Relationships

The Guiding Light

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

As a young kid, I had a couple of older cousin brothers. I had some excellent times with them while growing up.

I used to rely on them for a lot of things – the stories to hear, books to read, people to follow, and so on. And what they did or how they behaved was an important input in my understanding of what or how to do.

But the biggest thing I realised I depended on them for was to guide me in various things. It gave me confidence and assurance knowing that someone whom I know well is helping me.

It was that big brother relationship that helped nurture a lot of my experiences early on in life. As we grew up, that relationship grew stronger and it helped me further make sense of multiple things in life.

This week, as we were discussing some peculiar behaviours of one of our younger cousins and how he looked up to one of us, I realised that the behaviour mimicked mine while growing up. In fact for most of us, as we matured through the years.

For some of us, this person could be a big sister or a parent or someone in the family we look up to instead of a brother. Or it could be an elder at school or college. Someone who is our guiding light.

That’s perhaps why we seek mentors when we grow up and start working. To help us stay on track in our careers.

Or why some of us start following specific gurus or leaders as we go beyond youth.

Or why a lot of older people start seeking the almighty and look for guidance.

All of us are looking for that light coming from a source which illuminates our position and our path ahead…

The most important thing!

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

March 2001. With my course-mates in the Indian Army, we were all learning the basics of mountain climbing. As it so often happens, all of us, a bunch of rookies who were full of confidence but short on skill, were grappling with new things that were confounding us and increasing the anxiety of doing something for the first time.

While some of the drills were pretty basic, there was a lot of apprehension about falling down while rapling down the steep rocks or when climbing up using our hands. Then there was zip lining, which was a task unto itself and gave most of us goosebumps.

As we started getting into the act, the one thing that the instructor tried to drill inside our minds was that you have got to trust the rope and the equipment. We didn’t realise it in the beginning but as the practice sessions progressed, we realised the truth behind the statement.

Trust was paramount!

Unless we did that, progress was extremely difficult and slow. Some of us had our own trust issues but slowly we all gathered our wits and once that trust was established, it became fun and adventurous. We all enjoyed the entire camp thoroughly.

It’s been more than 20 years. Yet, that lesson got embedded within my being.

Trust is paramount!

In everything we do. Right from who we love, who we are friends with, who we deal with at business or work, what we eat, how we drive, to the many sundry things we go through in our daily routines.

It’s the cornerstone of our relationship with the other human beings or a group or a thing. It is what helps us move forward on anything with reasonable surety that we are heading in the right direction.

It is what we should be focused squarely on establishing. Right from the beginning. Through the relationship or process. And right till the end. Verifying and re-establishing it periodically.

And yet, it is something we usually overlook or take lightly. Sometimes, it happens deliberately. But most of the times, it is a slow erosion. We don’t realise it but suddenly after a period, all appears wasted and the common ground sinks and creates a crater.

It is hence upon us, as a party to any relationship, that we abide by the code and keep the trust high. In each and every transaction. For otherwise, we could end up down the road rueing what happened and how things turned out.

Unless of course, we want to cut it off…

Bonds…

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

…maketh a human being!

Right from the time we sound the bugle with our first wail to the time we utter our last word, there is always a bond we are making or breaking.

They range from our family to friends to teachers to neighbours to colleagues to acquaintances to anyone we are even remotely or virtually connected with.

And they pass through the hoops of joy and highs of success as well as through the rings of sadness and lows of failures.

Yet, what remains with us in the end is how they make us feel deep within – positive or negative, happy or sad, promising or disappointing!

Right from childhood, I have had special bonds with some people. Family members, friends, teachers, colleagues who made me feel special or wanted. At different points of time in my life, I would have given anything to spend time with them. To have fun, to learn, to play, to live life. Now, after all these years, while I may not be able to meet them often, or talk to them frequently, those memories remain. And the bonds sustain.

With others, not to disregard their presence, it was a weaker connection. The bonds snapped and we moved on to other things in life. Or due to some misunderstanding or circumstance or intention, the bond broke and we drifted apart. And yet, as long as it lasted, it ended up giving something to both of us.

While spending time with my family this week and celebrating our daughter’s sixth, I was reminded of this important aspect of our being. Of how the bonds we make or break as we go through our lives, define us as a person and move us forward.

And when I juxtaposed this thought with my daughter’s perspective, I realised that this is most true for children, as they grow out of the protective cocoon in the initial years. Their reactions, mannerisms, learnings, all get shaped up based on the bonds they form with the close circle of family, as well as with new people entering their expanded circle.

As a parent, it is fascinating to observe how they shape up around others and form these bonds. It is also a responsibility to not let our protective urge take over but to let them go through the process on their own and decide for themselves which bonds they want to foster.

That balance is perhaps how we shape up our bond as a parent with them and help them shape up their bond with life!

Near yet far…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

The highlight of my week was Missus and Daughter returning after a couple of months at my in-laws. It was an anticipated event for some time now, with the return planned earlier this month, but the sheer high of seeing them in person after 2 months was indeed exhilirating.

I met them at the airport and as we spent time talking about all sorts of things on the way back home, it was refreshing to have that familiar buzz back in my life. And it reinforced my thoughts from earlier this week where coincidentally, I had personal conversations with a couple of colleagues and friends around the theme of family and their closely knit nature. We had discussed about how as a family we always strive to stay close and together but sometimes it becomes necessary to move out to a different place for professional or personal reasons. And how that impacts the bonds within the family.

As I reflected back on those conversations and my own experience over the weekend, it occurred to me that most of us by design want to stay close by, in a comfort zone. That allows us to predictably live our lives and be the support system to our family that we want to be. That’s our basic necessity, to be loved and cared for, and to love and care for others we are bonded with.

However, there comes a time (or some times) in our lives, when we are left with no choice but to separate from them for a given period, owing to work or studies or any other personal matters. And when that happens, how we keep that bond strong constitutes a great deal of how the family functions in the years to come.

I have seen it first hand. My father was in a banking job and had to move every 2-3 years. In the initial years of his service, when I was young, he always moved to new places alone, preferring to leave us in our home town with the extended family. Ofcourse it helped that we had a joint family and everyone was closely knit. But I sometimes wonder how he managed to serve his work requirements and still place family on top priority to ensure that they always had him nearby whenever needed. That is one of the reasons why we are still as closely knit as a joint family even today, although everyone stays in different places.

Today, with a better connected world, a lot of us travel and stay for work in a different place, leaving our families behind, as an accepted practice. However, we as individuals or as a society, often neglect the long term consequences of this movement to our family life. Be it the warmth and shelter that a family home provides, or the cosy feeling generated by being near our loved ones, or the simple fact of having someone to talk to, we do miss a lot in life.

Some of these are things that we often let go in our quest for a better life or career. We console ourselves that it is only for a few days/months/years and we will go back to a better life. And with all the communication tools to talk, see and hear each other, it is just like normal. However, it is not the same. Being in person as opposed to being virtually present isn’t always the same thing. Specially, when it comes to families.

With the kind of busy lives we lead these days, as time passes by and everyone gets busy, somewhere priorities shift. Perspectives change. Bonds start becoming weak or breaking up. Until we make an extra effort to keep up the normalcy and the intricate bonds connected. Or we build a ground to stand up on together, near yet far.

Or better still, we move our families (or ourselves) nearer, to partake in the new life we are creating for ourselves and for them…