Change is the only constant

As I heard one of the characters in a TV series talk about how change is messy and difficult and not something worthwhile, I recalled this title phrase. And the truism associated with it.

I have always been a firm believer of how change is for the good. It has helped shape my life and provided me tremendous opportunities to learn and grow.

Well, change has been the order of life for me all throughout. I studied in 6 different schools, moving places every 2-3 years. I have pursued 4 different professional tracks in my career. And yet every time there’s some change – big or small, I feel uncertain and out of control.

However, having experienced so many changes in life, I have learnt a trick to handle these situations. Instead of further sinking down into anxiety, I let go. It is not easy – difficult to dissociate and let things flow. But what I have realised is that it’s better to flow than to resist.

As I look around these days, on one side I see people embracing change and adapting to the circumstances but on the other hand, I observe a sense of inertia. As someone who studies people and behaviours, I have realised these responses are all about those 2 words “Letting go”.

People who aren’t embracing change aren’t comfortable letting go. They feel like they have to own and drive things, not let it drift or be driven by something or someone.

This is true not just in the professional world but the personal one also.

The mother who doesn’t let go of the child to play alone, fearing a fall or a scratched hand. The parents who still want to manage or help their grown up kids in everything they do. All of these “not letting go” examples only point to the inertia that the mother or parents feel about the impending change or growth.

In the professional world examples abound. We all have seen or worked with the manager who wants to micromanage. Or the senior who wants to take Center-stage all the time. Or the old guard which refuses to adapt to new ways of working. It’s again a matter of “not letting go” – the anxiety of what will happen if I don’t do it my way.

What we don’t realise is that by not letting go, we create further resistance, which sooner or later leads to breaches. Be it the kid who finds ways and means to slip out of the parent’s radar to do her own thing. Or the junior who gives up and leaves the job for better opportunities where she can grow. The breach happens as the resistance becomes untenable.

As we navigate through this Covid-19 era, where trust is dipping down and anxiety is increasing, it would serve us well to realise that this too shall pass. That this change will allow old ways to be replaced with new ones. And rather than fighting it, remembering that after all is done and dusted, the changes will be for the greater good.

Let it go…

What A Life Changing Experience…

There I was… Sitting in the OT with my wife’s hand in mine, looking at the team of doctors going through their motion to deliver our baby. Yes, our bundle of joy, ready to come out in the world!

It had been almost 10 years of knowing each other. Going through a strong relationship hand-in-hand and facing all of life’s challenges and enjoying all the wonderful moments. But I had never been more nervous in my wife’s presence!

She had been patient all through the 9 months and had gracefully accepted motherhood-in-waiting. I was however, in the in-between zone. Waiting to transition from a husband to a father. From a son to a grown-up, responsible man.

That perhaps explained my nervousness. My anticipation was rising all the time. I couldn’t believe myself.

However, a few minutes later, it would all change. The nervousness to be replaced by my confident transition to a father. And to a calm, composed, caring husband.

It started with the assistant pointing to the clock (for me to note the time) and as I looked at it, time seemed to pause. I could feel myself holding my breath. And the transition was complete in that second, with a shrill cry and the doctor announcing the arrival of our baby girl! 🙂

Life has given me many a chances to experience things that have been uniquely mine to savour. But this was simply another level.

I am a father now! A promoted, changed husband!

Yes, I can call myself a man now. Fatherhood does that to people…

Experimentation Ahoy!!!

I am 33 going on 34.

Maybe, I could sing a song with these lyrics and I could become famous just like Bryan Adams!

Or maybe, I am too old for that.

Wait. What?

33 and old, nah!

But that’s how people would react if I told them just now that I wanted to be a singer. I would be bombarded with questions like – “Oh, you realised soon enough in life!”, “Were you deliberately trying to waste time up till now?”, or simply “What a dud, wants to chose something entirely new at 33!”.

And that’s how our society fares when it comes to new vs. old.

Every time we strive to unfold a new horizon in our life, we are brought down to earth by the circumspect, all-invasive non-sense that the society pulls on us. And then, when we grow old, we regret not doing certain things when the time was right!

But what about now? 33 going on 34 shouldn’t certainly be a deal breaker. I mean if our heroes can do superhuman acts when they are 60 plus, I am just half their age.

The real problem is in embracing change I believe.

We as a society have become too much of good natured, follow-the-pattern people. If someone tries to break the mould, he is doomed in our eyes. Maybe not, but that’s how we react.

The other day, while meeting someone new, I was asked about what I am doing. I told them I am running my own setup and have just shifted base. The reaction in their eyes was – “Oh, you are not yet settled!”

Firstly, I don’t give a damn what others say or think. As someone wise said, its none of my business. Secondly, does settling down mean buying a house, living in the same surroundings for years together, doing the same work day in and day out? Then, sorry! I don’t want to settle ever.

I mean, there are 10,000 things to do in life. There are so many places to see. Why dig a hole in a place, how-so-ever nice, and stay there forever. Keep moving and experiencing new things. That’s my motto!

I am clear. I am not going to settle. Work-wise, I will do what I like. Maybe, my startup might not work out and I might have to go back to a job. That’s ok. Maybe, I become a millionaire and roam the world care-free. That’s good.

But one thing I can promise is – I am not ready to settle into the old school way of living life.

What a relief it is to realise that 33 going on 34 isn’t old! Life’s just begun. Time to experiment!