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Nostalgia and Guilt

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

There are many a times we suffer from nostalgia, when we recount the days passed by. Either with friends or family or in a particular setting.

There are also things that we have done or decisions we have taken, which at some point in time come back to us and result in guilt.

This past week, as I landed in the Bay Area and spent a few days in Foster city, these two feelings hit me simultaneously.

We spent a year and a half in this place, before we moved back to India 6 months back…

When I had booked the trip, I planned to stay in the vicinity of the office and some other folks I wanted to meet. So, foster city was a natural choice.

It didn’t occur to me much until later, when a colleague asked me if I will feel nostalgic upon my return. Even then, I brushed it off, thinking it will be fine.

However, I was surprised by the intensity of the feeling. It’s been six months but as I walked around the same paths I used to pass by and went around some landmarks we used to visit or our life revolved around, it felt like those days were flashing past me.

I and my wife going for a walk. Our daughter going into the school or we picking her back. A couple of supermarkets we used to go to quite often. A couple of restaurants we frequented.

The list could go on. But you get it. There was heavy nostalgia in revisiting those recent memories. And a heavier sense of guilt!

Guilt because, it was our choice to move back. And for having pushed the family out of this setting.

I lived with questions for a couple of days…

Did I take a hasty decision? Should we have stayed here longer, perhaps we would have found more friends and a life! Why did I give in so easily and not fight it out?

Those couple of days were spent in a lot of self introspection and questioning myself.

Then, as I was reflecting on my days passed by and recounting to a friend what we have been up to ever since going back to India, it struck me.

It may have been a decision taken too soon. But it wasn’t in haste.

We would have definitely found more friends here, but we have so many in Bangalore. And a lot more family around, shorter distances away.

I could have fought on living here but I didn’t want to miss a chance of living life more fully with people I really wish to spend time with.

And so, as I flew out of the city, it became apparent to me that the nostalgia I was feeling was natural but the guilt that had been brewing inside could be put aside.

Maybe, I will still get these kind of questions both inside my head and from my wife and daughter, when we compare something between the two places.

But I hope my head will be able to handle those feelings better and not leave me confused as I was these past few days!

After all, the nostalgia means we had a good time, although it lasted a short while. Perhaps incentive to plan a family trip sometime later on.

And without any feeling of guilt left over, I could happily say that the one and a half year we spent here was some of the best times we spent as a family!

The Alter Ego

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Curtains lift up. There are two characters on stage. Abdul and someone who looks just like him.

Abdul: I have never felt this strong an urge to act. I need to take this plunge now and do something on my own.

His alter ego: Seriously? You are already doing so well in your current job with this company. Why would you want to change that?

Abdul: I have been working for so long, if I want to try something, the time is now. It may be too late otherwise.

His alter ego: Precisely. It is already late buddy. You don’t stand a chance in front of these youngsters.

Abdul: I don’t think so. I have an idea, I can build a business out of it.

His alter ego: What about the income you have coming regularly? That’s savings for your retirement kitty. Once you retire, you can then do whatever you want to.

Abdul. But I feel I am passionate about this idea and can make a difference. Besides, I have enough savings to live a decent life. In the end, if nothing works, I can resume in a job anytime.

His alter ego: And you think it will be a piece of cake? You will have to sacrifice many things. Your current lifestyle will have to be curtailed, which no one in the family will like.

Abdul: Oh, right. I didn’t think about that aspect.

His alter ego: See, I am your friend. If you listen to me, you will be safe!

Abdul: What if I talk to my family and tell them about my desire to do something of my own? I have been doing so many things for them, they ought to understand my needs too.

His alter ego: Why don’t you actually think out loud about what you want to do and find if it makes sense?

Abdul: Yes, why not? It wouldn’t hurt telling my friends and family about my idea and seeking their opinion.

His alter ego (smiling mildly): Now we are talking. Let’s do this comprehensively, and then we can take a calculated decision.

Abdul: Cool, let’s revisit the decision in a few months after I have evaluated everything.

His alter ego: Also, let’s remember, we are not going to do anything rash. Only if there’s a solid plan, will we move ahead.

Abdul: You’re right. I better be sure. I cannot jeopardise anything or anybody.

His alter ego: Back to work then, it’s time to start preparing for the office trip now, we’re out for this week. Once we come back, we will plan further.

The curtain closes. Another day in Abdul’s life…

Throes of Wants

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“Badal”, the man’s ears echoed, the Hindi word for change. It seemed like his soul was telling him to change the ways of his life.

He kept sitting and staring at the sky. It was almost sunset, with the last light few minutes away. As he watched the sun going down, his life ran in front of him…

He remembered the initial, fun filled days when he would spend hours with his friends walking around the markets. He remembered how they went to the movies and had luncheons that lasted for four hours.

He also remembered how he met his wife and the days they spent during their courtship at the cafés jotting the downtown streets.

It all seemed long ago. For as life caught on, he just got busy and somehow never got time again to do all of those things.

With work occupying his life, he had kept everything aside. For he wanted all the money he could earn to buy all the things he ever wanted.

He had spent the last decade or so amassing all those material desires. He had a big house, a couple of fancy cars, watches, suits, gadgets. The list was endless.

But today as he stared at the horizon, he was feeling empty inside. He had no friends around. His wife had left him. No kids.

It seemed as if he was all alone in this wide world.

With a heavy heart, he got up. His life was done. If he had any hope of changing it, he had to make amends. He had to give up his urge to fulfil his desires and wants, and instead focus on relationships and love.

Resolving in his mind, he turned around and walked to his car. It was time to get home and chalk out the plan for getting things on track.

Just as he was getting in, he saw the car parked next to his. It was the latest model of a new breed, something he had been researching upon.

He stood there admiring the contours. He then moved around it, looking inside to get a feel. It was expensive! And he wanted it!

It was time to hit the job circuit and get a raise to buy that car. There was no waiting. Everything else would wait, as always…

“Doing it for fun”

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The past few days, I got to spend time with myself on a pretty scenic drive up and down the pacific highway.

While gazing at the horizon over the Pacific Ocean or driving around the highway with the scenic views giving me company may not qualify as a fun activity for many people, it was for me. There’s something about driving at leisure and spending time doing nothing. Just for fun!

As I spent this time with the family and with myself, I also searched high and low within myself about a few things going on in life off-late. It helped me to reassess my priorities and whether I am doing things that I like to do or those which make me happy.

Later during the weekend, as I spent time with a cousin, we were talking about her passion for art. She is a gifted painter and artist and as we looked at some of the paintings, we questioned her about taking it up as a profession than a hobby. What followed was illuminating for me.

She narrated a few incidents about how she derives pleasure from the art and what she does and while she hasn’t thought about it from a commercial lens, she is happy with how it’s panning out. She was in it for the fun.

This took me back to a conversation I was having with a couple of senior colleagues over lunch a few weeks earlier. We were discussing children and as is usual, the question of their routine came up. The chat was elongated but one thing that shone through for me was the fact that their children were picking and doing things for fun.

Not with any intention or to prove anything. It was just so that they could enjoy the activity and keep doing it as long as they felt good about it. Comparing it with my own daughter’s choices, I could relate to why she was picking up things randomly for some time and giving them up later. Because it probably wasn’t as fun as before.

What’s the point here?

I realized one thing through all these conversations and observations, as well as through the reflection I did while away traveling. That is – we don’t always have to do something with a purpose, it is ok to just pick up a thing for the fun of it. Do it until it lasts, and then move onto something else.

I think over the last few years, I have grown increasingly attached to the notion of why I should or shouldn’t do something. Mostly it is so that I could benefit from it or because I am ready to commit to it for the long term. But what if I sometimes chose things just so that I could enjoy the process and then move on?

Why not pick up a new hobby and try it for a while? Why not start reading a book and if it is not fun, just drop it! Why not pick up a sport, play it for a while and then pick up another? Why not just go on long drives without an agenda whenever it feels like?

This list could be endless. But I am glad I began somewhere these last few days and took some drives and walked some paths that were just for the fun of it…

“Respect”

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It’s a very loaded word. Often misused as well. But it is also a very important one!

We use respect in the context of personal and professional relationships. We use it in the context of someone’s deeds. We use it in the context of how we feel about others. And sometimes, we also seek it through command, or in other words by demanding it.

In all of these contexts, what is important to note is that respect is not free. But it doesn’t ask for any fees also. On the contrary, it is something that is very intrinsic to us – both in terms of how we give it and how we receive it.

For our loved ones or personal relationships, we tend to mutually respect each other. Well, most of us. Either because the other person is elder or knowledgeable or is close enough to us.

We do it not for the sake of ourselves but for the sake of the relationship. To ensure it is healthy. To keep it going. For, how will two people who aren’t respectful toward each other enjoy each other’s company…

But there are instances when we turn disrespectful – because of something that we don’t agree with or because we are mistaken. In any case, if the personal relationship is important to us, we realize the fault and resolve the issue between the two people!

In professional relationships, we respect others if they are senior or are more accomplished or have achieved something significant. Again, in most cases.

But there is a higher frequency of turning disrespectful about others in our professional environments. I have seen umpteen seniors disrespecting juniors, team members making fun of someone they have singled out, juniors talking behind the back of someone they dislike.

This happens because there isn’t a personal bond…

What does happen in each of these instances is that it throws people off. Either because they were undeservedly disrespected, or because the manner in which they were called out.

Often, this breeds resentment. And that isn’t healthy. For it alienates people.

As is true for most things, looking at things from the other’s perspective can help us see things clearly. But then, that’s not a commonly used sense that most of us have inherently developed within!

Adversity

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This is one word we don’t wish for ourselves. Or for those we care about.

However, rarely has someone gone in their life without facing some or the other adversity. It might have been for a short while but none of us have been spared.

While no one likes discomfort or uncertainty, when faced with adversity of any kind, we react in different ways. Some of us face it head on, some hide and wish it goes past, and yet others adopt ambivalence towards it.

Whatever the attitude we display, any and all adversities affect us profoundly! And teach us a lot.

Today, talking to my parents about times gone by, we were remembering some olden days and talking about how things have changed. It reminded me of some tough times I faced.

A few years back, I was in a pretty bad shape. I had suffered a couple of setbacks and was going through a very hard time in all senses. It was something that I had never come across in my life till then, and it shook me to the core.

My parents, who had gone through hard times, used to console me and tell me that it shall all pass and things will be bright again. Even then, I couldn’t understand if and how I will get out of that storm. The only thing I could and was encouraged by others to do was to keep moving forward. But the discomfort was so high, it made me question a lot of things and be circumspect about everything.

Indeed, times changed and improved for the better. Somehow, I managed to get out of that situation gradually. Now when I look back and think about how I managed to stay afloat, it does seem doable.

In our everyday lives, we similarly go through a lot of difficulties and tough times. Variation in magnitude not withstanding, those are days or months we somehow manage to pass through but hope we don’t have to go through again.

And yet, those are times that also help us understand some aspects of life, which we probably had never applied our minds to. They teach us a lot and help us reset directions.

Today’s conversation made me realise that if we weather the storm and manage to sail through it, we would at least, if nothing else, have become a better sailor!

Something, I am going to remind myself about as I go along, to ease present day discomforts and handle any adversities with a song in the heart…

Risk!?

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How much of it are you willing to take?

Is it an adventure or a danger?

Is it something to be cognisant of or to be weary of?

And is it really that important to consider or generally exaggerated?

As my father and I were having a conversation about the thought process required to start a new venture, all of these thoughts swirled in my mind.

I went back in time to check in on my own mindset when I started my venture. And the more I digged into, I realised that being a first time entrepreneur, I had not considered these questions in detail.

I had just heeded the call of my mind and heart and jumped right in. It was like jumping off the 10m board for the first time but thinking that the swimming pool is just a metre away.

Did I land with a thud? Oh, absolutely. I crashed and burned. The swimming pool I jumped into tested me in all possible ways before I could even learn to flap my hands and legs.

It was a great learning experience for me. But I didn’t plan it in advance. I didn’t do a risk analysis to figure out if I should proceed or not.

When I look back now, I realise that if I were to do this same thing again with my current outlook, I would probably do some risk analysis. Age has either corrupted me or made me much more thoughtful!

And the more I thought about this, it occurred to me that most of us weigh too much on things before deciding on the way forward. Is it a good thing to do this analysis? Yes, I believe so. It helps us become clearer in our mind.

But most of our life’s decisions need not be as thought through. While we can try and plan things in our life as much as it is possible, the best experiences happen in those moments which occur serendipitously.

In fact, those journeys that are unplanned always lend you more than you can ever gain from the planned ones.

So should we consider risk or not? Yes if it’s going to be a matter of life and death (and some of us still don’t do that). No, if it is anything smaller.

For after all, the worst thing that could happen to us if we fail, is a new experience that otherwise would have alluded us…

The downward spiral

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As usual, over the weekend I tried to catch up with newsletters and articles to make sense of the world over the past week or so. Over the past few weeks, I had been following the narrative of things going wrong in business, and as I read some of those articles, that gnawing feeling came back – something’s not right with how things are in the business world.

Over the past few months, there has been constant reporting and scrutiny of how big tech companies, which at one point of time were hailed as superlative, are now being called out for wrongdoings. It’s been the same with startups too. And with companies in other established industries.

Well, one of the reasons for this level of outrage could be the disconcerting factor of how the current situation has resulted in small companies and businesses folding up, traditional setups destroyed, while tech-led businesses and large corporations have flourished.

Another could be the fact that after years of hoping that the online economy would open up channels of equality and grounds of fair play, we have realised that it is after all still the same old place, with people having better access to resources winning over those with less. And hence the backlash.

Or it could be just the fact that people have finally woken up and realised that all is not right with the world that we live in and they need to call out and correct the wrongdoings.

Whatever it may be, what I have realised is that without a doubt, there has been a constant churning for the worse. Companies that began with a heart of pure gold (or so they claimed), have compromised on their values. Leaders who espoused equality and fairness, have squandered the opportunity to abide by what they said initially. And startups which came into being to solve a problem and be different than the others, have disintegrated into being a newer version of those ‘others’.

In my mind, it all boils down to one aspect – it’s the human(s) leading the charge who have led this downwards spiral. The founders, the leaders, the executives, people who were tasked with leading the new wave and rising above others, haven’t been able to fulfil the potential that was expected or promised.

Having built a business myself, I know it’s not easy to be in those shoes. When one is in the saddle, every small bump has to be negotiated. Hurdles at almost every step have to be crossed. More so, if you are a startup or a company out to prove yourself in a new market. And there’s constant pressure. From your known ones, people who have invested in you or the company, from the customers et al.

And while your intention is to navigate all of these in the most ideal way possible, there are times when you fall down. When you have to take a detour to avoid a wide ditch. In times like those, you have to decide. Decide to do the right thing for everyone, without knowing what’s the correct answer. Taking a leap of faith sometimes.

As long as your heart is in the correct place, things would turn out to be fine. It’s when you allow those moments to move you into a different zone, one which you aren’t comfortable with, that things go wrong.

When investors advise you to adopt a different strategy contrary to what you wanted to do, for the sake of the market. Or competitors demand you to be more aggressive, forcing you to adopt practices not consistent with your values. That’s when the fault-lines appear and if not taken control over, lead to a crack, large enough to cause a chasm.

The trouble is, in a lot of the successful cases recently, these chasms have led to superior growth, opened up new vistas for the business, and led to the belief that the decision taken in those trying times was right. And as nothing succeeds like success, the new thought becomes the de-facto.

And then the downward spiral begins. Feeling reassured by the success and by the belief that things are fine, the chasm grows. Practices and policies get diluted. Things begin to change for the worse. Chasing numbers or growth or glory, decisions are taken that move away the company significantly from where it wanted to be, at the start. And that’s why the current backlash.

It’s not that the world is replete with these examples. There have been quite a few cases where the leaders have refused to budge and succeeded despite odds stacked against the right way of doing things. But they are far and few in between.

Perhaps, it is time for us to think about our responsibility individually and as we grow up in life and work, to resolve to do the right thing whenever we are leading the charge. Even if it means that we will take time to succeed. Or that we have to call out and correct the wrong-doing.

Because, the downward spiral isn’t something worth living for in the long run!

The Child in Us! The secret to business success…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

All of us were children once! Some of us still are.

I just told you one of the secrets of being successful in business and entrepreneurship!

What is it about being child-like that prompts success when starting and running a business. I have been thinking about this topic for sometime and decided to pen down my thoughts today. 

We start our lives as a care-free, ignorant child. Lost in our own world. Oblivious to what’s happening around us or in the world. Blissfully unaware of our surroundings. The only thing that matters to us during those days is NOTHING!!! 

And then we start growing up. We slowly learn things and become aware about what’s happening around us. We start recognising people and pick up their habits and mannerisms. Ignorance is lost and that’s the first blow! 

We grow up more and enter the education world keen to make friends and play. We learn a lot in the process and become aware of what’s happening in the world. As a result, we start forming opinions and deciding our boundaries and limitations. Blow no. 2! 

We enter teenage and are often rebellious. We want to do things the other way. But then, that’s not how you do things honey! And we are stopped in our tracks to try out new things. ‘You can’t do that’, ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea’, ‘I hope you get back to doing something better’, and the quintessential ‘What will people say’ are statements that we hear. And we lose our enthusiasm for trying out. No. 3! 

And then we finally enter the work sphere in our lives. And all our remaining hopes get quashed. We have to function as per the defined processes. We have to stay within our limits and not try new things. We must follow orders and stick to the protocol. Gone is our last remaining ounce of child-like thoughts by this latest blow.

That perhaps explains why a lot of people desire to do something of their own but can’t muster enough courage to try it out. The fear of failure and rebuttal dissuaded them. Something which was absent when they were a child!

Successful entrepreneurs on the other hand keep that inner child alive and kicking and come out triumphant on the other side of life to start a business. They nurture their inner child and grow in between the Nay-sayers and doubting Thomases. They don’t care if they fail or succeed, it just matters that they do what their heart and mind wishes for. And they know, even if they fail, it will be great learning and they will live on to fight another day.

The world looks at them in awe! But it was just the inner child that they kept on nurturing and enthusing all this while to succeed and live the life of freedom and dreams…