Mistakes

The brighter side

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

I believe strongly in this saying, “Whatever happens, it’s for the good“. Something I learnt through personal experiences.

And yet, when something untoward happens, my mind first races to the negative side…

Why did this happen with me? How did I let it happen? What did I do wrong? And many such questions.

This weekend, when I missed my return flight from a longish business trip, it wasn’t a happy feeling. I felt like an idiot.

While I sorted out the mess and got myself booked again on another flight for the next day, my mind continued to swarm with negative thoughts. When I called up home to tell them of the mishap, it felt so bad I wanted to scream at myself.

But then, I calmed myself down. Sat down for a while and took some time to make peace with the fact that I could have done better.

In my sleep, I must have dreamt away those thoughts, for when I woke up, I felt neutral.

It took me longer to get back home but on the way I met a couple of good people, got some good me time at the right waking hours, and also got some work done.

Most importantly, I realized why the mishap had come to pass, and identified corrective actions, so that I do not let something similar happen again.

Maybe there are some other lessons or good that I don’t realize now or haven’t come true but will be revealed with time.

This has happened with me in the past too. I didn’t succeed in my business when I had put in so much effort. I didn’t get through a competitive exam when I wanted to pass badly. I had to give away my childhood dream due to an injury. But each time, I realized that mishap had made me stronger. And the future had in store for me better things.

That’s why some ask us to ‘be positive!’ Or you may call it ‘looking at the brighter side’…

Second chances

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Our brains are small. Our hearts are smaller…

We are not hesitant in calling out mistakes or pointing misses…

We are very reluctant in accepting that we were the one who made one!

This week, while discussing a professional helper, me and my wife were talking about how he had done a good job the first time but his output had not been up to the mark recently. As we talked about it, I realized it wasn’t a great thing to do.

The person was probably having a bad day. Maybe, he had some other problem due to which he didn’t do as good a job as before. Or maybe he did the first one better by mistake.

Whatever the case, I argued, we shouldn’t be passing judgement on his capabilities this quickly. His output the first time deserves a recall again. We agreed to take his service once more and the conversation ended.

As I was thinking about it later that day, I realized this happens with us almost all the time. Whether it is work or home, we tend to categorize and label other folks far too quickly. Or worse, change our opinion quite soon. Without really giving the person benefit of doubt. Without allowing for any off days.

But when it comes to ourselves, we expect one more chance. Always. Even when we have made mistakes after mistakes. Because, we probably still genuinely want to do better. But the person on the other side doesn’t believe so. And we lose our chances sometimes.

The same is true in our public dalliances too. We are very forgiving of our own mistakes or misdemeanors but when it comes to others, expect them to always show up at the top of their game.

What if we became slightly more tolerant of deviations and really looked past the last report or day’s work, to evaluate how the other person had done so far? A good performer does need to be given some bit of an allowance. A second chance.

I think it will do us a world of good. We will stress less about doing everything right but still will generally do the right thing. We will focus more on ensuring positive outcomes consistently rather than worrying about completing the next iteration successfully.

And that will result in not only a happier but a more relaxed life. For all of us. I believe…

Critical Elements

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It was an outdoor training exercise, whilst I was at the Indian Military Academy.

The exercise was to educate us on various firearms and how and when to use them in different situations. We were in small groups undergoing specialized trainings for different weapons. Rocket launchers, grenade launchers, different types of automated firearms, etc.

This was the last leg of our training as officers and we were all quite adept at understanding and recognizing the various aspects of handling these weapons. However, we hadn’t fired most of them yet with live ammunition and therefore the speciality of the training. Therefore, as we went through the motions, the officers and instructors in-charge of the exercise regularly cautioned us on the tiniest of details.

It’s been long. The details are hazy in my memory. But I recall the lesson very clearly.

I remember when it was my turn to fire the rocket launcher. We were in groups of two, with one person to load the rocket and another to launch it from the base of his shoulders. As we took our positions, the instructions were – clear the field in a 45 degree angle on both sides up to 30 feet (or so I remember), ensure your legs are sturdy on the ground and the launcher is squarely on your shoulder with tight hands, take aim at the target and launch, then wait for 5 seconds or so before offloading the launcher.

As me and my buddy went through the motions, we were told to be careful of each step. I remember I fired the launcher with a slightly loose hand and the recoil was so fierce and sudden that I had to balance myself really well to still keep standing.

I had missed one small detail. The reaction wasn’t severe thankfully. But enough for me to notice that if I had not followed any other instruction to the letter, it could have been quite catastrophic. As my ears buzzed with the explosion, I made it a point to follow critical elements when it was absolutely necessary…

This week, as I finally cleared my driving test in California, in the third attempt, this lesson hit me. I had come into the US with a couple of decades of driving experience. Of course not in this country but enough for me to learn quickly and drive fairly safely as per local laws.

It however took time for me to truly understand the various intricacies and expectations from a driver. After the first failed attempt I realized that I needed to pay more attention to the instructions and the handbook. I practiced for the next month and then reappeared. The result was much better but I still failed. Reason – I made one small mistake. Of not looking back while merging into a bike lane.

Well, I still believe I had not made that mistake and the instructor had ignored my reaction to call it a critical error and fail me. I was aghast at her as she didn’t call it out at that time and only when the entire test had completed with only three other errors.

Anyways, it was useless to fight the system because that’s how it is set. The instructions in the handbook have to be followed and demonstrated to prove that one can drive within the permissible boundaries.

The next few months, with travel plans and other work, I couldn’t take the test. But I kept on driving with my Indian-issued international driver’s permit and learned to take heed of every single instruction. The result, my latest attempt resulted in a pass through with just four minor errors.

Happy to have passed the test, as I traveled back from the DMV office, I recalled how simple things matter so much. How one single mistake can sometimes really be the reason for an accident. And how critical the various elements are for an instructor to test, to ensure that the driver, unknown to her, can drive safely and consciously in all settings.

This doesn’t apply to every setting or for everything we do. But it does apply to a fair no. of things in our life. Mechanical and personal.

Like driving safely. Like walking with our eyes on the street. Like handling sensitive or dangerous items carefully.

Or like being honest to ourselves. Being faithful to our partner. Being open and receptive with our family. Being a guide to our children.

The question is – are we taking care of any applicable critical elements while executing routine or special tasks on an everyday basis??

Corrections!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

The other day, while her class was going on, I saw my daughter sitting with a sad face. Knowing that it was the arts class and the teacher was making the students draw something, I was surprised that she wasn’t enthusiastic about her favourite activity.

As I enquired with her, reluctantly at first, she mentioned that she wasn’t happy with what she had drawn. The teacher had asked them to draw a particular scenery and she had bungled up one part of it.

I sat her down and explained to her that it was fine and she could correct it. She had not really made a big mistake and she could just erase the wrong part and do it again. It took her sometime to process that thought and although initially she mentioned that she would want to draw the entire scenery again, she finally came around to correcting the mistake.

Being a stickler for perfection in whatever she does, I was surprised. I have seen her being extremely careful about how she draws the lines, the colours she chooses, the way she uses the scissors, and so on. If anything goes wrong, she tends to restart from the beginning. Or just drops that activity.

But this time, she chose not to. She instead decided to correct her mistake and move on with the same activity sheet. I happily realised that she had gained some bit of maturity over her earlier stiff stance. And as I reflected on it later, I realised that she had learnt an important trait.

Of accepting one’s mistake and making sure to correct it and continue, rather than starting again or leaving it altogether.

While she is a child and learning the ropes of life, it’s a simple but important lesson we as adults sometimes forget. Paving the way for confusion, anxiety, stress. We overburden ourselves and try and prove to others, rather than accepting the mistake, correcting it, and moving forward. Which is a rather costly affair at times.

But then, we have our egos to feed. And our minds to prove. Even if it is at the cost of others.

As I got over this thought, I made a note to myself to next time check for my behaviour. So that, I don’t make the mistake of covering up the mistakes that led to issues. And that I accept those mistakes, resolve those issues, and try as much as possible to carry on, for as long as possible…