Personal

How many feet?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It was the early 90’s. I was just about to turn 10, when I was first asked about what I want to become.

I remember having seen a plane flying in the sky and getting enthralled. I instantly replied, a fighter pilot.

Why I added the word fighter I don’t know. But it meant more to me than just being a ‘pilot’…

As the next few years passed by, this dream of mine took shape. I became more serious about entering the armed forces. Eventually, I cleared the National Defence Academy exams to become an officer.

However, fate had something else in store for me, as I was diagnosed with partial colour blindness and hence couldn’t join the Air Force.

While I settled down to join the Army, and then came out, the longing of not getting the opportunity to fly planes has remained.

Even after all these years, whenever I see fighter jets zooming around, even in movies, they leave me with a feeling of having missed out. Maybe, I would have had a different view of the world if I had flown one of those.

That same feeling got triggered watching the fleet at the Republic Day fly-past on Friday. As my wife commented to my daughter, that’s my favourite part of the yearly parade. Because it allows me this visceral pleasure!

Turn to today, I am on this flight for a business trip. On my way, scanning the landscape, I saw this amazing frozen lake in the Rocky Mountains and the feeling returned.

But as I continued to mesmerise over the view from the top, something hit me. I would have equally enjoyed the view from the bottom.

Because while the view from air awed me with the vastness of it all, the view from the base on land would have also awed me with the vastness of it all.

The perspective would have been different for sure, but there is no point in comparing the two. For they were both perspectives of the same place. And whether from 20,000 feet or 2000, they both have their own positives.

So, while I may have missed out on flying planes and getting to enjoy the ground below, I have got chances to enjoy the landscape from the base.

And while it surely would have been a great thing to fly jets, the things I have gotten to do have also been great.

Does this mean the feeling or longing go away from my heart? No, I don’t think so.

But yes, it does help me with an understanding that life is to enjoy as it is, rather than how it could be…

Innocent Age

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Our children are way smarter than we are. Not something that I need to prove but commonly and clearly visible.

What surprises though is the clarity with which they talk and behave…

The other day, I was talking to my eight-and-a-half year old daughter about growing up. I was expecting that she will say something around how she wants to grow up and do her own things. Or perhaps something about what she may want to do when she grows up.

Her answer though surprised me. She said, “I think I am happy being what age I am at right now. I wish I don’t grow up”.

I was slightly taken aback. So, I replied, “Why wouldn’t you want to grow up? Don’t you want to do a few things that you cannot do right now”?

Her clarity shone through in her reply. “Dad, I know when I grow up, there will be many more things that I can do. But I like my life right now more because I can do a lot of things that I won’t be able to do then”.

I was flabbergasted. Hadn’t heard this from her before. Didn’t know where this was coming from. Guess, it was some interaction she may have had or some observation she had made.

Anyways, gathering my wits around me, I continued, “So, you enjoy school and playing with friends, etc”? Her reply was classic, “Not just that but the fact that I don’t have to worry about so many things like you and Mom”.

I couldn’t carry on the conversation any further!

As I sat back and reflected, it was obvious that I didn’t have as much clarity or intelligence about life when I was 8 or even 10. It was also obvious that the kids today are getting exposed to so many more things, which is helping them develop faster.

What really surprised me wasn’t her thoughts but how clearly she could articulate it and convey so much in so less words.

As I continued through the next few days, this conversation kept coming back in my memory. And every time it left a smile on my face.

For, as much as the little girl doesn’t want to grow up, I too wish she remains the same as she does grow up!!!

Connections and meaning…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We make them. We break them…

We sustain them. We ruin them…

We nurture them. We ignore them…

It’s one of those dichotomies of our life, where this very word conjures both happy and sad feelings in us. For the same people, or the same surroundings, but different feelings in different times!

Nothing unique about it though. It’s the same dichotomy that surrounds love and health. They both make us happy or sad at different times for the same reasons.

However, coming back to connections, as I unwound during the year-end break and reflected on the last couple of years of my life, this was my big realization.

I had not made many new connections. I had not sustained some of the older ones well enough. And I had not nurtured those that are dear to me.

Not that I wanted to intentionally land like this. I had made efforts all this while to ignore precisely this situation. But life had taken its toll. I had flown with the daily turbulence of life and had unknowingly been busy paddling all across.

As I reflected on these thoughts, it occurred to me that this wasn’t the first time it had happened. And it probably wouldn’t have been so stark a realization, if not for my current state of mind. A mind which is seeking meaning.

As I thought about how I want to make the new year different and my life more fulsome, I came to one non-negotiable conclusion. That I have to make new connections, sustain those I have, and nurture the ones I really care about.

For what is life without being and remaining connected!

Who Moved My …

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Life is uncertain. This is one of the first truisms I learnt. I guess, all of us realise this at some point in time. And then live with it unconsciously.

Until, when life throws a curveball at us…

The most common fallacy we live with till then is that this won’t happen with us. Until it does.

And then we get surprised, knocked out, and end up dejected. Some times, we see this coming. Often times, it is completely tangential.

While watching a couple of movies this weekend revolving around this theme, I relived my own days of despair and came through with these thoughts.

As it so happened, whilst in the Army, I was hospitalised for a long time on account of a cervical spine injury. As days became weeks and months, I was advised to multiple doctors and finally it was decided that I will be medically boarded out.

It took me a while to first accept the fact that this would be the end of my dream. The world I had been building up to in my life. And it took me down a rabbit hole of despair and solitude.

As I was fighting these feelings, I was gifted the book “Who Moved My Cheese” by Spencer Johnson. It is an interesting parable and talks about how life throws a spanner in the works sometimes and how to recover and keep moving.

That book helped me get a new perspective. It made me look at the brighter side of life, where I could go out and get another shot at doing something else rather than being stuck in a frustrating situation with a physical category in the army.

Slowly, I came out of that despair and hopeless situation that I had found myself in and started looking at things with a brighter perspective again.

Time moved on and I got other opportunities to prove myself, gain new experiences, and grow. I of course made more mistakes and lost some keys to some rooms, but I am in a decent place in life.

As I recalled these details this weekend, I was reminded of how most of us are so stuck in the worlds we are building for ourselves, in our own small way, that we often are blindsided by these curveballs.

Believe you me, they are somewhere on their way. Only if we could keep our eyes and minds open to these possibilities of mishaps. But even then, we could completely be caught off guard.

I guess the only way we can keep up and prepare for such scenarios is by knowing deep within that nothing is permanent and tides change.

As long as we can get up and get moving after that shock, we will be fine. And all will be ok!

“Doing it for fun”

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

The past few days, I got to spend time with myself on a pretty scenic drive up and down the pacific highway.

While gazing at the horizon over the Pacific Ocean or driving around the highway with the scenic views giving me company may not qualify as a fun activity for many people, it was for me. There’s something about driving at leisure and spending time doing nothing. Just for fun!

As I spent this time with the family and with myself, I also searched high and low within myself about a few things going on in life off-late. It helped me to reassess my priorities and whether I am doing things that I like to do or those which make me happy.

Later during the weekend, as I spent time with a cousin, we were talking about her passion for art. She is a gifted painter and artist and as we looked at some of the paintings, we questioned her about taking it up as a profession than a hobby. What followed was illuminating for me.

She narrated a few incidents about how she derives pleasure from the art and what she does and while she hasn’t thought about it from a commercial lens, she is happy with how it’s panning out. She was in it for the fun.

This took me back to a conversation I was having with a couple of senior colleagues over lunch a few weeks earlier. We were discussing children and as is usual, the question of their routine came up. The chat was elongated but one thing that shone through for me was the fact that their children were picking and doing things for fun.

Not with any intention or to prove anything. It was just so that they could enjoy the activity and keep doing it as long as they felt good about it. Comparing it with my own daughter’s choices, I could relate to why she was picking up things randomly for some time and giving them up later. Because it probably wasn’t as fun as before.

What’s the point here?

I realized one thing through all these conversations and observations, as well as through the reflection I did while away traveling. That is – we don’t always have to do something with a purpose, it is ok to just pick up a thing for the fun of it. Do it until it lasts, and then move onto something else.

I think over the last few years, I have grown increasingly attached to the notion of why I should or shouldn’t do something. Mostly it is so that I could benefit from it or because I am ready to commit to it for the long term. But what if I sometimes chose things just so that I could enjoy the process and then move on?

Why not pick up a new hobby and try it for a while? Why not start reading a book and if it is not fun, just drop it! Why not pick up a sport, play it for a while and then pick up another? Why not just go on long drives without an agenda whenever it feels like?

This list could be endless. But I am glad I began somewhere these last few days and took some drives and walked some paths that were just for the fun of it…

Celebrations.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We like to celebrate.

Small things and definitely the bigger things.

Individually as well as collectively.

These celebrations mirror who we are or how we look at things.

This Diwali weekend, as I contemplated the meaning of celebrations, these thoughts crossed my mind. They started off with the festive cheer of the moment and then wandered in the woods to peep into the other celebrations that I have had or been a part of.

And what came out of this random-down-the-road thought train was something interesting…

The first stop on this train of mine was festivals.

I have always had a great affection for Diwali. It’s my favorite festival, right since childhood. As I grew up, these five days came to mean much more than just bursting crackers and eating sweets. It is these five days that have helped me remain close to my extended family. Celebrating being with each other, enjoying those little moments, being in each other’s company at least once a year during this time is what I have looked forward to. And while years have passed by, the bonding still calls me home.

The energy that I get from celebrations like Diwali helps me wade through other mazes in life…

The second stop on this train was personal celebrations.

The kinds I do when I get a year older, or enjoy another anniversary with my wifey, or achieve success in what I had set out to do. These celebrations are an important aspect of those special moments in my life. With just close ones around me. These celebrations happen each year but leave me with memories that last for a few years more.

Those memories is what makes me fondly remember times that passed by and the moments I cherish…

The third stop on the train was collective celebrations.

The likes I have had with office colleagues. Or friends. Or cousins. Where we celebrated hitting a milestone or an achievement. Or just enjoyed each other’s company in a setting different than the usual. The joy of spending that time together is what pulls us together and helps us pause to enjoy as a group without getting held up in the many immediate things going on in our life.

These celebrations are important to me for they allow me to be happy and appreciate the folks around me…

As this thought train wound back up to the origin point in my mind, I realized that all of these different celebrations have a great significance in my life. For they allow me to process life and continue the journey with vigor. And they aid my progress from time to time.

Even one of them missing from the scheme of things can throw the balance off. And derail not just my thought train but even cause misalignment in the tracks life has laid out ahead of me.

Seemingly a minor insight but one of great value to me – celebrate more, often, without compromises!

The things I will miss…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There’s a saying I’ve heard many a people say, “Enjoy your time with your children until they grow up”. One of my colleagues even relayed a scientific study that quoted how we spend almost two thirds of our entire time with our kids during their first ten years.

This weekend, during a casual conversation at the salon while getting a haircut, the owner was relaying to me how her daughters have grown up now and they hardly have time for her. She was talking about it in a humorous manner but I could also sense a tinge of sadness behind her voice at times.

As I stepped out and walked my way back home, I was reflecting on what I will miss with my daughter as the years pass by. She is eight currently, so I have technically spent more than half of my entire lifetime’s worth of time with her already!

I will surely miss her innocence. How she can ask the most simplest of questions without any prejudgements or implying anything. How she means only what she says and nothing else. And how she accepts any apologies with an open heart.

I will miss her laughter and the unbridled fun she has right now. How she goads us to tickle her, just because she likes it. Or how she finds joy in the smallest of things around her and reminds us of the beauty around us.

I will miss her curiosity and ability to grasp things. How she asks all kinds of questions because she genuinely wants to know. How she believes in things someone has told her and we have to then make efforts to prove it otherwise, in case she has learnt something wrong. How she is able to make sense of things so rapidly, while sometimes we are at sea.

I will miss her banter with us and the endless conversations she initiates. How she can strike up a chat on random things and go on about them for a long time. How she tells us everything, whether good or bad, because that’s how she feels like.

I will miss a lot more. I maybe don’t know yet. But what I do know is that as she grows up further, some of these things will go away from her behavior or change over time. She will surely have lesser time for us then.

Hopefully, I will be able to make the most of the times we have with her now and conserve all these memories while we still have the time to make them…

Critical Elements

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It was an outdoor training exercise, whilst I was at the Indian Military Academy.

The exercise was to educate us on various firearms and how and when to use them in different situations. We were in small groups undergoing specialized trainings for different weapons. Rocket launchers, grenade launchers, different types of automated firearms, etc.

This was the last leg of our training as officers and we were all quite adept at understanding and recognizing the various aspects of handling these weapons. However, we hadn’t fired most of them yet with live ammunition and therefore the speciality of the training. Therefore, as we went through the motions, the officers and instructors in-charge of the exercise regularly cautioned us on the tiniest of details.

It’s been long. The details are hazy in my memory. But I recall the lesson very clearly.

I remember when it was my turn to fire the rocket launcher. We were in groups of two, with one person to load the rocket and another to launch it from the base of his shoulders. As we took our positions, the instructions were – clear the field in a 45 degree angle on both sides up to 30 feet (or so I remember), ensure your legs are sturdy on the ground and the launcher is squarely on your shoulder with tight hands, take aim at the target and launch, then wait for 5 seconds or so before offloading the launcher.

As me and my buddy went through the motions, we were told to be careful of each step. I remember I fired the launcher with a slightly loose hand and the recoil was so fierce and sudden that I had to balance myself really well to still keep standing.

I had missed one small detail. The reaction wasn’t severe thankfully. But enough for me to notice that if I had not followed any other instruction to the letter, it could have been quite catastrophic. As my ears buzzed with the explosion, I made it a point to follow critical elements when it was absolutely necessary…

This week, as I finally cleared my driving test in California, in the third attempt, this lesson hit me. I had come into the US with a couple of decades of driving experience. Of course not in this country but enough for me to learn quickly and drive fairly safely as per local laws.

It however took time for me to truly understand the various intricacies and expectations from a driver. After the first failed attempt I realized that I needed to pay more attention to the instructions and the handbook. I practiced for the next month and then reappeared. The result was much better but I still failed. Reason – I made one small mistake. Of not looking back while merging into a bike lane.

Well, I still believe I had not made that mistake and the instructor had ignored my reaction to call it a critical error and fail me. I was aghast at her as she didn’t call it out at that time and only when the entire test had completed with only three other errors.

Anyways, it was useless to fight the system because that’s how it is set. The instructions in the handbook have to be followed and demonstrated to prove that one can drive within the permissible boundaries.

The next few months, with travel plans and other work, I couldn’t take the test. But I kept on driving with my Indian-issued international driver’s permit and learned to take heed of every single instruction. The result, my latest attempt resulted in a pass through with just four minor errors.

Happy to have passed the test, as I traveled back from the DMV office, I recalled how simple things matter so much. How one single mistake can sometimes really be the reason for an accident. And how critical the various elements are for an instructor to test, to ensure that the driver, unknown to her, can drive safely and consciously in all settings.

This doesn’t apply to every setting or for everything we do. But it does apply to a fair no. of things in our life. Mechanical and personal.

Like driving safely. Like walking with our eyes on the street. Like handling sensitive or dangerous items carefully.

Or like being honest to ourselves. Being faithful to our partner. Being open and receptive with our family. Being a guide to our children.

The question is – are we taking care of any applicable critical elements while executing routine or special tasks on an everyday basis??

The Choices We Make.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Last two weeks were eventful!

I rounded up an India trip including a short visit to my home. I also spent late hours working in and off the office as well as landed up in a few parties with my colleagues.

The whirlwind speed with which this all transpired, didn’t let me breathe until I got back on the plane to SF. As I spent a few hours contemplating on the visit and going through the days in my mind, I reflected on some chats with a common thread.

This common thread was the choice of food. Unintentionally, in some or the other way, I spent quite a while talking about it with a friend, with a couple of cousins, and with a few colleagues.

Since the last few months, as I have started following a disciplined regimen of daily exercise and a calibrated nutritional diet, my body has had to adjust with this new routine. It had gotten used to eating a lot more junk and bigger portion sizes during the beginning of this year. Now, it suddenly had to expect less and make do with it.

My body adjusted to this reduction made by me just fine, and in turn rewarded me with burning through the fat deposits. As I wished for!

Maybe my mind has also fallen in line. It has made me control myself better. For whatever reason (I am still investigating), it stopped thinking about food every now and then and in fact, actively sends me signals to ensure I don’t again overload myself.

On this entire India trip, every time I overate, my body actively discouraged me from within. My mind has stopped sending me any hunger signals if it senses there’s still calories to be burned. And my own discipline meant I spent a fair number of days in the hotel gym. These all obviously helped me.

While talking about this with friends/family/colleagues, they also relayed the same experience. If they decided, their body and mind cooperated and helped them in their journey. The positive effects in turn helped them stay the course. And the body and mind tuned in more.

As I reflected on my way back, I realized that this is true not just in matters of the culinary kind but even in other aspects of life. I have experienced this at work, in business, and in relationships too.

What we choose and how it helps us – positively or negatively, is usually a function of our choice. If it is positive, we get reinforcements. If it is negative, we only see pitfalls.

What still surprises me though is how we fall of this curve at times and derail ourselves. Perhaps, it is because we don’t accept the choice wholeheartedly. Or maybe we take it to the other extreme, where things become boring and we miss simple pleasures of life and eventually get off the track.

Any which way, what I learnt is important is being conscious about making these choices and then sticking to them for as long as we can…

Change

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It’s a word which evokes a lot of emotions…

Some of us like it. Some of us hate it. Some enjoy being part of it. Some detest being in its shadow.

No matter what we feel though, none of us can ignore it. For its in the very fabric of our lives!

And yet, there’s something enigmatic about it that draws out our emotions like few other words do.

This week, during a conversation with my coach, we got into the depth of what change means to me and how do I deal with it.

While I have never run away from a change, there are a few that I haven’t particularly enjoyed. But one thing that I do hold dear to myself is the learning and experience I gain out of the change. For me and from what it means to those around me.

As I described this to my coach, I went back into time thinking about some of those instances when I didn’t agree with the change easily or didn’t enjoy it.

The first instance was when I left home for the first time to stay in a hostel. The second was when I had to leave the armed forces because of a medical injury. The third was when I had to shut down my business after putting in a lot of hard work.

As I thought through, I realized that each of those instances were tough for me either because I didn’t like what the change offered me in return for my future, or I dreaded it because I was on the losing side from my perspective.

But when I look back at life around those junctures now, those were the experiences that made me tougher and made me dig deeper. And I am highly grateful to those around me, who pushed me forward into that change.

I may have succeeded even though I may not have had those challenging experiences. But I am sure I wouldn’t have been as matured and resilient if not for those changes.

In my case at least, they proved to leave a lasting impression and contributed big time to make me who I am today!