Resolution

Action, Camera, Lights…

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Another year went by. A new one has started.

Many of us have plans for the next twelve months. Or at least we think we do.

But do we pause and think if the order of things makes sense? And is that enough for us to achieve what we aim for?

Or are we rushing through the process, forgetting what comes first – lights or action?

Some of these thoughts crossed my mind as I spent the last week introspecting how the last year went by and what I should aim for in this new year.

I did a lot last year. Both on the professional and the personal front. A few things tick marked. There were a few misses but overall it was a good year.

A lot of learning happened. But one of the things that stayed with me was the process adopted and the results achieved.

There were times when I took a shortcut, either to get frustrated later on or through results that weren’t satisfactory or sustainable.

And then, there were cases when I adopted the right approach, and got to satisfactory and sustainable outcomes.

This happened in both my personal and professional life.

And as I saw where I was led to in either case, it became clearer that if I intend to achieve long-term success, I must do the right things at the right time. Rolling the camera without the lights won’t make much sense.

So, as 2026 begins, my one single resolve is to stick to a plan and make it work in the right manner. If I do that enough no. of times and for long enough, I should see some success…

Lights. Camera. Action.

Toddler days…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There is a child within all of us. I have heard it often but got reminded about it quite strongly this week…

The last time I had a toddler in my arms was when I spent time with my niece earlier this year. But as it was during my cousin’s wedding, those moments came and went, not completely registering themselves.

This week however the experience was more absolute. We had my brother-in-law and his family over for a few days. His younger son, all of fifteen months, was the center of attraction.

I was meeting him for the second time. The first one was for a short while and he hadn’t started walking then. This time however, he was raring to go.

Having adjusted to the surroundings quickly, he was on the lookout for fun. And I, eager to make friends with him, started playing along. The next three days, as he spent time with us, I grabbed a lot of opportunities to become a child again.

It was amazing. Doing things not worrying about how it looked. Talking in a childish accent or playing kids games with him felt normal. And liberating!

It reminded me of the days I spent with my daughter when she was younger. How I would spend time with her doing things which only made sense to the two of us. How we would find joy in little things, not worried about others in the world around us.

It also reminded me of my own early childhood days. I don’t remember a whole lot of those moments but whenever I hear anecdotes about my childhood, those days feature prominently. Perhaps a reflection of how the memories of early days of our kids get imprinted in our minds.

My daughter, observing the fun I was having, commented that she wished I could be so with her too now. Her feelings touched me deep inside and brought out my guilt.

That guilt prompted a number of discussions around the memories we had when she was younger. Leaving us all laughing and reliving those days.

While I was able to assure her that I was as playful with her as she was observing me being, I also realised that in the flow of life, I have probably become too drab with her generally.

Time for me to change then. She is all of ten, so I still have time to do a lot of fun things with her. And hopefully create many more fun memories for her and us to relive later in life…

Rewinding the clock

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It all began a decade ago. I was holding you in my arms for the first time.

It was such an overwhelming moment for me that I couldn’t help but cry. To memorialize that moment, I even wrote down a post.

This year, you turn 10! You arenow on the cusp of teenage.

These ten years seem to have gone by with a lot of fun and emotional moments with you, but also a few filled with guilt and remorse.

There have been times when we have wondered when will you grow up. And then a lot of times when we realize that once you grow up, we will miss the days we have lived through your childhood.

At this decadal juncture, I thought it’s a good milestone for me to reflect back on how I have done as a parent. And what would I do differently if I went back ten years. So, here are some things I would like to change.

I should have been more expressive. About my love for you. I say it often but not enough times. I have subconsciously thought of it as an evident phenomenon but it needs to be reinforced more than I think.

I should have been more patient. With you. And with myself. There have been times my impatience has led me to actions that I have instantly regretted. An angry moment, an unnecessary scolding. Some of those could have definitely been avoided.

I should have been more sensitive. In trying to get you to be disciplined, I have sometimes jumped the gun and forced the matter. I should have handled those moments with a lot more maturity.

I should have assumed more ignorance. Even on things I know enough about. Because, the joy of discovery and exploration is unbridled. And I, as your father, ought to nurture it at all times and give you more chances than I probably gave.

I should have been more specific. About my intentions in a given situation. Sometimes, I have come across as overbearing, without realizing that my intention isn’t clear to you and instead, has hurt or irritated you.

There are many more, I am sure.

Although the time that’s gone by, won’t return. Those deeds and memories I can never forget. But the times to come, can change.

So, dear daughter, when you do read this, now or later, remember that your dad is trying his best to be good at this parenting stuff. It’s my first time doing this.

What I ask of you is to hold me to these commitments for the next ten years. And the next, and the next…

I turn 5!

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Five is a good milestone in life!

I remember how I celebrated when I turned 5.

I invited a lot of my friends, the first proper memory of me celebrating a birthday.

Those days birthdays used to be at home, so there was decoration, cake, and some eatables. All organised at home.

My friends were eager to lap up all of it and there was a lot of excitement as the cake was cut. We played for a while after that and wound up the party late in the evening.

I was happy that I was going to go to first grade in school in the new school session. I was a young boy now!

I couldn’t feel or provide the same level of excitement to our daughter when she turned 5. Her fifth was just after the first round of Covid and we could only manage a low key celebration at home with cousins over.

She was however happy to have celebrated it and we all had a good time. It was also time to acknowledge that she was now growing up to be a young girl, ready to start her learning journey.

Today, as I write this post, I have a similar feeling. Its been five years since I decided to take writing seriously and am elated at having completed 5 years of continuous blogging.

It all started with a new year resolution in January of 2020, when I chose a Sunday rhythm to publish my blog. It’s been 260 weeks and in these 5 years, I believe I have grown as a writer. I have tried different things, ideas, and techniques.

And I have been rewarded very well by all of you who have read it at some point in time or regularly. It’s like appreciation from an elder about growing up well.

This year, I also took a break from the translation project I was working on, related to my grandfather’s work. Because after having worked on it for a year, I realised that it would be best to bring out his story in a different form and not just as a translation.

As I enter the new year, I hope to continue writing more of these blogs and also start writing a long-form story / book. Maybe someday in the future I will publish something.

And a decade or so later, when I look back at this milestone, I would realise how at this point in time my journey was just starting…

The Hard Way…

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Sometimes you have things at the back of your mind. And then you read about it somewhere, which brings clarity.

Last couple of weeks, I came across a couple of interviews / opinions. One was of NVidia’s founder and CEO, who’s suddenly become media’s darling with the acute focus on all things AI. Another was an opinion published by Robert Glazer, an investor cum author whose newsletters I like to read.

In his speech at Stanford University, Jansen Huang talks about how he wishes that the graduating students fail more in life and thus learn how to succeed. For as per him, failure is a great virtue and teacher.

Robert in one of his newsletters talked about how with high-touch parenting, we are shielding our children too much. And how that’s not helping them prepare for the real world.

As I watched the speech and then read the old newsletter, I reconnected the two with my own observations about personal and social ways of how I am bringing up our daughter and how I act within groups…

I am protective of our daughter and often worry about where she is, what is she doing, how did she do, and so on. My worry is not chronic and flares up sometimes but more often than not is excessive, if I am being honest. I could do with a little less of it.

It isn’t that something has happened which has compelled me to worry more. She has had a largely incident-free childhood and we have been blessed that she is quite considerate and sensible about most things. Yet, I somehow feel that I am not being a good father if I don’t know enough about these things.

If I contrast it with my childhood, my parents used to make sure they knew about my whereabouts but they let me be. I used to roam around a lot more freely, with a lot more abandon, and faced the forces of nature more than my daughter does today.

Thankfully, nothing bad happened with me. But being on my own at times taught me things that I could carry with me as lessons and apply them when caught in a similar situation later on.

Am not so sure therefore, if I am letting my daughter experience a similar learning curve. Maybe, times have changed. But even if so, my being overprotective won’t help her. It will shield her from experiences which will help her grow up.

So, lesson one – I will let her be and allow her to fall, learn, and grow up.

In the same vein, I realised that I need to sometimes let others around me express themselves more and in the process go through their own journey. I tend to help more than I should at times, striving to save time or to offer my experiences. But in doing that, I am robbing them of experiencing and learning for themselves.

So, lesson two – I will only help where I must and where it is warranted, in most cases I will let the other person discover and gain an experience of their own.

I guess enough lessons for a weekend! And for me to apply…

Hand over Heart

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It’s the festival of colours. It is also a festival that brings friends closer and increases bonding. That’s how my dad described Holi to my daughter.

We were on the road, when this topic came up. As my dad narrated the mythological story behind the festival and my daughter tuned in, I went back in years to how we celebrated Holi back in the days.

A right turn brought me out of that stupor, making me realise that the festival doesn’t just symbolises friendship and love but also how heart is more important than head.

I know, I am making a sweeping statement here. May not be agreeable. But see if my logic makes sense…

In years gone by, our heart always held more love than we have now. And it always weighed heavier than our head. Well, at least in my immediate circle it did.

But as days passed by, the head started becoming stronger. It thought too much, painted alternatives vividly, ascribed wins and losses, and in just a few years, stood on par with our heart.

We began taking decisions not just weighing what our heart said but listening equally to what our head said. It meant prosperity, better luck, more fruitful outings, and so on. But it also meant lesser no. of people in our inner circles, constricted thinking patterns, and individualistic fervour.

Today, therefore, we need a festival to remind us of wishing people, meeting them, enjoying our life with them!

My own journey reflects this. Whenever I listened to my heart, or still do, my head seeds doubts. Did I take the right decision? Will this turn out well?

I sometimes fall into the trap and overlook my heart. But when I don’t, and go with what my heart said, I rarely find the path I took to be bad for me. It may be difficult, yes. But then, so is life.

Coming back, this heart over head bit plays a big role in my social life too. When I go with my heart and don’t bother about what I gain out of doing something for someone, I always come out for the better. I feel more satisfied. More connected. More in sync with life.

And so, this Holi, as the fire burns and engulfs us all in its warmth, I hope to go back to my earlier days and believe more in my heart.

It won’t turn back the clock on some not-so-good days but will hopefully keep me tuned in to have many more good ones!

Throes of Wants

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“Badal”, the man’s ears echoed, the Hindi word for change. It seemed like his soul was telling him to change the ways of his life.

He kept sitting and staring at the sky. It was almost sunset, with the last light few minutes away. As he watched the sun going down, his life ran in front of him…

He remembered the initial, fun filled days when he would spend hours with his friends walking around the markets. He remembered how they went to the movies and had luncheons that lasted for four hours.

He also remembered how he met his wife and the days they spent during their courtship at the cafés jotting the downtown streets.

It all seemed long ago. For as life caught on, he just got busy and somehow never got time again to do all of those things.

With work occupying his life, he had kept everything aside. For he wanted all the money he could earn to buy all the things he ever wanted.

He had spent the last decade or so amassing all those material desires. He had a big house, a couple of fancy cars, watches, suits, gadgets. The list was endless.

But today as he stared at the horizon, he was feeling empty inside. He had no friends around. His wife had left him. No kids.

It seemed as if he was all alone in this wide world.

With a heavy heart, he got up. His life was done. If he had any hope of changing it, he had to make amends. He had to give up his urge to fulfil his desires and wants, and instead focus on relationships and love.

Resolving in his mind, he turned around and walked to his car. It was time to get home and chalk out the plan for getting things on track.

Just as he was getting in, he saw the car parked next to his. It was the latest model of a new breed, something he had been researching upon.

He stood there admiring the contours. He then moved around it, looking inside to get a feel. It was expensive! And he wanted it!

It was time to hit the job circuit and get a raise to buy that car. There was no waiting. Everything else would wait, as always…

Connections and meaning…

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We make them. We break them…

We sustain them. We ruin them…

We nurture them. We ignore them…

It’s one of those dichotomies of our life, where this very word conjures both happy and sad feelings in us. For the same people, or the same surroundings, but different feelings in different times!

Nothing unique about it though. It’s the same dichotomy that surrounds love and health. They both make us happy or sad at different times for the same reasons.

However, coming back to connections, as I unwound during the year-end break and reflected on the last couple of years of my life, this was my big realization.

I had not made many new connections. I had not sustained some of the older ones well enough. And I had not nurtured those that are dear to me.

Not that I wanted to intentionally land like this. I had made efforts all this while to ignore precisely this situation. But life had taken its toll. I had flown with the daily turbulence of life and had unknowingly been busy paddling all across.

As I reflected on these thoughts, it occurred to me that this wasn’t the first time it had happened. And it probably wouldn’t have been so stark a realization, if not for my current state of mind. A mind which is seeking meaning.

As I thought about how I want to make the new year different and my life more fulsome, I came to one non-negotiable conclusion. That I have to make new connections, sustain those I have, and nurture the ones I really care about.

For what is life without being and remaining connected!

Old and New

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It’s a new beginning. 2023 is here. We are venturing into a new year.

This is what most of us would have found our social feeds and news sources to be full of. Year-end best of lists, resolutions for the new year, looking back at what happened and looking forward to what comes ahead.

Strangely, for me though this turn of the new year has been muted. As I thought more about this for the last couple of days, a lot of thoughts crossed my mind.

Is it because there’s not enough excitement or things to look forward to? Maybe this is how life looks like once you cross 40! But not really, there are enough and more of those things in my life that I am excited about.

Perhaps it has to do with this relocation business? It has taken the air out of my self inflated baloon back in India? Nah, I debated with myself about this angle but it’s not true.

Oh yeah, maybe I have a lot of unkept and unmet resolutions and that’s why I am running shy of taking new ones? I don’t think so and as I recounted the ones I took upon over the last 2-3 years, I seem to have done well generally on those aspects.

Then as I was mindlessly finishing some chores, the answer hit me!

The real reason is that I see a lot of things that I have begun but need to double down on in this new year. So it just doesn’t feel like a new beginning. There are unfinished projects, things to improve upon in my head and heart, and things that I have been letting go off but still not done with completely.

As I realised this, it occurred to me that I ought to break them down into achievable milestones rather than only looking at the end goal. So here goes my list –

1. Smile and be more happy, forget worrying about small things and start to live in the moment. As much as possible.

2. Exercise daily, even if it is just walking a couple of rounds. Breathe fresh air, unblock my mind, stay healthy.

3. Write at least every alternate day. While this blog continues to be weekly, produce a few more short stories, start the book I have been promising myself to write.

4. Read daily, and meaningful material, pick up an understanding of more things than I have in any other year.

5. At work focus on creating impact, rather than doing too many things. Let go off some things that I don’t need to be a part of.

As I enter 2023 and continue on these old pursuits in this new year, I hope I am able to get to some of these milestones by the end of it. Until then, will continue to plough on…

Rhythms of Life

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We have so many things going on these days that it’s very easy to get lost in the woods. Unless we have a rhythm…

I look at it as the rhythm of life from three different perspectives.

First is the rhythm of self. How do I maintain my health and take care of myself. How do I find time to do things that interest me. How do I generally separate the wheat from the chaff.

Second is the rhythm of relations. How do I live, love, laugh, and forge memories together with my family. How do I keep in touch with those who aren’t nearby. How do I show care and respect for those I have in my life.

Third is the rhythm of work. How do I maintain discipline in what I do. How do I do justice to all the things I am working on. How do I move toward my goals.

This week, while having a conversation with my wife, we went into this direction. We were discussing about how our days have gone by in the recent weeks and how we need to get back to our rhythms soon.

As we had that chat, I realised that sometimes life throws us out of gear. Either in a planned way which happens rarely. Or in an unplanned way when something untoward happens.

But what’s interesting is that while most of us strive for a rhythm, we sometimes let things slip by. It happens almost unconsciously, as we get accustomed to a new rhythm or the lack of it.

It has happened to me multiple times. Without realising, the rhythm that I signed up for and was practising, vanishes and gets replaced by what I ought not to do.

The only way to see through such a scenario then is self realisation. As I have discovered, that’s easier said than done. Most times, we realise the drift quite late. But once we do, the only way then is to quickly identify how to get back to the older rhythm or set a new one.

Perhaps a new one is better for those of us who have drifted in our rhythms, with a new year beckoning!