Army

Reliving a lived experience.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There are moments in life which we relish and often remember. In the hope that we could relive them again or at least feel the same way again.

And then there are experiences which shape us. They may not necessarily be in the earlier category but are important to us as an individual.

This last week, I had an opportunity to relive a lived experience, one that fundamentally shaped me.

It was a visit to the Indian Military Academy, which I graduated from more than two decades ago. Those were the most formative years in my life, joining the Academy as an eighteen year old.

Thanks to a course mate, who was able to get a tour arranged, I visited the institution along with my family. As the assigned staff member took us around, I recounted some of my experiences to my wife and our daughter.

It was poignant to walk the same corridors once again. Now as a civilian, but with the same proud feeling of being able to walk there.

It was nostalgic to visit the rooms and stand in the same place I spent countless days in. And feel a little bit of what I went through in those days.

It was reliving memories filled with bitter sweet moments as I saw other parts of the academy. The playgrounds, the practice areas, the places I used to go past every day.

It was a reminder of how much things have evolved. The staff member was kind enough to detail how many things had changed from those days to now, and we compared them with what we used to do. They ought to be, in two decades.

It was fun to recall some of my experiences and share them with my family, as we zipped past some of the best and worst memories of the days lived there.

Finally, as we completed the tour and bid farewell to the staff member, driving out on the main road, I felt a tinge of sadness within myself. For the entire tour had ended in a couple of hours and my journey of reliving the lived experiences had ended.

I was overwhelmed thinking about how much time had passed since those days. At the same time, I was thankful that I got this opportunity.

Enough for me to carry fresh impressions of my days spent in that place so many years ago…

The First Time.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

The battlefield was a scene of utter devastation. Scars of the fighting going on over the last two days were visible everywhere.

In the middle of it all, a young man was lying down. He was alive. But exhausted and tired by what had happened over the last two days. His breath was heavy. Not because he was injured. But because he had just re-lived the last 48 hours. How had they changed his life!

As the din subsided and things went quiet in the twilight hours, he slowly helped himself and sat down. He then deliberately ran his eyes around to soak in the scene. As if suffering from hysteria, he started weeping.

Lying next to him was his closest friend. Dead. They had both started their army life on the same day and had become good buddies very soon. He was now gone. Too soon.

The young man remembered what had happened. Charging against the other side, they had gotten into a hand-to-hand combat and his friend was severely wounded by a couple of soldiers from the opposite side.

He then recalled how enraged he had felt at just that moment, and how that rage had made him uncontrollable. He, of the gentlest manners, had then fought off the two soldiers, hesitating just a bit before killing them.

After all, he had never killed someone before. But as he committed the act twice in quick succession, he felt something churning inside him. His mind went numb soon after and he fell down, as if someone had stuck him a blow.

All the training he had got was only to prepare him with how to react physically. How to handle blows to his body. They hadn’t prepared him for what to do when a close friend gets killed. Or how to react after killing someone yourself.

At first, he felt remorse for the soldiers he had just killed. They were also young, just like him. They also would have lost someone dear to them today. How lucky were they that they didn’t have to think about those losses anymore.

Then, he felt pity on himself. How could he do what he just did? And how will he look upon himself going forward? Wouldn’t it have been better if he had just knocked them down unconscious. What did his first time at killing someone on a battlefield mean?

As he sat there for some more time, it occurred to him that this had all been inevitable. The day he had signed up for the army, he should have known that such a moment will occur some day. In fact, he knew it will. What he didn’t do was think of what it will mean to him.

It was just a day on the job for someone like him. He had chosen this path. And the after effects of the incidence were his alone to deal with…

Replace the soldiers with ordinary men. Replace the battlefield with a corporate setup or a disoriented team or an unruly class. And assume the killing to be figurative rather than literal.

Sadly, a setting most of us are familiar with and see happening around us all too often…

Critical Elements

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It was an outdoor training exercise, whilst I was at the Indian Military Academy.

The exercise was to educate us on various firearms and how and when to use them in different situations. We were in small groups undergoing specialized trainings for different weapons. Rocket launchers, grenade launchers, different types of automated firearms, etc.

This was the last leg of our training as officers and we were all quite adept at understanding and recognizing the various aspects of handling these weapons. However, we hadn’t fired most of them yet with live ammunition and therefore the speciality of the training. Therefore, as we went through the motions, the officers and instructors in-charge of the exercise regularly cautioned us on the tiniest of details.

It’s been long. The details are hazy in my memory. But I recall the lesson very clearly.

I remember when it was my turn to fire the rocket launcher. We were in groups of two, with one person to load the rocket and another to launch it from the base of his shoulders. As we took our positions, the instructions were – clear the field in a 45 degree angle on both sides up to 30 feet (or so I remember), ensure your legs are sturdy on the ground and the launcher is squarely on your shoulder with tight hands, take aim at the target and launch, then wait for 5 seconds or so before offloading the launcher.

As me and my buddy went through the motions, we were told to be careful of each step. I remember I fired the launcher with a slightly loose hand and the recoil was so fierce and sudden that I had to balance myself really well to still keep standing.

I had missed one small detail. The reaction wasn’t severe thankfully. But enough for me to notice that if I had not followed any other instruction to the letter, it could have been quite catastrophic. As my ears buzzed with the explosion, I made it a point to follow critical elements when it was absolutely necessary…

This week, as I finally cleared my driving test in California, in the third attempt, this lesson hit me. I had come into the US with a couple of decades of driving experience. Of course not in this country but enough for me to learn quickly and drive fairly safely as per local laws.

It however took time for me to truly understand the various intricacies and expectations from a driver. After the first failed attempt I realized that I needed to pay more attention to the instructions and the handbook. I practiced for the next month and then reappeared. The result was much better but I still failed. Reason – I made one small mistake. Of not looking back while merging into a bike lane.

Well, I still believe I had not made that mistake and the instructor had ignored my reaction to call it a critical error and fail me. I was aghast at her as she didn’t call it out at that time and only when the entire test had completed with only three other errors.

Anyways, it was useless to fight the system because that’s how it is set. The instructions in the handbook have to be followed and demonstrated to prove that one can drive within the permissible boundaries.

The next few months, with travel plans and other work, I couldn’t take the test. But I kept on driving with my Indian-issued international driver’s permit and learned to take heed of every single instruction. The result, my latest attempt resulted in a pass through with just four minor errors.

Happy to have passed the test, as I traveled back from the DMV office, I recalled how simple things matter so much. How one single mistake can sometimes really be the reason for an accident. And how critical the various elements are for an instructor to test, to ensure that the driver, unknown to her, can drive safely and consciously in all settings.

This doesn’t apply to every setting or for everything we do. But it does apply to a fair no. of things in our life. Mechanical and personal.

Like driving safely. Like walking with our eyes on the street. Like handling sensitive or dangerous items carefully.

Or like being honest to ourselves. Being faithful to our partner. Being open and receptive with our family. Being a guide to our children.

The question is – are we taking care of any applicable critical elements while executing routine or special tasks on an everyday basis??

Mental Make-up

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I often get asked about how someone gets trained in the military academy or hear remarks about the physical aspect of the training. And I often tell people, it is all about mental toughness.

Well, that is what I learnt after spending time at the academy in India.

When we entered the academy, most of us weren’t physically fit. More importantly, we were mentally weak. The sergeants and officers tasked with training us and converting us into officers therefore had two specific objectives.

In the first few weeks, I recall that we went through a grueling schedule. Not being used to the rigor of the place, it was a challenge for most of us to meet the physical requirements of the training. But it was as much about the mental aspect.

When we thought we couldn’t run, we were made to do timed 5 km runs. When we thought we were hungry, we were forced to go without food. When we thought we needed sleep, we were made to stand outside in freezing cold in attention.

It was worse at best for us. But it was also necessary. For what use is physical strength if you don’t have the mental toughness to handle things.

As we progressed through the academy training, the mental toughness that we developed was what helped us ace tasks that we couldn’t even think were possible a few months back. By the time we graduated, we were all much more tougher overall.

I have realized that this is true in so many other things in life. If I am mentally tough and clear about what I want out of life in general or from a decision I take at any given point in time, it is much easier to navigate through things. If not, I remain confused or troubled.

Be it figuring out what I want to do in my professional life or what I aim for in my personal life. Clarity of thought is the most important aspect.

This past few weeks, as I have spent time meeting friends and family in India, I have often been asked questions about how I am settling down after relocation. Or what is my plan for the coming years when I plan to return. Or how do I see things panning out after I take that decision.

My answer always boils down to what I want in my mind. If I am clear about what I want of this stint outside India or how I plan to live my life when I return, I will always see things in the right perspective and take the right calls. If not, I will forever be confused and only trouble myself.

I may not have the right outcomes and change gears or my approach, and that is fine. But as long as I have an understanding of what I am doing and why am I doing that, things will pan out decently.

And if ever they don’t, well that’s a learning for me to carry along with through my life!

Dreams and Catalysts

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

“The Magic Of Risking Everything For A Dream That Nobody Sees But You.” As I saw the movie Million Dollar Baby, this line really jumped out. And the more I thought about it, the more it took me to places in my past.

It was 1997. I had just finished 10th boards and was chilling out in the summer holidays, traveling to 2-3 places to spend time with my cousins, before returning back home to start higher secondary school. I recall, all my friends had started preparations for IIT/NIT exams or medicals. Those were the coveted professions those days, you had to be an engineer or a doctor if you were good in studies.

As I came back after my 2-month long tour and caught up with my friends, the talk of the town was the difficulty levels of their preparation classes and what awaited them at the best colleges. I was nonchalant about it, as I had decided to pursue neither of these streams.

Since childhood, my only dream had been to be in the Armed Forces. I had nurtured that dream quietly till then, not revealing it to many people. But as everyone kept asking me about my plans, I talked about preparing for the National Defence Academy exams and how I had started going for morning runs to build on my fitness levels.

I could see the level of surprise in the other person’s eyes – whether it was family, friends, or family friends. Most of them advised that I should also prepare for engineering so that I have some other options in hand. But I was adamant about not looking at other options. Thankfully, my parents respected my choice and supported me and I didn’t have to worry about anything else.

I couldn’t appear for the NDA exams while in 12th standard, as my age wasn’t within the cut-off range. Hence, I had to wait for the next attempt. After the 12th boards, my father advised me to take admission in a degree college, so that I don’t waste an academic year. He told me, you continue your preparations but don’t sit at home. Trusting his judgement, as I had all my life, I enrolled in one.

I wasn’t selected in my first attempt through the famed Services Selection Board process. I couldn’t figure out the exact reason but decided to double up my efforts and try harder again. That degree course was anyways never my main focus. Although I attended some classes, I re-focused and plunged in fully into preparing myself better for the next attempt.

When I went in for my next attempt at the Services Selection Board, my college exams were nearing. However, with my focus squarely on clearing my attempt, and with my parent’s blessings, I took off for the interview.

With all those blessings and the hard work I had put in earlier, I cleared the SSB and was then put on to the medical tests. By the time I returned home after 10 days at the SSB centre, with a temporary rejection for colour blindness, my college exams were on my head.

Not having any interest in giving those exams, as I was more focused on clearing the re-medicals, I talked to my father. He listened to me patiently and told me to go for my dreams. Never once did he feed any doubt in my mind. I don’t know whether he had foreseen anything or how he was allowing me to take that minor risk. But it gave me a lot of strength to know that he stood behind me.

After a month’s time, I cleared the re-medicals and was recommended for the Army. Although I couldn’t join the Air Force, which was my first choice, knowing that I had a slight disability, I chose to embrace it and move ahead to fulfil my dream of serving the nation in the uniform.

The dream was mine but it required a catalyst. My father, who always gave me hope and positive energy, was the true catalyst in the little magic that happened beyond the risk taking. And continues doing so!

So yes, dream on! Risk a little to achieve those dreams. And look for / identify a catalyst to push in the right direction to make it happen…

Ah! Those Mountains…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There I was, in the middle of the night on my 19th b’day, digging trenches and keeping a vigil. And under the night sky, trying to figure out some nuances of mountain warfare.

It was a mandatory camp at the Academy, for all of us cadets to better understand the various nuances and art of fighting and defending on mountains.

Just in the evening, I had been given charge of the entire company. The instructor had given our company the responsibility to defend the mountain against attacking company. And the first task at hand as night set in, was to dig trenches and set up base.

We divided ourselves into smaller teams and identified the positions we will dig the trenches in, ensuring all the sides are covered. We also plotted our strategy and post dinner, got down to the actual digging.

It took us longer than we thought it would. The teams kept at it and I was myself caught in between coordinating the effort and digging my own trench. It was exhausting but exhilarating, with a tension in the air about how and when will we be attacked.

We just about managed to complete the digging in time. As I took the last rounds and told everyone to settle in while keeping a watch from their respective abodes for the night, we sensed something was about to happen.

Within a minute or so, our forward patrol group sounded an alarm. The attack came in a flash, with the charging party romping in from the far side to our surprise. We defended to the best of our abilities. And as happens in most exercises, we won some and lost some.

As the debriefing was happening in the early morning hours, I was caught napping. The instructor asked me to get up and do a round of pushups (standard punishment in the Academy), which was cut short only because someone blurted out that it was my birthday.

I still distinctly remember the night and what happened in those hours. Perhaps also because I kept getting teased later on by my course mates that I was punished on my b’day.

As news poured in this past week of the skirmish in the northern border and the ensuing fight that claimed some precious lives of our men, I was reminded of that night. Although it was just a training and a mock drill, mountain warfare camp was one of the toughest.

I for one know what hardships our soldiers go through in some of the roughest terrains high up in the altitude. And yet, each time something like this happens, it is a great testament that on every occasion, we are able to excel and keep our flag flying high.

Here’s to the Indian Armed Forces and their indomitable spirit!

Personal satisfaction, guaranteed – Part 1

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I had a dream. As a small child, I wanted to fly fighter planes. I wanted to serve the country.

As I grew up, the dream took wings and I became obsessed about getting into the armed forces. That was my only goal.

And I worked hard to attain it. I did everything that I could to prepare myself. Although I couldn’t fly fighter planes, I did get through the selection process and joined the Indian Army.

The training at the Academy was hard-nosed battle readiness training from all aspects – physical, mental, and emotional. We went through hell and fire and rose from the ashes multiple times and became tough.

The Academy prepared us for diving into the extraordinary life that lay ahead of us as an officer. As a proud member of the strong force that secures the nation and protects it from external and sometimes internal threats.

Something, I still take pride in! Even though I couldn’t serve for long and had to leave due to medical reasons.

As officers, we were implicitly taught to uphold the Indian in each one of us and the fact that our duty came above everything else – to protect, to safeguard, to defend. That was paramount notwithstanding any amount of hardships.

While I came out and got busy with my civilian life (that’s what we Army guys call the other side), that feeling has remained. And the desire to continue serving the nation/society in one form or the other. And every time I do something like that, it is deeply satisfying at a personal level.

Am sure that’s how my coursemates feel too. And all those people who have ever served the country in uniform or are serving it currently. A feeling that can not be described or conveyed.

I hope more of us get into the Armed Forces and learn the ways of those who sacrifice all they have, sometimes laying down their lives in the process. Will perhaps make us better people. And proud citizens too…

The Run of my life…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We were in a river valley on a dark night with forests all around and all of us were panicking. After all, losing your bearings is never a good time in life.

Sometimes dreams mirror what’s happening in our lives and link the past. I had one such dream the other day when I was transported to my Army days and relived an uncertain and panicky situation, akin to current times. Thought I will recount that incident here.

In the Indian Military Academy, which I attended on my way to get commissioned as an officer in the Indian Army, there were multiple outdoor training camps that we had to go for. The toughest of them was to the final one before cadets passed out, called Chindits.

Chindits wasn’t tough for the duration or workload – a week in a jungle camp with outdoor exercises is pretty normal by that time in the Academy. It was the run-back to the Academy that was difficult, with everyone having to cover about 100 kms in 16 hours, in combat uniform with about 20 kgs of load. The catch, if the group (35 people) doesn’t complete it, you do it again!

So naturally, there was an apprehension in all of us as the camp dates approached. We stocked up on food, chocolates, and advise from seniors. Had multiple discussions to decide on who will be our navigators and who will handle what responsibilities.

As the camp progressed, we waited in anticipation until the final day when we had a hearty meal before commencing the run-back in the early evening.

Initially, everything went as per plan. The navigators were first class and had chalked out the route we had to take. We all kept on double checking as we progressed and felt pretty confident of completing the run within the stipulated time.

And then, as darkness fell and we became more relaxed while walking the path, somewhere in the river valley, we missed the gorge and a critical turn and kept walking ahead. As we realised later, that was a grave mistake.

After walking for almost 10 kms, we discovered that we had been going on the wrong path and were lost in the jungle. Panic ensued in the group. Followed by blame game and infighting. Some blamed the navigators, some the leaders, some the night. But the reality was we were lost and losing time by the minute. We had been walking for almost 5 hours and had lost a couple of hours now.

As the group came to its senses and we re-calibrated, we realised that we had an uphill task now and had to literally run to make it back together to the Academy…

When we made our way back through the map and came back to the right turn, we had covered about 20 kms out of 100 in 6 hours! Not getting bogged down, we continued to pave our way through and began crossing the valley at a brisk pace. Until, another hurdle came across literally.

One of our teammates carrying a LMG side-stepped a stone and fell down, bringing another person down with him and both of them getting a bloody nose/chin in the event. It was mayhem, with we having to rush to treat them with our emergency kits and getting the injuries under control. It resulted in another fall out within the group and fall in morale of the injured team members.

We had now hit about 8 hours on the run with about 35 kms covered and we were yet to reach the first checkpoint. With nothing to lose, we decided to take the bull by the horns. We divided ourselves into small teams and carried the injured team members as well as their bags and equipment to the checkpoint where we could report them sick.

We now started running continuously and covered the 5 kms to the checkpoint, clocking in at 9 hours. The officers there were really worried as we were the only group which hadn’t reported yet. They were about to send a search and rescue party to find us. Relieved that we had reached, they took our report and accepted the sick guys. And told us at the same time that it appeared impossible for us to now make it back to the Academy on time.

Not to be bowed down, we decided to give it a shot and as previously, carried on in smaller teams with each on of us egging the others and singing songs together. The second checkpoint was at 60 kms and the third at about 80 kms, both of which we hit in 2 hours each. So at the third checkpoint, we were at 13 hours and still had 20 kms to cover.

Our brisk pace had given us all a lot of hope and we were becoming more and more confident. The officer at the last checkpoint encouraged us to give it our all and as we left for the last leg of our run-back, our pace became more and more brisk.

Covering the last 20 kms in 2 hours, we hit the Academy in 15 hours from the time we started. Actually slightly earlier than some of the other groups! Our clothes were all sweaty and smelly and we were all exhausted by the running and constant cheering, with some of us temporarily losing our voices.

Once all the groups were in (no one had to repeat), we were called out by the Commandant and received special praise for exhibiting the resoluteness and perseverance to complete the exercise despite the odds. Most of us cried. And all of us turned from boys to men!

As I look back now on that experience and how we all, a motley group of youngsters, made it all the way back with spirits held high, I realise the world will too at the end of the current crisis. If we don’t let this situation get the better of us and if we keep sane, things will turn for better soon. And hopefully, a lot more mature and brave…

PS: sorry if this was long and boring, just had to recount the tale.

What I Learned from my shattered dream… And how it helped me reshape my life!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I always wanted to fly fighter jets.

As a young kid of 6 years of age, someone first asked me what I wanted to become! Really. As if I had some idea at that tender age!

I promptly looked at the sky and without any hesitance said “I want to be a pilot”. And as far as I can remember, I was looked at with awe…

As I grew up, that childhood desire became stronger. It became my only dream, to fly MIGs and Sukhois. Others in my class and friend circle continued to treat me as an aberration. Someone who knew what he wanted and also because I didn’t want to do engineering!
When I finally got selected, I realized I couldn’t join the Air Force. It was discovered that I have partial colour blindness and therefore could only join the Army. Second best option was the only option for me and I took it…

The first year at the Indian Military Academy was filled with ups and downs but I came out triumphing on the other side, 7th in my course. This got me my choice of arms in EME and I was all set to rock. Except, that’s not how the script was written!

I suffered a freak accident. It led me to stay close to 6 months in the hospital, facing ridicule from other course mates, and filled me with self-doubts.

Eventually, after getting out on medical grounds, I got my life back on track. Since then, my unorthodox thinking has taken me to many places and experiences. But things that I learnt from my shattered dream have perhaps been the biggest shapers of my life!

Here’s a quick enumeration of these life-shaping attributes that got ingrained in me during those couple of years.

Discipline. Easily the most identifiable thing about the Armed forces. And about me as well. I am credited for it and derided at the same time. But it has stood me in good stead and helped me excel time and again.

Persistence. Armed forces taught me how to doggedly pursue what I want despite trying circumstances. It has served me well throughout, helping me pursue my life’s ambitions and goals come what may.

Integrity and Honesty. A must have in the Armed Forces and something that is ingrained in me for life. Helped me to be successful and forthright in my work all throughout, something I believe I can vouch for in all my dealings to date.

Big picture vision. Doing all those field exercises while in the academy and plotting strategies has remained with me all along. Big picture is what I focus on and figure out all possibilities. As I transitioned into the corporate world and then into business, it’s proving to be a great asset.

Self confidence. To do anything I lay my hands on. Armed forces led me to situations that invariably tested it and helped me become supremely confident. And its an invaluable ally in my life now.

The list could go on. But it would become boring!

What I want to highlight here is that all those positives that I mentioned were there for me to take out. I could very easily have gone bonkers and wasted my life after my dream got shattered. But I chose to go on. I chose to fight my circumstances and triumph over them. I chose to pave my own path towards success. And I took these Positives and rebuilt my life around them.

And if I can do it, so can anyone. Our biggest failures are our biggest treasure troves also. It’s upto us to chose if we become wealthier by recognizing them!