Unlearning

Assumed assumptions!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We like assuming. In fact, we love to assume and move forward.

A lot of times those assumptions are just those. Assumptions. Without any rhyme or reason.

But because we like to keep things simple and probably see them through our own eyes only, those assumptions are valid and reasonable.

But what if that isn’t true? What if we could do much better not assuming those assumptions?

Over the last few weeks, as these thoughts ran in my mind, I started observing. How I was reacting and deciding. And how others around me did the same.

There were times when I found my assumptions to be convenient for me. Because I didn’t want to go through the hard work of finding the right details.

Often times when I was assuming something, it was so just because I had not been able to consider the viewpoint of someone else. Looking only through my own eyes.

Sometimes I also found that I assumed just because I had some precedence or experience of dealing with that same person or thing in a different setting.

As I started questioning my assumptions and if I had made the correct ones, I started uncovering my own blind sides.

As I started thinking about others, my horizon expanded and I could look at the problem with a fresh pair of eyes.

There’s still a long way to go. After all, the mind has been conditioned to perform in a certain way. But what I do realise is that there’s power in not assuming just because we can or we should.

Sometimes it helps to check ourselves again…

What to do, What not to do?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There are lights in the dark alleys of our mind that mostly remain switched off. And then, sometimes one of them lights up and is enough to illuminate a lot of things! Like a floodlight.

Something similar happened with me this week…

I generally like things to go well in a structured fashion, as much as possible. When they don’t, I feel that I haven’t put in enough effort to make that happen. In fact, sometimes it leads me to be concerned too much about too many things.

A few days back, as it is sometimes bound to happen, a family outing that I had planned for, couldn’t happen due to multiple reasons. I felt bad that it was canceled because of something I could have taken care of earlier itself. And that led me to a worry loop, which kept me distracted for a few hours.

Cut to this week. I was doing some work and that incident again flashed in my memory. Usually, I would have brushed it off and moved on to other thoughts. But this one lingered for a while. As it was lunch time, I took a break to eat and then went to the terrace to clear out my head.

As I took a few rounds trying to let my mind rest, Stephen Covey’s 3-circle theory dawned on me, which I had read a long time ago. It conveys that one should be completely focused on resolving and worrying about things which are in one’s circle of control or to some extent those which are in the circle of influence. There are a lot of things that are outside of these two circles and while it is good to know about those things, it doesn’t help to focus our energies on them.

The connection of how this thought came into my conscious mind, I cannot decipher. But thankfully, it did!

As the thought compelled me to take a few more rounds, it became apparent to me that I sometimes worry unnecessarily about things that I don’t control. Perhaps they are in my circle of influence but by worrying too much about them, I probably lose out on focusing on things which are under my control.

It could be due to some faulty internal wiring within me or because of how I have trained my mind to think. Whatever be the case, it doesn’t help me and doesn’t help others close to me.

As this floodlight illuminated, it was clear to me that I have to stop doing this in my mind. Difficult yes, but doable. The only thing is for me to concentrate on what really is possible and not worry about anything else that could have been or what I cannot control beyond an extent.

I know, this is not going to happen immediately. After all, unlearning takes more time than learning. But am at it, one day at a time…