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Nostalgia and Guilt

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

There are many a times we suffer from nostalgia, when we recount the days passed by. Either with friends or family or in a particular setting.

There are also things that we have done or decisions we have taken, which at some point in time come back to us and result in guilt.

This past week, as I landed in the Bay Area and spent a few days in Foster city, these two feelings hit me simultaneously.

We spent a year and a half in this place, before we moved back to India 6 months back…

When I had booked the trip, I planned to stay in the vicinity of the office and some other folks I wanted to meet. So, foster city was a natural choice.

It didn’t occur to me much until later, when a colleague asked me if I will feel nostalgic upon my return. Even then, I brushed it off, thinking it will be fine.

However, I was surprised by the intensity of the feeling. It’s been six months but as I walked around the same paths I used to pass by and went around some landmarks we used to visit or our life revolved around, it felt like those days were flashing past me.

I and my wife going for a walk. Our daughter going into the school or we picking her back. A couple of supermarkets we used to go to quite often. A couple of restaurants we frequented.

The list could go on. But you get it. There was heavy nostalgia in revisiting those recent memories. And a heavier sense of guilt!

Guilt because, it was our choice to move back. And for having pushed the family out of this setting.

I lived with questions for a couple of days…

Did I take a hasty decision? Should we have stayed here longer, perhaps we would have found more friends and a life! Why did I give in so easily and not fight it out?

Those couple of days were spent in a lot of self introspection and questioning myself.

Then, as I was reflecting on my days passed by and recounting to a friend what we have been up to ever since going back to India, it struck me.

It may have been a decision taken too soon. But it wasn’t in haste.

We would have definitely found more friends here, but we have so many in Bangalore. And a lot more family around, shorter distances away.

I could have fought on living here but I didn’t want to miss a chance of living life more fully with people I really wish to spend time with.

And so, as I flew out of the city, it became apparent to me that the nostalgia I was feeling was natural but the guilt that had been brewing inside could be put aside.

Maybe, I will still get these kind of questions both inside my head and from my wife and daughter, when we compare something between the two places.

But I hope my head will be able to handle those feelings better and not leave me confused as I was these past few days!

After all, the nostalgia means we had a good time, although it lasted a short while. Perhaps incentive to plan a family trip sometime later on.

And without any feeling of guilt left over, I could happily say that the one and a half year we spent here was some of the best times we spent as a family!

A Special Day…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Dusk had set in, with the sun ready to go down behind the horizon. And yet, as she pulled up into the parking lot, the lady of the house felt as if she had lived through an entire day.

With a couple of young kids, all the workplace stuff, as well as household chores to take care of, she had her hands full on the best of the days. Ever since they had moved to this new place, it had become even more hectic for her.

Parking the car, she knew that the kids would have been back from their after-school classes, waiting for her to reach home. Her husband would be busy as usual with his official calls, wrapping up work. There was still the evening dinner to take care of and then some more things before the day ended.

Before she entered the house, she sat in her car in the parking lot. It was as much to take a breather as to prepare herself for the remaining few hours in that long day.

After a few still minutes, she gathered her belongings, locked the car, and walked up to her apartment. There were a few people walking around on their evening stroll who she nodded to greet along the way.

Outside the door, she stopped for a while. There was no noise from inside the house and the lights were switched off. Could it be that her husband had taken the kids out for some play time or for running an errand? Would give her a few more minutes of solitude for sure, she thought.

Then, as she got in and switched on the light, a surprise awaited her. Her husband jumped out from behind her and embraced her. Her children, hiding away in one of the bedrooms, came running toward her shouting “Momma”, and joined their dad and mom. And then, all of them started to sing the birthday song!

The lady couldn’t understand. It wasn’t her birthday for sure. Nor it was anyone else’s at home…

When the song came to an end, she realized that it was actually the day they had moved into their new home a year ago. They were all wishing each other for completing a year in their new home.

More surprises awaited her. She was escorted to the dinner table, which was laid out with her favorite Thai food. Her husband served food while the children got out a cake. They made her feel like a queen, taking care of everything.

After the dinner was done with, they all sat down in the living room. The children got out a collage of various pictures they had taken during the time they were setting up the house. It was a good reminder of all the effort that had gone in to set it up.

She was overwhelmed and thanked them all for the evening. They just smiled and thanked her for doing all she had to turn that house into a home. And then revealed that they had been planning this for a while without giving her any hint.

That night, she slept with a smile on her face. Content with the recognition received. And happy about the achievement of having converted the house to a home.