“Virtually Connected!?”

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This week, I was talking to a cousin, a younger brother who grew up before me. We were talking after almost six months. And we were discussing how we had both been so busy that time just slipped by.

The next day, I read somewhere, “the more we are connected, the more disconnected we feel”…

As I reflected on the statement and my chat with my cousin brother, it occurred to me that this couldn’t be further from the truth.

We are all very well connected. We carry a phone with us all the time and we are reachable instantly. But we find it increasingly difficult to call those who we want to be connected with.

It isn’t so much to do with only willingness. Maybe that’s the case in a few instances. But otherwise, we are all just badly caught up in life.

What used to be living has turned into survival. What used to be life has turned into a race…

Not so long ago, there was a time when we would spend an hour writing letters to our friends. They later became emails and then social media messages. Now-a-days, they are confined to mere wishes and maybe an occasional phone call.

Those were the days, when we would just arrive at someone’s doorstep and be invited instantly to partake in whatever meal everyone was having. Now, we plan much ahead of time, and yet find it onerous to arrange everything.

Those were the days, when we would just gather together for a game of cards or something indoors. Hours would be spent playing, without realising the time that had passed. Now, we try and time things so much that these fun times aren’t happening so often.

We are all to blame ourselves for this situation. We thought we are progressing but what has really happened is we have degraded in the one thing that really matters – human connection!

And then, we see our kids, who are already glued to their phones and gadgets, preferring to be virtually connected, rather than in person. Preferring to be online and hiding behind the screen anonymously.

We want them to go out and play. We want them to engage with other humans. We want them to develop bonds.

But we are the ones holding them back. By continuing to be a slave of our recently developed habits. And by setting a bad example for them during their formative years.

Perhaps, this Diwali, we ought to switch on the lights, invite people home, and enjoy being in other’s company! Setting an example for our little ones and more importantly, for ourselves…

Labour of Love…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There are passion projects. And then there is labour of love.

Something that is not just pursued only because you’re passionate about it but also because you want to see it come to life in the best way possible!

This weekend, as we stepped into our own home, this feeling stuck with me.

We had been at it for the last three months. Countless discussions, innumerable iterations, and a few sleepless nights later, here we were. Standing on the front door, ready to enter after the rituals got over.

I looked at my wife. It was her labour of love.

She had given it her all. Despite a very busy schedule at work and the madness around our household.

She hadn’t complained once and had patiently kept at it. Selecting materials, finalising designs, negotiating prices, navigating deadlines, and maybe a few things I couldn’t notice!

Ready to enter the new abode, she was awash with a certain calmness and pride.

In getting past everything and in how the vision had come to life.

In acknowleding that her unwavering commitment to getting what she wanted for the place had somehow serendipitously been rewarded.

And in accepting the fact that it was finally over…

There are yet many things to accomplish, as we move in and settle down. But hopefully those will involve less efforts and commitment for the same satisfaction…

Experience counts.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

How often do we disregard experience and consider that it is not really important? Or take it for granted in a lot of things?

This week, as I was working to get some brand-new IKEA furniture assembled, I realised the power of experience.

As it so happened, we had bought a new table that I wanted to fix. Given that a carpenter was working on some other furniture in our house, I asked him for help.

He was a thorough hand with a lot of experience under his belt. I, on the other hand, being an inexperienced fellow in that field, wanted to exactly go by the book.

So, I opened the IKEA manual and started referring to detailed notes to identify how I should assemble the table. This guy was rather eager to get it done quickly.

Initially I took his eagerness for getting the job done as fast as he could and head back home, since it was already evening. As there were a few other things to take care of, I told him that we can do it the next day and we left it as is.

The next day, I was at work. Once he came in, he just referred to the manual once and understood how to actually put the table together. When I got back, he had done some of it already.

More importantly, he knew how the pieces would fit together and could visualise the joints perfectly. Observing him at his craft, I was amazed.

Then, I realised my folly. I had underestimated someone who lives and breathes this work day and night!

That evening, as we finished assembling the table together, I could sense a satisfaction within his voice. Of having been able to do it without extensively referring to the manual. And of having taught me a lesson.

The next time, when I call someone to get odd jobs done, I ought to remember that they are experts in their field and would know better.

While it’s always good to question and discuss things, it pays to respect experience…

Let Go…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Ansh was excited. He had just got a bigger bicycle on his fifth birthday and was graduating to the next level.

Most of his friends had the bigger bike, so it was as much a matter of proving himself and belonging to the group, as it was to feel older in his mind and heart.

The next day he took his bike down along with his dad, Bijoy. He wanted to get some practice in. However, the bigger bike wasn’t a natural promotion, when it came to riding it. He had to now learn how to ride one without side supporters. Which meant he had to learn to balance, learn to coordinate his actions, and learn to always be alert.

Ansh felt overwhelmed by the thought and asked his dad if it was indeed a good idea to practice then or come back later the next day. His dad understood. After all, he had gone through similar anxiety when he was younger. Bijoy told Ansh that he need not worry and with his support he will be able to learn soon.

The first couple of times, Ansh was very cautious. He continued to turn back to check if his dad was holding the bike or not. Only after the second run did he stop doing that every minute.

By the time he had gotten to his fourth run, he was pedalling well, braking well, and Bijoy could sense that he was ready. So after giving him an initial push, he left the bike. Only to see Ansh go for a few feet and then turn back, stare at him in horror, and topple over.

Bijoy rushed to the spot. He looked over Ansh to check if he had got any injury and if he was ok. Ansh was crying, feeling as if he had been cheated. It took him a lot of consoling to regain his composure. But without the confidence of riding the bike again. So, they both went back home.

Bijoy asked him to come along again the next day and while Ansh was hesitant, he promised Ansh that he had only left him because he thought Ansh could now ride on his own. While that was a little comforting, it wasn’t entirely convincing. Ansh however went along.

After a couple of runs, Bijoy could observe that Ansh was getting into the groove. However, knowing that Bijoy may do a repeat of the previous day, he was checking again and again if he was being held. After the fourth time, Ansh asked to stop. He had had enough practice for the day.

The same pattern repeated for the next two days. While Bijoy thought Ansh was ready to be left alone, he couldn’t muster the last push and let go. He had continued to hold the bike all along for those few practice runs.

Eventually, he realized that by not letting Ansh go on his own, he was becoming an impediment in his learning. That day, after the first two runs, as Bijoy noticed Ansh was getting comfortable, he decided to leave Ansh on the third one. Ansh went a slightly longer distance before he looked back and realizing Bijoy wasn’t there, panicked. However, by now he had learnt how to control the bike well, so he didn’t fell down. He just continued riding and then got back the full circle, stopping the bike in front of Bijoy.

Bijoy was elated. So was Ansh. He took Ansh into his arms and hugged him.

While Ansh had learnt how to ride a bike, Bijoy had learnt how to let go…

Disagreements…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Father and daughter disagreements are common in our home. There are quite a few petty things that we both don’t agree with each other on and argue about!

Like, how much time can one watch television. Or when is the right time to sleep. These are fun.

Then, there are the more serious ones. Like, how much should one eat. Or how much should be individual contributions to household chores.

And finally, there are the critical ones. Like, which colour combinations to wear or not. Or how much time can be spent outside home in play.

Which of these happen at what time of the day is a compeltely random phenomenon. It could be triggered by an event like getting back from school or getting back home after play. Or could be triggered while we are sitting together and spending time doing something…

Whenever we have one of these disagreements and an eventual argument, I think I am right but maybe my daughter has a point. My daughter thinks she is right but maybe there’s something I am stating that may be important. And both of us believe this completely.

During the peak of the argument, it seems like we may stick to our individual stance. However, most of the arguments end with one of us agreeing to the other’s point of view because we started with the belief that maybe the other person has a point of view that is right!

Sometimes those conclusions are reached amicably. Sometimes there is a struggle and after much pulls and pressures, one of us bows down. And then, there are a few times, when we agree to disagree and move on to deal with other stuff.

In either case, these disagreements rarely lead us to a place where we don’t talk to each other. Even when we agree to disagree, there’s reconciliation by way of hugs, kisses, or holding hands.

And while it doesn’t take us long to get into another disagreement, we rarely get into an argument about the same thing the same day. Unless, of course the trigger event recurs. Which is, quite possible!!

Eventually, these situations are making us tougher. To continue disagreeing with each other with respect for the other’s ideas. And with the tacit understanding that an argument is just that, an argument…

“Technified”

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

All of us have different mechanisms to cope with things we find difficult. While they may seem amusing to those who are at ease in those situations, there is an ingenuity involved in figuring out how to get by things that are not natural to you.

One such thing that most people have had to adapt to is using mobile phones. While for most of us born in the last fifty years it comes somewhat naturally, for many of the older folks as well as for not-so-regular users of tech, they have had to adapt to this now inseparable extension of self.

Over the last few years, I have seen people use their own mechanisms to effectively use mobile phones. Some have learnt the basics and take their own time to do other things, some others have used it as little as needed.

I have seen many people use their native language to make it easy to navigate the system. Others use dictation instead of typing long sentences while communicating. Many use it only as a phone.

I, having been a natural with tech, find some of those patterns amusing.

Like using google to help with basic tasks. Strangely, folks who can play all kinds of games on the touchscreen but aren’t as well versed with the other functions of the device.

Or like dictating instead of typing. For me, writing comes naturally. So even when I am conversing in long sentences, I prefer typing them. But for many folks around me, I am increasingly observing the use of dictation.

Then I saw some pretty slick users adapting to these new patterns as well. My wife using dictation to send long messages. One of my friends using google as it would have been faster than finding something buried in settings.

As I saw those same patterns repeated with relatively sophisticated users, I realised that they love these shortcuts or tricks because it works for them. That’s the bottom line.

We technologists may think of features and usage patterns in an absolutely purist sense, not realising that the world has all kinds of people and they have different kinds of needs.

Maybe that’s why most technology products fail. They only serve the selected few. Or are built for specific use cases.

Some of them do become runway hits. But only the ones who adapt to what the users want, stick around and become ubiquitous.

Perhaps, that is the lesson we need to consider when we think of how to solve problems. Would the solution be applicable for all kinds of users? Or is it only solving for a niche or edge case?

Worth pondering how technified we are and how technified are those who we are catering to…

I have arrived!!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

What makes us think that? And is it really ever true?

This last week, I was incessantly scrolling my Google app feed. There were a lot of articles related to financial advise, probably owing to my recent searches to identify certain investment decisions and taxation.

As I went through some of those articles, I ended up reading a detailed review of the data on income distribution in India and the US and how that’s becoming more lopsided over the years.

Consuming the laid out information, my mind went to how do I fare in these distribution models. As an individual and as a household.

I quickly began to think about what it means to lie in the top x% of the population and how we associate our success to how we have moved up that ladder through our lives. Except for maybe a few who were born with a silver spoon!

Figuring the progress from the start point felt like a self congratulatory realization. A pat on my back for what I have been able to achieve till now. Good while it lasted.

But as my mind raced in that direction, the next question that occurred to me was what was a target to seek? Am I happy with where I am or do I need to strive for more? And where to draw the line of satisfaction?

Thinking deeper, I also came to terms that financial success couldn’t be the only metric on which I can decide whether I have arrived or not…

There are many things that make up my life and existence. And while money is an important aspect of it, it’s not the only one in that list.

My relationships and my association with my family and friends is critical to my functioning. My health is important for me. The contribution of my work to a bigger cause matters to me.

So, while I may associate my success momentarily with how much money I make or what’s my net worth; but in the scheme of life, all those other things matter almost as much as money.

The only difference is that money is probably the easiest to quantify and hence the most exciting of the lot. Their value and importance in life only comes to the fore when there’s something specific happening.

That, however, shouldn’t be so. A good reminder to myself…

Yes sir!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Mornings always were a time for self reflection for Krishna. It was his ‘me time’.

Today, he was flabbergasted. He had just remembered the most amusing introduction he had received from one of his team members in front of a client.

It had been more than a month but those words had remained with him. He went back to that day to replay the situation, for the umpteenth time.

However, as he was running through it, he realized that the mannerisms of his team member seemed forced. It was as if he was trying to get Krishna’s attention through those words and then agreeing with him during the entire conversation.

Krishna jumped out of his chair. He started pacing the room, trying to recall his recent interactions with this person. The pattern was quite clear.

He then recalled his interactions with other team members and found the same patterns repeating. Most of his team members were just agreeing with him all the time! And It had been going on for a while!

Krishna was an experienced senior VP and had been in the industry for a long time. He had moved to his current company and role about three years back and was clearly the person with the most amount of knowledge about his domain.

Naturally, in a new setup with a lot of youngsters, this had translated into everyone around him looking up to him. They knew that they could learn a lot from Krishna.

Coming from a traditional setup, Krishna was accustomed to hierarchy and respect. However, it was more due to the merit of the person than anything else.

Unknowingly though, in his current team, he had also fostered a sense within them where they defaulted to agreeing with him, rather than question him at times.

This had meant he was able to move faster with his decisions than usual. He had attributed it to his experience then but now he knew it was happening only because everyone thought he knew the best. And they had stopped applying their minds in front of him…

He had built a team of people who liked saying “yes sir”, than think critically on their own. It was a setup doomed for failure sooner than later.

Krishna knew he had to change this. It couldn’t go on any longer. Even if it meant he stepping back on some occasions and asking more of his team than what he thought they were capable of.

Thankfully, he had come to this realization soon enough, and on his own…

Native connection

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I am a big proponent of using our native languages in regular settings. It’s a big part of our culture. And identity.

There have been quite a few discussions at the workplace and at home, where I have taken the side of the native language.

I feel it is incumbent upon each one of us, as an inheritor of our rich culture(s) and traditions, to embed them into our daily lives. So that we carry on with the torch before passing it to the next generation.

Naturally, we have enrolled our daughter to learn Hindi as the additional language of choice at the school. It’s one way to provide her a structured environment to grasp the details.

This week, when we visited her school for a parents-teachers meet, I expected her Hindi teacher to talk to us about how we should encourage her to do more in Hindi. She did that but she also talked about another important aspect that stuck with me.

She talked about how through our native language children connect with their roots and how it shapes their association with the family, especially as they grow through teenage into adulthood.

While I was quite impressed by what she said and how she did so, what stuck me more was that our mother tongue forms a core part of our identity.

As I looked back at my own childhood and teenage, I realised that my tryst with Hindi, the times spent listening to stories from my grandmother, reading Hindi comic books, the countless fun conversations we had around the house in our mother tongue, all of them helped shape me.

More importantly, they connected me to my roots. To my family. And that has stayed with me all my life.

I don’t feel the same level of connectedness when I talk in English today. Not that I consider English to be a second grade citizen, but it doesn’t have the same effect. It feels neutral.

I know it’s not easy. The environment today around us in Indian cities is geared towards English. Our kids have multi-cultural influences and friends, and therefore English becomes the common ground to connect.

But if I don’t make the effort, at least at home, to use our mother tongue, the native connection that I built with my roots may not happen with my daughter.

So while I do want her to be fluent in English and be ready for the future, I also want her to be connected to her roots, natively…

Life’s a race…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Life’s a race. That’s what most of us have been taught or are made to understand during our early adulthood years.

But what if it wasn’t? What if it was meant to be lived on our own terms, without any race to prove ourselves to anyone?

What if it was just us living life on our own terms? And taking things as they come?

I think there is merit in this thought.

I have been on both sides of the fence and when I have done things on my own terms, the results have always elated me. On the other hand, when I have run someone else’s race or in a direction I wasn’t sure of, I have mostly faltered.

Another thing I have noticed is when I have taken my time and space to do things, I have done a much better job at it than when I was out on a deadline or trying to impress someone.

Does that mean we live life in a dull manner? Or don’t ever hustle? I don’t think so and definitely don’t mean so.

What I believe is that we should be the decision maker of our own destiny. If that means walking slow at times, so be it. If that means doing things contrary to popular perception or wisdom, so be it.

And if that in turn results in a tougher life, so be it. After all, that’s the challenge we chose to accept…