Communication

Re-Connecting

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Their relationship was broken, at its lowest point.

There was no communication, no exchange of what they were really feeling about each other. Only a facade of maintaining the status quo.

This had continued for a while, and the strain was now showing up. From being able to talk to each other freely, they had rescinded to their own secluded spaces and the ebb and flow of words had reduced to a trickle.

Even those shared interests and memories seemed distant now. Those moments spent together, with a feeling of love and mutual respect, seemed to have happened a long while ago.

Just then, as fate would have it, they were both left stranded in a place with nothing else to do. Just them, without the comfort of social settings, where they could hide behind other people.

It wasn’t planned at all. Happened by mistake. But as they came to terms with the fact that they would have to be alone in this place for a while, feelings started showing up.

The slinging match began quite innocuously. Over a trivial matter. But soon, it descended into a serve and volley game. Both fired salvos at each other, confronting with how they felt the other person had let them down and lost their trust.

As the evening progressed, the antagonism slowly turned into an understanding of why there was a rift. It wasn’t something either of them intentionally laid out or wanted, but lack of communication had only exacerbated it.

Eventually, as they realized that they were holding a lot against each other and started letting go, tears streamed down their eyes. They both realized that it hadn’t helped them at all. The mistrust should have been resolved earlier.

Both resolved to mend things and get back to how it was before. And yet, as they went to bed, each in his own mind was wondering how would things go from here.

Come morning, they had walked past the awkwardness of being just with each other. And slowly, as the day progressed, normalcy started showing promising signs of return.

It was now only a matter of building that trust again. One step at a time.

Perhaps they could have done this earlier. And then wouldn’t have had to live with this feeling for so much time.

Better late than never, though!

The Team Spirit.

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Three years to date, I called up my partner at my previous firm. I had decided to take up a new role.

I had been looking for a new challenge for sometime. And when I got something that made sense for me to pursue, I dialled up my manager’s no.

It was a direct conversation. He as well as the senior partner offered me some food for thought but I was clear about the move and it was both personally and professionally making sense for me. So, eventually we agreed amicably about the separation.

However, what I had not thought about was my team and how they would feel. And how I would feel about the fact that I was moving out, after having hired quite a few of them myself and having managed them for a while.

After running with this conflict in my head for a couple of days, I decided to be upfront about it. I called up each person on the team, breaking the news to them and talking about why I was moving on from what we had signed up for together.

Most folks accepted and wished me well. Some were surprised and told me that they would have wanted to continue working together for longer. I am sure, some thanked their stars for good riddance as well!

My heart wasn’t still contented. I had this guilty feeling about leaving those team members in the middle of an unfinished journey. With some of them, I had spent just shy of five years. It troubled me for a few days.

Then, I remembered those times when someone in the team, who I absolutely wanted in, had decided to move on. It was always difficult to let go but I was never one to hold back anyone. It had pinched me but work never stopped.

And I realised that while I was going out of the equation, work that my team was doing won’t stop. That they will continue to excel. I need not be guilty but should go out with the confidence of having done good by them.

With my worries put to rest, I enjoyed those last few days with my colleagues and friends and moved on to a new path. We remain in touch and with quite a few of them, I have maintained a great bonhomie.

Recalling those days and what came of all that time spent together is something I still cherish today and will continue to in the future. We may have moved in different directions but that team spirit lingers on somewhere…

The secret to better experiences

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Saturday morning, I and my little one got up at almost the same time and as it was the weekend, lazed around in bed “talking”.

As we spent the next 30 minutes having a hearty conversation, the topic centred around how she should speak up rather than feeling something in her heart or mind but not blurting it out. She is a sensitive child and I wanted her to understand it is ok to speak up and let the other person know if she doesn’t like something rather than bottling her feelings inside.

We got through that conversation and did multiple other things during the weekend. But the entire 2 days, this was a theme that kept recurring in my mind…

We are by nature socially active and thrive in the company of others, whether its family, friends, or colleagues. However, there are groups where we feel and act better than in others. It might be because of multiple reasons that we have different experiences in different groups, but in my analysis most of the times, the one thing that really defines the experience for me is what is the level of communication in that group.

I didn’t realize it until I had a sub-par experience during one of the most seminal phases in my youth. It wasn’t my first bad one with a group. But I was perhaps more matured than before. And as I thought about it, I had a difficult time understanding the reasoning behind why it so happened. But as I reflected back on it in solitude, I figured that the communication between me and the others in the group wasn’t really great and it contributed majorly to the experience I had.

Ever since, I figured that if I want to make the most of what any group has to offer me, I better communicate and do it well. And that has been the most important focus area for me as I passed through different experiences in the professional and business world.

What has constantly amazed me though is that most of us don’t realize the importance of communication and the role it plays. Most of the times, we take it for granted and assume that it is going to be at a de-facto good level. What we miss out is that it takes two to tango and building the right level of confidence in each other’s communication takes time and effort. And if not handled in the right manner and early enough, we can miss the boat.

In fact, not just in our professional relationships, even in personal ones, communication is the key to thrive and succeed. If we let it slide, it can soon create a crack wide enough for the relationship to get stuck there. It can happen in the best of relationships and the only way to guard against it is to be mindful of it at all times.

Critically, according to my limited experiences and from what has worked for me, just being honest and upfront works most of the times. Something that our polluted adult minds refuse to believe at times.

Perhaps we need to unshackle our minds and speak directly through our hearts to rekindle our relationships and improve trust and understanding. Or maybe, just communicate better and frequently to remove those clouds of misunderstandings that start forming every now and then.

Or probably just keeping it simple like my daughter, who promised me after my boring lecture on Saturday morning, “Ok dad, I will not keep things to myself now onwards, I will speak out and share my thoughts as it is for the other person to understand me better. I know, I will feel better that ways”…

Forwards & Backwards

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Communication is a bedrock of our lives. If not for communication, we wouldn’t be half the race we are.

It helps us learn and unlearn, show our feelings whether they are positive or negative, and brings cohesion to our lives. Makes it easier for us to live with other fellow humans. Creates families and groups and fosters them.

In the present hyper-connected world, it’s become much more easier to do so. With umpteen ways to reach out to people, from messaging apps to platforms that enable all kinds of social connections, we have multiple options. And yet, often we find that communication is neglected. Or under/over-done.

This week, as I looked at my social media footprint, I figured that WhatsApp is the single most used app on my phone. I use it for all kinds of communication. Additionally, I am a part of multiple groups comprising of family, school friends, college friends, work colleagues, and so on. It’s wonderful to be one tap away from talking to anyone.

One thing troubled me though!

I realised that a lot of the groups that I am a part of, I don’t communicate within them often. Most of the messages that keep chiming in are forwards of different nature. Political discussions, information that is questionable, opinions, news items, etc. which have little direct relevance to our daily lives. In between those forwards, the group gets drowned in that noise.

Not just that. Most of these loaded forwards only create chances for loaded conversations between specific members. Some for and some against the original argument. Without the veracity being checked. Without understanding the point of view of others. And a lot of times being answered by counter arguments that are also forwards with similarly dubious origins.

Now, I am all for freedom of speech and having different and opposing viewpoints and for discussing them. But when the direction of the group becomes loaded, it doesn’t give much pleasure to the majority others who are silent spectators.

When those groups were formed, the thought behind them was to bring together people so that everyone could keep in touch. But now-a-days, there are very few groups which one is a part of, where real conversation between friends or family members happens.

For example, while some of the groups I am a part of have my family members or friends, I have consciously started ignoring the messages coming through on them. Because I don’t subscribe to the conversations happening there.

And I am sure it is true for most of us.

That’s the irony of the situation!

While we are always connected, we are being pulled backwards. Because we chose to believe in forwards and communicating based on those, rather than having real conversations with people we know and believe in…