Promise

Rewinding the clock

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It all began a decade ago. I was holding you in my arms for the first time.

It was such an overwhelming moment for me that I couldn’t help but cry. To memorialize that moment, I even wrote down a post.

This year, you turn 10! You arenow on the cusp of teenage.

These ten years seem to have gone by with a lot of fun and emotional moments with you, but also a few filled with guilt and remorse.

There have been times when we have wondered when will you grow up. And then a lot of times when we realize that once you grow up, we will miss the days we have lived through your childhood.

At this decadal juncture, I thought it’s a good milestone for me to reflect back on how I have done as a parent. And what would I do differently if I went back ten years. So, here are some things I would like to change.

I should have been more expressive. About my love for you. I say it often but not enough times. I have subconsciously thought of it as an evident phenomenon but it needs to be reinforced more than I think.

I should have been more patient. With you. And with myself. There have been times my impatience has led me to actions that I have instantly regretted. An angry moment, an unnecessary scolding. Some of those could have definitely been avoided.

I should have been more sensitive. In trying to get you to be disciplined, I have sometimes jumped the gun and forced the matter. I should have handled those moments with a lot more maturity.

I should have assumed more ignorance. Even on things I know enough about. Because, the joy of discovery and exploration is unbridled. And I, as your father, ought to nurture it at all times and give you more chances than I probably gave.

I should have been more specific. About my intentions in a given situation. Sometimes, I have come across as overbearing, without realizing that my intention isn’t clear to you and instead, has hurt or irritated you.

There are many more, I am sure.

Although the time that’s gone by, won’t return. Those deeds and memories I can never forget. But the times to come, can change.

So, dear daughter, when you do read this, now or later, remember that your dad is trying his best to be good at this parenting stuff. It’s my first time doing this.

What I ask of you is to hold me to these commitments for the next ten years. And the next, and the next…

Don’t let it be!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Ketan was sitting down in the balcony. Lost in his own thoughts.

His face was visibly unhappy and he was frowning every now and then. It appeared that he was alone.

At this age of his life, he was mostly homebound. That morning, his wife had gone to meet her friends and so he had no one to share the moment with.

Not that he didn’t like to go out. He went for his morning walks and for some other errands. But he didn’t like to go out during the busy hours, when everyone was rushing out.

He had lived his life and had retired to be in a peaceful state of mind. The last thing he wanted was to go out in the traffic when not in a good state of mind. So, he kept sitting and thinking.

About his kids, who were now in different cities and busy with their own lives. About his siblings, who had also retired in different towns and met only during some marriages or family functions. How there weren’t many friends around him.

This was the reason for his sadness. He was feeling lonely…

When he was working, he always thought he would have all the time in the world to do other things later on. Then, as he kept rising up the ladder, his life only became busier.

Before he could realise, he had lost touch with most folks from his home town. His friends. His extended family.

Then, when he retired, he had nowhere else to go. So, he remained in the place he had been in the last part of his working life. It was a good town, with warm people and some good friends. The only thing it lacked was folks from Ketan’s past.

As he sat in the balcony that day, he understood that the real reason for his sadness was that he was missing his old connections. After much brooding, he decided to change that.

He got up. Mustering courage, he called up his siblings. And promised to himself that he would talk to them more often.

Next, he called some of his old friends. They had a hearty laugh and he felt better. And he promised to himself that he would visit them at least once a year.

Lastly, he called his kids. He talked to them more often than everyone else, but told them that he would like to spend more time with them. They were obviously happy, and he promised to himself that he will book his tickets soon.

With all these promises made, he never realised it was evening. The bell rang. His wife was home.

He got up, opened the door, and before she could enter, hugged her tightly. For, she was there with him always, his constant companion! And he had promised to himself to take good care of her!

New Paths

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Joy was running down the hilly descent with abandon. Down the hill where his best friend, Uday, stayed.

He had just heard of the good news about his selection at one of the top universities in the country. He had devoted the last couple of years toward the goal, and now that it had finally happened, his happiness knew no bounds.

As he reached his friend’s house and caught his breath, he remembered that it was also the day Uday would know about his result too. Just when he was going to ring the bell, his eyes caught a post-it jutting out the adjacent window.

It was written by Uday. He knew Joy would come and had left a note saying he had gone to the temple with his parents before seeing his result. Knowing that he could still catch up, Joy made his way downtown.

When he reached the temple street, he could see Uday in front of the gate. Along with his parents, he was just getting out. They now headed across to a cyber cafe, where Uday was going to check his results.

Joy waited with anticipation. He didn’t want to go now and interrupt Uday or add to his anxiety. He also wasn’t sure how he would handle the situation given his own result. So, he chose to wait for a few more minutes. As he waited, he prayed for Uday’s success.

After a while, Uday came out beaming. Joy knew he had made it. He called out Uday’s name and kept running. Uday turned, saw him, and welcomed him into his arms.

They both celebrated like crazy and everyone in the vicinity only wished them well. They were the best of buddies and would now be entering the altar of life on their chosen paths.

As the euphoria lessened, both Joy and Uday realized that there paths are no longer the same now. It was a strange sadness, in a happy moment.

They sat together in the temple campus, reliving their childhood and the time spent together. Specially the last couple of years when they had been a source of strength to each other in the trying times.

They had chosen their divulging paths themselves but that didn’t mean that it was the end of their friendship. Resolving to continue their friendship they prayed together for success and went home.

Going to bed, Joy had stars in his eyes and dreamt of the future. How he would go through the university years. And in a corner of that dream he came across Uday, with him as a friend forever. He smiled in his sleep…

“The one thing I promise”

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There are things we do for ourselves. And then there are things we do for others.

All because we want to.

But then there are things we do because someone tells us to. Because we promised them.

But do we really want to do it? And does that promise really hold any meaning?

This weekend, as I celebrated my bday, my daughter made a big card for me. She wrote a lot of nice things and then left the note with a question.

“What is the one thing you wish I do, Papa”?

I read the entire note, hugged her. And then got busy with the cake!

She asked me nicely, “Can you please write something below my note, to mention what is the one thing you want me to promise”?

I wrote about how I want her to promise that she will always keep smiling and she happily accepted.

As I was reflecting back on that entire exchange, it didn’t seem like the right thing to me.

Not because I don’t believe in her sincerity but because the only way she can learn to keep promises is when it comes from within her.

This is something I have realised over time. The only promises I keep or strive for are the ones I am making myself, with my own heart. If not, they are half-hearted, and have a higher chance of not being fulfilled.

In fact, a lot of times, we promise things to people when they ask for. We assure them about how we will do that one thing because they asked us for it.

And then we forget. Or neglect. Or contest.

Why make the promise in the first place then!

But we still do because we feel if we don’t promise, the other person will feel bad. Or offended that they are asking or requesting us and we are saying a no.

What if we instead remained truthful to ourselves and by extension to others?

Time

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

As we enter 2022, it’s that time of the year when we feel the most hopeful, the beginning…

With the new year’s greetings posted and pictures of the recent vacaction or family time shared, everyone looks forward to what the new year holds in store for them. We make plans for the coming months and adopt resolutions that we hope to stick to forever.

And yet, time is an ironical friend!

It takes away at times, it gives more at times. It helps us experience highs and lows of life, sometimes all within a short span. And it certainly seems like the easiest thing to manage but is the most difficult to handle.

As we were winding up 2021, this apparent truth hit home for me.

We had planned for some travel in the new year to spend more time with our parents but with the oncoming rapid surge of the third wave in India, we decided to cut short our visit and return to base immediately, lest we get caught in the middle.

As the decision was taken within a span of 2 days, the earlier thought out plans all came to nought. Naturally, it wasn’t a great feeling for us to cut short a well planned out visit and neither was it for our parents. While they supported our decision to return, we could understand they ruing the missed opportunity of staying together longer.

While we proceeded with our new plan and are now back home, it reminded me of how often we take time for granted and instead of making the most of what we have on hand, plan ahead for the days and months to come. Sometimes too far in the future.

How we curtail things that we ought to do with our loved ones because we want to prioritise our time on seemingly more important things. Or how we take our relationships for granted and instead of investing time on them, try to put them into autopilot. Or worse still, cut ourselves off from others on the pretext of being busy with work and then drift apart from those folks.

So, as I entered the new year and was on my way back, while putting together in my head a broad plan for the year, I also resolved that I will spend more time with those who matter to me. In person, on the phone or on video calls, and through messages. Not only on weekends but also during the week, taking out time as I may be able to. Perhaps only for small things but nevertheless.

I know it will be difficult. But will strive to as much as possible. And hopefully, as the year goes by, will have a better feeling about how I utilized my time!