Dreams

Winds of Change

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Arya was sitting down clutching herself. It had been a while she had gone out of the home.

Ever since she had moved to the new city, her will to move around had given way to a general reluctance.

Not that she had not tried. Soon after landing in the new place, she had gone out every evening, trying to meet people in the neighbourhood. She didn’t have any friends here and wanted to make a few.

However, owing to the gloomy and cold weather outside, most folks were staying inside those days. Even those who were found moving around, were preoccupied or rushing to get back into the comfort of their homes.

It seemed almost disrespectful to Arya to stop someone for small talk and intros then. So, she had kept exploring the surroundings. They weren’t promising either.

The area she had shifted to was slightly outside the city, in an upcoming suburb. The bustling shops that the city was known for hadn’t found a reason to set up in this corner.

Day after day, Arya kept going out for her evening walks. And coming back home chilled to the bone, without meeting anyone. It had been a month by then.

As if God was trying to test her further, the weather worsened the next few weeks. Only those who had to go for an important errand dared to venture out. Ordering stuff online and being in the comfort of one’s home was far more soothing.

Arya gave up. Although a part of her wanted to go out, the stronger part of her brain convinced her to stay indoors. Work had also started to pile up and she started spending countless hours in front of her laptop.

She had never been like this. In the previous city, she had lots of friends and a few cousins. So, her weekends were always busy. After all, that was the only time she got away from work.

She didn’t realize the slow creep until that Friday evening. She had just finished work and when she got up to have dinner, it stuck her that she hadn’t been out of the house for almost two months! And had nothing to look forward to over the weekend.

It got to her. Slowly at first but then rapidly overwhelming her and within a matter of minutes, she was sitting down on the floor, sobbing and clutching herself.

She remained in that state for almost an hour and the weariness of the effort got to her. Her body gave up, she lay down, cuddling on the floor, and went to sleep.

That evening, she had a strange dream. She was in the middle of a party, standing alone and watching everyone. It seemed all those strangers were enjoying the party and calling her to join. But she was frozen to her place. Then, someone came and touched her and those shackles broke. She spent the evening partying on her own with that crowd, in which she knew no one.

Arya woke up. It must have been an hour that she was lying like that but it seemed as if an era had passed.

She went to the bathroom and splashed some water on her face to get off the fatigue. As she looked into the mirror, she saw not her current self but the happy version she had been in her dream.

Startled, she looked closely at her reflection. It was the same Arya. But without a worry about whether she knew anyone or not, only focused on herself and her happiness.

The next few minutes were a blur. She changed, got her phone and wallet, and booked herself a taxi. In a jiffy, she was standing outside her house.

The taxi arrived. She sat down and just told the driver to take her around town over the next 3-4 hours. She didn’t know if she wanted to stop anywhere. If nothing appealed to her she would come back home.

Then, as the taxi started moving, she pulled down the window. The wind was strong but not very cold. As it hit her face, Arya smiled.

She had been missing the wind…

New Paths

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Joy was running down the hilly descent with abandon. Down the hill where his best friend, Uday, stayed.

He had just heard of the good news about his selection at one of the top universities in the country. He had devoted the last couple of years toward the goal, and now that it had finally happened, his happiness knew no bounds.

As he reached his friend’s house and caught his breath, he remembered that it was also the day Uday would know about his result too. Just when he was going to ring the bell, his eyes caught a post-it jutting out the adjacent window.

It was written by Uday. He knew Joy would come and had left a note saying he had gone to the temple with his parents before seeing his result. Knowing that he could still catch up, Joy made his way downtown.

When he reached the temple street, he could see Uday in front of the gate. Along with his parents, he was just getting out. They now headed across to a cyber cafe, where Uday was going to check his results.

Joy waited with anticipation. He didn’t want to go now and interrupt Uday or add to his anxiety. He also wasn’t sure how he would handle the situation given his own result. So, he chose to wait for a few more minutes. As he waited, he prayed for Uday’s success.

After a while, Uday came out beaming. Joy knew he had made it. He called out Uday’s name and kept running. Uday turned, saw him, and welcomed him into his arms.

They both celebrated like crazy and everyone in the vicinity only wished them well. They were the best of buddies and would now be entering the altar of life on their chosen paths.

As the euphoria lessened, both Joy and Uday realized that there paths are no longer the same now. It was a strange sadness, in a happy moment.

They sat together in the temple campus, reliving their childhood and the time spent together. Specially the last couple of years when they had been a source of strength to each other in the trying times.

They had chosen their divulging paths themselves but that didn’t mean that it was the end of their friendship. Resolving to continue their friendship they prayed together for success and went home.

Going to bed, Joy had stars in his eyes and dreamt of the future. How he would go through the university years. And in a corner of that dream he came across Uday, with him as a friend forever. He smiled in his sleep…

How many feet?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It was the early 90’s. I was just about to turn 10, when I was first asked about what I want to become.

I remember having seen a plane flying in the sky and getting enthralled. I instantly replied, a fighter pilot.

Why I added the word fighter I don’t know. But it meant more to me than just being a ‘pilot’…

As the next few years passed by, this dream of mine took shape. I became more serious about entering the armed forces. Eventually, I cleared the National Defence Academy exams to become an officer.

However, fate had something else in store for me, as I was diagnosed with partial colour blindness and hence couldn’t join the Air Force.

While I settled down to join the Army, and then came out, the longing of not getting the opportunity to fly planes has remained.

Even after all these years, whenever I see fighter jets zooming around, even in movies, they leave me with a feeling of having missed out. Maybe, I would have had a different view of the world if I had flown one of those.

That same feeling got triggered watching the fleet at the Republic Day fly-past on Friday. As my wife commented to my daughter, that’s my favourite part of the yearly parade. Because it allows me this visceral pleasure!

Turn to today, I am on this flight for a business trip. On my way, scanning the landscape, I saw this amazing frozen lake in the Rocky Mountains and the feeling returned.

But as I continued to mesmerise over the view from the top, something hit me. I would have equally enjoyed the view from the bottom.

Because while the view from air awed me with the vastness of it all, the view from the base on land would have also awed me with the vastness of it all.

The perspective would have been different for sure, but there is no point in comparing the two. For they were both perspectives of the same place. And whether from 20,000 feet or 2000, they both have their own positives.

So, while I may have missed out on flying planes and getting to enjoy the ground below, I have got chances to enjoy the landscape from the base.

And while it surely would have been a great thing to fly jets, the things I have gotten to do have also been great.

Does this mean the feeling or longing go away from my heart? No, I don’t think so.

But yes, it does help me with an understanding that life is to enjoy as it is, rather than how it could be…

The Power I Hold…

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

The lady was half asleep. She had had a tough day at work and after completing all the household chores, she had just gotten to bed.

Her house was a small one. They couldn’t afford a bigger one. Not with just one person working.

Her husband had been out of work for a while now. He had been fired from his last job because the company had filed for bankruptcy. Since then, he had been trying his best to land a new gig but without much success.

They didn’t have any child yet. It had been half a decade since their marriage and while they loved each other, they wanted to be sure about their financial stability before having a child. It wasn’t easy raising one and they only wanted the best for their kid, whenever they would have one.

As she turned around to the other side, her husband entered the room. He had been frustrated at his string of failures to secure a job and had been keeping aloof for a few days. She cajoled him and snuggled close to him, to comfort him. They lay there in each other’s arms soon.

But she couldn’t go to sleep now. Not with all that was running in her mind…

How will they get back to a better life now? How will he find a good job? How will they earn enough to afford a bigger place? And when can they plan to have a kid, she really wanted to become a mother.

The thoughts in her head kept floating in all directions, forcing her to toss and turn in her bed all night along. Her husband had dozed off after a while, he was too tired from life to continue being awake.

As dawn started to wake up, she stared out of the small window in their room. She could see the night sky giving way to a lighter hue. She could hear some noises from the nearby trees, leaves rustling, birds waking up.

Her mind kept racing. It was the dawn of a new day. She could either continue thinking about what had happened in the past few months or look forward to today and tomorrow. There was no other choice.

She got up and sat at the head of the bed. As she took deep breaths, she realized that she had power over her life still. She could make it work.

What if they were in a smaller house? They had a better one than many others.

What if they didn’t have a few luxuries in life? They had a decently functional life for now.

What if her husband didn’t have a job yet? He will find one soon enough if he kept trying.

What if they didn’t have a kid yet? She could decide and have one whenever she wanted to, they were both healthy.

After all, there was always today and tomorrow to make life up. To do what best they could with theirs.

For, she held a power. The will to make life work for them…

Dreams

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It’s a fascinating word, encompassing thoughts that cross our mind. While mostly when we are asleep but for some even when we are awake!

But what do those thoughts tell us? What do they mean?

This has always been fascinating to me. Since childhood, I recall waking up and then recounting my dream(s) to see if there was something interesting hiding there.

Most of those dreams were worthless trinkets. Hallucinations about things I had done that day or in the recent past and which recurred for whatever reason.

But some were exemplary gems. My imagination running wild and taking me down the rabbit hole into unknown lands, making me meet interesting people, telling me great anecdotes, and making me laugh and cry. All while I was asleep.

I remember, after waking up from those gem dreams, I always had a flush feeling of having conquered something. For whatever reason…

Then slowly, as I grew up and entered adulthood, those dreams receded. There were some still which were interesting but none was as exemplary as before. It was as if the imagination was lost in the woods. Without a path back home.

I endured this phase in my life for almost 20 years. Initially in this phase, most of my dreams used to be about training horrors. After all, what do you expect a Gentleman Cadet training in the Indian Army to dream about! But post that phase, it was mostly work related or some fantasy that I was chasing as life changed colors from being single to being married to being a parent.

This long phase made me forget all those sojourns that used to happen in the private space between my ears. I almost resigned to the fact that I will continue to dream about the usual stuff only now.

Until a couple of years back…

Egged on by my daughters dreams and what she made me listen to on an everyday basis, I started remembering how I used to be in those days. I also started turning my creative wheels, writing regularly and thinking a lot about multiple things, in a way I hadn’t applied myself yet.

Perhaps both of these things combined to give me some of my power back. Maybe it was something else.

But I was elated when a few days back, I passed out in the dark of the night and my asleep mind took me down a rabbit hole I hadn’t visited in ages!

It was exhilarating to wake up and think about how the dream panned out. From whatever details I could recall, it did seem like some ride. Maybe not up to the standards of my childhood. But a start, nevertheless…

Inspiration

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

“the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something…” That’s how the Oxford dictionary defines ‘Inspiration’.

It’s a powerful word because it not only denotes a state of mind that is better than what most would experience but also promises an outcome that will be better than what most would expect.

It can be a boon for average humans, pushing them into a higher gear they didn’t know existed. It can be a bane for those who constantly seek it, for it eludes the most gifted sometimes.

We seek it in difficult times, when we need the strength to get by. We also seek it when the times are good and we need to go higher and farther.

The dichotomy is, it is easy to find and yet hard to internalize!

As I was ruminating today on a few events recently, I realized that we constantly seek inspiration. At home when we want to try something new, at work when we are wanting to do our best, on vacations when we set our life’s goals, in the middle of our busy life when those goalposts keep shifting or seem very far. Basically, in any and every setting.

And yet, while it’s almost always easy to find that inspiration, the difficult part is to keep that inspiration somewhere within us and move ahead with sure-headedness that the inspiration provides us. A lot of times, while we get inspired in the moment or for a few days, it isn’t sustainable to keep that inspiration going for a long time.

That’s why we discontinue our new fitness regimen after making that new year resolution. Or we find it difficult to give ourselves that 1 hour everyday to do things that we love to do after a few days. Or we give up on that new skill that we were so excited about in the previous year. Or how we just coast along at work, and in life, after a few heady weeks when we wanted to be our absolute best.

Only those who are able to sustain that inspiration within themselves, internalize it and make their goal a must-achieve one, and then work towards it diligently day after day, are the ones who benefit from that inspiration. Otherwise, most of us just move on to the next inspiration in line, trying to make ends meet.

To succeed in life then, is the best strategy to decide on what is most important for us and then draw inspiration to help us succeed within those sphere(s)? Or does it make more sense of going with the flow and living life, while trying to understand what really inspires us and then doubling down on it?

I don’t know. Different approaches work for different people.

What I do know and have realized is, whatever approach we take to life, it’s important we derive inspiration from anything that can push us, for everything that we do. For we do need it from time to time!

And for things that matter to us, whether at the outset or as the fog lifts, we must internalize those inspirations to make sure that we don’t drop the ball mid-way…

Life and Success…

~ Rishi ~ 3 Comments

Movies, the good ones, often leave us with afterthoughts. This weekend, as I watched a couple of animated ones with the kiddo (Up and Soul, both Pixar creations and interestingly by the same director), they wound me down a labyrinth!

A labyrinth where I tried to define success – what is it? What does it mean? And how does it look like?

Is it about the outcome or the process?

Is it chasing one’s dreams at any cost and achieving them? Or is it about feeling happy about whatever best we can do?

Is it about having the most (or heaps of) whatever we desire or is it to find inner satisfaction from the outcomes we have achieved?

Is it about working for the future at all times, trying to create a better one? Or finding fulfilment in our present life and enjoying our life to the fullest?

Is it internal or external or both?

Well, as I kept zigzagging between these thoughts, I couldn’t come up to a single aha moment. It was confusing!

Perhaps because we have so many versions of success – people who have had outsized achievements as well as those who have found their true calling and succeeded in whatever they wanted to achieve.

Or perhaps because there are two contrarian points of view – one about how the famous ones have achieved what they have and the other about how to be content with what you’ve got.

Or perhaps because each one of us have our own definitions of what it really means for us to succeed. A definition which keeps changing with times.

I haven’t figured it out yet. What I did figure out was that it is a shifting goal post for most of us. One that keeps us alive and kicking, while providing the impetus to move forward in life.

What’s important is to keep celebrating the small wins, cherishing the good moments, being grateful for our lives and for where we are, and planning forward…

Sprint or Marathon?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I was caught on the wrong foot. Having run it like a sprint for the past few years, I had suddenly realised that life was a marathon!

All of us have our own thought processes about how life should pan out for us. And what should it lead to. As I came out of b-school and started working, I came to a conclusion that my life had to be in the fast lane and lead to massive success early on.

The next few years were spent chasing that dream. I set up my own business, worked extra hard, and burned myself going that extra mile to achieve success.

While the business did give me success and satisfaction, it was the thrill of being your own boss and running something for yourself that kept me going through a gruelling schedule and running the sprint.

It wasn’t until I decided to close down my business after 3 years and the hectic activity slowed down, did I start noticing that there were some gaps in my theory…

For one, I had neglected my health and had serious trouble on that front. I had also not been able to spend as much time with my family as I would have liked to. And I had spent most of what I earned, living life in the fast lane!

It was devastating to know that I had been running the race all wrong. Forgetting the dream that I had nurtured and closing down the business was in itself a painful process. Adding to it were all these other factors which were making me realise that I had been mistaken.

The next couple of months, I spent in introspection and thinking through on what went wrong and right for me. And while I carried rich experience that I couldn’t have got anywhere else, I realised that I could have run the race differently and had a more wholesome life.

After all, life is not a race to be finished, like a sprint. It is a marathon to be savoured and felt, going through the easy and tough phases. And it is above all an experience.

As I re-integrated with the corporate life again and got back to work subsequently, I made a quiet resolve that I will never be lured into running a sprint again.

And while the last few years have been busy, at the bottom of my heart and in my mind, I am running a marathon rather than a sprint.

As I spoke to an ex-colleague this week and we talked about this aspect of life, it made me realise that I have to keep course correcting myself from time to time to ensure that the bigger picture is not lost.

And to continue to live life to the fullest possible, enjoying the scenery and the road!!!

Dreams and Catalysts

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

“The Magic Of Risking Everything For A Dream That Nobody Sees But You.” As I saw the movie Million Dollar Baby, this line really jumped out. And the more I thought about it, the more it took me to places in my past.

It was 1997. I had just finished 10th boards and was chilling out in the summer holidays, traveling to 2-3 places to spend time with my cousins, before returning back home to start higher secondary school. I recall, all my friends had started preparations for IIT/NIT exams or medicals. Those were the coveted professions those days, you had to be an engineer or a doctor if you were good in studies.

As I came back after my 2-month long tour and caught up with my friends, the talk of the town was the difficulty levels of their preparation classes and what awaited them at the best colleges. I was nonchalant about it, as I had decided to pursue neither of these streams.

Since childhood, my only dream had been to be in the Armed Forces. I had nurtured that dream quietly till then, not revealing it to many people. But as everyone kept asking me about my plans, I talked about preparing for the National Defence Academy exams and how I had started going for morning runs to build on my fitness levels.

I could see the level of surprise in the other person’s eyes – whether it was family, friends, or family friends. Most of them advised that I should also prepare for engineering so that I have some other options in hand. But I was adamant about not looking at other options. Thankfully, my parents respected my choice and supported me and I didn’t have to worry about anything else.

I couldn’t appear for the NDA exams while in 12th standard, as my age wasn’t within the cut-off range. Hence, I had to wait for the next attempt. After the 12th boards, my father advised me to take admission in a degree college, so that I don’t waste an academic year. He told me, you continue your preparations but don’t sit at home. Trusting his judgement, as I had all my life, I enrolled in one.

I wasn’t selected in my first attempt through the famed Services Selection Board process. I couldn’t figure out the exact reason but decided to double up my efforts and try harder again. That degree course was anyways never my main focus. Although I attended some classes, I re-focused and plunged in fully into preparing myself better for the next attempt.

When I went in for my next attempt at the Services Selection Board, my college exams were nearing. However, with my focus squarely on clearing my attempt, and with my parent’s blessings, I took off for the interview.

With all those blessings and the hard work I had put in earlier, I cleared the SSB and was then put on to the medical tests. By the time I returned home after 10 days at the SSB centre, with a temporary rejection for colour blindness, my college exams were on my head.

Not having any interest in giving those exams, as I was more focused on clearing the re-medicals, I talked to my father. He listened to me patiently and told me to go for my dreams. Never once did he feed any doubt in my mind. I don’t know whether he had foreseen anything or how he was allowing me to take that minor risk. But it gave me a lot of strength to know that he stood behind me.

After a month’s time, I cleared the re-medicals and was recommended for the Army. Although I couldn’t join the Air Force, which was my first choice, knowing that I had a slight disability, I chose to embrace it and move ahead to fulfil my dream of serving the nation in the uniform.

The dream was mine but it required a catalyst. My father, who always gave me hope and positive energy, was the true catalyst in the little magic that happened beyond the risk taking. And continues doing so!

So yes, dream on! Risk a little to achieve those dreams. And look for / identify a catalyst to push in the right direction to make it happen…

Music and Life

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I have had affinity for music right from my early years.

As I grew up, there was always some deal of music around. My uncle used to be part of a local band and practised quite often at home. One of my cousins was an excellent singer and later on, made quite a name for herself in Kenya. There was also my Mom’s uncle, who revelled in singing and whenever we went to my maternal grandparents house, used to regale us with his voice.

And then there was of course the music blaring through tape recorders, radio sets, and Walkmans.

Oh yes, that was the era of the Walkmans. Those ubiquitous cassette holding music players, which all the cool kids and music aficionados used to carry.

I remember, I got a Walkman of my own when I was in high school. And I was in love with it, playing those recorded cassettes bought from the local music library guy. The day it malfunctioned and stopped working was a sad day.

But I got another one soon enough, by literally pestering my father. He never denied us the good things in life when we were growing up, never does so even now when we have all grown up!! 🙂

So, the brand new top-of-the-line Walkman with excellent headphones became my new companion. In the ensuing days, as I travelled quite a bit by train to different places, the Walkman made those journeys a breeze.

As the years passed, the Walkman faded away and was replaced by the iPod. And that was even more fun. As Jobs claimed, a thousand songs in my pocket literally meant a never ending stream of the choicest music I wanted to hear. It was an immersive experience.

I remember an occasion when I was singing aloud so long with the song playing on the Walkman, that other co-passengers started looking at me strangely and I realised it only after a couple of minutes. Or the one when I was standing at the door in the night (I could never sleep in trains at night) and singing along, when the ticket inspector mistook me for a person who frequently used to travel without ticket and it took me some convincing to get back to my seat.

Over the years, as life has become faster and faster, and the phone has taken over and became the all-in-one device, I have realised that the enjoyment that I derived from listening to music has diminished. Perhaps it’s because of the multiple things that I do on the phone all the time that take my attention away. Or it’s probably just that my mind is so occupied now.

Every once in a while though, there are those moments, when I just switch on the music and let my mind wander with the tune and let time fly by without a worry on my mind. And in those moments, I recollect the nights spent listening to music and how it transported me to my dreams and gave me wings.

A powerful ally and a wonderful friend. Hope I get to spend more time with you in years to come…