Observations

Of Preparedness and Biases

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

For the first time in my life, I was left dumb-stuck when it came to scheduling something. It was awful.

Here I was, slated to go on a trip to my hometown with my family, all planned and prepared for a long train journey after quite a gap. Only to discover a few hours before the slated travel, that somehow I forgot to book the onward tickets!

Now I am someone who generally plans well in advance and believes in ensuring as much predictability as possible. And specially when it comes to travel, I painstakingly plan each and every leg of the trip.

But this was something I had never faced. I was furious on myself. How could I do something like this. Why didn’t I discover it before. And dejected that something I prided myself on – scheduling and planning, had gone wrong.

In the minutes that followed, with limited time and lack of focus, I quickly scanned the availability of flights and booked the best possible option. I didn’t even think of checking the train availability at that point of time, which I later discovered was indeed an option.

We traveled well and got home safely. However, my mind was racing all throughout and during the quiet flight, in a sombre mood, as I reflected back on the day, I figured two things.

Firstly, I had never imagined that such a situation would occur and when it did happen, I got into a reactive mode and my brain functioning reduced significantly. Secondly, I had a comfort/past bias that train availability wasn’t an option and I couldn’t put my bias aside to take a fully informed decision.

In our lives, we tend to plan everything considering the best or normally possible scenarios. We believe bad things happen to others and not to us. In behaving with confidence, sometimes we become overconfident. We ignore the fact that we are humans and we could go wrong or situations around us could go wrong any time. And when something bad or undesirable happens, we come up against a wall, not knowing what to do. In hindsight, it is better to plan considering all scenarios and be prepared for any eventuality.

And, we all have biases, which sometimes prevent us from doing the right thing. Again in hindsight, we should train our minds to acknowledge and recognise these biases, so that they don’t cloud our judgements – whether with inanimate things or with people – and help us take better decisions.

Hopefully, I have learnt a couple of lessons that I will remember and take care to heed in days to come.

Independent or Dependent?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This weekend, as I was reading my newsletters and some interesting articles on the web, I came across a brilliant piece by a HBS professor, Clayton M. Christensen (Link at the bottom). The article had appeared in the HBR July 2010 issue and really spoke to me.

Subsequently, during a casual conversation with friends, we were discussing about family ties and bonding and went into the territory of dependence/independence.

As I reflected afterwards, an important thought formed shape – How independent or dependent are we?

To think through the topic, I went through my own journey in life…

I was born and brought up in small towns in the central part of India. Had a joint family and stayed with my grandmother and uncles and aunts till I turned 12. Even after that, although I stayed with my parents wherever they moved, life revolved around the joint family, with cousins and extended families and their support.

Only post my school, I stepped on to the outside world and started living on my own. As I have progressed with my career and then my own family, distances have increased, meeting with the extended family and cousins have become infrequent, and life has generally been getting busier each passing year.

Now I am sure, this is happening with many of us in India. It is a common phenomenon in the developed world where nuclear families have become de-facto and children move out of the home to get on with their life once they finish school.

We call this independence and take pride in how we are now handling our matters without anyone’s help or interference. Nothing wrong with that. But we forget that within this independence lies a dependence.

In the earlier social milieu, our joint families supported us, our cousins kept us company, our grandparents ensured proper upbringing. If not the joint family, the community and it’s support used to carry us forward. But now, with no such support system in our cities, we have become much more dependent on our spouse than earlier.

As our children grow up, they will pursue their careers and move out to different cities and countries. And we, who raised the child(ren) will be left behind, possibly to take care of each other for a few years/decades. Without too much of a support system / people around to help out.

And in some cases, as evident from the rising differences between couples and growing rate of divorces, the past few decades/years were spent in a race which pulled the couple apart. So may not exactly be a support system in some cases. Then what?

I am not espousing or eschewing any side here – just a thought that I reflected upon today and thanked God for the support I have got till now and for my family. And reminded myself of how I need to keep building and strengthening my relationship with my wife and daughter and continue my bond with friends and family for years to come!

PS: link to the article is

https://hbr.org/2010/07/how-will-you-measure-your-life

Women – the better halves!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Parenting has its gift of insights.

Yesterday, while with the family, a small incident led me to think about how important the role of a woman is in life…

My little one dotes on my wife – she is her mother, friend, guide, everything rolled into one. I am important, but just so. And so, every time there’s something that goes wrong, she tends to cling to my wife and I only play a supporting role at best.

My wife on her part, tries to do her best using all her abilities. But sometimes when the best isn’t enough, and I feel she is on the verge of exasperation and giving up, I get surprised as she comes up with one more trick up her sleeve and to my pleasant surprise, normalcy returns.

I cannot even imagine some of those tricks at times. And no, it’s not that I don’t try – I sometimes try too hard and fail. It’s a lot of times failing to empathise/sympathise with the little one. But it doesn’t come naturally to us dads.

So the minor incident yesterday led me to marvel at this trait of hers. And when I thought deeper, I could see that in my mother, sisters and aunts. In fact in some of my colleagues at work also.

Now that’s a spectacular trait – a woman, whatever her situation or circumstance, has the innate ability to sympathise and empathise with the child. And the same trait extends when she is with her husband, her father, her brother. Or in her career.

She might be busy like hell or totally focused on something else but you can count on her to immediately refocus, empathise and get to the root of the situation within a whisker, something we men can only wish for.

Not to say that men don’t empathise or sympathise – I am just making a comparison here in terms of whether it’s an innate ability or not. And hands down, women are better.

Honestly, that’s better off for us men too – otherwise who would understand us, allow us to be ourselves, handle all our idiosyncrasies and behaviour, and still take care of us. We would be lost without our moms, sisters, wife.

Same goes for the workplace – women are better co-workers, leaders, and influencers. And when we work with them and appreciate and respect what they bring to the table, we are better off and win together.

It’s time we understand and appreciate the women in our lives. And the others whom we work with. Specially now, when women are taking upon bigger responsibilities and managing not only the household but also their careers.

I am certainly learning to. Perhaps not so much when I was growing up or even after getting married. But definitely after becoming a father.

Kudos to the fairer and stronger gender!!!

Our Phoney World

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I have had multiple affairs in the past 6 years since I came back to India after my MBA. And my wife has been super supportive through all of this!

Wait. I am talking about my affairs with mobile phones – using multiple platforms, different worlds, ecosystems et al. Not the sensational tell-all you expected after the first line. But an interesting one nevertheless…

It all started with my long love for Apple and its incredible devices. I got myself an iPhone 3GS the day it launched – first day first show types. And I waited for it to come out in the Indian market for almost 2 months. Talk about loyalty.

As they say, this could have been a happy ever after story. But alas, for my haste. I drowned it in my washing machine, trying to quickly take care of laundry after a long business trip. It was RIP to a faithful companion.

There were 2 after-shocks – one of course of losing my beloved phone just nigh of 2 years, and second which I am still reeling with. No more expensive buys because you wouldn’t be able to handle it carefully (Background echo from my wife all the time).

And so, I moved on. Reluctantly, I got onto the BB bandwagon. Emails and BBMs were the in-things then and it could do the job admirably. But the faster I fell in love with it, the faster I lost interest. It was like a short fling. No apps, no flashy things to do got me bored pretty quickly. Add to that the shoddy build quality and I was up against arms in just about an year.

So I moved on to the next one – Windows Phone. I had not considered Android primarily because the good devices were expensive (I was barred to look at them). And Windows Phone looked sexy.

It wasn’t love at first sight but slowly I got to appreciate the finer things. It held my spell for almost 18 months before I felt the next pang to move on. And that too, only because I required to keep 2 SIMs and they didn’t have dual-SIM phones at that time.

So with a lot of good memories, I moved on to Android. Skeptical at first, I slowly thought I was going to like it. But then, it flummoxed me. I mean, the platform is way too complex. I am a techie but I appreciate the simple stuff. And so, I quietly decided to ditch it and move back to my first love.

But then, just as I had readied myself for a long drawn out battle to continue with the not so likeable platform for some more time, I got a deal and I took it. And so, after 10 months on Android, I am moving back to Windows Phone. And hopefully from there, to iPhone (skip BlackBerry, who goes there)! Let’s see if my wife permits…

What’s the whole point you might be guessing! Well, its actually 2 points, or observations.

Number one, we have grown accustomed to using our phones so much that we cannot tolerate not loving it. In fact, I end up using it almost as much of the awake time as I am with my wife everyday. True fact! And so, they have become an almost inseparable part of our personalities. Who could have thought it 10 years ago! Best example of how technology evolution has taken over our lives.

Number two, we are slowly moving towards a consumption economy where we change things frequently and throw out the non-desirable stuff. Its good and its bad. No opinions. But its a fundamental shift in how our generation is thinking.

As to the mobile platforms – everyone has their favourites and I don’t want to contest it. Enjoy your iPhone, Android Phone, Windows Phone, and whichever other phone..

And keep experimenting!!!

I Don’t Know it All…

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

I had a dream. I knew nothing about what was happening. I was clueless about my surroundings. And I was blissfully unaware of the people around me.

Yet, in some strange way I felt wonderful. I didn’t know it all!

In my daily life, I have often come across people claiming to know it all. And then most of us pretend to know it all. And act as if we are the authority on any given subject.

Now I am not an expert on people’s behaviour or anything related to psychology. I am guessing this is how most of us are programmed in our society.

If you don’t know something you are considered ignorant. If you don’t get involved, you are considered cold. If you stay away, you are termed arrogant.

And so everyone is a know-it-all.

But then, what about genuinely not knowing stuff?

I don’t know a lot of things a lot of times. And I have started accepting it. I deliberately take a step back and leave it to the others, who are experts at it, to accomplish what I can’t.

And it has simplified my life!

Having the understanding deep within that I don’t have to do everything makes me feel lighter. It helps me to declutter my mind and focus on the few things which I am good at. Or what I can reasonably accomplish.

I feel if I can do even a bit of what I want to accomplish, I will feel good. So, hopefully this new strategy will pay off and I will accomplish more.

Alas, peeping into the future is not my speciality!

Aren’t we overdoing hypocrisy?

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During the last few days, the following points have flashed across my mind –

Hyperbole against the recent roast video with some Indian celebs (yes, I am referring to the infamous AIB channel)! Reactions against Valentine’s day, a repeat telecast more or less every year (with new twists)! Faces of people watching a movie where a love scene is being played out (and countless other intimate scenes)! Inter-caste marriages and the rigidity against them…

All of these only pointed me towards one single thought – aren’t we overdoing hypocrisy?

As I tried to address these thoughts and reason them out in favour and opposition both, it appeared to me that hypocrisy has become our second nature!

What is wrong with some celebs being roasted and profane language being used in front of a private audience and only available on a YouTube video channel, when all are matured adults. We are all used to hearing all kinds of those words in every-day parlance. I have heard even women mouth some! And most children in all kinds of societies start swearing pretty early these days. But put it on a video and it becomes taboo? Sounds convoluted.

Or the actions and reactions on Valentine’s day! Seriously, what’s wrong with people celebrating love? Well, for one, I don’t really subscribe to the Valentine’s Day theory – for me expressing love is a personal matter that I indulge in on a regular basis. But why hold it against those who do – they are living in a free world! Moral policing only makes it look regressive, which is the least we should expect our society to head towards.

Even with intimate or love-making scenes, we almost all times overdo our reactions. Either the channel is changed on TV or people start looking at their mobiles or newspapers or turn to talk to each other in the cinema hall. Seriously, did we become a 1.3 billion nation without intimacy? We need to grow up and accept it as a regular and normal part of our lives and behave maturely. And a passionate kiss on screen won’t be a big deal anymore…

Lastly, my favourite – inter-caste marriages! I am happily married to the lady of my choice and it matters the least to me or to my family which caste she belongs to, as long as she understands me (she does, better than myself)! If 2 people are in love with each other and want to marry, what’s wrong with that is something I have never gotten over with. In fact, parents and families should be double happy that their son\daughter are going to be loved all through life and aren’t entering a contract with invisible compromises or money exchange!

Even in other walks of life and in too many of our decisions, we exhibit this same hypocrisy in doing things while hiding from others but berating them when out in public. Isn’t it time that we accept being a responsible citizen of the free world and let everyone live their lives as to their liking? We shouldn’t even be bothering ourselves with what others are doing or saying or thinking.

In fact, that’s a mantra to live by and make life easy. This year, I am personally focusing on cutting out the clutter around me to simplify my life. This involves removing hypocritical reactions to what people around me do and not tying my brain’s processing down (and reduce my productivity). And it’s been yielding fabulous results – I concentrate more and am thinking more positive thoughts!

Hoping more people think less about others and focus on their lives. And become less hypocrite and accept the obvious in front of others. And then we all can do so much better and be happier…

Are we always tinted?

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While at my home today, I was contemplating various behavioral patterns and observing how people react and respond…

Most times, we are influenced by certain people, situations, ideologies, thought process et al. And a lot of times, what we do or how we behave or react or respond have a direct correlation! This is what I could arrive at.

For example, if I am thinking positively and someone asks me a question, I would be more likely to respond with a positive answer. If I am feeling irritated, something not going my way will only generate more irritation. If I dislike a certain person, his good things will also appear fake or overdone. And so on…

What I am trying to say here is, most of the times our behavior, responses, reactions aren’t from a neutral point of view. It’s always coloured or tinted by some angle or perspective.

Then how fair is it for us to advice someone or point a finger at others! Food for thought!!!

Infact, not advising or giving opinions or pointing fingers has the potential of freeing our minds for better things and might leave us with time and energy to do more. I am going to try this and perhaps will be able to prove my point…

Putting it Mildly…

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Over the past few days, I have been observing and reading a lot on topics ranging from politics to business to sports.

Companies and businesses are meeting and evaluating what went right and how to improve on their mistakes. Congress party had a full blown session to assess their recent electoral defeats. Sports pages are full of speculation of what went right and wrong with teams and sportsmen. And so on…

Sadly, most of these, at least in the public domain, are just putting it mildly! They aren’t going to the full depth of the issue and are papering over the real concerns. As if glossing over the ineptitude and burying the ghosts of past can make it easy to carry on with the future!

I feel an introspection or analysis is to the point and of benefit when it goes deep down and finds out the real truth, however bitter it might be, and associated steps are taken to correct the wrong. Unless one’s mistakes are rectified or at least understood, we cannot benefit from the hindsight to make our future better. Yet, a lot of people shy away from this very truth.

Why is what I wonder? Is it a fear of facing a backlash for failing, making compromises, partiality to favour vested interests, or just plain hiding from the truth! Perhaps it isn’t everyone’s forte to judge oneself!

But I guess the single biggest reason is the negativity associated with failing. The society doesn’t take too kindly to people or organizations who fail. They are ridiculed and made fun of, or written off for their lifetime, or simply ignored as have-beens. And that’s why we shy away from accepting or analyzing failures and learning from them…

Maybe if we all learn to take mistakes in our stride and grow from our failures and associated learning, we can have a better future and the world can become a better place!

Here’s to failing more to learn more!

Practice vs. Theory…

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Today in a casual meeting with an elder cousin, we got into a discussion about what’s practical and might not be taught in the books but is how things actually get done in real life. This got me thinking about the wide gap between our education and real life.

Well, I am an idealist, sort-of, and I keep observing that most things that happen around aren’t how they are supposed to.  And it creates a frustration sometimes –  why is our education system always focused on the theories rather than practice!

Why are we taught so many things which never come to our aid later on but we unnecessarily cram them to pass? Why can’t we chose what we want to study early on in our lives and if later we feel so, change over to a completely different stream and pursue it? Why is there so much of emphasis on getting it right the first time?

These questions always cross my mind and I keep wondering if there’s a way to overhaul the complete system and let children discover and learn and find their way in life all on their own. I haven’t yet come across some radical idea though!

Maybe we ought to change the way education is imparted right from the beginning and through the teenage. More of practicals, on the field trainings, visits to actual places of work – all imbibed with the regular stuff on other things that we are taught, to give the angle of practice and reality. And then the students who would come out wouldn’t have to struggle in the real world. And we wouldn’t waste so much time studying unnecessary things.

Welcome your suggestions on this and hopefully there’s something different that can be done in the field of education…

In My Humble Opinion! Really???

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Everyone loves an opinion. Specially as the giver! And there’s nothing humble about it.

In my observations, I have seen a lot of people giving unsolicited opinions all across town. They just love telling anyone who would give an ear, everything they might or might not know! And they rarely shy away from this practice, whatever might the situation be…

So what’s the real reason behind this high-handedness? I have been thinking about it for sometime, and the only relation I can see is the need to make oneself heard. To feel superior. To boast!

But all of this should be uncool. Should be… Then why is it not?

One plausible reason is, its a kind of rub-on on others. Many people see others give opinions and add their own to propagate their beliefs and arguments. They supplement to feel more self-worth. And the chain goes on…

And what about the person on the receiving end? Poor soul feels the burden but lets it be, to not offend the aggressor. And in turn gets more IMHO’s. That’s precisely how it’s encouraged!

The simplest way to deal with such guys and situations – Ignore completely and feign arrogance. That’s a easy way to dissuade further transgressions!

As I believe, each person thinks, behaves, acts as per his/her understanding and its nobody’s business to give unsolicited opinions to anyone. Period.

Except, if it’s your wife then all this becomes not so true! 🙂