Love

Labour of Love…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There are passion projects. And then there is labour of love.

Something that is not just pursued only because you’re passionate about it but also because you want to see it come to life in the best way possible!

This weekend, as we stepped into our own home, this feeling stuck with me.

We had been at it for the last three months. Countless discussions, innumerable iterations, and a few sleepless nights later, here we were. Standing on the front door, ready to enter after the rituals got over.

I looked at my wife. It was her labour of love.

She had given it her all. Despite a very busy schedule at work and the madness around our household.

She hadn’t complained once and had patiently kept at it. Selecting materials, finalising designs, negotiating prices, navigating deadlines, and maybe a few things I couldn’t notice!

Ready to enter the new abode, she was awash with a certain calmness and pride.

In getting past everything and in how the vision had come to life.

In acknowleding that her unwavering commitment to getting what she wanted for the place had somehow serendipitously been rewarded.

And in accepting the fact that it was finally over…

There are yet many things to accomplish, as we move in and settle down. But hopefully those will involve less efforts and commitment for the same satisfaction…

Relieved.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Fatima was sitting down, holding the side of the bed. The same bed where her beloved husband of over forty years, Zafar was lying still, never to get up again.

She kept sitting in that position for a good hour or so. Re-living all the memories of their past.

Theirs was an arranged marriage. But they had fallen in love with each other soon after meeting for the first time, and then multiple times over those forty odd years. It was a match made in heaven!

Over the years, as they fulfilled their familial responsibilities, they had built a beautiful home for themselves. They had a daughter, married and happily settled close by in the same city. Their son-in-law was a gentleman, ensuring that he prioritized their well being in all cases.

They had grown old together and especially after Zafar’s retirement from the bank, had established a daily routine to spend more time together. Morning walks, long sittings over crossword puzzles and old film music, evening tea with friends from the neighbourhood, and their love for movies kept them busy. Their daughter and son-in-law would come over on the weekends and sometimes they would all go out for a meal. Life was going on in a fulfilling fashion.

Then, soon after his sixty-fifth birthday, Zafar started complaining of some headaches. He was a health conscious man, so without taking any risks, he consulted the doctors. And as unfortunate it could be for the family, he was diagnosed with an extremely rare condition which was causing tension in his brain’s blood vessels.

It wasn’t a very good sign and the doctors told him that he could either get operated or otherwise had little time left. The chances of success were low and they were non-commital about the after effects of the surgery.

Zafar had seen his father pass away after a prolonged cancer and knew that his case could end up with he being bed-ridden for the rest of his life. While the doctors were suggesting surgery, he also knew that post-surgery recovery would be prolonged and may not even happen. He didn’t want to be left in a vegetative state towards the end of his life.

He consulted another doctor in a different hospital and the findings were the same. The doctor confirmed that there was a low chance of success. He did tell him that in case the surgery doesn’t succeed, he could be much worse-off.

That evening, Zafar had sat Fatima down and explained to her the second opinion. She already knew about the health condition, so had started preparing herself mentally for anything. When Zafar told her that he had decided to let things play out naturally and not go for an uncertain surgery, she wasn’t surprised. After all, he had taken many unemotional but necessary calls during his lifetime and was doing the same at this juncture.

Their daughter and son-in-law did try to persuade Zafar otherwise but he saw no good reason to put the entire family through an ordeal no one understood, including the doctors. Convinced that he could not be moved, the family decided to make his remaining time as good as it could be.

The routines thus resumed. No one around him was told of his condition, so that they behaved normally with him. Only the family knew, and they kept it at the back of their mind, but without showing off their emotions, continued to live normally.

It was hard for Fatima. Knowing that she could soon be staring at life without him. She ensured that from that day onwards, she wouldn’t leave him for long. And over the next couple of years, she spent as much time as she could, soaking in all that she could with Zafar.

He had not shown much but she knew how painful those last few months had been. And how he had continued to live his life normally, ignoring it.

That day, as she got up after her afternoon siesta, she saw Zafar wasn’t moving. He lay still. She sat down beside him and checked. He was gone.

All those years of togetherness were over. He would be around no more. She would just have his memories to carry along.

She was crying. But it wasn’t just because she had lost him. It was also because he had been relieved! He had embraced death and death had come slowly, allowing her to hoard as many memories as she could have…

Nightmare

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Vivek was sweating in the middle of a cold night.

He had just had a nightmare. One that had woken him up with a knot in his stomach.

He had dreamt of being involved in an accident and the only one to have survived. The pain of losing his near ones was unbearable, even if in a dream.

Vivek’s heart couldn’t take it and he started weeping. Lying on his bed.

Amisha, sleeping next to her, heard some faint sobs and as she turned around, Vivek had sat up in his bed now. She knew something was wrong. She too got up and hugged him.

As a few minutes passed by, Vivek sobered up. And told Amisha about the nightmare.

Amisha was well aware that Vivek hadn’t seen his parents for a while. His busy work schedule didn’t permit any leaves. And while she had put up with his schedule due to the seasonal nature of work, she knew it wasn’t sustainable.

She had only one thought in her mind…

They slowly slept off, Vivek cuddled like a baby next to her.

The next day, once they both left for office, Amisha booked tickets for her in-laws to visit them for an extended period of time. She also booked a couple of trips with them, to ensure they were able to spend time together at leisure.

That Saturday, as Vivek got up, he saw Amisha wasn’t at home. She had left him a note mentioning she was out for some weekend errands and would be back only by the afternoon.

He lazed around for a bit and then got something to eat. Around noon, while he was still trying to figure out what to do, he heard the doorbell.

His parents were at the door. It was a surprise Vivek had not dreamt of.

He hugged them both, and saw Amisha standing behind, smiling silently. He hugged her too.

The nightmare had led to a beautiful reunion, unanticipated but most welcome…

Lovingly, yours…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Rain was coming down with a patter on the streets. It was late and the man inside the car knew it.

As his car rushed through, piercing the silence of the night, he could almost feel the closeness of being home. His body was tired and his mind was overworked after the long trip. His heart was however longing for the known touch.

In a few more minutes, he got home. As he parked and went inside the house, there was a hushed silence. Everyone had slept off, rightfully so. He didn’t want to disturb his parents, wife, or the kids at this odd hour. So, he silently got in and used the guest room to change over. This was a routine affair for him.

Coming out of the shower, his mind reminded him of the fact that he had not slept properly for the last couple of days. Again, a common feeling, which would have led him to his bedroom. His heart however, moved him in another direction today.

He slowly entered his children’s room and saw his daughter and son sleeping soundly on their respective beds. He slowly sat down beside his daughter and pecked her on her forehead. In her sleep, her face brightened up and she held his hand, not wanting to let it go. He remained like that for a while, until he was sure that she had gotten back to her fairly land dream world.

He went over to his son, tucked him in nicely and stroked him, pecking him too on his forehead. His son turned over to the side and half opened his eyes. Not realizing it was dad, he again closed them and went back to sleep.

With a smile on his face, the man came out of the children’s room. He longed for these moments with his children, when he could be with them without any worries of the world.

Then, he cautiously opened his parent’s bedroom door. They were both light sleepers, and he didn’t want them to get a hint. He saw they were comfortable and closed the door. There was always the morning to meet them.

Finally, he went over to his own bedroom. His wife was fast asleep. He lay beside her, hugged and kissed her.

He had a lovely family. If not for his work, he would have liked to just hang around them all day long. He had been planning to do that soon enough, after all he had been working hard for almost twenty five years. He had thought he will take up a less demanding role, without travel, and slow down his life.

With these thoughts he passed out…

Next morning, as he woke up there was commotion all around. The kids were off to school, the wife was busy with household chores, the parents were just returning from their morning walk. He freshened up and came out. Just in time to wave a bye to his kids going out through the door.

As he sat down with his parents and his wife joined them too for the morning tea, he was back in familiar territory. This was home, his folks. A few minutes of chit-chat covered a couple of anecdotes from his trip, recent happenings in the house, and an upcoming social gathering at their cousin’s place.

The tea had finished. It was time to go and get ready. Everyone sitting there expected it.

But today was different. He didn’t get up. Instead he continued sitting there, chatting about other things. It was as if time didn’t count for him somehow. As if it was that rare holiday or the weekend when he had decided not to work.

His wife had a surprised look at her face. So did his parents. He looked at them and understood.

Leaning forward on his chair, he announced that he had decided he could skip the rest of the week at the office, taking time off completely, to be with them. Yes, there were some internal meetings. But they could happen the next week also.

He had envisioned this some times, while on a flight. But had always casted it away as a wishful dream. But now that he actually put words to the thought, he felt liberated. From the load of always taking his work more seriously than anything else.

His folks were elated. The conversation turned to the day’s plans, what they could do over the weekend, and how he could surprise his kids after their school…

He had always loved them all. But today, they had felt, perhaps after a long time, that he was lovingly theirs…

“Breaking up”

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

No, I am not only talking about the kinds that come to our mind immediately…

Well, matters of the heart between two lovers are of course a much more difficult topic to deal with. A subject that can be written about endlessly and has been explored in depth by much more accomplished writers and thinkers.

So, the only thing I would like to mention on that aspect is that we have increasing rates and decreasing remorse. Something, that shows either we are becoming more experimental by nature or that we are becoming more intolerant.

But I am more interested in talking about the general culture of breaking up. Something that’s quite visible these days.

These are break-ups between friends, between siblings, between parents and children – human bonds which seemed made on another planet.

We as a society and as humans are drifting apart. In our thoughts. In our minds. In our behavior. And in our actions. We are becoming more intolerant of other views. Of other’s perspectives. And of other’s preferences.

And that is leading to breakage of long-held bonds!

Friends don’t talk to each other over a small skirmish and give up on that friendship that they held close to their heart for so long. Or they hold that grudge and increase the distance between each other, giving up on the string that pulled them both through laughter and sadness. Without realizing if it was worth it.

Siblings have always fought. Specially so in their childhood. But now they are fighting way too often over frivolous things, while being grown ups. Which ought not to matter so much in the grander scheme of life. But matters for some strange reason in that ephemeral moment when they must prove that their argument holds more weight. And then post that moment, the only way ahead between them is down.

Even parents and children are growing apart in some cases, which is quite shocking. May be due to mismatched expectations and thoughts or due to the age/cultural differences with the idea of living life on one’s own terms. Now, that’s a bond that forever existed and will continue to be and breaking up isn’t even an option. But then, such is life and we definitely have the capacity to surprise ourselves as people. So instead of talking things through with each other, we hold it in our heart and let it play with our mind.

These things I am talking about aren’t a figment of my imagination. They are happening around me and I am writing this with pain in my heart on having witnessed some of these situations first-hand.

We celebrate these relationships and friendships with special days. And yet, there are so many of us who aren’t going to celebrate knowing someone, somewhere. Because, well, we decided to break up!!!

The Cycle of Parental Love

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We go through a lot of different emotions in our lives. One thing that remains constant though is our relationship with our parents…

This week, while talking to a friend we were casually chatting about spending time with our parents. And I realised that I have started enjoying and appreciating the time I get with them much more in the past few years.

It may be a realisation of how do I spend as much time I can with them, while I can. But it’s also a feeling of love far greater than I imagined let’s say a decade or two back.

Not that I have ever felt unloved by them or my love and care has suddenly risen. Hopefully, as far as I can think of.

But it’s a different feeling because I have perhaps gained some more wisdom over the latter half of my life. And an understanding of how important a role they have played and continue to play in my life.

I stayed with my grandma for the first ten years of my life. So my time with my parents was maybe half of what it should have been. And while I was attached to them, I was equally attached to my grandma and therefore didn’t feel any void.

When I entered teenage and started staying with my parents, there was an appreciation of their role and love but it was also blinded by other things demanding attention. Friends, studies, sports, and so on.

As life progressed and my career took precedence, life moved me around to different places, not always nearer or with them. During this period, the affection and appreciation continued to remain the same as in teenage.

But then as I became a father and saw my girl grow up to an 8 year old now, I think it pushed me to look at the role of my own parents differently. The appreciation and affection therefore has risen over the last few years.

And it has renewed the anticipation that I feel as a child to be with them and spend my time with them now a days.

This new found place has also positively impacted my relationship with my daughter. These formative years of hers are not only the most crucial for her as an individual but also for her relationship with us.

I would like to imagine the same feelings in her as she grows up and goes through this cycle. And hopefully I will be able to see and feel it as a parent!

For that’s the most selfless love one can ever get and give…

Loss

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

It was a gloomy day with no harbinger of hope. The lady, middle aged in her appearance and demeanor, stood near the door.

The door of their home. With eyes longing to see him turn back and return to where he belonged.

But those feet took him further away with each passing second. His mind frozen, he had resolutely moved ahead.

As she saw the van pull away, she wiped her tears and went back inside. The house was empty. There was no one there.

They had no kids. Not many friends either. They had been in the same area for a few years but didn’t have any family there.

She sat down in the armchair near the window and looked out. It must have been a couple of hours, for next she heard the call for the daily prayer from the nearby temple.

The next few days were a blur. She carried on with her life, utterly sad. For what was hers had been taken away. A part of her identity was lost.

How she wished she had done something with this aspect of their life in all those years when they were caught up in working hard to make their life better.

As she continued to reflect in the aftermath of the mishap, she realised it was a gradual fall into the abyss.

With both of them busy with work and life, they never took time out for themselves. In fact, they never took time out for anything. Frequent work pressure and the eagerness to excel pushed them toward even more work. They had no time for each other in that rigmarole.

She had thought that after they had earned enough they will have more time together. But that milestone never arrived.

Now finally, when he was gone, she felt a void. And remorse.

Nothing could be done now. He was gone. From this world. After all those years of neglect, life had caught on with him and decided to take its toll in the form of his death.

Only if they could have spent more time together when they were younger… Perhaps if they could have defined ‘enough’ and then taken a backseat… Or maybe they should have taken better care of themselves…

It was however very late now!

Unconditional Love

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It was a cold evening. The boy was shivering. But he continued to sit on the park bench. It was like time stood still for him.

When he had sat down there, with his drooping shoulders and watery eyes, the park was full of people. All sorts of them.

Some walking on the track, some expressing their love to each other, some enjoying time with their friends and family. But he could bet there was no one there in the park that day who had a similar experience as him.

That afternoon, he had set out to meet his biological father and mother for the first time. He had only known about the truth for the last one year. When his parents, who had adopted him right after his birth, had revealed it.

It was straight out of a story book. Given up at the hospital after birth, he was left in the neonatal ward and was adopted by a couple who had had a stillborn.

They had raised him as their own and he loved them the most in this world. But since he had been told of his adoption, he wanted to meet the couple who had given birth to him.

After a year of contemplation, he had written to them. Introducing himself as a young researcher, interning with a college professor, who wanted to interview them. He wasn’t sure how they would react if he just told them about the relation he had to them.

So, he had setup a meeting at a coffee shop near the park to meet them that evening at 4. They had mentioned to him that they will be in that shop meeting some other friends.

As he reached early that day, he realised that the couple was sitting with a group of friends. There was a lot of banter going on. And he didn’t want to disturb them, so he took another table nearby and ordered a cappuccino for himself to kill time.

The clock hour moved but the group didn’t dissipate. The couple were oblivious to time. It was as if they didn’t remember about meeting him. He got up when it was fifteen minutes past their meeting time, but as he got nearer to the table, he overheard their conversation.

The couple were making fun of him, imitating how he had spoken to them on the telephone. The man mentioned that he had no intention to meet any young fella, he was sure it would be a waste of time and he was anyways not turning up. The lady added to it, announcing young people as a wasted generation, and how she was happy they didn’t have any children.

The couple then looked at each other approvingly, as if agreeing for the n’th time that they had successfully hidden their truth.

The boy could take it no more. He turned around and with moist eyes, ran to the park and sat down.

All sorts of thoughts were going on in his head. He despised the couple and couldn’t believe they were his biological parents. He despised himself going after a lost cause, when he knew clearly that the couple had given him up at birth.

Then, as the evening wound up, most people started dissipating from the park. It was closing time.

He didn’t know how he could go back to his home now. What would he tell his parents. How would he face them. Without any clear answers, he kept fidgeting in his seat.

Until, he saw a couple with a special child walking past. They had all reason to be upset as their child was not in the best elements. No one wishes for a special child. And yet, they cared for him deeply and somehow managed to get him to calm down and move out.

It then hit him. Biological or genetic bonds meant nothing. The ones who raised him were his parents. They were the ones who had done everything for him. And he didn’t need to answer anything to them.

At peace within, he walked out and to his home. To his parents. For their love was unconditional and their bond eternal.

In it together.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It was night. As usual, He and She sat down in the balcony of their house. But no one spoke. They just looked at the lights in the horizon.

It had been a tiring and long day. He had wished for it to end sooner. What else could he have thought of with such a disappointing day.

She was just frustrated. After so much that she had done, she absolutely should have been in a better place. Alas, it wasn’t to be.

Finally, after a few mins, She spoke. She asked him about why the look on his face was grim. He saw her and saw sadness and asked the same question back. She told him to share first before she goes ahead.

He spoke about how he had had an insipid day. He had been waiting for this day when he would get the results of his labour of last 6 months. A deal that he was chasing and was nearing closure was going to give him that edge over others at work. And when it mattered the most, luck had deserted him.

Instead of the deal going through smoothly, an unnatural act of nature had forced the backers of the deal to back off and now they had called it off. His most anticipated day had turned to be the worst suddenly. And he couldn’t do anything about it! This was what made him listless.

It was her turn to speak then. She wanted to give him some advise but held on to it for the time being. She then revealed that she actually wasn’t looking forward to the day at all. Her day, as usual had started early, by getting the children ready for school. After finishing all the chores, as she got to work, she realised that she had tons of things on her table. That took her entire day.

By the time she could get back home, it was dinner time. As she entered, the first thing her children asked for was food. They had an aversion to eating outside and the cook hadn’t come that day. Exhausted, she quickly prepared something and got them to eat and wind up for the day.

After she finished, He jumped in. He had been wanting to talk to her about why she had been feeling so pressured. His point was simple. She didn’t need to prove herself all the time. She was beyond that now. Instead, she could just do things without aiming to exceed expectations always. It was ok if she didn’t meet expectations some times. He will make sure no one will judge her all the time, at least at home.

She felt better. She then suggested that he ought to let go of his disappointment as well. He had tried what he could and one thing falling off didn’t mean the end of the road. He will surely have many more opportunities and some of them will click for him. Instead, he should look back at what he was able to learn and achieve in this short span and how that is going to help him. He too felt better.

As they looked at each other, they realised that they were unnecessarily holding on to things that didn’t matter as much.

What mattered was, having each other and being truthful and supportive! Being in it together…

Companionship

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It’s a beautiful word. And complex too…

While most of us think about it in terms of a partner, I think there is a broader definition to it. For some of us, a companion may mean someone who we are attached to through our soul – a parent, a child, a sibling, a pet, a friend, or maybe even a passion.

For a lot of us, the companion is a key part of our regular existence. We love them, fight them, console them, argue with them, forgive them; but come what may we generally cannot do without them.

It’s very rare to see someone not have any companion in their journey of life!

Past few days, as this word came up in my discussions with different friends a couple of times, it raised a thought in my head around the various facets of companionship.

I have been lucky. I found my life partner most naturally and we developed a great relationship and understanding between ourselves right from the start. It was as if we were destined for each other. We had a great time before getting married and it has been an equally interesting ride post that. She complements me well and takes care of me, and I would like to believe that I am the pillar of support she looks at for all things in life.

We spend a lot of time together and partake in each other’s companionship. Do we fight? Yes, a lot of times. Do we disagree with each other? Absolutely yes. But that’s par for the course. For what is a relationship without some bickering. However, what trumps all of this is the love and respect we have for each other as individuals and collectively for ourselves as a family that carries us through. And this companionship keeps us bonded and carries us through.

So, clearly I am not someone who has experienced the other side of things.

But as I thought about those few people I have seen around me, who aren’t married or in a relationship, I realized that while they may not have a companion in the traditional sense, they have a similar affinity with someone in their close circle. And usually that relationship means a lot to them.

Even as I thought harder, I couldn’t find a single person in my known circle who could prove to be an exception. Maybe there is someone who doesn’t have a companion right now, but they are already looking for someone. Or maybe they are engaging with someone else in their close circle in a similar capacity. Or maybe they are wedded to their passion.

Does that mean living life without a companion is hard or impossible? I don’t know. May be possible still. But then, that person would find solace in something else – perhaps a hobby, or any activity which keeps them busy. Even if it is for a brief while. Otherwise, it would become insanely difficult to make life interesting and continue living.

A beautiful and complex word and association, which is not only important but also essential to our life then…