Observations

The day that was supposed to be…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It was evening. Walking back from work, ‘he’ was thinking how could it have been him and how did it even happen.

Eventually tired of thinking and walking, he stopped near a lamp post and leaned against it. He couldn’t take it any more. The weight he was carrying in his mind made him slump down on the street and he landed with a thud.

There were no people nearby, only passing vehicles on the road. With each passing car, his shadow was elongating and running on the facade of the nearby building. He was oblivious to it.

They all assumed he was sitting there for some reason. No one bothered to check in. It was as if he was but a mannequin on the road, left by some disorganized owner.

The man sat there for what seemed like eternity. He kept on thinking about how the day he anticipated he will taste success, turned out to be a dud and a huge embarrassment. How things didn’t turn out as expected. And how will he face others now.

As the clock ticked on, his mind only went down the rabbit hole. It had convinced him that no one would be happy with the outcome he had managed and he had only himself to blame. At some point in time, as he reached the nadir, a speeding car whizzed by. The driver was probably drunk and honking the machine incessantly.

He looked up startled and realized that he had been sitting there on the pavement for long. Gathering his bag, he slowly walked the remaining couple of blocks to reach his home.

As soon as he rang the doorbell, his kids came running and his wife opened the door. They all smiled at him and hugged him. He hadn’t anticipated this and was slightly taken aback. Still trying to gather himself, he pushed along with the family into the living room and settled down with them. They were still holding tight on to him.

After a couple of minutes, as the heartbeats settled down and calm returned, he looked up. His wife was crying happily. His kids were still glued to him, not leaving his side. One of them spoke, “We missed you so much Papa, where were you? We thought you wouldn’t come home today.”

He looked at his wife puzzled. She pointed to the clock. It read midnight. She explained that as usual, they had been expecting him since dinner time and when they couldn’t reach him, had asked his colleagues. No one knew why he hadn’t reached home and no one could place him. They had all been worried and had been biding their time for the last few hours.

Looking askance, he asked “It isn’t the first time that I have returned home late. Why this strong a reaction from all of you?”. And then he remembered. It was the monthly family dinner. They had all been eagerly waiting for him to come back home and celebrate with them.

But he, foolishly had let a temporary setback at work affect him so much that he had forgotten his date with his family.

As they embraced each other once again, he realized that even if everything else fails, he has his family along. And what to make of the day is unto himself and only himself!

Who’s the Leader?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I was awestruck. There we were, enjoying ourselves on a short vacation, when my 6 year old mentioned something that made me pause and think hard.

As it happened, we were just back from a boat ride at the resort and were taking a walk near the river side and talking amongst ourselves about random things. It must have been a couple of innocuous things that children do, for which we would have told the little one to not repeat. The moment we said so, she replied, “Mumma, Papa, you are not a leader and you shouldn’t be telling me about what to do and what not to do”.

Taken aback, I asked her, “If it is so, then are you a leader already and will you decide what you should do?”. She replied, “No Papa, none of us are leaders. Only God is”.

It took me a minute literally to grasp what she said. It must have come from her mind based on some random conversation she would have had with her friends. But it was profound and made me think more about it.

As those words continued to run in my mind for that evening, I realised that one part of it couldn’t be truer. That we aren’t and cannot be leaders all the time and should stop behaving as one…

True for those who run an organisation or a team. You may be leading a team or a function or a company but it’s not because of only you that work is happening or progress is being achieved. There are many contributing factors and we ought to keep that in mind, lest we believe too much in ourselves and in that over confidence go down the hill.

True for those who run a family or behave like a leader just because they are older than the others in the household. We may be grown up enough or may have seen more years under the sun but that doesn’t give us a right to lead in all settings. Indeed, there are instances when the younger ones know much more about something and they must show us the way.

True for all of us who assume the leadership role naturally because we have been told that being a leader is what counts. Indeed it does if we know the stuff. If not, it pays to let others take the lead and show us the way.

Conversely, a reminder for those of us who think they are junior or not experienced enough and shy away from leading. For they may not have the numbers against their age but they have something that others may not – enthusiasm to try new things and less fear of failure. And others could genuinely benefit from their leadership in unknown situations.

After all, while leaders can be born or made, it pays to learn all the time to lead better when the right opportunity arrives!

Boundaries

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

These days, I have found a new avenue to brighten up my evenings. A stroll on the rooftop terrace of the apartment where I stay.

It is an invigorating way to spend the evening. As the sun is setting down, strolling through the terrace makes for a calm and soothing time, away from the daily chores and pulls and pushes of work. It not only lightens up the evenings but also acts as a source of inspiration at times, watching the sun go down and the cool breeze blowing across.

This saturday, as I was indulging in this new pass time, the hues on display in the evening sky were magnificient. The sky was overflowing with different colours and shades and it seemed like a symphony. To engage my little one with some activity, I asked her to absorb the scenery and paint it once she is back home. As I was asking her to do this, I noticed that the sky seemed to have lost all boundaries that day. And it just became more beautiful to see and get engulfed in.

Later on, back home as she was absorbed in the painting, I took up some reading material saved in my reading list for some time. As I glanced through that list, I couldn’t help but notice that a lot of that material was about boundaries.

Boundaries that we are experiencing and noticing all around us. Whether in the war going on right now or the controversies appearing in different nations. Whether in our culture today or the conversation for tomorrow. Be it about caste or race, be it about income or power, be it about stardom or success, or be it about privacy intrusion or obscurity.

In our present world, these boundaries are being created artificially. Understood superfluously. Applied randomly. But followed quite rigidly. Leading to a lot of intended and non-intended consequences.

We are moving into such tightly defined philosophies that we are becoming intolerant. We are becoming so blind sided that we are not able to fathom the other side’s perspective or the mistakes of our own side. We are getting so enamoured by what we believe in that we are ready to do whatever it takes to keep the status quo, challenging nature which only knows how to change.

So, while we may be hyper connected and socially networked, we are poorer off with the missing perspectives and the necessary camaraderie required to live peacefully. We have accepted these boundaries somewhere in our sub-conscious mind or have learnt to live with them as normal.

Perhaps time for us to learn from the natural elements and try and blend in more, keeping our thoughts and opinions aside. For when we do that, is when we get to create symphonies so strong that it paints our lives in all those hues that I saw in this saturday’s evening sky!

What Changed?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Picture this. It is somewhere in the 60’s. A person is sitting on a bed is listening to the radio, which is the primary mode of entertainment and connection with the outside world (apart from newspapers ofcourse).

The radio is playing an advertisement and right after that there is an announcement from the future by one of those mad scientists. The scientist proclaims that in the near future, we would be able to see live video feeds in our homes on a world-wide network which everyone plugs into and it will become our go-to mechanism for everything.

What is the likelihood of the ordinary man with his radio on, believing in this? I would like to think, very less. He may just ignore it all as rumblings of some stupid mind. He would proudly proclaim radio as the best thing that happened in his generation and get on with his work.

And now imagine that person, old, perhaps in his 80’s. Sitting in front of an internet enabled TV with a smartphone in his home controlling the experience. It has turned into a reality. So long for his proud proclamation about the simple radio. Heck, he can now login to any radio channel in the world and listen to it!

This is change! Guaranteed, destined, and having arrived within a single person’s lifetime.

What is amazing is, this ordinary person adapted to all the changes life and society brought on over the years. His life became better (or worse?), it became easy (or more complicated?), and it became more liveable (so we claim!). All those advancements, not just in consumer technology, but in every other sphere of life, resulted in massive shifts. And this person lapped them all up!

We, in this day and age, have stopped questioning what is possible technologically and have rather started to take bets on when will it happen. The pace of change has hastened over the last couple of decades and continues unabated. And we continue to adapt to it in the same rhythm, to make the best use of it as per our understanding.

And yet, the change which is ever so welcome in our lives, hasn’t yet permeated to the same levels in our individual thinking about how will the evolution be in terms of social context, behaviors, and motivations. We still believe that what has happened with us, the way we have lived our lives, is how the next few generations will also experience it. It has been true for most of us but there is no guarantee it will stay the same for our children and beyond.

This week, as I was talking to a friend about how the lives of our children will unfold, I realized that I subscribe to this theory of societal change and therefore, want to consciously not plan too much for it. Not that I have anything against supporting our daughter as she grows up. It’s just that I don’t really know how her life will unfold or what motivations will guide her choices.

I don’t know how she will want to live out her life. If she would even want any help from us. Will money be a useful metric for her or not. Will she want to have a stable career or be someone who would rather accumulate experiences doing multiple things. Will she want to have a partner or not.

I could go on with the questions. But you get the drift.

The choices she will make, I believe, are surely going to be different from the ones that aided my decisions. And it doesn’t make sense for me to plan for too much but rather adapt myself and support her in the way that feels apt for that time and to her mind.

Don’t know if what I am thinking is the right approach or not. What I do believe though is that our relationships and the society will surely change in the next 60 years, just like it has for that person who is now in his 80’s…

What does it Matter?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

The past week at work, I engaged on a new task, which was the first time I was doing such work. While it was exciting and enriching to do it, at the end of it, as I gave it finishing touches and shared the final copy with other stakeholders, a thought came to my mind.

“What if I had not done a good enough job”.

As that thought crossed my mind and stayed put over the night, a lot of aspects got evaluated. Whether my work was thorough or not. Had I taken care to structure it well. Was it impactful. And so on.

As I entered the weekend, I sat down to understand why this was happening and why did I need the validation I was seeking. It isn’t that I am afraid of reviews or comments, I actively seek them to improve my work output. This validation was a different kind – my mind looking for a positive acknowledgement that I had been able to get a new thing right, in my first attempt itself!

Was it because I was in a relatively new place and needed to prove myself (ok, 7 months old but still a relative newbie)? Or was it because it was a new kind of work I hadn’t done earlier (and perhaps it wasn’t for me)? Or was it just my mind playing tricks with me unnecessarily (it can do that sometimes)!

As I delved deeper, I realized that a lot of times in life, we seek external validation. It may be for things we want to do, decisions we have to take, or the manner we want to live life. Whatever it may be, we naturally feel better if someone else says a good thing about our thoughts or work. Or in a few cases, resistance or criticism forces us to improve ourselves or change course.

But does it make sense to do it? Is validation really important in our lives? What does it matter?

Well for one, it helps us stay within the limits of what others define as appropriate or correct. It pushes us to adhere to the established norms and do our best within those. It also makes our thoughts or work more acceptable.

On the other hand, it restricts new and fresh thoughts and approaches at times. It forces us not to stray from the beaten track, possibly resulting in mediocrity or less optimal outcomes. It also makes us risk averse and focused on immediate gains over long term benefits.

Maybe, it makes sense to seek validation in case we are completely unsure about what we have done. Or if we are doing something which is very critical and can benefit from other perspectives. Or if we want to take everyone along to achieve the common objectives through consensus. In other cases, it only adds more stress to the mind and heart and makes us jittery. We may be better off just doing our thing…

As the weekend ends, I realize that there will be times when I won’t be sure if what I have decided or worked upon is right or not. But then, even if it isn’t right, life will give me a chance to correct it and learn from those mistakes. And if I am even partially correct, it will help me improve my results by course correcting on the things I was wrong about.

Trusting myself and moving forward, I believe, will teach me much more than just feeling happy about others validating my work or thoughts!

Who to listen to?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This week, while spending some time with our daughter, we had an interesting problem to solve. We were having a conversation and while chatting about her room’s furniture, I told her that she should listen to us as we are older to her. She had a curious look on her face and rather innocently asked me, “Shouldn’t I also get to decide sometimes?”.

We chose to finally go with a mixed approach, combining both what we thought was good and what she wanted. But this made me think about the journey we have as an individual in terms of listening to others and taking decisions for ourselves.

We all go through different stages in life as an individual – a child, teenager, young adult, a spouse or partner to someone, a parent (well, for most of us), and then as our old self. Each of these stages teaches us something new but also forces us to think about who should we really listen to and how we should decide.

Like when we are a child. During that period when we are growing up, we are supposed to listen to what our parents say and ask us to do. Most of the times, we don’t decide for ourselves. But as we start approaching teenage, there are often situations when we are told something by our parents or well wishers, which seems contrary to what we want to hear. And while a lot of times we may do as told, it feels like “why am I doing this, when I would rather do this in some other way”. In these situations, we try and find some way of getting what we want. Some of us even rebel and decide that we must choose whatever we want to do with our life, without the interference of anyone. While some of it may be childish, it definitely helps us set ourselves up for the next phase in our life by slowly forcing us to think about what we want.

For as we grow into an adult, we are expected to decide on things on our own. Most of us, in this phase become more independent and choose and decide the way we want to live. This new found independence is a breath of fresh air and we make the most of it. We get into relationship(s), start earning, and travel to places we want to go to, giving us a new perspective about life. We mostly listen to ourselves in this phase, overruling others and following our heart, learning our way through life.

Then, as most of us get into parenthood, life takes a full circle. As our children grow and we guide them but also let them discover for themselves, we learn to adapt. There emerges some understanding within us that at times, it is better to listen to what our parents, elders or well wishers have to say. We start understanding the need for a guide and well wisher. At the same time, we also realize the need for the child to develop her own thought process and build herself. And this gives us a new perspective about how to balance who we should listen to. While we are still our own person, we learn to listen at times and understand the other lens.

Finally, when our children grow older and enter teenage / adulthood, we start working with them as partners and slowly start relying more on their decisions. This new phase teaches us new things about how to decide for ourselves but also factor in the choices of others in our plans. And how to take everyone along in a positive direction without fussing about the details. This is when we let go of our independence at times to let others decide for ourselves, knowing that they have our good in their heart or mind when they are making that decision.

This shift in perspective from being a child to a parent and then to an elder is just amazing. It rounds up our journey of development as an individual, shifting us from the dependent to independent stage at first, and then helping us switch gears between the independent and semi-dependent orbits, as the situation demands. It not only changes us an individual but also our approach to life.

This is why we call it maturity. Because, it takes time to mature. After all, character doesn’t get built in one day!

Superpowers.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There are times in life when something unexpected happens, which may not be good but still turns out well…

Earlier this week, as I got detected with the famous virus that is fast becoming a long friend with humans, I experienced one such moment in life. Unexpected, uncalled for, unhinging.

And yet in some ways, reassuring.

I know there is a dichotomy here! Let me explain…

As I tested positive with only mild symptoms and then progressed well on the way to recovery, it was a few days of “taking it easy”. In these last few days, isolated in a room with nothing else to do except reading, watching, listening, and thinking, I got ample opportunity to reflect on some of these life’s vagaries.

What definitely helped was that no one else tested positive at home, and my symptoms were mild enough to not worry. Perhaps someone else with the virus but with difficulties or higher severity may not empathize with what I am saying here. Not disrespecting them. I have all the sympathy for those who have had a tough time. But then, all of us have our own experiences and perspectives and I am recounting mine.

So coming back, as I was speaking to a friend about how I was doing, we conversed about how this can be a blessing in disguise. He mentioned that I was now endowed with a superpower against the virus and I could now be less worried about contracting it for at least some time. While I listened to his statement and laughed it off, I realized that is was true scientifically. And that’s the reassuring bit.

But as I thought deeper about it, I realized that life offers us opportunities to gain these superpowers. Specially so, immediately after something unexpected has happened.

Like after we are down in the dumps and have had a massive fall, we become aware that the only way from there is up. We let go of our fear of failing anymore and set our sight on succeeding again. Superpower to control our own destiny and of those who are associated with us.

Or after we have had a health scare and decide to be fitter and take our health in our own hands. We let go of our unhealthy lifestyle, change our habits, and discipline ourselves on an everyday basis. Superpower to improve our life at all costs and live longer.

Or after we come out of a self-imposed bout of anger and jealousy post a big fight and decide to mend ourselves to not go into the same direction again with the same person or with others. We slowly learn to control our mind and behavior and not get flustered in such situations again. Superpower to help ourselves and others in all situations.

Or after we let go of lethargy and inertia and pick up the pen/brush/lens or whatever tool we may have in our arsenal, to devote time to things we love to do. We enjoy those few moments spent in creating something or working on the hobby we find pleasurable. Superpower to be happy at all times and live well.

These are all superpowers because we want them in our life at all times, with all their might. If given a choice, we wouldn’t part with even one of them, ever.

The interesting thing is, all of us have had these superpowers at least once in our life. But somehow, implored with life, we chose to give them away. Unknowingly. Unwittingly. Unintentionally.

Hopefully, the next time we gain any of these superpowers, we recognize the opportunity and don’t let them go off into the ether…

Money

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It is what keeps the wheels of our world turning. Yet, there are very few things that hold behind them as much dichotomy as money…

It’s a source of livelihood. It’s also sometimes a reason for ending lives.

It helps us put food on the table, clothes on ourselves, and a shelter above our heads. It also often leads to worries in our mind, aches in our heart, and false pride in our eyes.

It allows us to be more connected and aware about the world. It also blinds us at times to what is happening nearby us.

We love it and want more of it for what it can do for us. We also hate it for what it can do to us or others.

Some of us clamour for it when we don’t have enough. Some do so even when they have more than enough.

It invites respect and creates a safety net around us. It also can incite jealousy making us less safe.

It allows us to help bring up our children in the best possible way. It also sometimes is the reason behind the spoilt ones.

It helps us to take care of our’s and our family’s needs when we grow old. It also often leads to infighting that divides and destroys that same family.

How so ever it may affect us or help us, there is no denying the fact that money has a very influential role in our lives.

And yet, very few of us understand how to handle it and remain sane, whether in scarcity or surplus!

What’s your Vibe

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Serious or easy going? Cool or complicated? Dependable or unfathomable? Approachable or distant?

We all have one defining aspect that describes us. More or less.

And by “we” I don’t only mean individuals. Even organisations.

For individuals like you and me, our vibe is a complex result of an ever evolving life that helps build experiences and impressions. Right from our childhood to the point in time, a lot of things help shape us. And those distill into the vibe that we radiate.

It is the same for organisations. The only difference being, it is a result of a collective and not an individual. What the founders or senior people experience early on and what culture they seed is what gets built upon and adopted as the years progress. As the culture shapes up, the vibe solidifies.

People or organisations with good vibes attract others. Others want to be friends with them, work with them, and help them. On the contrary, those with bad vibes end up isolated or marginalised, not able to attract as many others.

It wasn’t until this week, as I was remembering some of my past experiences, did I realise that there is one big difference though.

In both cases, there is a point in time beyond which the individual or the organisation get typified into that vibe and those inner bonds sustains for long, sometimes for the entire life.

Unless, something happens or snaps and breaks those bonds. And forces the person or the organisation to re-evaluate their position, their experiences, and their outlook. Thereby, moving them in life to a different direction and dimension, resulting in a changed vibe.

We have all heard of how organisations evolve and change their course based on internal assessments, some of them going on to make history. And how some of them don’t realise the slide and fall down eventually.

But it doesn’t seem to be as frequent a case for individuals. Most of us fall prey to what we have built and disregard the need for change and to re-evaluate our vibe periodically.

We become a slave to who we have shaped up into. And continue living our life in that same state, even though we may be going down the wrong path.

And while that may be an ok approach to take in a multidimensional and multilayered organisation, whose demise may just render us jobless, it is counterproductive to do the same as an individual and end up with a lost life or worst, loss of life.

Sounds like a good strategy then for us to have our own internal assessments on a timely basis, to reset our course and make the most of our life!

Handicap – for or against

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There was once a man who as a first generation businessman, built a small fortune for himself. As a self-made man, he had seen it all and knew what it took to get to the level that he had risen to.

However, for his children he wanted to leave no stone unturned. So he spent all the energy and money that was required to give them all the comforts of life. They had a good upbringing in a protective environment.

Time passed and as they progressed towards their adult life, the patriarch realised that in giving them a protected environment to mature in, he had done a big disservice to them. They had been handicapped because they didn’t know how to handle difficult situations, specially the adverse ones.

This is a story we would all have heard in some form or shape while growing up. Or as a live lecture from our parents about how it is really important for us to live within particular constraints and understand that it takes effort and patience to get anything in life.

It is this learning that helps us have a balanced approach towards life and wade through the many ups and downs that are thrown at us.

And yet, as we mature and become parents, with those constraints helping us realise the true value of things, we somehow start discounting this major learning.

We aspire to raise our kids with unbridled resources. Now, there’s nothing wrong with that. Each parent wants the best for their kids and it is but natural for us to also feel and act in that way.

What’s to be balanced though is how to provide them enough freedom to experience tough situations and grow as an individual. Because that is what helps anyone rise up in life even when the chips are down.

That’s the real challenge of parenting today. Caring enough to let the kid have a sheltered environment in a nuclear family. While challenging them enough through handicaps, so that they understand life in its entirety.

And while it may seem like an easy task, I can vouch it isn’t. It’s not only difficult, it’s also taxing and sometimes tumultuous.

But we have got to do what we’ve got to do!