Choices

Life’s a race…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Life’s a race. That’s what most of us have been taught or are made to understand during our early adulthood years.

But what if it wasn’t? What if it was meant to be lived on our own terms, without any race to prove ourselves to anyone?

What if it was just us living life on our own terms? And taking things as they come?

I think there is merit in this thought.

I have been on both sides of the fence and when I have done things on my own terms, the results have always elated me. On the other hand, when I have run someone else’s race or in a direction I wasn’t sure of, I have mostly faltered.

Another thing I have noticed is when I have taken my time and space to do things, I have done a much better job at it than when I was out on a deadline or trying to impress someone.

Does that mean we live life in a dull manner? Or don’t ever hustle? I don’t think so and definitely don’t mean so.

What I believe is that we should be the decision maker of our own destiny. If that means walking slow at times, so be it. If that means doing things contrary to popular perception or wisdom, so be it.

And if that in turn results in a tougher life, so be it. After all, that’s the challenge we chose to accept…

Frustrations

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They are difficult. They take a lot out of you.

They are also very engaging. And can keep you occupied, thinking about related stuff and going down a rabbit hole.

They are however, also a source of motivation. To do things differently. And try something new.

This past week, I went through all these stages…

As I felt the weight of frustration tugging at my heart and mind, it felt like I got stopped in the tracks.

The frustration had been building for a while. I had seen signs of it in between but I kept going, disregarding those signs. Or rather telling myself that it will get resolved on its own.

What I didn’t realize was that the underlying reasons for the frustration weren’t going away. And with time, they only became more pronounced.

When the feeling hit me, it took me a while to digest the situation I was in. It was as if I was stuck in a maze while trying to find my way out.

This wasn’t the first time I was going through such an experience. But even then, each time is different. And the initial thoughts are always muddled.

As if on cue, my mind took it upon itself to remind me of all the past signs that I had seen but ignored. I kept going back in time and thinking about all related things.

It was only after a couple of days of being in that zone, did I get to unraveling the sources of the frustration. That too after realizing that there was no point in wallowing in the past and it was better to figure out how to move ahead.

However, I first had to fight with my mind to stop going into the past and instead help me weigh my options and path forward. It wasn’t easy but somehow, having done this before, I was able to get my mind to agree.

Then came a long process to map out possibilities and what would work best for me. And then sharing it all with my wife to help me understand if my thoughts are in the right direction.

This entire week went past in dealing with this episode. But I was glad I could come out on the other side with some positive thoughts and a plan of action. And that it didn’t take longer than this.

Hopefully I can now get to execute these plans!

Nostalgia and Guilt

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

There are many a times we suffer from nostalgia, when we recount the days passed by. Either with friends or family or in a particular setting.

There are also things that we have done or decisions we have taken, which at some point in time come back to us and result in guilt.

This past week, as I landed in the Bay Area and spent a few days in Foster city, these two feelings hit me simultaneously.

We spent a year and a half in this place, before we moved back to India 6 months back…

When I had booked the trip, I planned to stay in the vicinity of the office and some other folks I wanted to meet. So, foster city was a natural choice.

It didn’t occur to me much until later, when a colleague asked me if I will feel nostalgic upon my return. Even then, I brushed it off, thinking it will be fine.

However, I was surprised by the intensity of the feeling. It’s been six months but as I walked around the same paths I used to pass by and went around some landmarks we used to visit or our life revolved around, it felt like those days were flashing past me.

I and my wife going for a walk. Our daughter going into the school or we picking her back. A couple of supermarkets we used to go to quite often. A couple of restaurants we frequented.

The list could go on. But you get it. There was heavy nostalgia in revisiting those recent memories. And a heavier sense of guilt!

Guilt because, it was our choice to move back. And for having pushed the family out of this setting.

I lived with questions for a couple of days…

Did I take a hasty decision? Should we have stayed here longer, perhaps we would have found more friends and a life! Why did I give in so easily and not fight it out?

Those couple of days were spent in a lot of self introspection and questioning myself.

Then, as I was reflecting on my days passed by and recounting to a friend what we have been up to ever since going back to India, it struck me.

It may have been a decision taken too soon. But it wasn’t in haste.

We would have definitely found more friends here, but we have so many in Bangalore. And a lot more family around, shorter distances away.

I could have fought on living here but I didn’t want to miss a chance of living life more fully with people I really wish to spend time with.

And so, as I flew out of the city, it became apparent to me that the nostalgia I was feeling was natural but the guilt that had been brewing inside could be put aside.

Maybe, I will still get these kind of questions both inside my head and from my wife and daughter, when we compare something between the two places.

But I hope my head will be able to handle those feelings better and not leave me confused as I was these past few days!

After all, the nostalgia means we had a good time, although it lasted a short while. Perhaps incentive to plan a family trip sometime later on.

And without any feeling of guilt left over, I could happily say that the one and a half year we spent here was some of the best times we spent as a family!

The Alter Ego

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Curtains lift up. There are two characters on stage. Abdul and someone who looks just like him.

Abdul: I have never felt this strong an urge to act. I need to take this plunge now and do something on my own.

His alter ego: Seriously? You are already doing so well in your current job with this company. Why would you want to change that?

Abdul: I have been working for so long, if I want to try something, the time is now. It may be too late otherwise.

His alter ego: Precisely. It is already late buddy. You don’t stand a chance in front of these youngsters.

Abdul: I don’t think so. I have an idea, I can build a business out of it.

His alter ego: What about the income you have coming regularly? That’s savings for your retirement kitty. Once you retire, you can then do whatever you want to.

Abdul. But I feel I am passionate about this idea and can make a difference. Besides, I have enough savings to live a decent life. In the end, if nothing works, I can resume in a job anytime.

His alter ego: And you think it will be a piece of cake? You will have to sacrifice many things. Your current lifestyle will have to be curtailed, which no one in the family will like.

Abdul: Oh, right. I didn’t think about that aspect.

His alter ego: See, I am your friend. If you listen to me, you will be safe!

Abdul: What if I talk to my family and tell them about my desire to do something of my own? I have been doing so many things for them, they ought to understand my needs too.

His alter ego: Why don’t you actually think out loud about what you want to do and find if it makes sense?

Abdul: Yes, why not? It wouldn’t hurt telling my friends and family about my idea and seeking their opinion.

His alter ego (smiling mildly): Now we are talking. Let’s do this comprehensively, and then we can take a calculated decision.

Abdul: Cool, let’s revisit the decision in a few months after I have evaluated everything.

His alter ego: Also, let’s remember, we are not going to do anything rash. Only if there’s a solid plan, will we move ahead.

Abdul: You’re right. I better be sure. I cannot jeopardise anything or anybody.

His alter ego: Back to work then, it’s time to start preparing for the office trip now, we’re out for this week. Once we come back, we will plan further.

The curtain closes. Another day in Abdul’s life…

New Paths

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Joy was running down the hilly descent with abandon. Down the hill where his best friend, Uday, stayed.

He had just heard of the good news about his selection at one of the top universities in the country. He had devoted the last couple of years toward the goal, and now that it had finally happened, his happiness knew no bounds.

As he reached his friend’s house and caught his breath, he remembered that it was also the day Uday would know about his result too. Just when he was going to ring the bell, his eyes caught a post-it jutting out the adjacent window.

It was written by Uday. He knew Joy would come and had left a note saying he had gone to the temple with his parents before seeing his result. Knowing that he could still catch up, Joy made his way downtown.

When he reached the temple street, he could see Uday in front of the gate. Along with his parents, he was just getting out. They now headed across to a cyber cafe, where Uday was going to check his results.

Joy waited with anticipation. He didn’t want to go now and interrupt Uday or add to his anxiety. He also wasn’t sure how he would handle the situation given his own result. So, he chose to wait for a few more minutes. As he waited, he prayed for Uday’s success.

After a while, Uday came out beaming. Joy knew he had made it. He called out Uday’s name and kept running. Uday turned, saw him, and welcomed him into his arms.

They both celebrated like crazy and everyone in the vicinity only wished them well. They were the best of buddies and would now be entering the altar of life on their chosen paths.

As the euphoria lessened, both Joy and Uday realized that there paths are no longer the same now. It was a strange sadness, in a happy moment.

They sat together in the temple campus, reliving their childhood and the time spent together. Specially the last couple of years when they had been a source of strength to each other in the trying times.

They had chosen their divulging paths themselves but that didn’t mean that it was the end of their friendship. Resolving to continue their friendship they prayed together for success and went home.

Going to bed, Joy had stars in his eyes and dreamt of the future. How he would go through the university years. And in a corner of that dream he came across Uday, with him as a friend forever. He smiled in his sleep…

Throes of Wants

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“Badal”, the man’s ears echoed, the Hindi word for change. It seemed like his soul was telling him to change the ways of his life.

He kept sitting and staring at the sky. It was almost sunset, with the last light few minutes away. As he watched the sun going down, his life ran in front of him…

He remembered the initial, fun filled days when he would spend hours with his friends walking around the markets. He remembered how they went to the movies and had luncheons that lasted for four hours.

He also remembered how he met his wife and the days they spent during their courtship at the cafés jotting the downtown streets.

It all seemed long ago. For as life caught on, he just got busy and somehow never got time again to do all of those things.

With work occupying his life, he had kept everything aside. For he wanted all the money he could earn to buy all the things he ever wanted.

He had spent the last decade or so amassing all those material desires. He had a big house, a couple of fancy cars, watches, suits, gadgets. The list was endless.

But today as he stared at the horizon, he was feeling empty inside. He had no friends around. His wife had left him. No kids.

It seemed as if he was all alone in this wide world.

With a heavy heart, he got up. His life was done. If he had any hope of changing it, he had to make amends. He had to give up his urge to fulfil his desires and wants, and instead focus on relationships and love.

Resolving in his mind, he turned around and walked to his car. It was time to get home and chalk out the plan for getting things on track.

Just as he was getting in, he saw the car parked next to his. It was the latest model of a new breed, something he had been researching upon.

He stood there admiring the contours. He then moved around it, looking inside to get a feel. It was expensive! And he wanted it!

It was time to hit the job circuit and get a raise to buy that car. There was no waiting. Everything else would wait, as always…

Investments

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We all choose what we invest in. It could be the markets, could be relationships, could be our health. But all of these are related to us directly.

There’s another type of investment that we make – with a team or an individual. It could be in the field of sports, in our workplaces, or in business partnerships. Today, I am talking about these kinds of investments…

The past 6-7 weeks, I chose to invest my energy, time, and emotions with the journey of the Indian national cricket team. It was the cricket World Cup and with India playing at home, and playing well leading up to the tournament, I pledged myself to the team’s success.

It was a fairy tale script. The team won all its league matches comfortably and looked like invincible. It increased my confidence significantly and I continued to invest more into their journey.

But as is sometimes the case, last night left a sad note in our books. The men faltered at the last stop and my faith that they will bring home the cup, and repay my investment, was shattered.

As I switched off the television and went to get some sleep, something agitated me. After all these weeks of waking up at odd hours to watch matches and follow all game analysis, I was expecting more.

But as I thought about it, laying down and unable to sleep, I realized that it wasn’t justified for me to react like this. For, I did enjoy the journey and it was a fabulous one. The team played like a champion and a single loss won’t negate that fact.

As I made peace with the fact, it also occurred to me that a lot of times we judge our investment of time / effort / money in a fleeting manner. We decide how the investment is faring by looking at the last few moments / days. Not thinking about the journey we have traversed with that investment.

Be it in matters of personal investments or financial, we become short-sighted and seek early results. But what if the fruit of the labour is in continuing to invest and learn and grow?

After all, we don’t ask that question of ourselves when we invest in our child’s education. Or in matters of health once we realise prevention is better than cure!

The Choices We Make.

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Last two weeks were eventful!

I rounded up an India trip including a short visit to my home. I also spent late hours working in and off the office as well as landed up in a few parties with my colleagues.

The whirlwind speed with which this all transpired, didn’t let me breathe until I got back on the plane to SF. As I spent a few hours contemplating on the visit and going through the days in my mind, I reflected on some chats with a common thread.

This common thread was the choice of food. Unintentionally, in some or the other way, I spent quite a while talking about it with a friend, with a couple of cousins, and with a few colleagues.

Since the last few months, as I have started following a disciplined regimen of daily exercise and a calibrated nutritional diet, my body has had to adjust with this new routine. It had gotten used to eating a lot more junk and bigger portion sizes during the beginning of this year. Now, it suddenly had to expect less and make do with it.

My body adjusted to this reduction made by me just fine, and in turn rewarded me with burning through the fat deposits. As I wished for!

Maybe my mind has also fallen in line. It has made me control myself better. For whatever reason (I am still investigating), it stopped thinking about food every now and then and in fact, actively sends me signals to ensure I don’t again overload myself.

On this entire India trip, every time I overate, my body actively discouraged me from within. My mind has stopped sending me any hunger signals if it senses there’s still calories to be burned. And my own discipline meant I spent a fair number of days in the hotel gym. These all obviously helped me.

While talking about this with friends/family/colleagues, they also relayed the same experience. If they decided, their body and mind cooperated and helped them in their journey. The positive effects in turn helped them stay the course. And the body and mind tuned in more.

As I reflected on my way back, I realized that this is true not just in matters of the culinary kind but even in other aspects of life. I have experienced this at work, in business, and in relationships too.

What we choose and how it helps us – positively or negatively, is usually a function of our choice. If it is positive, we get reinforcements. If it is negative, we only see pitfalls.

What still surprises me though is how we fall of this curve at times and derail ourselves. Perhaps, it is because we don’t accept the choice wholeheartedly. Or maybe we take it to the other extreme, where things become boring and we miss simple pleasures of life and eventually get off the track.

Any which way, what I learnt is important is being conscious about making these choices and then sticking to them for as long as we can…

How far would you go?

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On everything? Really. Have we thought about it?

On life. Should I want to live life king size at all costs and be ready to do whatever may be required for it? Or should I be ready to draw a line somewhere and stay within that for my own heart’s sake?

On work. Should I compete with all others and do everything that’s required to reach the summit? Or should I balance things with a perspective of reaching where I intend to reach, without considering myself in a race?

On relationships. Should I do everything to take care of my relationships and maintain them, come what may? Or should I accept the strain or tension that some of them may imply, either vitiating myself or severing those ties, if it ever comes to that?

On health. Should I adopt habits that help me take care of myself for years to come and be conscious of my lifestyle choices even at the expense of my happiness? Or should I not worry too much about it and enjoy things that I like and live as I want to, postponing the worries to sometime in the future.

On wealth. Should I focus on earning more and saving more to ensure I can live comfortably later on? Or should I spend on things I want right now and assume the future will sort itself out and we will cross the bridge when we get there.

On ethics. Should I always have a upright stance on everything and morally do the right thing, even if it lands me in trouble or pulls me back? Or should I be ok to tweak things a bit to benefit myself in the spirit of being always successful?

On feelings. Should I be straight forward with them and let them be visible to others, even in difficult times? Or should I hide my true self from the world and put on a game face if required?

These are all difficult questions. Perhaps with no right answer.

This week, as I went through life in the wake of the new year, some of these thoughts occurred to me. Not in terms of making decisions about these points myself but generally, as something that I haven’t thought about explicitly.

Yet as I reflected more, I realized that most of us make one or the other choice on these spectrums in different points in our life. Some of these choices are made explicitly and some implicitly.

What matters is the understanding of the mechanism we use to make these choices – the inner workings of our head and our heart, combined with our circumstances and the atmosphere around us. Along with complete ownership of our decision and consciousness about our choices.

For that helps us be truthful about whether the choice we made was right or wrong, depending on the results and the path it led us to. And more importantly, allows us the freedom within to not be trapped eternally within those choices but to make corrections if needed or choose the next fork in our life’s journey…