Satisfaction

Entitled

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

The clock struck 12. On a bright sunny morning, with the winter winds blowing on his face, Deepesh looked at his phone once again.

He had been walking outside the office building, not in the best of moods, after a call with one of his team members, Vipul.

Vipul was a hard worker and one of the brightest in the team. He was naturally chosen for difficult assignments and Deepesh had taken good care of him over the last couple of years.

However, today’s meeting with him had left Deepesh feeling cheated. Vipul had just announced that he was resigning because he had not got a good enough raise in the recently concluded increment cycle.

Deepesh had gone extra lengths to get him the best increment in the team. He had also discussed about putting up Vipul for a promotion in the next cycle.

After doing so much for him, the news of his resignation didn’t go down well with Deepesh. He had told as much to Vipul, sharing his unhappiness. However, Vipul strongly felt that he was entitled to much more than he had received.

As the day passed, the meeting continued to come back to Deepesh’s mind again and again. At first, he toyed with the idea of identifying how to retain Vipul. But it soon occurred to him that even if he succeeded in retaining, Vipul would not be able to shrug off the entitlement he felt he was owed.

Deepesh had to be fair to the other team members. He couldn’t afford to have other team members develop similar feelings without actually having done enough important work.

He also felt that what Vipul thought of his work was a very personal take on his own performance. And even if he tried to reason with Vipul, he wouldn’t be able to break through the barrier.

More importantly, Deepesh realised that every one, including him, had some feeling of entitlement. It was a natural feeling, based on what each individual thought his work was worth. And as a team leader, he needed to understand his team’s psyche better.

So, he decided to let go. He asked Vipul to wind up his work in the next one month. During that period, Deepesh spent time to understand the expectations and aspirations of his other team members.

He had frank conversations and gave and took feedback from each one of his team members. It not only helped him understand their thoughts but also allowed him to appreciate their feelings and chart out their growth paths.

It also allowed him to reflect about how he thought about his own performance. After all, he was entitled to do that!

Labour of Love…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There are passion projects. And then there is labour of love.

Something that is not just pursued only because you’re passionate about it but also because you want to see it come to life in the best way possible!

This weekend, as we stepped into our own home, this feeling stuck with me.

We had been at it for the last three months. Countless discussions, innumerable iterations, and a few sleepless nights later, here we were. Standing on the front door, ready to enter after the rituals got over.

I looked at my wife. It was her labour of love.

She had given it her all. Despite a very busy schedule at work and the madness around our household.

She hadn’t complained once and had patiently kept at it. Selecting materials, finalising designs, negotiating prices, navigating deadlines, and maybe a few things I couldn’t notice!

Ready to enter the new abode, she was awash with a certain calmness and pride.

In getting past everything and in how the vision had come to life.

In acknowleding that her unwavering commitment to getting what she wanted for the place had somehow serendipitously been rewarded.

And in accepting the fact that it was finally over…

There are yet many things to accomplish, as we move in and settle down. But hopefully those will involve less efforts and commitment for the same satisfaction…

The 5k Run.

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I was panting. The display screen on the treadmill read 4 kms with a time of 24 minutes. A message flashed just then, ‘target set at 5 kms’…

After having stopped my exercise routine during the move back to India, I slowly got back to hitting the gym this past week. It was a welcome relief to not find myself out of shape. I could still walk at a good pace, lift weights, and do pull-ups and push-ups consistently.

Then, as the week was drawing to a close, and I pushed myself on Friday. What if I try and run a 5k, in 30 minutes? Can I do it?

There are many things that hold your fascination over a long period of time. 5k runs in 30 minutes or less are one such fascination for me.

You might ask, where is this coming from? To answer, I will have to take you back back to my academy days.

We were a bunch of boys with high adrenaline levels and much more gumption. The Indian Military Academy was however a no-nonsense place. You either fell in line or you fell in line!

As was the norm, for any deviation or mistake, punishments were doled out by the dozen. The smaller punishment was a 5k run, to be completed in under 30 minutes for it to be counted. The bigger one was a route march for 20k in under 3 hours. Mind you, with all the gear and a dummy rifle…

Some folks always bore the brunt, getting punished at the drop of a hat. They were constantly running those 5k’s and had become a champ at it. And then there were some of us, pretty lucky in those days, to have escaped any punishment. It seemed we had the golden touch.

Time however does catch up. And eventually I did land up with a couple of 5k runs and a couple of route marches.

I had heard from my friends how easy the 5k had become for even the slower runners, so I had confidence going behind me when I took the mark for the first time. However, as I soon realized, it’s one thing to talk and another to do!

Cutting to the chase, it took me all my might and the last ounce of energy to make the cut at just a few seconds shy of the 30 minute mark. The start had been fine but somehow I had trailed off in the mid sector and by the time I was on the last leg, my legs had started giving way. Until a batch-mate goaded me on and helped me finish.

Since then, the 5k became something of a mission for me to keep achieving. Even after I got out of the Army, I have kept going back to this run to time myself and check my fitness levels. Sometimes I have succeeded, sometimes I haven’t. And then I know it’s time to tighten the belt on the fitness routine.

Coming back to this week’s experience, I wasn’t sure if it was too early for me to attempt the 5k. But I wanted to at least try and see how I will fare.

So, there I was, on the treadmill. The target was 5k, the goal was to hit it in 30 minutes or less. I was going fine. Only if my legs would continue to support me and my lungs wouldn’t budge.

But as I neared the 4k mark, my feet started feeling a bit wobbly. I was panting a bit. I had it in my mind that I would stop if there was any danger sign but I didn’t sense any at that time.

I didn’t want to stop at that mark not just because of the target but also because I wanted to push myself a bit more. So, I chose to instead focus on my breath, count down the last 5 minutes, and the remaining distance to complete 5k.

Those were the longest 5 minutes for me in recent times. It took me all my running skills to make that last dash. Thankfully, my feet stopped wobbling and my lungs functioned well. I finished the 5k in exactly 30 minutes.

Mission accomplished! Time to continue the training!! Until the next checkpoint!!!

The lapse

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There was an orangish hue in the sky that evening. The sun was setting and a gentle breeze had had a good effect on the man, standing at the balcony in his high rise apartment in the heart of the city.

He had been a very successful entrepreneur. His startup had been a recognised and celebrated one, with successful operations across the country.

And yet, he felt that he hadn’t done enough. He was contemplating that day what he could do to change things. And as he stared at the setting sun and faced the gentle breeze, his mind drifted back into his past.

He remembered the days spent in his college, when he made great friends and amazing mistakes. And within all that mayhem, managed to do well in studies to secure a high paying corporate job.

It was only his self-insistence to do something different that had led him to move out of that job after a couple of years and roam around the country to absorb things.

As he recalled more, he remembered how while travelling the remotest parts of the country, he had hit upon his business idea. And how he had worked at perfecting the concept, not worrying about the time lost or what others would think.

After a few months of deliberations, he had then launched the startup and hit a home goal from the beginning. There were a fair share of hits and misses but the idea had merit and his startup constantly inched forward, to prove itself to its customers in the remotest towns and villages.

He had then expanded his horizons to provide multiple ancillary services. Again on the back of his insights that he continued to gather through his inland tours every few months.

Ten years had passed since the last time he had travelled inland. Increasing pressure on him and the demands on his time made him stop those. And slowly, with the influx of more senior managers, he had taken a back seat to enjoy the fruits of his labour.

It was only this late in life he was realising that it had not been enough. He had yearned to do more but somehow had ended up short.

Not for the want of desire. But for the lack of consistency to continue on the path he had set for himself.

He stepped back a bit, absorbed the evening, and breathed heavily. It was time to reset himself on the path. To walk again toward the destination he had set for himself.

For what he aspired for was still some distance away. In spite of the lapse, there was still time. He could yet walk on his path and reach his goal…

Parents

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The most demanding and most satisfying job in the world. That’s how I would describe parenting!

This week, as I went through the motions, this theme recurred time and again. And it made me appreciate what we do and the importance of it all over again.

The first instance was a random discussion with a couple of colleagues. We recalled ourselves growing up. Our parents were strict, frugal, and demanding. But on the other hand, they cared, loved, and nurtured us continuously. We didn’t realize it then, but they shaped us into someone who could go on and find their place in the world.

At that time, it did seem to most of us that we were at the receiving end of our parents. Too many restrictions, too many rules, heavy focus on being upright. A bit of a stretch to say, but we felt as if we were being constrained in many ways. And yet, that taught us the value of many a things. Values which we need to pass on to our kids. Yet,

How do we exercise controls and help build values, knowing fully well that we’re constraining our kids for their own good?

The second instance was an observation with our daughter. She spent a lot of time preparing a card, a booklet, and a gift bag for wifey on mothers day. She had written some wonderful things there and showcased some of her drawing and art skills. But as I read through the booklet, I saw how we have been helping her growth and yet falling short.

Now, I definitely feel that we have become much more pally with our children and have given them more freedom to do things. And that’s helping them make their own choices. But at the same time, I also think we have been shielding her from the world by being too careful.

I remember our parents weren’t so bothered about where we were all the time. Yes, times have changed and it’s become more riskier for kids to be out and about on their own. But I feel we have gone too much to the other side now, which is hurting her growth. And we need to do something about it! So,

How do we provide for various experiences for our kids in a dynamic world and yet ensure a good, wholesome upbringing?

The third instance was a post by a friend, where he wished his mother but also thanked his father. Both of them had played an equal part in his success. As I read through, I realized that it was always this balance that helped shape me. It may not have been possible otherwise.

Not that single parents cannot function at the same level. But even on our best days, it is hard to play a single role. Playing a double role through your life is incredibly difficult and something I wouldn’t wish for anyone.

Coming back, this is something that we don’t appreciate enough. How to play the yin to the yang, the apprentice to the master, the carrot to the stick. For, that balance is what creates different experiences and approaches for the child to learn from and grow. Therefore,

How do we ensure that we can complement our better halves and provide a balance that’s needed to nurture our children?

If you look at the three questions I pose above (in bold), these are all difficult ones. There are many more such demanding questions that we face as parents on an everyday basis.

And yet, we continue to do our best and the most we can in all circumstances. Doing what we think is right for our kids. And taking pride in helping them grow, feeling satisfied in the progress they and we are making…

Life and Success…

~ Rishi ~ 3 Comments

Movies, the good ones, often leave us with afterthoughts. This weekend, as I watched a couple of animated ones with the kiddo (Up and Soul, both Pixar creations and interestingly by the same director), they wound me down a labyrinth!

A labyrinth where I tried to define success – what is it? What does it mean? And how does it look like?

Is it about the outcome or the process?

Is it chasing one’s dreams at any cost and achieving them? Or is it about feeling happy about whatever best we can do?

Is it about having the most (or heaps of) whatever we desire or is it to find inner satisfaction from the outcomes we have achieved?

Is it about working for the future at all times, trying to create a better one? Or finding fulfilment in our present life and enjoying our life to the fullest?

Is it internal or external or both?

Well, as I kept zigzagging between these thoughts, I couldn’t come up to a single aha moment. It was confusing!

Perhaps because we have so many versions of success – people who have had outsized achievements as well as those who have found their true calling and succeeded in whatever they wanted to achieve.

Or perhaps because there are two contrarian points of view – one about how the famous ones have achieved what they have and the other about how to be content with what you’ve got.

Or perhaps because each one of us have our own definitions of what it really means for us to succeed. A definition which keeps changing with times.

I haven’t figured it out yet. What I did figure out was that it is a shifting goal post for most of us. One that keeps us alive and kicking, while providing the impetus to move forward in life.

What’s important is to keep celebrating the small wins, cherishing the good moments, being grateful for our lives and for where we are, and planning forward…

How much is Enough?

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Really…

For us as an individual? Willing to sacrifice our today for a better tomorrow…

For us as a family? Increasingly becoming nuclear and DINK (Dual income no kids) or DIOK (Dual income one kid)…

For us as a partner? Independent financially but more dependent on each other emotionally with not many to turn to…

For us as a parent? Striving to do our best for our kid(s) while struggling with our work life and our own interests…

For us as a son or daughter? Staying away from our parents to pursue our careers and yet longing for them at times…

For us as a professional? Who moves in a materialistic world, from one concrete jungle to another…

For us as a businessman? Trying to achieve our goals while staying afloat and doing better than yesterday…

For us as a person who wants to do so much in life apart from work but has very little time to do those things…

The answer: what are we willing to trade off?

Our lives have a set pattern – school and college life, work life, and then the retired life.

When in school, most of us are taught to focus all our energies on getting good grades so that we can land up a good job. Or at least to pass out well so that we can contribute to the family business, if there is one.

And then, as we enter our work life, we get into the race of life. Constantly trying to outdo ourselves, making ends meet, doing better than others, growing in stature, building a war chest and a fortune, earning name and fame, and finally reaching the highest level we could in a job or in business. Before we retire.

And once we retire, whatever may be the age, we look forward to. To a few of those things we couldn’t do earlier. To make a few trips. To meet a few people. To enjoy our life the way we want to. To be carefree and yet be secured.

After retirement, some of us are lucky to live a long life and have the means to do all of those things we longed for. Most of us aren’t…

However, there are very few of us who ask these golden words to themselves while on this journey – “How much is enough?”. For therein lies the crux of the trade-off that we are willing to make…

For those of us who are able to ask that question to ourselves and find the right answer, the balance of life tilts towards the middle and helps us lead our lives as we want to.

But that crowd is in the minority!

Because, for most of us, that trade-off isn’t worth accepting. Or the timing is not right. Or there are other factors stopping us.

And so we continue in our quests, sacrificing our today, moving to another place, striving to do better. So that we can have a better tomorrow, live life our way, and pursue our interests…

Until we either are willing to make that trade off or retire!