander. We needed to take some control of the situation. Make some noise about ourselves.

In a country like Singapore, where you’re not a big brand, you need to figure out creative ways to do stuff.

So, we decided to organize our first inter-college fest. It was a tried and tested method to do something inclusive and network effectively, and we decided to give it a shot.

A small committee of students was formed, with I leading it. Our role was to figure out the entire program, engage with other colleges, and run the show. Pretty much everything.

We of course had some assistance from our professors and administrators, and from the larger group. But that group of 5-6 students did the heavy lifting.

As we got to the deep end, alongside our classes and the numerous tests, it wasn’t easy. We had to scramble on many fronts.

But so we did. We came out as a team and did ourselves proud. Everything started falling into place.

Eventually, we managed to get things done with a good turnout. Participation from other colleges, well organized events, fun banter, good food to go around.

As that day drew to a close, I felt a lump building in my throat. I had breathed at this frenetic pace and lived the moment for so long, that seeing it all come toward a close, my mind didn’t know what next to do.

So, as others walked toward the after party, I felt rooted to my place, smiling from the outside but feeling an emptiness inside.

A few of my friends noticed and asked me to join, I waved to them as if I was going to follow. But I didn’t. I couldn’t.

I just needed to be by myself. To feel that emptiness and relish the memories.

I wept in the open air. It was as if a chapter of my life had closed.

Later, the next morning, as I woke up, I realized that the heady feeling of the last few days was gone. It was replaced by a question – will I get to experience something similar again!