Observations

The Cleanliness Drive…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

My missus was in a good mood that day. After a long time, I heard praise from her about my cleanliness drive. I recall the exact words “You are good with the broom, the house is looking clean”. I was ecstatic, it was hard earned praise from the better half, after all.

While putting away the broom after experiencing that high, I was instantly reminded of the many roles “the broom” has played in my life.

It began with the versatile object being used as a weapon of choice for hauling me up, on quite a few occasions when things got absolutely out of control as a kid. My mother was a very patient woman, holding the big house together with the many inhabitants and guests. But there were times when her patience gave way due to my stubbornness and then I got the wrong end of the stick. Literally…

As I grew up, the broom also became an object to hide away the mess made while playing or working up tricks. I was once caught on the terrace burning a stash of newspapers by myself and received a good beating. Having smarted from the incident, the next few times I did that, the broom became a good friend sweeping the secrets away!

It had its positives also. The practice made me good at sweeping the house. Later on, when the need arose, I used to wield it to the desired effect and earn praise from the elders for being such a good boy. And that carried on during the Army stint as well, when keeping the cabin spick and span was more than a matter of routine – the consequences were stark and often meant lost sleep.

And so it has been ever since. The practices instilled in the Army haven’t left me and cleanliness is one of the most important things – personal as well as surroundings. I see something dirty and have an instant urge to sort the mess. Needless to say, the broom is the companion in most of those excursions.

The broom has been used to good effect in popular culture as well. Whether it is in depicting the quintessential dutiful wife, or the helpless maid, or the furious aunty, the moving pictures have shown it all. Of course, with consistency. For example, in Yash Chopra / Karan Johar movies, the broom wielding character was always in a larger than life, palatial house that never needed cleaning.

Television shows have used it as a prop and stand-up comedians have often centered their jokes around it. Books and columns have often written about it in eloquent fashion. One of my apartment friends wrote a great piece sometime back, describing his ascent in the art of using the broom as a cricket bat. And another one talked about the side effects of ‘vim and broom’ on the males of the house ever since the lockdown hit us!

The broom has been used extensively in politics also. A new breed of social activists turned reformists turned politicians used it as their symbol to indicate sweeping changes and arose hopes for millions of people. It is another thing that the sweep also blew some of them away. Others learnt from it and used cleanliness to a telling effect in reminding people of the need to get the country back to order.

And so, the broom continues to live in conscious and subconscious memory of all of us, often times coming in as an aid and sometimes as an adversary. This small object, found in almost all Indian homes, is a beacon of hope – that all will be well and we can afford a mess as long as we have it tucked in a corner of the house. And a reminder to lead a clean life…

The Artist’s Perspective

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Last week’s post triggered an inspired exchange with an old friend about an artist’s thought process.

My friend contended that while discipline and creativity may go hand in hand, an artist at most times is not bound by discipline and draws inspiration at odd times or from things which may not be in the normal scheme of things. And therefore she may not be disciplined but may still be a great artist.

While I tended to agree with him broadly, the more I thought about it, I realised this point has multiple aspects to consider.

Firstly, there is the contention of what level the artist is at. Secondly, the question of whether the pursuit is short lived or life long and lastly, whether it is commercial or leisurely.

While not all writers are artists, good writing is often equated with art. So as a novice artist (hopefully!), if not for my discipline or urge to practice continuously and improve myself in my art, I wouldn’t be writing this. And while not everyone may like all my writings, the mere act of sitting down and penning my thoughts from time to time pushes me to reimagine myself and to hone my skills.

For someone at a different level or skill though, with innate creativity and imagination, such discipline may not be necessary. That person could manage with minimal practice and turn up on the designated day and produce good art. But in most cases, such artists indulge in their art form as a leisure activity and do it for the fun of it.

Of course, someone who indulges in art as a leisure activity wouldn’t want to enforce discipline into the activity as it would ruin the leisurely approach. But discipline here is not just about the approach but also the mindset/skill – which would require some method to the madness to ensure creativity flows in those leisure hours.

On the other hand, for most who pursue their art for long and benefit in some form or other commercially from it, it in someway becomes their profession. Like in any profession, there is a need for such an artist to follow a disciplined approach that helps her churn out likeable and saleable art.

And while there may be an argument over whether the art produced by such a commercially inclined artist is good or not, unless the artist is disciplined and continues to produce art, she will be relegated to the sidelines as has happened to many. In fact that’s the difference between those who are able to tide over their low phases / artist’s block, and continue the journey versus those who give up midway.

As I thought through all these aspects, I realised that we think about artists as geniuses. People who are able to produce new stuff, when most of us only consume. And hence, we see them in a different light as someone who has a gift – which they can encash whenever they want without much effort.

On the contrary, what I have understood through my own experiment with writing over the last few months, is that it takes a disciplined approach to create. And the gift that others perceive the artist to have, is a by-product of a lot of hard work behind the scenes. It’s just fashionable and perhaps self-indulging to call it as a stroke of brilliance without attributing the toil behind it…

Time travails!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Over the last 1 week, I have seen 2 movies where the concept of loneliness gets mentioned prominently. Ruminating about the present situation, in both the cases, there is a satirical solution to solve for the problem most people in these modern times face…

Sitting idle on a rainy Sunday, eschewing the choice of watching another movie or reading another book, I decided to delve deeper into this abyss.

Being a working couple, with multiple calls and meetings jam-packed into our schedules, we have been finding it tough to get time for ourselves, apart from the household chores that never seem to end. That leaves us with very little time to talk to each other on most weekdays or have fun as a family.

It wasn’t so earlier. I remember, in the previous decade, while work was hectic, there was a physical cut-off time that most people followed and respected. And while there were those odd days or weeks, where you had to put in extra hours, without the always connected, ubiquitous gadgets, our lives were much simpler.

Evenings after office work used to be spent in chit-chatting about sundry things. Or in watching some television. And talking to other family members and friends.

During childhood, it was even better. I recall that when my father used to return from his work, we all used to sit down and have a hearty conversation. And so it went on, until dinner time and sometimes, even post that. That was the daily succour with very little options on television – the only thing being the evening news that was part of the daily routine.

As we have got more options to remain connected and have more gadgets at our disposal, somehow we have been robbed of our time. When we are not working, we feel the urgent need to connect with the world through the technology in our hands. That behaviour has percolated down to children and today it is not uncommon to see teenagers glued to their screens with scant awareness about what’s happening around them.

And then there is the entire focus on ‘Me Time’. About doing something which dissociates us from the daily tribulations of our work. While earlier, most people had constructive hobbies to pursue during such time, these days it is spent mostly on streaming platforms, or browsing through social media, news, shopping websites, WhatsApp chat groups, and what not.

Most of us have fallen in this trap of always being connected, with a false sense of interacting with the world and being informed, instead of spending time with those that matter the most in our lives. And that is what I feel is leading to this feeling of loneliness and hollowness.

While we cannot do away with the demands of work in an inter-connected, hyper-sensitive and globalised environment, it is upon us to draw out our boundaries to ensure that we maintain a balance between work and life. And that spare time can be utilised for not just browsing the phone but also talking about anything and everything under the sun to the people who matter in our lives. In person or on a phone call (not virtually!). And to teach the same to the next generation!

Having consciously tried to minimise after-work and weekend screen time over the past few weeks, my wife and I have been able to find those small passages of time, where we reconnect and talk to each other. And that has helped us refresh ourselves mentally, winding down in the evening or on weekends. It has also helped us reduce the screen time for our daughter, who otherwise used to be gunning for another go at some cartoon show.

While I cannot claim to have found the elixir to this lifestyle crisis, the progress in our personal case gives me hope that we have it in us to undo the side effects of technology use and get real again!

Change is the only constant

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As I heard one of the characters in a TV series talk about how change is messy and difficult and not something worthwhile, I recalled this title phrase. And the truism associated with it.

I have always been a firm believer of how change is for the good. It has helped shape my life and provided me tremendous opportunities to learn and grow.

Well, change has been the order of life for me all throughout. I studied in 6 different schools, moving places every 2-3 years. I have pursued 4 different professional tracks in my career. And yet every time there’s some change – big or small, I feel uncertain and out of control.

However, having experienced so many changes in life, I have learnt a trick to handle these situations. Instead of further sinking down into anxiety, I let go. It is not easy – difficult to dissociate and let things flow. But what I have realised is that it’s better to flow than to resist.

As I look around these days, on one side I see people embracing change and adapting to the circumstances but on the other hand, I observe a sense of inertia. As someone who studies people and behaviours, I have realised these responses are all about those 2 words “Letting go”.

People who aren’t embracing change aren’t comfortable letting go. They feel like they have to own and drive things, not let it drift or be driven by something or someone.

This is true not just in the professional world but the personal one also.

The mother who doesn’t let go of the child to play alone, fearing a fall or a scratched hand. The parents who still want to manage or help their grown up kids in everything they do. All of these “not letting go” examples only point to the inertia that the mother or parents feel about the impending change or growth.

In the professional world examples abound. We all have seen or worked with the manager who wants to micromanage. Or the senior who wants to take Center-stage all the time. Or the old guard which refuses to adapt to new ways of working. It’s again a matter of “not letting go” – the anxiety of what will happen if I don’t do it my way.

What we don’t realise is that by not letting go, we create further resistance, which sooner or later leads to breaches. Be it the kid who finds ways and means to slip out of the parent’s radar to do her own thing. Or the junior who gives up and leaves the job for better opportunities where she can grow. The breach happens as the resistance becomes untenable.

As we navigate through this Covid-19 era, where trust is dipping down and anxiety is increasing, it would serve us well to realise that this too shall pass. That this change will allow old ways to be replaced with new ones. And rather than fighting it, remembering that after all is done and dusted, the changes will be for the greater good.

Let it go…

Trust matters!

~ Rishi ~ 4 Comments

While playing with my daughter at home last weekend, when attempting to swing her in my arms, her anxious face and nervous laughter told me one thing – she somehow wasn’t 100% sure if she wouldn’t get hurt…

Although it was a small moment, I stopped and talked to her; mentioned that she can trust me for everything; and made a note to myself to re-assure her the next time I do something similar.

As this week passed on and I spent some more time with my daughter, I consciously tried to ensure that the trust which was established, remained. And it definitely added to the fun that the two of us had.

Reflecting back, I think trust forms the bedrock of everything we do.

Whether it is our relationships, or our behaviour with people we know or don’t know, or for that matter our work and it’s outcome, trust is an important foundational element.

And as we go along in life, that trust increases or decreases based on our observations and perception of the reciprocation from the other side. Be it our family, friends, relatives, or colleagues.

However, having had some experiences, which have led to some white hair, I have come to appreciate that trust is not just a one sided affair. It has to be mutual. Only then does something result in success. In life or at work.

When I look back at the friendships I have had, or professional relationships with colleagues or business partners, trust made them and erosion of trust marred them. And yet, as I look back, I sometimes feel that I became too judgemental too quickly in some of the cases which didn’t end well. Or I formed a perception, which may not have been absolutely correct, which led that path down the short road.

Perhaps, we need to be more accommodative of others. Give them more time and space. And respect that things sometimes take time and the dice may not always roll the way we want it. That will probably help in avoiding wrong decisions.

And as the ‘other’ party, it is imperative that we do all one can to retain that trust and build the bond stronger. Unless it absolutely becomes impossible to carry it forward.

In this day and age when our opinions and perceptions get shaped quickly and can change by the day, remembering that it is easier to gain trust than lose it and that sometimes slowing down our snap decisions will serve us better in the long run, will take us further.

After all, matters related to trust should neither be taken lightly nor judged too quickly…

It’s Really About Us Now!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Kids are really getting intelligent and aware these days! A conversation between my younger one and her cousin sister of the same age today morning really got me thinking.

To begin with, the conversation went into all directions of missing each other and not being able to meet due to the coronavirus situation. And convincing each other how it is best for them to stay indoors.

Surprisingly, both of them came out trumps – while one mentioned that we shouldn’t venture out, the other offered masks. When one blurted that policemen will catch us, the other corrected that policemen are good people and will only explain nicely to us. While one talked about online school starting, the other one talked about social distancing!

As I listened to both of them, I was fascinated to know the sheer understanding that the two small kids had of the surrounding and what ought to be done.

Contrast this with the irreverence and casual nature of some of us grown ups in handling the situation. We have been eager to break the lockdown and not follow the norms for small reasons. There have been blatant violations of the lockdown code by all and sundry, well televised and circulated.

And then we are dismayed at the unfolding situation across the country. How our infection numbers are not coming down and how the lockdowns haven’t been successful. How the economy is in tatters and how the opening up is going to further increase the number of cases. There have been arguments galore – on television, in newspapers, and in WhatsApp groups – about what strategy is better.

But all of this begets one question – who is responsible to improve the situation? Is it we or the government or someone else?

Well, I for one believe it is incumbent upon us to take all precautions and ensure no harm comes to us or leads from us. Only then can we prevent ourselves, our near and dear ones, and others. And if we don’t do that, we don’t have the right to question.

Because a General is only as good as his men. A team is only good as it’s weakest link. And a nation is only as good as it’s citizens.

So, time for all of us to put on our ‘A’ game and make ourselves and the nation proud…

Personal Satisfaction, guaranteed – Part 3

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

And then there were many!!!

In the last 2 posts, I have talked about my perspective of nation building from the eyes of the Armed Forces and the government setup. We all in some form or another recognise their contribution to keep the wheels of the nation chugging along.

But what has happened over the last couple of months is something I never imagined would have come to the fore.

As the ongoing lockdown has continued unabated for the last 5-6 weeks, we have had stories of multiple frontline health workers going out of their way to keep us all safe putting themselves in peril. We have read about policemen going beyond their call of duty to serve the nation in enforcing the lockdown. And of scores of NGO’s and individuals serving the poor and the needy.

Some of these stories have helped us all appreciate what people in the public life go through. The silent workers behind the veil of obscurity who get recognised as social servants. Who are considered as the average joe because they get paid less than the ones who joined the high flying corporate world.

And yet they continue to serve the nation and go on with their jobs. Because it yields personal satisfaction. And pride.

We however, on the other side of the road don’t recognise it much. As someone who has been on that side of the road, it is painful to see how less we care about our men and women in the Armed Forces or serving in the Govt. Or how much we respect what they do.

It is only when situations are tense or there’s some mishap or a black swan event like this current crisis, is when we take note of the great sacrifice that these people have to make. We talk about it but after a few days we forget.

If there’s one thing that I wish we carry with us after this crisis is past the post, is the immense burden these blessed souls carry on their shoulders and the great work they do to keep us all functioning and alive. Hope we all remember it deep in our hearts the next time our path crosses theirs.

And more importantly, now that the lockdown is being lifted in phases and we are going to go back to our lives as usual, hope we respect the hard work and sacrifice that has been put in on the ground across the nation and take care of ourselves and our society as per laid down norms and practices during these difficult times. We owe them a successful result after the last 5-6 weeks of hardships and toil…

Personal satisfaction, guaranteed – Part 2

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I am still a fauji in some senses (you can take the man out of the army but not the army out of the man, someone said to me).

In most people’s minds, the army and the civil services are right at the top of the social hierarchy when it comes to professions directly affecting the nation. So when I came out from the Army, it was but natural for people back home to suggest the civil services as the next career choice.

No one from my father’s or our generation had been into civil services, although there was a lineage earlier during my forefathers. And there was hence some expectation. But I wasn’t convinced about that route and didn’t take it up.

Instead, I chose to gain different experiences. As I progressed through my career and went through my journey in the corporate world and then as an entrepreneur, I learnt a lot and gained some worthwhile experience in diverse fields.

Yet, at the back of my mind there was always this recognition of the great work India has been doing as a nation and how multiple people have been contributing to nation building across the government landscape.

Hence, when I got the choice to work with my current organisation and in the process work with the government sector, it was an opportunity for me to learn about the other side of the national service coin. Advising them on important initiatives and programs would mean contributing in my own little way to the nation again.

Surely enough, this stint has thrown a lot of light on how even despite huge challenges and limited resources, India is progressing well due to the ingenuity of our people. And how our vast and diverse country is being managed.

As an ex-fauji, it is surprising that although the civilian life demands much less, the passion, enthusiasm, and rigour that some of the people serving in the government have is amazing. There’s pride. There’s a strong sense of duty. And there are sacrifices of all kinds.

Talking to some of these officials has revealed how they have been in their own way helping the nation move forward inch by inch. And observing the work done by some of the junior staff gives hope that in spite of the odds, we are on the right track.

And while I am an outsider in the system, I would still go ahead and say that it is important that more and more capable people get in and serve the government through civil services or other entries or get associated with the government to bring the best to the society. Will help us achieve our destiny as a nation – something I am sure all of us would want to!

Creativity, Children and Life

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My wife had kept empty egg shells out in the sun to dry. I wasn’t sure why and so I asked her. The answer I got amused me…

As life has taken a stay at home turn during the on-going health crisis, a lot of us working parents have had complaints about what to do with children’s time.

Children, who would have otherwise been occupied by school; or now with summer holidays on in most parts of India, in summer time classes or summer camps or with their grandparents. Alas, the Coronavirus came just when children have the most fun in their life!

And so naturally, we have had to find ways to keep them engaged through our busy work from home days. I have seen umpteen posts about activities for children – how to spend their time doing creative and productive stuff.

Some of us though have invented our own. Like my wife – she had kept the empty egg shells to dry so that our daughter could paint them. And this is after having her paint all the drawing and sketching books, diyas, and empty sheets of paper.

I have also tried to find ways to keep her busy. Got hold of a few old comic books and read them to her. Played some board games. Listened to music together. But nothing could beat the egg shells.

At first I was skeptical of what will our daughter learn from it – it will just be another painting exercise. But as I saw her engage in the activity and then the results, I was amazed. The creativity she showed and the care she displayed in handling the egg shells have surely left some good impressions on her…

As I was looking at those painted egg shells today in the lazy hour right after lunch, it occurred to me that our life is also like an empty shell. We fill the colours in it and make whatever we do out of it. And that’s what defines our work, our relations, our successes.

But often, we let the shell go to waste by doing unproductive or unimportant things. We don’t focus on doing good work and ensuring completion. We don’t take care of our health on a regular basis. Or worse, we don’t paint the shell at all and leave it colourless or make it a monochrome. We focus on only one thing that’s important to us, neglecting the many beautiful things that life throws at us. Or dissociate with others and live life cocooned in our own comfort.

As my chain of thought got broken by my daughter clamouring for some more paint – she was still painting more egg shells – I resolved to allow her to paint her life as she wants to, without any prejudices or directions. And to get back to painting mine with more and more colours!

Life – the 360 degree way

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It was that time of the year when we receive our scores from the 360 degree feedback process within the organisation. I waited with anxiety as the results file was opening up on the laptop. In those moments, as I thought about the year that passed by and tried to remember my interactions with each and every person in the team, it occurred to me that this was the most important feedback for me to consider!

Going back a few years, during my days in the Army, we were taught that as an officer, you have to lead by example at all times and under all situations, command your men and take care of them at the same time. That shaped my thought process about leadership and naturally, as is the wont in a hierarchy driven organisation, it was a top-down approach. I decide, you follow. I direct, you act.

Entrepreneurship was similar, as everyone was looking up to me for what to do, how to do, and when to do. I had to lead from the front, show direction, and be on top of the situation. So in that sense, it was closer to my Army experience.

Corporate life has been different in this regard. I have had to learn quite a few things about how to work with people from similar experiences and backgrounds and still lead them. It has been a different learning – about leading by example but with a degree of flexibility. Ensuring that I listen to the other team members and incorporate their feedback / suggestions and then direct them in the pursuit of the common goal.

In situations which the Armed Forces find themselves in during a regular day’s work, a top-down approach works well and ensures chances of survival go up in a high-pressure, do-or-die scenario. Also because officers and men are differentiated on multiple factors, officers are generally better equipped to handle the situation and take decisions and are trained accordingly.

In the corporate world though, perhaps because goals are much more collectively decided, their pursuit is also collective. We discuss, we finalise, we execute. And we learn and try to do better next time. Also as our peers or juniors may have had exposure to a similar situation, their feedback/suggestions carry that much more weight. In essence, its more flat.

Reflecting this upon our lives, I realised that we tend to behave/act in a top-down manner with the belief that we are better equipped to handle that situation than anyone else. While this helps us retain control of our lives, it also prevents us from getting some real-time feedback and suggestions from others around us.

In life, a top-down approach might be warranted in some cases but in most situations, a flatter approach is what will take us home. Listening to our family, friends and younger ones, discussing with them, and working with them while utilising their experience in such a situation may well be the difference between a strike and a miss-hit.

Living life this 360 way is what I have resolved to do better on as I turn 38 today!

As to my 360 degree feedback score from within my organisation, it turned out well with some great feedback of course. Which I am definitely working towards implementing…