Observations

Culture and Beliefs…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

On a road trip this weekend, with the car speeding on the highway, wifey and I engaged in a discussion on culture. While the trip ended soon after, some questions remained in my subconciousness for the entire weekend – How it germinates? How it builds? How it lasts? It seemed fascinating to understand these hows and as my mind raced around these questions, I decided to try and decipher them through my own experiences…

I have been part of a few organizations over the years. Right from a heirarchical organization, to structured but intrapreneurial setups in a couple of organizations I worked for, to rigid siloed operations in a couple of others, each one of them had a distinct culture.

When I look back now, a lot of it was espoused by the people at the top and percolated down to the bottom. Which comes from the theory that culture germinates from the top and trickles down. We often see leaders as the ambassador of the organization and equate the company’s culture with their mannerisms. I certainly have gained a lot of my cultural leanings from those people at the top I worked with.

However, it isn’t always an effect of the leadership following or espousing a certain manner. I believe it is also through the experiences that those people and the teams had in the formative years of the organization. What it led them to believe or disagree on, and what they gained out of those experiences, shaped up the culture of the team and the company at large as it grew.

Yet another theory I examined is that culture also shapes up based on the kind of work the company does and the people the teams engage with on a regular basis. If the work is done on the ground and with a lot of struggle, it leads to appreciation for people and situations vis-a-vis things which happen at a very high level without too much of a deviation. I experienced it first-hand in the startup world running my own business and interacting with others and believe it is also a contributing factor to some extent.

Whatever is the germination of the culture or the way it builds up, it is only when those tenets last for a long time that the culture seeps in all the nooks and corners and becomes symbolic of the organization at large. And with the passage of time, it gets ingrained in every new person fairly quickly. That’s when it begins to last!

As I reflected on all of these thoughts, it occurred to my mind that we as human beings also develop in our life and build our beliefs through similar processes. We depend on our parents and elders to pass on a certain culture and values to us when we are in our formative years. Our years at the school under the guidance of teachers and the influence of friends shapes us as we grow up. The experiences we have in our adulthood define our behaviour and disposition.

Those beliefs then help us shape our life going forward and get passed down to our family members and children. And shape up our society at large.

What matters most is how malleable those beliefs are – are we flexible enough to change them if there is a good ground for the change or are we rigid and hold them as unchangeable irrespective of whatever happens. Because that is what governs our responses to situations in life and improves our longevity and sanity. In the same way that a company’s sustenance and longevity is dependent on how it’s culture shifts with the changing strands of time…

Social Levels

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We all live in a society. And the society has its peking order. That’s what we have all seen in our lives. And that’s how we behave mostly!

This weekend, as I finally finished watching ‘Rome’, a series covering the history of the Roman empire during the times of Julius Ceasar and Octavion Ceasar, I grappled with these thoughts in my mind. While I always enjoy history and the stories that it tells us, it was most interesting to study the intricacies captured in the series related to different social levels, ranging from the nobles to the senators to the plebs (common people).

As I thought through, I realised that the same structure has been theorised in all the ancient cultures, whether it is Indian (recall Shabri in Ramayan or Karna in Mahabharat) or others (circa Rome). It is as if all through our history, people have always been divided into social levels based on who does what or who owns what.

And that’s been a cause for strife. Whether the fights that have happened through the ancient history centered on religion, or the wars and battles in the medieval history emerging from the fight for ownership, or the revolutions in the modern history focused on rights, all have one thing in common. The oppressed and the downtrodden have risen and revolted against those who are in power or are better off, to take back what they think is rightfully theirs.

Now it’s not in my domain to comment on what or who is right or wrong. People have fought and continue to do so because we humans can’t live with each other for long before disagreeing.

But what I realised is that before all of this, when we were still evolving and had to survive in the wild jungles, there surely wouldn’t have been so called ‘social levels’. Yes, there would have been a leader of the pack (assuming animal behaviours that I know of), but otherwise it would just have been an equal footing for everyone. All working together to fend off danger and survive to the best of their abilities.

As an analogy in our current world, often when we are faced with a danger, we group together and fight it, forgetting if the others are of the same social level or not. People who aren’t likely to sit together, help each other in crises like a terror attack, a flood, a famine etc. But go back to normalcy, and the camaraderie also goes away…

These social levels permeate our behaviour in many ways. Whether its deciding where to live or what to do and how, we all try and abide by the societal norms of our level and aspire to grow to the next level. Be it in our kid’s education, or the company we wish to keep, or the way we change our conduct as we start progressing in life. Even when it comes to marriages, we solicit a match for our sons/daughters based on our social level and seek someone higher up if possible.

This psyche unfortunately divides us into splinter groups as a society. And creates fissures. The servant or maid who works for us doesn’t get the same opportunities for his/her family and while serves us faithfully (?), despises us and secretly wishes to rise up and show us some day that s/he is an equal. Or the people who assume an air of superiority and try and showcase their “upper class”, leaving some of us jealous of their success and ready to do anything to reach the same status.

Does it really help us as an individual or family? I don’t know. It probably is a very superfluous mirage to hold.

What it definitely does is create a sort of dissatisfaction within us about why we are not at the next level yet. And that’s troubling. Because, that takes away our happiness and the beauty of our lives in the present…

Getting Together

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Man is a social animal. Aristotle said so and we all have displayed great affinity for it for as long as we have been alive. Very few of us have the will to stay away altogether from the society. With Covid nearing its anniversary celebrations in many places though, the last one year seems to have been a lost opportunity for social life.

However, this last week, with missus out of town and time on my hands, I spent time in getting together with friends and colleagues in various social settings. During a work trip, over a weekend party with fellow residents, and over a lazy Sunday afternoon at home. It was fun!

Not just because we could get together and have a good time but also because after a long hiatus, it felt good to be approaching normalcy.

It isn’t that we haven’t met people in these times. Most of us have spent time with family and friends as the pandemic has progressively become less deadly. But with the drudgery of work-from-home loneliness and with the umpteen precautions we have had to take, I have often felt that life has become slightly boring in general.

Before the pandemic, we used to meet our colleagues daily, work and perhaps have a bit of fun, apart from the various things that one could do socially over the week. Children had their school friends and those around their home to play with. Elders had visitors and a string of things to look forward to in their days. And as I think about it now, it made a huge difference to our lives. It gave us a sense of belongingness and togetherness.

With most of us working from home over the past months, life took a turn for the worse. While we get online and virtually meet others, in my opinion, there is still a distant and unspoken coldness about it, when compared to in-person interactions. And with those who are younger or older denied of their life’s daily pleasures, things have definitely grown dull all around.

And while the pandemic still isn’t behind us, these in-person get togethers that happened in controlled settings were a relief. It allowed us to speak out, hear others, laugh and joke around, and be ourselves again. Out of the confines of our boundaries, into the open.

To feel life flow through conversations again. To get to know each other that much more. And to feel happy about those moments passed with others.

In the new normal we will perhaps adopt more remote ways to work and interact. But I hope we also continue to create or get chances to get together with others, in a controlled environment, to create real memories…

Worrying too much?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

OTT platforms are killing it these days. I was watching one such series on the 1992 stock market scam in India that has garnered good reviews, when the subject of this post came across through one of the dialogues by the central character. It has been 3 weeks since I finished watching that series but the dialogue has remained with me, with the protagonist mentioning “Worry is like death”. As it came up repeatedly in my thoughts, I spent some time deliberating on it with my own experiences and those of the others I have seen around me.

I have had a couple of troughs in my life. The first one was when I had to leave the Army while the second one was the phase when I had to close down my business. In both the cases, with the tide of time going against me, I started worrying a lot about what will happen, what will I do in the future, and so on. And at both times, I became bitter, had health issues, and pulled down those near and dear to me. Fortunately, I got some good advise and support from my family to come out of those situations.

Even with others, I have often seen how they have got jolted by mishaps and things that didn’t go as per plan. And while most of them have recovered from that setback and moved on to do better things in life, there have been few I know of, who haven’t been able to come to terms with it.

Why do we worry so much? And why is it that we feel so disheartened that we sometimes lose hope and continue to sink deeper? Why is it that some people sink so deep that they either chose to take the extreme step or continue to live their remaining life in the sink-hole? On the other side, what is it that gives us hope to pull ourselves back and get back on our feet? How is it that we can stomach all such upsets when we have support of others?

As I thought through my own experiences and those of the others I know, I realised that the answers to these questions are probably an outcome of the perspective we have on life.

Right from our childhood, we develop this perspective, which is a complex combination of the values passed on to us, the thought process instilled/developed during the formative years, the things that are taught to us directly or indirectly, and the experiences and the reaction/response to them that we imbibe in our instincts.

And while each one of us has our own unique experiences, some of the important things that determine how we will react to these setbacks in our life is the result of the upbringing that we have had over the years. Positivity breeds optimism in all situations and leads us to move on after the setback and redo/restart on the same/new path. Negativity instills fear and anxiousness, which leads us to question ourselves and doubt if we can move forward after such a setback, getting trapped in our mind.

With the world around us changing rapidly now and the uncertainity prevailing in every sphere of our lives, these situations will only become more common and the response to them will probably determine the future of not just us individuals but also the society as a whole. And therefore, I feel, its time we start looking at the glass half full and start encouraging others also to do the same…

Corrections!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

The other day, while her class was going on, I saw my daughter sitting with a sad face. Knowing that it was the arts class and the teacher was making the students draw something, I was surprised that she wasn’t enthusiastic about her favourite activity.

As I enquired with her, reluctantly at first, she mentioned that she wasn’t happy with what she had drawn. The teacher had asked them to draw a particular scenery and she had bungled up one part of it.

I sat her down and explained to her that it was fine and she could correct it. She had not really made a big mistake and she could just erase the wrong part and do it again. It took her sometime to process that thought and although initially she mentioned that she would want to draw the entire scenery again, she finally came around to correcting the mistake.

Being a stickler for perfection in whatever she does, I was surprised. I have seen her being extremely careful about how she draws the lines, the colours she chooses, the way she uses the scissors, and so on. If anything goes wrong, she tends to restart from the beginning. Or just drops that activity.

But this time, she chose not to. She instead decided to correct her mistake and move on with the same activity sheet. I happily realised that she had gained some bit of maturity over her earlier stiff stance. And as I reflected on it later, I realised that she had learnt an important trait.

Of accepting one’s mistake and making sure to correct it and continue, rather than starting again or leaving it altogether.

While she is a child and learning the ropes of life, it’s a simple but important lesson we as adults sometimes forget. Paving the way for confusion, anxiety, stress. We overburden ourselves and try and prove to others, rather than accepting the mistake, correcting it, and moving forward. Which is a rather costly affair at times.

But then, we have our egos to feed. And our minds to prove. Even if it is at the cost of others.

As I got over this thought, I made a note to myself to next time check for my behaviour. So that, I don’t make the mistake of covering up the mistakes that led to issues. And that I accept those mistakes, resolve those issues, and try as much as possible to carry on, for as long as possible…

The Cleanliness Drive…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

My missus was in a good mood that day. After a long time, I heard praise from her about my cleanliness drive. I recall the exact words “You are good with the broom, the house is looking clean”. I was ecstatic, it was hard earned praise from the better half, after all.

While putting away the broom after experiencing that high, I was instantly reminded of the many roles “the broom” has played in my life.

It began with the versatile object being used as a weapon of choice for hauling me up, on quite a few occasions when things got absolutely out of control as a kid. My mother was a very patient woman, holding the big house together with the many inhabitants and guests. But there were times when her patience gave way due to my stubbornness and then I got the wrong end of the stick. Literally…

As I grew up, the broom also became an object to hide away the mess made while playing or working up tricks. I was once caught on the terrace burning a stash of newspapers by myself and received a good beating. Having smarted from the incident, the next few times I did that, the broom became a good friend sweeping the secrets away!

It had its positives also. The practice made me good at sweeping the house. Later on, when the need arose, I used to wield it to the desired effect and earn praise from the elders for being such a good boy. And that carried on during the Army stint as well, when keeping the cabin spick and span was more than a matter of routine – the consequences were stark and often meant lost sleep.

And so it has been ever since. The practices instilled in the Army haven’t left me and cleanliness is one of the most important things – personal as well as surroundings. I see something dirty and have an instant urge to sort the mess. Needless to say, the broom is the companion in most of those excursions.

The broom has been used to good effect in popular culture as well. Whether it is in depicting the quintessential dutiful wife, or the helpless maid, or the furious aunty, the moving pictures have shown it all. Of course, with consistency. For example, in Yash Chopra / Karan Johar movies, the broom wielding character was always in a larger than life, palatial house that never needed cleaning.

Television shows have used it as a prop and stand-up comedians have often centered their jokes around it. Books and columns have often written about it in eloquent fashion. One of my apartment friends wrote a great piece sometime back, describing his ascent in the art of using the broom as a cricket bat. And another one talked about the side effects of ‘vim and broom’ on the males of the house ever since the lockdown hit us!

The broom has been used extensively in politics also. A new breed of social activists turned reformists turned politicians used it as their symbol to indicate sweeping changes and arose hopes for millions of people. It is another thing that the sweep also blew some of them away. Others learnt from it and used cleanliness to a telling effect in reminding people of the need to get the country back to order.

And so, the broom continues to live in conscious and subconscious memory of all of us, often times coming in as an aid and sometimes as an adversary. This small object, found in almost all Indian homes, is a beacon of hope – that all will be well and we can afford a mess as long as we have it tucked in a corner of the house. And a reminder to lead a clean life…

The Artist’s Perspective

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Last week’s post triggered an inspired exchange with an old friend about an artist’s thought process.

My friend contended that while discipline and creativity may go hand in hand, an artist at most times is not bound by discipline and draws inspiration at odd times or from things which may not be in the normal scheme of things. And therefore she may not be disciplined but may still be a great artist.

While I tended to agree with him broadly, the more I thought about it, I realised this point has multiple aspects to consider.

Firstly, there is the contention of what level the artist is at. Secondly, the question of whether the pursuit is short lived or life long and lastly, whether it is commercial or leisurely.

While not all writers are artists, good writing is often equated with art. So as a novice artist (hopefully!), if not for my discipline or urge to practice continuously and improve myself in my art, I wouldn’t be writing this. And while not everyone may like all my writings, the mere act of sitting down and penning my thoughts from time to time pushes me to reimagine myself and to hone my skills.

For someone at a different level or skill though, with innate creativity and imagination, such discipline may not be necessary. That person could manage with minimal practice and turn up on the designated day and produce good art. But in most cases, such artists indulge in their art form as a leisure activity and do it for the fun of it.

Of course, someone who indulges in art as a leisure activity wouldn’t want to enforce discipline into the activity as it would ruin the leisurely approach. But discipline here is not just about the approach but also the mindset/skill – which would require some method to the madness to ensure creativity flows in those leisure hours.

On the other hand, for most who pursue their art for long and benefit in some form or other commercially from it, it in someway becomes their profession. Like in any profession, there is a need for such an artist to follow a disciplined approach that helps her churn out likeable and saleable art.

And while there may be an argument over whether the art produced by such a commercially inclined artist is good or not, unless the artist is disciplined and continues to produce art, she will be relegated to the sidelines as has happened to many. In fact that’s the difference between those who are able to tide over their low phases / artist’s block, and continue the journey versus those who give up midway.

As I thought through all these aspects, I realised that we think about artists as geniuses. People who are able to produce new stuff, when most of us only consume. And hence, we see them in a different light as someone who has a gift – which they can encash whenever they want without much effort.

On the contrary, what I have understood through my own experiment with writing over the last few months, is that it takes a disciplined approach to create. And the gift that others perceive the artist to have, is a by-product of a lot of hard work behind the scenes. It’s just fashionable and perhaps self-indulging to call it as a stroke of brilliance without attributing the toil behind it…

Time travails!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Over the last 1 week, I have seen 2 movies where the concept of loneliness gets mentioned prominently. Ruminating about the present situation, in both the cases, there is a satirical solution to solve for the problem most people in these modern times face…

Sitting idle on a rainy Sunday, eschewing the choice of watching another movie or reading another book, I decided to delve deeper into this abyss.

Being a working couple, with multiple calls and meetings jam-packed into our schedules, we have been finding it tough to get time for ourselves, apart from the household chores that never seem to end. That leaves us with very little time to talk to each other on most weekdays or have fun as a family.

It wasn’t so earlier. I remember, in the previous decade, while work was hectic, there was a physical cut-off time that most people followed and respected. And while there were those odd days or weeks, where you had to put in extra hours, without the always connected, ubiquitous gadgets, our lives were much simpler.

Evenings after office work used to be spent in chit-chatting about sundry things. Or in watching some television. And talking to other family members and friends.

During childhood, it was even better. I recall that when my father used to return from his work, we all used to sit down and have a hearty conversation. And so it went on, until dinner time and sometimes, even post that. That was the daily succour with very little options on television – the only thing being the evening news that was part of the daily routine.

As we have got more options to remain connected and have more gadgets at our disposal, somehow we have been robbed of our time. When we are not working, we feel the urgent need to connect with the world through the technology in our hands. That behaviour has percolated down to children and today it is not uncommon to see teenagers glued to their screens with scant awareness about what’s happening around them.

And then there is the entire focus on ‘Me Time’. About doing something which dissociates us from the daily tribulations of our work. While earlier, most people had constructive hobbies to pursue during such time, these days it is spent mostly on streaming platforms, or browsing through social media, news, shopping websites, WhatsApp chat groups, and what not.

Most of us have fallen in this trap of always being connected, with a false sense of interacting with the world and being informed, instead of spending time with those that matter the most in our lives. And that is what I feel is leading to this feeling of loneliness and hollowness.

While we cannot do away with the demands of work in an inter-connected, hyper-sensitive and globalised environment, it is upon us to draw out our boundaries to ensure that we maintain a balance between work and life. And that spare time can be utilised for not just browsing the phone but also talking about anything and everything under the sun to the people who matter in our lives. In person or on a phone call (not virtually!). And to teach the same to the next generation!

Having consciously tried to minimise after-work and weekend screen time over the past few weeks, my wife and I have been able to find those small passages of time, where we reconnect and talk to each other. And that has helped us refresh ourselves mentally, winding down in the evening or on weekends. It has also helped us reduce the screen time for our daughter, who otherwise used to be gunning for another go at some cartoon show.

While I cannot claim to have found the elixir to this lifestyle crisis, the progress in our personal case gives me hope that we have it in us to undo the side effects of technology use and get real again!

Change is the only constant

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

As I heard one of the characters in a TV series talk about how change is messy and difficult and not something worthwhile, I recalled this title phrase. And the truism associated with it.

I have always been a firm believer of how change is for the good. It has helped shape my life and provided me tremendous opportunities to learn and grow.

Well, change has been the order of life for me all throughout. I studied in 6 different schools, moving places every 2-3 years. I have pursued 4 different professional tracks in my career. And yet every time there’s some change – big or small, I feel uncertain and out of control.

However, having experienced so many changes in life, I have learnt a trick to handle these situations. Instead of further sinking down into anxiety, I let go. It is not easy – difficult to dissociate and let things flow. But what I have realised is that it’s better to flow than to resist.

As I look around these days, on one side I see people embracing change and adapting to the circumstances but on the other hand, I observe a sense of inertia. As someone who studies people and behaviours, I have realised these responses are all about those 2 words “Letting go”.

People who aren’t embracing change aren’t comfortable letting go. They feel like they have to own and drive things, not let it drift or be driven by something or someone.

This is true not just in the professional world but the personal one also.

The mother who doesn’t let go of the child to play alone, fearing a fall or a scratched hand. The parents who still want to manage or help their grown up kids in everything they do. All of these “not letting go” examples only point to the inertia that the mother or parents feel about the impending change or growth.

In the professional world examples abound. We all have seen or worked with the manager who wants to micromanage. Or the senior who wants to take Center-stage all the time. Or the old guard which refuses to adapt to new ways of working. It’s again a matter of “not letting go” – the anxiety of what will happen if I don’t do it my way.

What we don’t realise is that by not letting go, we create further resistance, which sooner or later leads to breaches. Be it the kid who finds ways and means to slip out of the parent’s radar to do her own thing. Or the junior who gives up and leaves the job for better opportunities where she can grow. The breach happens as the resistance becomes untenable.

As we navigate through this Covid-19 era, where trust is dipping down and anxiety is increasing, it would serve us well to realise that this too shall pass. That this change will allow old ways to be replaced with new ones. And rather than fighting it, remembering that after all is done and dusted, the changes will be for the greater good.

Let it go…

Trust matters!

~ Rishi ~ 4 Comments

While playing with my daughter at home last weekend, when attempting to swing her in my arms, her anxious face and nervous laughter told me one thing – she somehow wasn’t 100% sure if she wouldn’t get hurt…

Although it was a small moment, I stopped and talked to her; mentioned that she can trust me for everything; and made a note to myself to re-assure her the next time I do something similar.

As this week passed on and I spent some more time with my daughter, I consciously tried to ensure that the trust which was established, remained. And it definitely added to the fun that the two of us had.

Reflecting back, I think trust forms the bedrock of everything we do.

Whether it is our relationships, or our behaviour with people we know or don’t know, or for that matter our work and it’s outcome, trust is an important foundational element.

And as we go along in life, that trust increases or decreases based on our observations and perception of the reciprocation from the other side. Be it our family, friends, relatives, or colleagues.

However, having had some experiences, which have led to some white hair, I have come to appreciate that trust is not just a one sided affair. It has to be mutual. Only then does something result in success. In life or at work.

When I look back at the friendships I have had, or professional relationships with colleagues or business partners, trust made them and erosion of trust marred them. And yet, as I look back, I sometimes feel that I became too judgemental too quickly in some of the cases which didn’t end well. Or I formed a perception, which may not have been absolutely correct, which led that path down the short road.

Perhaps, we need to be more accommodative of others. Give them more time and space. And respect that things sometimes take time and the dice may not always roll the way we want it. That will probably help in avoiding wrong decisions.

And as the ‘other’ party, it is imperative that we do all one can to retain that trust and build the bond stronger. Unless it absolutely becomes impossible to carry it forward.

In this day and age when our opinions and perceptions get shaped quickly and can change by the day, remembering that it is easier to gain trust than lose it and that sometimes slowing down our snap decisions will serve us better in the long run, will take us further.

After all, matters related to trust should neither be taken lightly nor judged too quickly…