Settling

States of Mind.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Over the last couple of months, I have gone through a gamut of emotions.

At times, I have been elated. Maybe it was a new experience, or it was the feeling of having done something good at work or home. Or sometimes, just the invincible feeling of being in a good place!

And then, just the next day or immediately afterwards, I have felt gloomy and uncertain. Either because of something that occurred, or a worry about how things will turn out for us, or just anxiety about random life-related questions.

A few times, I have even felt frustrated and angry. About how things are turning out or not, or because of certain discussions at work or at home.

As I took some time this weekend to reflect on what’s happening around me, it took me a while to register that my state of mind has been quite haywire over these last couple of months.

I have been troubled, relieved, and happy. All within a short span. I cannot put a finger on why somethings happened the way they did, or why I reacted the way I did.

But as I dug deeper, I realised that I had taken a lot of pressure on myself owing to our move back. I was determined to get things done the right way and didn’t want to leave any stone unturned. In the process, the stress showed on me in these unpredictable manners.

Now that the move is done, and we are settling down, it is of course easier for me to relax a bit. But having lived in a heightened state of existence for a while, it’s not been as easy to switch off.

While I take my time to get back to normalcy, I realise that I shouldn’t have taken things so hard on myself. Maybe, the next time something so life altering is happening, I ought to take it easy. Or perhaps, adopt the same rigorous approach but with the allowance of slip ups.

After all, it’s important to not lose my state of mind in trying to get things done the right way always…

Hyperactivity

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

For me and my family, last few weeks have been a mixed bag.

Exciting, anxious, and also sad – all at the same time, and all three owing to the same reason! Relocation from India to the US.

I know it’s a paradox. However, one cannot help but go through multiple emotions when it’s a question of completely relocating to a new place and begin a relatively fresh life.

So, of course we were all excited with what’s in store for us in the land of opportunities and how it fares for us. That’s the prime reason we took the decision to move or why someone agrees to changes.

We have also been anxious owing to the fact that it’s completely unknown to us and how it treats us. While there have been a lot of assurances from friends and some family settled in the US for long, anxiousness goes away only with personal experience.

And we have been sad to leave our family members and friends back home with very few people to turn to in the new place. Although we still are connected but there’s much physical distance now.

As we got to the US and took some time to wear off the jet lag and saw around, the last few days have been hectic. It’s also been an interesting time observing!

I wouldn’t go into the details of how things have panned out in the initial days but what I realised in these few days is this – we complicate our emotions too much and get swayed by them equally easily.

As we went through the last week travelling and then settling down, we have all been hyper. Hyper sensitive, hyper anxious, hyper moody, hyper alert.

This hyper behaviour in our family all boiled down to one single thing. The fear of the unknown. Without any clarity on what to expect and when, we have been on the edge of our seats all this while. And all meant for the good, to take care of each other and ensure we feel comfortable.

But all of this hyper activity has also in turn taken some toll on us. It has made us more involved in everything, where we usually would cede to the others in the family. Not an ideal state but hopefully a temporary phase.

As I reflected more deeply, I realised that this behaviour surfaces in a lot of us when we are going through changes. Because we are apprehensive of what’s going to come in the future, we become hyperactive in trying to understand everything, creating a temporarily elevated state of being that’s both good and bad. Maybe the reason why some people fear changes.

Coming back to us, as we get to know the new place and get used to the new ways, I hope we also are able to get back to our normal rhythms. That’s why perhaps they say that settling down takes time!

Experimentation Ahoy!!! Part 2…

~ Rishi ~ 2 Comments

As after effects of my last post, I thought through my own life until now… Turns out, experimentation is what I have been doing all my life!

I had always wanted to be in the Army. When all my friends were gunning for engineering, I was running around, quite literally, to get fit for the Armed Forces. Everyone thought I was taking a risk not writing other exams and my experimentation would cost me but I stuck to it and came through.

After a couple of years, I had to withdraw due to medical reasons when I suffered an accident. At that time, it sure tasted like hell. But now, when I look back, that gave wings to my mind! It allowed me to move to Delhi – the first metro I ever lived in and I started experimenting more…

I completed my graduation and got into IT. I had the choice to join Infosys – a biggie in the Indian IT field. But I decided to experiment and chose Acme Technologies, a company most people wouldn’t have heard of.

And yet, it proved to be a great choice because what I learned while working there, I couldn’t have at any other “big” company. Experimentation made me better!

Being a techie was cool but there were other important things to do in life. And so I decided to go for an MBA. I chose a non-traditional 1-year MBA over a 2-year one and it gave me exposure like nothing else before. It made me question my beliefs and broadened my horizon! My instincts to experiment got sharper!

Post my MBA, I again had 2 choices – joining a consulting biggie in the UAE, as most would have done, or to come back to India and figure out what to do next along with my job. No guesses, I chose the second option to continue on the path of experimentation…

It only got bigger and better from here. Instead of settling down into a six figure salary every month and a chance to live outside India, which would have been ideal for my ilk, I chose to quit the job I had and started up! Experimentation became a part of my daily life!

Have had a roller coaster ride in the last 5 years but what an experience it has been! Being in a job definitely wouldn’t have taught me what I have learned. So definitely, experience made me richer.

Experimentation has allowed me to taste different flavours of life and enjoy the journey. And I continue to plot and plod what experiments await me next.

Something new. Something challenging.

But definitely not mundane, boring stuff.

And definitely, no settling down!

Experimentation Ahoy!!!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I am 33 going on 34.

Maybe, I could sing a song with these lyrics and I could become famous just like Bryan Adams!

Or maybe, I am too old for that.

Wait. What?

33 and old, nah!

But that’s how people would react if I told them just now that I wanted to be a singer. I would be bombarded with questions like – “Oh, you realised soon enough in life!”, “Were you deliberately trying to waste time up till now?”, or simply “What a dud, wants to chose something entirely new at 33!”.

And that’s how our society fares when it comes to new vs. old.

Every time we strive to unfold a new horizon in our life, we are brought down to earth by the circumspect, all-invasive non-sense that the society pulls on us. And then, when we grow old, we regret not doing certain things when the time was right!

But what about now? 33 going on 34 shouldn’t certainly be a deal breaker. I mean if our heroes can do superhuman acts when they are 60 plus, I am just half their age.

The real problem is in embracing change I believe.

We as a society have become too much of good natured, follow-the-pattern people. If someone tries to break the mould, he is doomed in our eyes. Maybe not, but that’s how we react.

The other day, while meeting someone new, I was asked about what I am doing. I told them I am running my own setup and have just shifted base. The reaction in their eyes was – “Oh, you are not yet settled!”

Firstly, I don’t give a damn what others say or think. As someone wise said, its none of my business. Secondly, does settling down mean buying a house, living in the same surroundings for years together, doing the same work day in and day out? Then, sorry! I don’t want to settle ever.

I mean, there are 10,000 things to do in life. There are so many places to see. Why dig a hole in a place, how-so-ever nice, and stay there forever. Keep moving and experiencing new things. That’s my motto!

I am clear. I am not going to settle. Work-wise, I will do what I like. Maybe, my startup might not work out and I might have to go back to a job. That’s ok. Maybe, I become a millionaire and roam the world care-free. That’s good.

But one thing I can promise is – I am not ready to settle into the old school way of living life.

What a relief it is to realise that 33 going on 34 isn’t old! Life’s just begun. Time to experiment!