Observations

It’s Really About Us Now!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Kids are really getting intelligent and aware these days! A conversation between my younger one and her cousin sister of the same age today morning really got me thinking.

To begin with, the conversation went into all directions of missing each other and not being able to meet due to the coronavirus situation. And convincing each other how it is best for them to stay indoors.

Surprisingly, both of them came out trumps – while one mentioned that we shouldn’t venture out, the other offered masks. When one blurted that policemen will catch us, the other corrected that policemen are good people and will only explain nicely to us. While one talked about online school starting, the other one talked about social distancing!

As I listened to both of them, I was fascinated to know the sheer understanding that the two small kids had of the surrounding and what ought to be done.

Contrast this with the irreverence and casual nature of some of us grown ups in handling the situation. We have been eager to break the lockdown and not follow the norms for small reasons. There have been blatant violations of the lockdown code by all and sundry, well televised and circulated.

And then we are dismayed at the unfolding situation across the country. How our infection numbers are not coming down and how the lockdowns haven’t been successful. How the economy is in tatters and how the opening up is going to further increase the number of cases. There have been arguments galore – on television, in newspapers, and in WhatsApp groups – about what strategy is better.

But all of this begets one question – who is responsible to improve the situation? Is it we or the government or someone else?

Well, I for one believe it is incumbent upon us to take all precautions and ensure no harm comes to us or leads from us. Only then can we prevent ourselves, our near and dear ones, and others. And if we don’t do that, we don’t have the right to question.

Because a General is only as good as his men. A team is only good as it’s weakest link. And a nation is only as good as it’s citizens.

So, time for all of us to put on our ‘A’ game and make ourselves and the nation proud…

Personal Satisfaction, guaranteed – Part 3

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

And then there were many!!!

In the last 2 posts, I have talked about my perspective of nation building from the eyes of the Armed Forces and the government setup. We all in some form or another recognise their contribution to keep the wheels of the nation chugging along.

But what has happened over the last couple of months is something I never imagined would have come to the fore.

As the ongoing lockdown has continued unabated for the last 5-6 weeks, we have had stories of multiple frontline health workers going out of their way to keep us all safe putting themselves in peril. We have read about policemen going beyond their call of duty to serve the nation in enforcing the lockdown. And of scores of NGO’s and individuals serving the poor and the needy.

Some of these stories have helped us all appreciate what people in the public life go through. The silent workers behind the veil of obscurity who get recognised as social servants. Who are considered as the average joe because they get paid less than the ones who joined the high flying corporate world.

And yet they continue to serve the nation and go on with their jobs. Because it yields personal satisfaction. And pride.

We however, on the other side of the road don’t recognise it much. As someone who has been on that side of the road, it is painful to see how less we care about our men and women in the Armed Forces or serving in the Govt. Or how much we respect what they do.

It is only when situations are tense or there’s some mishap or a black swan event like this current crisis, is when we take note of the great sacrifice that these people have to make. We talk about it but after a few days we forget.

If there’s one thing that I wish we carry with us after this crisis is past the post, is the immense burden these blessed souls carry on their shoulders and the great work they do to keep us all functioning and alive. Hope we all remember it deep in our hearts the next time our path crosses theirs.

And more importantly, now that the lockdown is being lifted in phases and we are going to go back to our lives as usual, hope we respect the hard work and sacrifice that has been put in on the ground across the nation and take care of ourselves and our society as per laid down norms and practices during these difficult times. We owe them a successful result after the last 5-6 weeks of hardships and toil…

Personal satisfaction, guaranteed – Part 2

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I am still a fauji in some senses (you can take the man out of the army but not the army out of the man, someone said to me).

In most people’s minds, the army and the civil services are right at the top of the social hierarchy when it comes to professions directly affecting the nation. So when I came out from the Army, it was but natural for people back home to suggest the civil services as the next career choice.

No one from my father’s or our generation had been into civil services, although there was a lineage earlier during my forefathers. And there was hence some expectation. But I wasn’t convinced about that route and didn’t take it up.

Instead, I chose to gain different experiences. As I progressed through my career and went through my journey in the corporate world and then as an entrepreneur, I learnt a lot and gained some worthwhile experience in diverse fields.

Yet, at the back of my mind there was always this recognition of the great work India has been doing as a nation and how multiple people have been contributing to nation building across the government landscape.

Hence, when I got the choice to work with my current organisation and in the process work with the government sector, it was an opportunity for me to learn about the other side of the national service coin. Advising them on important initiatives and programs would mean contributing in my own little way to the nation again.

Surely enough, this stint has thrown a lot of light on how even despite huge challenges and limited resources, India is progressing well due to the ingenuity of our people. And how our vast and diverse country is being managed.

As an ex-fauji, it is surprising that although the civilian life demands much less, the passion, enthusiasm, and rigour that some of the people serving in the government have is amazing. There’s pride. There’s a strong sense of duty. And there are sacrifices of all kinds.

Talking to some of these officials has revealed how they have been in their own way helping the nation move forward inch by inch. And observing the work done by some of the junior staff gives hope that in spite of the odds, we are on the right track.

And while I am an outsider in the system, I would still go ahead and say that it is important that more and more capable people get in and serve the government through civil services or other entries or get associated with the government to bring the best to the society. Will help us achieve our destiny as a nation – something I am sure all of us would want to!

Creativity, Children and Life

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My wife had kept empty egg shells out in the sun to dry. I wasn’t sure why and so I asked her. The answer I got amused me…

As life has taken a stay at home turn during the on-going health crisis, a lot of us working parents have had complaints about what to do with children’s time.

Children, who would have otherwise been occupied by school; or now with summer holidays on in most parts of India, in summer time classes or summer camps or with their grandparents. Alas, the Coronavirus came just when children have the most fun in their life!

And so naturally, we have had to find ways to keep them engaged through our busy work from home days. I have seen umpteen posts about activities for children – how to spend their time doing creative and productive stuff.

Some of us though have invented our own. Like my wife – she had kept the empty egg shells to dry so that our daughter could paint them. And this is after having her paint all the drawing and sketching books, diyas, and empty sheets of paper.

I have also tried to find ways to keep her busy. Got hold of a few old comic books and read them to her. Played some board games. Listened to music together. But nothing could beat the egg shells.

At first I was skeptical of what will our daughter learn from it – it will just be another painting exercise. But as I saw her engage in the activity and then the results, I was amazed. The creativity she showed and the care she displayed in handling the egg shells have surely left some good impressions on her…

As I was looking at those painted egg shells today in the lazy hour right after lunch, it occurred to me that our life is also like an empty shell. We fill the colours in it and make whatever we do out of it. And that’s what defines our work, our relations, our successes.

But often, we let the shell go to waste by doing unproductive or unimportant things. We don’t focus on doing good work and ensuring completion. We don’t take care of our health on a regular basis. Or worse, we don’t paint the shell at all and leave it colourless or make it a monochrome. We focus on only one thing that’s important to us, neglecting the many beautiful things that life throws at us. Or dissociate with others and live life cocooned in our own comfort.

As my chain of thought got broken by my daughter clamouring for some more paint – she was still painting more egg shells – I resolved to allow her to paint her life as she wants to, without any prejudices or directions. And to get back to painting mine with more and more colours!

Life – the 360 degree way

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It was that time of the year when we receive our scores from the 360 degree feedback process within the organisation. I waited with anxiety as the results file was opening up on the laptop. In those moments, as I thought about the year that passed by and tried to remember my interactions with each and every person in the team, it occurred to me that this was the most important feedback for me to consider!

Going back a few years, during my days in the Army, we were taught that as an officer, you have to lead by example at all times and under all situations, command your men and take care of them at the same time. That shaped my thought process about leadership and naturally, as is the wont in a hierarchy driven organisation, it was a top-down approach. I decide, you follow. I direct, you act.

Entrepreneurship was similar, as everyone was looking up to me for what to do, how to do, and when to do. I had to lead from the front, show direction, and be on top of the situation. So in that sense, it was closer to my Army experience.

Corporate life has been different in this regard. I have had to learn quite a few things about how to work with people from similar experiences and backgrounds and still lead them. It has been a different learning – about leading by example but with a degree of flexibility. Ensuring that I listen to the other team members and incorporate their feedback / suggestions and then direct them in the pursuit of the common goal.

In situations which the Armed Forces find themselves in during a regular day’s work, a top-down approach works well and ensures chances of survival go up in a high-pressure, do-or-die scenario. Also because officers and men are differentiated on multiple factors, officers are generally better equipped to handle the situation and take decisions and are trained accordingly.

In the corporate world though, perhaps because goals are much more collectively decided, their pursuit is also collective. We discuss, we finalise, we execute. And we learn and try to do better next time. Also as our peers or juniors may have had exposure to a similar situation, their feedback/suggestions carry that much more weight. In essence, its more flat.

Reflecting this upon our lives, I realised that we tend to behave/act in a top-down manner with the belief that we are better equipped to handle that situation than anyone else. While this helps us retain control of our lives, it also prevents us from getting some real-time feedback and suggestions from others around us.

In life, a top-down approach might be warranted in some cases but in most situations, a flatter approach is what will take us home. Listening to our family, friends and younger ones, discussing with them, and working with them while utilising their experience in such a situation may well be the difference between a strike and a miss-hit.

Living life this 360 way is what I have resolved to do better on as I turn 38 today!

As to my 360 degree feedback score from within my organisation, it turned out well with some great feedback of course. Which I am definitely working towards implementing…

Of Preparedness and Biases

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

For the first time in my life, I was left dumb-stuck when it came to scheduling something. It was awful.

Here I was, slated to go on a trip to my hometown with my family, all planned and prepared for a long train journey after quite a gap. Only to discover a few hours before the slated travel, that somehow I forgot to book the onward tickets!

Now I am someone who generally plans well in advance and believes in ensuring as much predictability as possible. And specially when it comes to travel, I painstakingly plan each and every leg of the trip.

But this was something I had never faced. I was furious on myself. How could I do something like this. Why didn’t I discover it before. And dejected that something I prided myself on – scheduling and planning, had gone wrong.

In the minutes that followed, with limited time and lack of focus, I quickly scanned the availability of flights and booked the best possible option. I didn’t even think of checking the train availability at that point of time, which I later discovered was indeed an option.

We traveled well and got home safely. However, my mind was racing all throughout and during the quiet flight, in a sombre mood, as I reflected back on the day, I figured two things.

Firstly, I had never imagined that such a situation would occur and when it did happen, I got into a reactive mode and my brain functioning reduced significantly. Secondly, I had a comfort/past bias that train availability wasn’t an option and I couldn’t put my bias aside to take a fully informed decision.

In our lives, we tend to plan everything considering the best or normally possible scenarios. We believe bad things happen to others and not to us. In behaving with confidence, sometimes we become overconfident. We ignore the fact that we are humans and we could go wrong or situations around us could go wrong any time. And when something bad or undesirable happens, we come up against a wall, not knowing what to do. In hindsight, it is better to plan considering all scenarios and be prepared for any eventuality.

And, we all have biases, which sometimes prevent us from doing the right thing. Again in hindsight, we should train our minds to acknowledge and recognise these biases, so that they don’t cloud our judgements – whether with inanimate things or with people – and help us take better decisions.

Hopefully, I have learnt a couple of lessons that I will remember and take care to heed in days to come.

Independent or Dependent?

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This weekend, as I was reading my newsletters and some interesting articles on the web, I came across a brilliant piece by a HBS professor, Clayton M. Christensen (Link at the bottom). The article had appeared in the HBR July 2010 issue and really spoke to me.

Subsequently, during a casual conversation with friends, we were discussing about family ties and bonding and went into the territory of dependence/independence.

As I reflected afterwards, an important thought formed shape – How independent or dependent are we?

To think through the topic, I went through my own journey in life…

I was born and brought up in small towns in the central part of India. Had a joint family and stayed with my grandmother and uncles and aunts till I turned 12. Even after that, although I stayed with my parents wherever they moved, life revolved around the joint family, with cousins and extended families and their support.

Only post my school, I stepped on to the outside world and started living on my own. As I have progressed with my career and then my own family, distances have increased, meeting with the extended family and cousins have become infrequent, and life has generally been getting busier each passing year.

Now I am sure, this is happening with many of us in India. It is a common phenomenon in the developed world where nuclear families have become de-facto and children move out of the home to get on with their life once they finish school.

We call this independence and take pride in how we are now handling our matters without anyone’s help or interference. Nothing wrong with that. But we forget that within this independence lies a dependence.

In the earlier social milieu, our joint families supported us, our cousins kept us company, our grandparents ensured proper upbringing. If not the joint family, the community and it’s support used to carry us forward. But now, with no such support system in our cities, we have become much more dependent on our spouse than earlier.

As our children grow up, they will pursue their careers and move out to different cities and countries. And we, who raised the child(ren) will be left behind, possibly to take care of each other for a few years/decades. Without too much of a support system / people around to help out.

And in some cases, as evident from the rising differences between couples and growing rate of divorces, the past few decades/years were spent in a race which pulled the couple apart. So may not exactly be a support system in some cases. Then what?

I am not espousing or eschewing any side here – just a thought that I reflected upon today and thanked God for the support I have got till now and for my family. And reminded myself of how I need to keep building and strengthening my relationship with my wife and daughter and continue my bond with friends and family for years to come!

PS: link to the article is

https://hbr.org/2010/07/how-will-you-measure-your-life

Women – the better halves!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Parenting has its gift of insights.

Yesterday, while with the family, a small incident led me to think about how important the role of a woman is in life…

My little one dotes on my wife – she is her mother, friend, guide, everything rolled into one. I am important, but just so. And so, every time there’s something that goes wrong, she tends to cling to my wife and I only play a supporting role at best.

My wife on her part, tries to do her best using all her abilities. But sometimes when the best isn’t enough, and I feel she is on the verge of exasperation and giving up, I get surprised as she comes up with one more trick up her sleeve and to my pleasant surprise, normalcy returns.

I cannot even imagine some of those tricks at times. And no, it’s not that I don’t try – I sometimes try too hard and fail. It’s a lot of times failing to empathise/sympathise with the little one. But it doesn’t come naturally to us dads.

So the minor incident yesterday led me to marvel at this trait of hers. And when I thought deeper, I could see that in my mother, sisters and aunts. In fact in some of my colleagues at work also.

Now that’s a spectacular trait – a woman, whatever her situation or circumstance, has the innate ability to sympathise and empathise with the child. And the same trait extends when she is with her husband, her father, her brother. Or in her career.

She might be busy like hell or totally focused on something else but you can count on her to immediately refocus, empathise and get to the root of the situation within a whisker, something we men can only wish for.

Not to say that men don’t empathise or sympathise – I am just making a comparison here in terms of whether it’s an innate ability or not. And hands down, women are better.

Honestly, that’s better off for us men too – otherwise who would understand us, allow us to be ourselves, handle all our idiosyncrasies and behaviour, and still take care of us. We would be lost without our moms, sisters, wife.

Same goes for the workplace – women are better co-workers, leaders, and influencers. And when we work with them and appreciate and respect what they bring to the table, we are better off and win together.

It’s time we understand and appreciate the women in our lives. And the others whom we work with. Specially now, when women are taking upon bigger responsibilities and managing not only the household but also their careers.

I am certainly learning to. Perhaps not so much when I was growing up or even after getting married. But definitely after becoming a father.

Kudos to the fairer and stronger gender!!!

Our Phoney World

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I have had multiple affairs in the past 6 years since I came back to India after my MBA. And my wife has been super supportive through all of this!

Wait. I am talking about my affairs with mobile phones – using multiple platforms, different worlds, ecosystems et al. Not the sensational tell-all you expected after the first line. But an interesting one nevertheless…

It all started with my long love for Apple and its incredible devices. I got myself an iPhone 3GS the day it launched – first day first show types. And I waited for it to come out in the Indian market for almost 2 months. Talk about loyalty.

As they say, this could have been a happy ever after story. But alas, for my haste. I drowned it in my washing machine, trying to quickly take care of laundry after a long business trip. It was RIP to a faithful companion.

There were 2 after-shocks – one of course of losing my beloved phone just nigh of 2 years, and second which I am still reeling with. No more expensive buys because you wouldn’t be able to handle it carefully (Background echo from my wife all the time).

And so, I moved on. Reluctantly, I got onto the BB bandwagon. Emails and BBMs were the in-things then and it could do the job admirably. But the faster I fell in love with it, the faster I lost interest. It was like a short fling. No apps, no flashy things to do got me bored pretty quickly. Add to that the shoddy build quality and I was up against arms in just about an year.

So I moved on to the next one – Windows Phone. I had not considered Android primarily because the good devices were expensive (I was barred to look at them). And Windows Phone looked sexy.

It wasn’t love at first sight but slowly I got to appreciate the finer things. It held my spell for almost 18 months before I felt the next pang to move on. And that too, only because I required to keep 2 SIMs and they didn’t have dual-SIM phones at that time.

So with a lot of good memories, I moved on to Android. Skeptical at first, I slowly thought I was going to like it. But then, it flummoxed me. I mean, the platform is way too complex. I am a techie but I appreciate the simple stuff. And so, I quietly decided to ditch it and move back to my first love.

But then, just as I had readied myself for a long drawn out battle to continue with the not so likeable platform for some more time, I got a deal and I took it. And so, after 10 months on Android, I am moving back to Windows Phone. And hopefully from there, to iPhone (skip BlackBerry, who goes there)! Let’s see if my wife permits…

What’s the whole point you might be guessing! Well, its actually 2 points, or observations.

Number one, we have grown accustomed to using our phones so much that we cannot tolerate not loving it. In fact, I end up using it almost as much of the awake time as I am with my wife everyday. True fact! And so, they have become an almost inseparable part of our personalities. Who could have thought it 10 years ago! Best example of how technology evolution has taken over our lives.

Number two, we are slowly moving towards a consumption economy where we change things frequently and throw out the non-desirable stuff. Its good and its bad. No opinions. But its a fundamental shift in how our generation is thinking.

As to the mobile platforms – everyone has their favourites and I don’t want to contest it. Enjoy your iPhone, Android Phone, Windows Phone, and whichever other phone..

And keep experimenting!!!

I Don’t Know it All…

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

I had a dream. I knew nothing about what was happening. I was clueless about my surroundings. And I was blissfully unaware of the people around me.

Yet, in some strange way I felt wonderful. I didn’t know it all!

In my daily life, I have often come across people claiming to know it all. And then most of us pretend to know it all. And act as if we are the authority on any given subject.

Now I am not an expert on people’s behaviour or anything related to psychology. I am guessing this is how most of us are programmed in our society.

If you don’t know something you are considered ignorant. If you don’t get involved, you are considered cold. If you stay away, you are termed arrogant.

And so everyone is a know-it-all.

But then, what about genuinely not knowing stuff?

I don’t know a lot of things a lot of times. And I have started accepting it. I deliberately take a step back and leave it to the others, who are experts at it, to accomplish what I can’t.

And it has simplified my life!

Having the understanding deep within that I don’t have to do everything makes me feel lighter. It helps me to declutter my mind and focus on the few things which I am good at. Or what I can reasonably accomplish.

I feel if I can do even a bit of what I want to accomplish, I will feel good. So, hopefully this new strategy will pay off and I will accomplish more.

Alas, peeping into the future is not my speciality!