Change

Frustrations

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

They are difficult. They take a lot out of you.

They are also very engaging. And can keep you occupied, thinking about related stuff and going down a rabbit hole.

They are however, also a source of motivation. To do things differently. And try something new.

This past week, I went through all these stages…

As I felt the weight of frustration tugging at my heart and mind, it felt like I got stopped in the tracks.

The frustration had been building for a while. I had seen signs of it in between but I kept going, disregarding those signs. Or rather telling myself that it will get resolved on its own.

What I didn’t realize was that the underlying reasons for the frustration weren’t going away. And with time, they only became more pronounced.

When the feeling hit me, it took me a while to digest the situation I was in. It was as if I was stuck in a maze while trying to find my way out.

This wasn’t the first time I was going through such an experience. But even then, each time is different. And the initial thoughts are always muddled.

As if on cue, my mind took it upon itself to remind me of all the past signs that I had seen but ignored. I kept going back in time and thinking about all related things.

It was only after a couple of days of being in that zone, did I get to unraveling the sources of the frustration. That too after realizing that there was no point in wallowing in the past and it was better to figure out how to move ahead.

However, I first had to fight with my mind to stop going into the past and instead help me weigh my options and path forward. It wasn’t easy but somehow, having done this before, I was able to get my mind to agree.

Then came a long process to map out possibilities and what would work best for me. And then sharing it all with my wife to help me understand if my thoughts are in the right direction.

This entire week went past in dealing with this episode. But I was glad I could come out on the other side with some positive thoughts and a plan of action. And that it didn’t take longer than this.

Hopefully I can now get to execute these plans!

Back to the Future

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

The future is a subject of intense speculation…

It is scary. It is promising. It is unnerving. It is what we think it is.

But we plan for it with all our gusto. We lay out theories and approach it with a kind of certainty.

However, the reality is that we don’t really know what it holds in store for us. And specially for our kids.

As I was thinking about this last bit, a couple of conversations popped in my mind. With colleagues and friends about how things will be for our kids.

To make some sense to myself, I looked back to when I was a child. And how things have evolved.

Last 40 years have seen such rapid progress that most of us weren’t able to fathom back then. And yet, in our lifetime, we have seen so much change.

And that was magnitudes higher than what happened in the last 60-80 years!

If I apply the same logic, the progress over the next 10-20 years will be almost equivalent to what happened till now in my lifetime.

In such a scenario, those aspects of life that I hold true now, will they continue to remain relevant?

The society won’t be the same for sure. Bonds and relationships in the new generation will most likely evolve to be very different.

Work will exist but in probably different forms. There may be more reliance on technology, higher order work hopefully.

So, it seems to me, it is best to prepare our kids for a future which is most likely going to keep evolving. And will rapidly change. And get them to adjust and evolve with it.

We cannot be sure the degrees we hold or what are relevant today will continue to be relevant for our kids10-20 years from now.

We cannot be sure about how their subsequent work life will link to what they are studying.

What we can be sure of is that if we prep them up well, they will likely tide over those changes and be successful in life.

And that to me is the challenge we, as parents, must be prepared for!

I cannot see clearly any more…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

All these years, I prided myself on my good eyesight.

Even though I have worked on screens for a very long time, I have never worn specs. Even though I have continued to grow older, my eyes have remained healthy.

It was all clear! But not any more…

Last week, while getting a regular eye test done, I discovered that my eyes have developed a slight weakness. And hence, I need glasses to see things clearer.

When the doctor told me, it took me a while to process that my pride had been hit. He helped me understand that what I have is a very common condition, due to aging. But I didn’t take it very well.

I went with the flow and ordered the glasses but somewhere deep down I was still fighting with the reveal.

While I knew that I would some day have to wear them, I had always thought of wearing glasses as a distant thing, to happen sometime in the future. Which isn’t going to come sometime soon.

Until it came. And signaled to me that my thinking cannot remain the same for years together!

It has taken me some time to get used to wearing my glasses. I am still going through the learning phase, getting in sync with the idea of having to wear them.

It’s the same with a lot of new things that happen with us through our life. When they happen, we are not sure about them. Sometimes we are surprised, sometimes we take it in our stride.

Then, as we begin to adapt to the new change, we feel certain inhibitions. How would things change? What does this mean? Etc.

Finally, if we agree with the change, we become one with it and accept it. If not, we reject it and move on. Either way, having gone through the experience enriches us.

Not that it helps us avoid those feelings in another instance. Or decide to accept or reject it immediately.

But it does give us a perspective about ourselves. About how our thought process changes and how new things get embedded in our being.

Unfortunately, for me this time, there’s no option to reject. But then, maybe, there’s a hidden good in all of this. I do look more serious and matured with the glasses!!! 🙂

Who Moved My …

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Life is uncertain. This is one of the first truisms I learnt. I guess, all of us realise this at some point in time. And then live with it unconsciously.

Until, when life throws a curveball at us…

The most common fallacy we live with till then is that this won’t happen with us. Until it does.

And then we get surprised, knocked out, and end up dejected. Some times, we see this coming. Often times, it is completely tangential.

While watching a couple of movies this weekend revolving around this theme, I relived my own days of despair and came through with these thoughts.

As it so happened, whilst in the Army, I was hospitalised for a long time on account of a cervical spine injury. As days became weeks and months, I was advised to multiple doctors and finally it was decided that I will be medically boarded out.

It took me a while to first accept the fact that this would be the end of my dream. The world I had been building up to in my life. And it took me down a rabbit hole of despair and solitude.

As I was fighting these feelings, I was gifted the book “Who Moved My Cheese” by Spencer Johnson. It is an interesting parable and talks about how life throws a spanner in the works sometimes and how to recover and keep moving.

That book helped me get a new perspective. It made me look at the brighter side of life, where I could go out and get another shot at doing something else rather than being stuck in a frustrating situation with a physical category in the army.

Slowly, I came out of that despair and hopeless situation that I had found myself in and started looking at things with a brighter perspective again.

Time moved on and I got other opportunities to prove myself, gain new experiences, and grow. I of course made more mistakes and lost some keys to some rooms, but I am in a decent place in life.

As I recalled these details this weekend, I was reminded of how most of us are so stuck in the worlds we are building for ourselves, in our own small way, that we often are blindsided by these curveballs.

Believe you me, they are somewhere on their way. Only if we could keep our eyes and minds open to these possibilities of mishaps. But even then, we could completely be caught off guard.

I guess the only way we can keep up and prepare for such scenarios is by knowing deep within that nothing is permanent and tides change.

As long as we can get up and get moving after that shock, we will be fine. And all will be ok!

Change

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It’s a word which evokes a lot of emotions…

Some of us like it. Some of us hate it. Some enjoy being part of it. Some detest being in its shadow.

No matter what we feel though, none of us can ignore it. For its in the very fabric of our lives!

And yet, there’s something enigmatic about it that draws out our emotions like few other words do.

This week, during a conversation with my coach, we got into the depth of what change means to me and how do I deal with it.

While I have never run away from a change, there are a few that I haven’t particularly enjoyed. But one thing that I do hold dear to myself is the learning and experience I gain out of the change. For me and from what it means to those around me.

As I described this to my coach, I went back into time thinking about some of those instances when I didn’t agree with the change easily or didn’t enjoy it.

The first instance was when I left home for the first time to stay in a hostel. The second was when I had to leave the armed forces because of a medical injury. The third was when I had to shut down my business after putting in a lot of hard work.

As I thought through, I realized that each of those instances were tough for me either because I didn’t like what the change offered me in return for my future, or I dreaded it because I was on the losing side from my perspective.

But when I look back at life around those junctures now, those were the experiences that made me tougher and made me dig deeper. And I am highly grateful to those around me, who pushed me forward into that change.

I may have succeeded even though I may not have had those challenging experiences. But I am sure I wouldn’t have been as matured and resilient if not for those changes.

In my case at least, they proved to leave a lasting impression and contributed big time to make me who I am today!

Familiarity

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It’s strange how our mind finds comfort in things that are familiar and yet it expands when we leave that familiarity to venture into something new.

This weekend, as we travelled to India for a trip back home, there was a lot of nostalgia in my head. I had been missing Bangalore for a while, with all its amazing people and food. After all, I have lived there for ten years.

After we got off at the airport and in the one day I spent there, a lot of old memories whizzed past in my mind. Whether it was driving past some familiar roads or landmarks, or eating at some familiar joints, I had a great day.

I met with some known folks around and plan to catch up with many more when I get back to the city after a couple of weeks and spend more time working from our office there. Not to forget, all the nostalgia of traffic that hit me in pockets whenever we got stuck somewhere and how it reminded me of the time I will spend jostling around when I am there!

On my way to my home town, I was thinking about the solitary day and the joy it gave me. How familiar everything was and it didn’t feel like I was returning after six months of being in the US…

It then stuck me that this isn’t a one off case with me, or perhaps many people. We find comfort in familiarity and seek it out subconsciously. But it also sometimes lulls us into rhythms that we don’t appreciate much. That, in some cases, restricts us from exploring new things which we may like or dislike.

And then, before we know it, we get steeped into a mindset that stops welcoming change in that sphere. Knowing fully well that change is the only constant, we avoid it or try and bypass it. Without much success, I must add.

The only way that I think works universally to unlock our horizons is when we force ourselves upon a new situation. A new role at work, a new subject to study at school or college, a new country to explore backpacking across, are all examples of this self-enforced mechanism that helps expand our horizons.

It may not necessarily be a successful outcome for us in all cases. We may fail in the new subject, or in the new role, or may not be able to adjust in the new place. But it does give us an experience. For life.

These experiences, in my opinion, are what make us who we are. Constantly throughout our life. Irrespective of what they entail or leave behind.

There’s definitely value in familiarity and we all know it. But there’s also value in seeking out challenges and changes. The more we mix the two, the better the outcomes for us I believe!

What’s with the Age?

~ Rishi ~ 3 Comments

We have progressively started living longer lives. But what does it mean to age?

The past week, there were two instances which forced me to think in this direction.

The first one was when my daughter asked a great question, something kids are privileged with. It went something like “why do you need to work on a laptop”?

The second one emerged from a casual conversation with a colleague about how the world has changed for us over the last 25 odd years. And that means most things we do today are done in a different way than when we were born.

As I thought about it, I started looking at my life and how it’s progressed and then to make things more interesting, looked at it from my parents lives.

Imagine someone born in the 50’s in India. Didn’t have radio as a widely used medium, mostly consuming information through newspapers. As she grows up, most interaction is limited to immediate family or neighbourhood.

Then, once she reaches college, she starts to listen to radio and watching more cinema in the theatres. She gets an occasional new thing in her life like a watch or maybe takes a trip to different places to learn.

Years later, well in her 20’s she discovers television, refrigerators, and some bit of computers if she is lucky. But the usage is limited to occasional.

It’s only in her late 30’s that she learns about the Internet. She gets to know how to operate a microwave oven and a washing machine. And a car really becomes a regular vehicle of choice.

With the turn of the century, in her 40’s, life changes as the mobile phone becomes ubiquitous. Internet becomes comprehensible and working on computers becomes the main thing for most office goers. International vacations become widely affordable.

But it’s not until probably in her 50’s that this lady discovers a smartphone. Facebook and video calls. YouTube and WhatsApp. Connected cars and live streaming enter the lexicon in her 60’s.

This lady who is inching towards her 70’s now, has come a long way. And she has had to adapt every step of the way to new things that she couldn’t even imagine as a child. Learning and unlearning, adjusting and accommodating.

For us born in the 80’s or 90’s, most things today seem like a natural progression. But if we think through this lady’s perspective, we realise most of these are way too much to handle.

Yet, our parents handle them on a daily basis. Enjoying the process of getting to know new stuff. Sometimes befuddled, sometimes bemused, but mostly a sport.

And that’s the essence of aging beautifully in today’s material world. Adapting, learning, letting go of things but still holding on to the older self, exploring new things with a keen mindset, and being ready for new experiences.

Perhaps with a new set of questions that we need to ask our kids and grandkids as we make sense of the changes about to come…

Moving Places

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We started off as nomads. Adventurous people, living for the moment.

Then, somewhere along the way, we settled down. And became comfortable. With the knowns.

Somewhere, within the economic rhythm of different times, we got the notion that if we settle down and keep working our way through, we will eventually get where we want to.

But what we missed noting is that as our comfort converted into inertia, we got too naive. About other places. About other people. About other cultures. And most importantly about how that newness enriches us.

True, the world has become more globalised. We are travelling far more. People are moving places more than they ever did before.

But are we using that as an opportunity to create that wealth of experience for ourselves? Are we among those people who are ready to have some adventure in life, unsettle a little, experience the wild (not literally always)!

This week, as I started to figure out how to wind up things before a planned relocation, I came across this realization.

Most of us, including myself, in seeking steadiness, have become staid in our lives. We eschew the unknowns, confine to the tried and tested, and smirk at discomfort of any kind.

Even if we face some displacement, there are lot of anxieties that crop up within us. We tend to overanalyse impending changes a lot and weigh too much on pros and cons, to the detriment of our own sanity at times.

It doesn’t need to be so though.

If we just look at life as that adventure that’s waiting to give us a ride, and take ourselves slightly lightly, we will realise that any change is for the good. It always helps uncover things that we didn’t know about ourselves.

And while transitioning through that period of change is cumbersome and not necessary, the process itself yields benefits beyond what we can perceive at the beginning.

Easier said than done, however. Speaking about it from self experience…

Perhaps, the only way out is to believe and roll with it!

What Changed?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Picture this. It is somewhere in the 60’s. A person is sitting on a bed is listening to the radio, which is the primary mode of entertainment and connection with the outside world (apart from newspapers ofcourse).

The radio is playing an advertisement and right after that there is an announcement from the future by one of those mad scientists. The scientist proclaims that in the near future, we would be able to see live video feeds in our homes on a world-wide network which everyone plugs into and it will become our go-to mechanism for everything.

What is the likelihood of the ordinary man with his radio on, believing in this? I would like to think, very less. He may just ignore it all as rumblings of some stupid mind. He would proudly proclaim radio as the best thing that happened in his generation and get on with his work.

And now imagine that person, old, perhaps in his 80’s. Sitting in front of an internet enabled TV with a smartphone in his home controlling the experience. It has turned into a reality. So long for his proud proclamation about the simple radio. Heck, he can now login to any radio channel in the world and listen to it!

This is change! Guaranteed, destined, and having arrived within a single person’s lifetime.

What is amazing is, this ordinary person adapted to all the changes life and society brought on over the years. His life became better (or worse?), it became easy (or more complicated?), and it became more liveable (so we claim!). All those advancements, not just in consumer technology, but in every other sphere of life, resulted in massive shifts. And this person lapped them all up!

We, in this day and age, have stopped questioning what is possible technologically and have rather started to take bets on when will it happen. The pace of change has hastened over the last couple of decades and continues unabated. And we continue to adapt to it in the same rhythm, to make the best use of it as per our understanding.

And yet, the change which is ever so welcome in our lives, hasn’t yet permeated to the same levels in our individual thinking about how will the evolution be in terms of social context, behaviors, and motivations. We still believe that what has happened with us, the way we have lived our lives, is how the next few generations will also experience it. It has been true for most of us but there is no guarantee it will stay the same for our children and beyond.

This week, as I was talking to a friend about how the lives of our children will unfold, I realized that I subscribe to this theory of societal change and therefore, want to consciously not plan too much for it. Not that I have anything against supporting our daughter as she grows up. It’s just that I don’t really know how her life will unfold or what motivations will guide her choices.

I don’t know how she will want to live out her life. If she would even want any help from us. Will money be a useful metric for her or not. Will she want to have a stable career or be someone who would rather accumulate experiences doing multiple things. Will she want to have a partner or not.

I could go on with the questions. But you get the drift.

The choices she will make, I believe, are surely going to be different from the ones that aided my decisions. And it doesn’t make sense for me to plan for too much but rather adapt myself and support her in the way that feels apt for that time and to her mind.

Don’t know if what I am thinking is the right approach or not. What I do believe though is that our relationships and the society will surely change in the next 60 years, just like it has for that person who is now in his 80’s…

Perspectives and our Feelings…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There are perspectives that we have. About ourselves and our life, about others and their life, about things happening all around us. And then there are perspectives that others have about the same things.

On a recent road trip, with a long journey ahead of us, I engaged in some delightful conversation on myriad things with a friend. One of the things we talked about was perspectives. As I thought about the conversation later on, I realised that a lot of our life is governed by and around these perspectives. And it led to a couple of questions – “Would we have a different life if we change our perspective? And is it a matter of alignment of perspectives that leads to mutual feelings”?

Now, all of us are entitled to ours. That’s what makes us unique. But that is also what defines so much about what we feel and how we feel…

If we talk about our personal life, we base our decisions on what our perspective is about the present or the future. We take decisions based on that – like marriage, family, house, children’s education, what to spend on, and so on. These decisions could lead to further perspectives that may change our outlook but nevertheless each of our decisions are based on our current viewpoint.

Coming over to the professional life also, the decisions to work, to quit, to change a job, to continue, or to take up or shun additional responsibilities is based on the perspective we hold about our colleagues, the company, the outside market, etc.

However, whether in the personal or professional arena, these perspectives and the decisions resulting from them are also a function of what the other party holds. For example, certain decisions can be taken by a husband and wife only if they are both aligned. Otherwise, they would never be able to agree and come to the same conclusion. Similarly, in the case of an employee, her career choices depend on what is the perspective that others hold about her. If there is a misalignment, it leads to the contrary.

A times, we refine our perspective based on what the other party holds. And when that happens, the alignment leads to a joint or mutually convenient decision. For example, to become friends again after a fight. Or to continue in the same job even when you have another offer in hand. This alignment of perspectives leads to a feeling of happiness and progress. Whereas, when we disagree on our perspectives and there is no alignment, it leads to disagreements, disputes, and even separation in some cases. Generating a feeling of sadness and discontent.

Is this the case all around or are there exceptions? I don’t know. I haven’t thought so deeply. But what I did understand is that while we have the power to change our perspective, it is the alignment with others and the feelings it generates within us that we should be watching for. If the feelings are negative for a long time, perhaps it’s time to change. Either our perspective or our life or both!