“Technified”

All of us have different mechanisms to cope with things we find difficult. While they may seem amusing to those who are at ease in those situations, there is an ingenuity involved in figuring out how to get by things that are not natural to you.

One such thing that most people have had to adapt to is using mobile phones. While for most of us born in the last fifty years it comes somewhat naturally, for many of the older folks as well as for not-so-regular users of tech, they have had to adapt to this now inseparable extension of self.

Over the last few years, I have seen people use their own mechanisms to effectively use mobile phones. Some have learnt the basics and take their own time to do other things, some others have used it as little as needed.

I have seen many people use their native language to make it easy to navigate the system. Others use dictation instead of typing long sentences while communicating. Many use it only as a phone.

I, having been a natural with tech, find some of those patterns amusing.

Like using google to help with basic tasks. Strangely, folks who can play all kinds of games on the touchscreen but aren’t as well versed with the other functions of the device.

Or like dictating instead of typing. For me, writing comes naturally. So even when I am conversing in long sentences, I prefer typing them. But for many folks around me, I am increasingly observing the use of dictation.

Then I saw some pretty slick users adapting to these new patterns as well. My wife using dictation to send long messages. One of my friends using google as it would have been faster than finding something buried in settings.

As I saw those same patterns repeated with relatively sophisticated users, I realised that they love these shortcuts or tricks because it works for them. That’s the bottom line.

We technologists may think of features and usage patterns in an absolutely purist sense, not realising that the world has all kinds of people and they have different kinds of needs.

Maybe that’s why most technology products fail. They only serve the selected few. Or are built for specific use cases.

Some of them do become runway hits. But only the ones who adapt to what the users want, stick around and become ubiquitous.

Perhaps, that is the lesson we need to consider when we think of how to solve problems. Would the solution be applicable for all kinds of users? Or is it only solving for a niche or edge case?

Worth pondering how technified we are and how technified are those who we are catering to…

The Tangential Line

A line is one of the most basic shapes in our life. And it’s straight.

Last I checked, straight still remains the shortest path between two points.

And yet, there’s this macabre pleasure people get in real life of forming lines which are tangential or don’t follow the rules of geometry.

As if, that tangent is an art form in itself. And the waviness of the line makes it more appealing!Sort of like , I will do this because I can.

But what about folks like me who like it straight?

I thought this phenomenon was restricted to India and parts of the developing world. But boy, was I wrong. Under duress, most people break! The line…

At Paris airport last weekend, I witnessed this first hand.

With a highly confusing design, the Paris airport is a study in itself. Transiting through it for the first time, I had expected it to be better organized. It wasn’t is an understatement.

Owing to multiple pathways and too many checkpoints, I saw people breaking lines everywhere. At the terminal interchange, at the passport control, at the bus boarding lines, and at the security gates.

Having to scamper through the length of the airport, within the short time span I had to catch my connecting flight back home, I first thought I will follow the rules as everyone does and will get through fast enough.

By the time I realized that wasn’t to be, there were already ten people who had overtaken me in trying to gain faster access. I had to cajole and request some of the airport staff, to make it just in time for my flight!

As I settled down into my seat, and relived my hour at the interchange, I heaved a sigh of relief. I was trained enough in the vagaries of India to find my way through that chaos.

Fresh from this dramatic experience, over this weekend, as we went to watch a movie, looking around, I felt that I needed those same instincts to get my tub of popcorn.

Thankfully, my straight common sense prevailed and I saved myself from going tangential…

No Hangups

It is so easy to say this. But so difficult to process and practice!

We adults struggle with this most of our life. There’s always something that bothers us so much that we get hung up about it.

Children, on the other hand, are amazing! They somehow have this gift of letting go. And not holding onto feelings for long.

They teach us so much…

This last week, there were a couple of instances which literally opened my eyes.

My nephew has been around our place for a month. Just six years old, the boy has had to contend with me, the disciplinarian. And while that’s not been easy, he has displayed good character being away from his parents.

One of the days, he got a good scolding from me. His natural reaction was to cry, and even after consoling him, he didn’t feel like talking to me. Eventually, he slept off without a chat.

I was feeling quite bad about it. I could have gone soft that one time. Or I could have tried harder to normalise the situation. Because he slept off without talking, I couldn’t sleep well.

The next morning, I woke up and he came over. I thought he would still be sad about the previous night. But he was absolutely normal!

I couldn’t believe it. But for him, it was as if nothing had happened. Or it was something he had taken in his stride and moved on.

I could not have…

In another instance, I saw my daughter getting distraught at him for something. She was pretty miffed and it seemed they wouldn’t play together that day. But after an hour, things had normalised and they were back to their usual selves.

As I reflected on this behavior, I realized that kids just live in the moment. Neither do they harbour any ill feelings, nor do they think too much about the past. It is we who teach them to do so.

Only to regret later that they should have remained the same all their life…

Content and Happy

Seems a rarity! Specially, in today’s world.

This week, during a lunch time conversation with colleagues, we ended up talking about how our parents’ generation behaves. There was an interesting observation about how most of our parents are not as enamored by money as we seem to be. Still, they are quite content with what they have and are happy about their place in life.

Then, I watched a couple of movies where, the theme of struggle played out. How, even though everyone has some or the other struggle, only a few of us find happiness in that journey. And how happiness is what liberates us from feeling as if we are in a struggle.

These two aspects are in some ways related. Contentment leads to happiness, and when we feel happy we generally feel more content.

As I thought about these dense topics, I realized that there is no easy answer.

We all appreciate what contentment and happiness looks like and feels like. We have examples in front of us, in our families or known circles. We too want it for ourselves.

On the other hand, we also know that we are trapped in the vagaries of life. We go through different kinds of struggles. We try our best but also fail in our endeavors sometimes.

So, if we understand what contentment and happiness can do for us, why is it that we still end up being discontent and unhappy? Or is it usual that our goal posts shift once we get to the point we were aiming for?

Should we just strive for that ultimate feeling? Or should we enjoy those micro moments when we get that fleeting sense?

Perhaps, it is a mixture. We try finding contentment and happiness always but experience it sometimes. We come out on top from a struggle and feel good about ourselves, to be shown the floor the next time.

Maybe, that’s what life is. Jostling between what we want and what we have; oscillating between these feelings. Or maybe, there is an unrevealed mantra to seek contentment and happiness forever.

What I am sure of is it doesn’t lie in just the hustle. It is at the intersection of purpose and effort, combined with self-awareness of having found the way out through that maze called life!

Narratives

“A spoken or written account of connected events”.

It’s what we tell ourselves and sell to the outside world. It’s how we are viewed or perceived. It’s how we co-opt ourselves into the world we want to be a part of.

It’s, however, an often misused and misunderstood term!

Last few weeks, these thoughts kept coming back to me. Only because I started paying more attention to how people around me are coming across. Including myself.

What I noticed was conflicting. Both for myself and for others.

We often try to come across as someone we are not. Or we build a story around ourselves to suit what we want to tell.

What if, instead, we chose to be our authentic selves? Would people around us stop accepting us?

And if so, are those the right people to be around us? Or are we merely the product of our choices and limited by what we already chose?

As these thoughts ran in my subconsciousness, I reflected back on my own behavior and choices. What I found wasn’t surprising.

When I chose to be my authentic self, I grew the most and was the happiest. The friendships I built in those days are strong. The bonds I cemented have lasted the test of time.

In those periods or moments when I waivered to subscribe to a narrative I didn’t feel natural with, I suffered. My relationships and friendships suffered too. That suffering wasn’t however evident to me while in that moment.

The funny thing is, even though I know this, it is difficult to not fall into that trap again. As a social animal, I am bound to get influenced. And bound to get disappointed again.

Maybe, the trick is to break the fall by doing a reality check frequently. Or when the narrative is changing.

Who said breaking the pattern is easy!!!

Being Grateful

Being grateful is often something we talk about. How it’s an important aspect of leading a happy life.

And yet it is so difficult to feel that way constantly!

This weekend, I was speaking to my daughter about how wonderful a life she has and how she should be grateful about it.

While discussing the subject with her, I was telling her to look at the bright side of life always. As I gave her some examples of things she has, which others don’t, I realised the same holds true for me also.

Then, as the conversation progressed, and I was telling her about the numerous problems in the world and how we should be thankful that we are relatively better off, it occurred to me that this was applicable for me too.

Finally, we chatted about the notion of positivity and negativity, and how it is upon us to look at the bright side of things and lead a happy life. While she nodded, I felt like nodding too, to acknowledge this in my heart.

As she agreed with my reasoning and to keep these perspectives in mind, I couldn’t help but remember how I had had a similar conversation when I was young.

And then in a few years I had to be reminded of them again. Not because I had forgotten but because I had chosen to not remember.

It happens again and again. Every few months, I have to keep reminding myself of these truths.

Something so simple but so difficult to follow…

All in a Day’s Celebrations

We celebrate days. We celebrate people on those days. We celebrate what those people achieved on those days.

But what we don’t celebrate enough is those same people and what they have achieved on other days of the year.

This week, as we celebrated the International Women’s Day and I checked my social media streams and general messaging getting flooded with messages, experiences, and comments, I was reminded of this stark reality.

I get it that there is a certain amount of respect that gets paid to women on the marked day. Or to mothers or fathers. Or to whoever we are celebrating.

But I find it disturbing when I hear about or observe the same set of people not keeping that feeling all through the year.

It’s as if we decide to take a short detour on our behaviour and mask our feelings for that day. And then, as soon as that short-lived, marketing-driven euphoria is behind us, we go back to our old ways. Of treating them as a second class citizen. Or of ignoring them.

Almost like we were obligated to do this once a year!

What if instead, we started believing what we are saying and doing a bit more? What if we genuinely chose to treat them as equals and not second guess them? What if we let them be in the drivers seat for any amount of time without worrying about where they are taking us?

I think it takes guts to accept we aren’t there yet as a society. We still have work to do.

We still need to believe more and trust more. And act in good faith. And not recede to where we were before.

Hopefully, sometime soon. Because, in my view, that’s the only way for us to truly rise up and get to a better, safer world.

Until that time, for those who don’t want to change or think it is beneath them, the annual celebration is a good reminder of where they came from on this earth in the first place!

Play Time

Juhi was sitting with a sad face on the park bench. Alone.

Her friends had just gone back home but she still had to wait for a while. Her mom was outside for a quick grocery run and her dad was in the gym adjacent to the park.

At first, when her friends were leaving, she thought she could play for some more time. But then she realized playing alone in the park didn’t interest her.

So, she just sat down at a bench. Watching a couple of younger kids play near the slides.

The sadness wasn’t because her friends had gone back. It was because she thought she had more play time on hand.

Her dad saw her there sitting all alone and signalled for her to come over.

Juhi always wanted to use the gym equipment but being all of 10 years, her dad had asked her not to do so. He had explained to her that it’s not safe for little children to use these complex equipment and she had understood.

So, when today he motioned for her to come in, she was a bit surprised. However, not liking the feeling of sitting alone, she got up and walked over to the gym.

When she went nearby her dad, she felt a strong urge to hug him. Usually that meant a big thank you! Today, it meant she needed him to listen to her.

Her dad sat her down and when she spoke, he instantly understood that the reduced play time had played spoilsport with her mood.

He had almost finished his workout, so indulging her, he proposed that they play a few rounds of table tennis together. Juhi’s eyes lit up.

She had not played the game much. However, the prospect of getting some more play time with her dad was quite enticing.

That evening was one of the best ones Juhi had for a while. They only played for about 20 minutes but those moments made her enjoy and laugh much more than usual.

As they wound up and headed back home, Juhi hugged her dad again for a big thank you. He had made her evening fun.

That little extra play time was all she had needed…

The Slow Lane

No one wants to be caught up in a slow lane. All of us want to move as swiftly as possible. Mostly.

Until, we can’t. Or maybe, in some cases, until we don’t want to.

This last week, I was contemplating the pace of life and how hectic it seems to have become!

We have all become slaves of pace. Constantly feeding on the frenzy. Be it news, views, reactions, joy, sorrow, or the many myriad emotions that now twitch at a faint hint.

So much so, when we do slow down due to a forced or a chosen reason, it seems excruciating. To the point that we want to get back on the treadmill as soon as we can.

Now, it’s common knowledge that if you continue to run and push yourselves harder, there will be a time when you will reach your limit. And will have to drop off at some point.

As I contemplated this fact more, I tried a couple of experiments on myself. One of the days, while practicing Yoga, I decided to try a module for sleep meditation.

I had to do nothing. Just lie down in Shavasana and meditate. I could hold myself still for only about 20 minutes. My mind and body gave up after that. And that’s when I hadn’t had a good night’s sleep!

Another one I tried was to do nothing during my commutes to office and back, and instead spend that time in thought on a particular topic. I could successfully only do it a few times, my mind wandering away to other things. Or worse, I took my phone to check something and the rabbit hole was waiting to consume me.

Then, as I was traveling to meet a friend on Friday evening, I saw a couple of young kids playing. They were fully engrossed in what they were doing, oblivious to the cacophony around them. It appeared as if their only purpose was to do that one thing. So refreshing!

Why have we become like this? Who’s pushing us to the wall and telling us to continue life at this frenetic pace? I guess it’s no one and it’s everyone.

It’s our choice!!!

When I look around, I see most folks are constantly busy. When I think about my own schedules, it’s relentless. If I look at most children, we have made a choice on their behalf to run harder.

The only group I see are taking it slow are the elderly. Senior citizens who have time on their hand to consider and do things as they wish to. When they wish to. And to cherish various moments through the day, not worry about taking off for the next critical thing. That’s such a bliss!

I do have a few friends, who lead a slow relaxed life. Either because they don’t have to earn for a living, or because of their life choices, have given up on this madness. And their life is much richer now.

Maybe, I will get enough conviction to emulate them one day. Until that day arrives, its back to the treadmill for another round then…

Empathy and Care

In most things, we men are not as ripe between the ears as the women folk are…

Our wives are much better than us in most things. Our moms are way more perceptive than we can ever be. And our sisters are the elder one, even when we may have been born earlier.

I am sure there are numerous such anecdotes we can relate to. We have all heard about how women are great at making decisions or working through chaos to get to the right outcomes.

The reason? I think it has to do with empathy and care.

A few days back, as my wife and I were discussing something about our daughter’s behavior, I realized that she was looking at the matter through the eyes of our daughter. While I had been looking at it from only our eyes.

As we discussed more, and I looked deeper through her thoughts, it was all because of her empathy toward our daughter at all times.

My focus was on how our daughter should be behaving and therefore what we need to do to amend it. Whereas, my wife’s focus was on why she was behaving the way she had been and the gap that we need to fill – to help her get to where we want her to be.

We both care for our daughter and wanted to influence her toward the right path. My process was to point her directly to the path, my wife’s process was to stand with her and show her why the right path is the one to choose.

It isn’t that I am not empathetic. I think I am. But only when I want to be or when I think there is a need. She however, is so by nature.

Similarly, my mother’s perception of most situations is quite deep. Because she thinks empathetically about the people and the surroundings and cares. Whereas my father may only be looking at one angle and not considering all those aspects. I have seen it enough no. of times but hadn’t realized it until recently.

I could go on with more such examples but what I am driving to is this – most men are wired differently. We like to get to the point and stick to our opinions. We try and eliminate variables and focus on the main topic. And move on to the next problem or situation.

Women on the other hand, take their time to consider multiple things before deciding. They are not afraid to get into more complexities and while they may deviate sometimes, they always come back to the path.

Is it important then, for us men, to learn new ways? Of course, they can help us. But that’s not the point.

I think there must be contrasting views and approaches in most situations, coming from both men and women, for us to decide the best way forward. Sometimes we are right, sometimes we aren’t.

What’s important is to remember that we need not always be right. And our wife/mom/sister have an equally valid point of view, which must be considered and factored in the final decision!

Or better still, let them take the decision and follow along…