Month: January 2024

How many feet?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It was the early 90’s. I was just about to turn 10, when I was first asked about what I want to become.

I remember having seen a plane flying in the sky and getting enthralled. I instantly replied, a fighter pilot.

Why I added the word fighter I don’t know. But it meant more to me than just being a ‘pilot’…

As the next few years passed by, this dream of mine took shape. I became more serious about entering the armed forces. Eventually, I cleared the National Defence Academy exams to become an officer.

However, fate had something else in store for me, as I was diagnosed with partial colour blindness and hence couldn’t join the Air Force.

While I settled down to join the Army, and then came out, the longing of not getting the opportunity to fly planes has remained.

Even after all these years, whenever I see fighter jets zooming around, even in movies, they leave me with a feeling of having missed out. Maybe, I would have had a different view of the world if I had flown one of those.

That same feeling got triggered watching the fleet at the Republic Day fly-past on Friday. As my wife commented to my daughter, that’s my favourite part of the yearly parade. Because it allows me this visceral pleasure!

Turn to today, I am on this flight for a business trip. On my way, scanning the landscape, I saw this amazing frozen lake in the Rocky Mountains and the feeling returned.

But as I continued to mesmerise over the view from the top, something hit me. I would have equally enjoyed the view from the bottom.

Because while the view from air awed me with the vastness of it all, the view from the base on land would have also awed me with the vastness of it all.

The perspective would have been different for sure, but there is no point in comparing the two. For they were both perspectives of the same place. And whether from 20,000 feet or 2000, they both have their own positives.

So, while I may have missed out on flying planes and getting to enjoy the ground below, I have got chances to enjoy the landscape from the base.

And while it surely would have been a great thing to fly jets, the things I have gotten to do have also been great.

Does this mean the feeling or longing go away from my heart? No, I don’t think so.

But yes, it does help me with an understanding that life is to enjoy as it is, rather than how it could be…

The Power I Hold…

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

The lady was half asleep. She had had a tough day at work and after completing all the household chores, she had just gotten to bed.

Her house was a small one. They couldn’t afford a bigger one. Not with just one person working.

Her husband had been out of work for a while now. He had been fired from his last job because the company had filed for bankruptcy. Since then, he had been trying his best to land a new gig but without much success.

They didn’t have any child yet. It had been half a decade since their marriage and while they loved each other, they wanted to be sure about their financial stability before having a child. It wasn’t easy raising one and they only wanted the best for their kid, whenever they would have one.

As she turned around to the other side, her husband entered the room. He had been frustrated at his string of failures to secure a job and had been keeping aloof for a few days. She cajoled him and snuggled close to him, to comfort him. They lay there in each other’s arms soon.

But she couldn’t go to sleep now. Not with all that was running in her mind…

How will they get back to a better life now? How will he find a good job? How will they earn enough to afford a bigger place? And when can they plan to have a kid, she really wanted to become a mother.

The thoughts in her head kept floating in all directions, forcing her to toss and turn in her bed all night along. Her husband had dozed off after a while, he was too tired from life to continue being awake.

As dawn started to wake up, she stared out of the small window in their room. She could see the night sky giving way to a lighter hue. She could hear some noises from the nearby trees, leaves rustling, birds waking up.

Her mind kept racing. It was the dawn of a new day. She could either continue thinking about what had happened in the past few months or look forward to today and tomorrow. There was no other choice.

She got up and sat at the head of the bed. As she took deep breaths, she realized that she had power over her life still. She could make it work.

What if they were in a smaller house? They had a better one than many others.

What if they didn’t have a few luxuries in life? They had a decently functional life for now.

What if her husband didn’t have a job yet? He will find one soon enough if he kept trying.

What if they didn’t have a kid yet? She could decide and have one whenever she wanted to, they were both healthy.

After all, there was always today and tomorrow to make life up. To do what best they could with theirs.

For, she held a power. The will to make life work for them…

Innocent Age

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Our children are way smarter than we are. Not something that I need to prove but commonly and clearly visible.

What surprises though is the clarity with which they talk and behave…

The other day, I was talking to my eight-and-a-half year old daughter about growing up. I was expecting that she will say something around how she wants to grow up and do her own things. Or perhaps something about what she may want to do when she grows up.

Her answer though surprised me. She said, “I think I am happy being what age I am at right now. I wish I don’t grow up”.

I was slightly taken aback. So, I replied, “Why wouldn’t you want to grow up? Don’t you want to do a few things that you cannot do right now”?

Her clarity shone through in her reply. “Dad, I know when I grow up, there will be many more things that I can do. But I like my life right now more because I can do a lot of things that I won’t be able to do then”.

I was flabbergasted. Hadn’t heard this from her before. Didn’t know where this was coming from. Guess, it was some interaction she may have had or some observation she had made.

Anyways, gathering my wits around me, I continued, “So, you enjoy school and playing with friends, etc”? Her reply was classic, “Not just that but the fact that I don’t have to worry about so many things like you and Mom”.

I couldn’t carry on the conversation any further!

As I sat back and reflected, it was obvious that I didn’t have as much clarity or intelligence about life when I was 8 or even 10. It was also obvious that the kids today are getting exposed to so many more things, which is helping them develop faster.

What really surprised me wasn’t her thoughts but how clearly she could articulate it and convey so much in so less words.

As I continued through the next few days, this conversation kept coming back in my memory. And every time it left a smile on my face.

For, as much as the little girl doesn’t want to grow up, I too wish she remains the same as she does grow up!!!

Connections and meaning…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We make them. We break them…

We sustain them. We ruin them…

We nurture them. We ignore them…

It’s one of those dichotomies of our life, where this very word conjures both happy and sad feelings in us. For the same people, or the same surroundings, but different feelings in different times!

Nothing unique about it though. It’s the same dichotomy that surrounds love and health. They both make us happy or sad at different times for the same reasons.

However, coming back to connections, as I unwound during the year-end break and reflected on the last couple of years of my life, this was my big realization.

I had not made many new connections. I had not sustained some of the older ones well enough. And I had not nurtured those that are dear to me.

Not that I wanted to intentionally land like this. I had made efforts all this while to ignore precisely this situation. But life had taken its toll. I had flown with the daily turbulence of life and had unknowingly been busy paddling all across.

As I reflected on these thoughts, it occurred to me that this wasn’t the first time it had happened. And it probably wouldn’t have been so stark a realization, if not for my current state of mind. A mind which is seeking meaning.

As I thought about how I want to make the new year different and my life more fulsome, I came to one non-negotiable conclusion. That I have to make new connections, sustain those I have, and nurture the ones I really care about.

For what is life without being and remaining connected!

The Year That Was! (or not?)

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

The boy was at the new year party. The countdown to 2024 had begun.

As he saw happy, smiling faces all round, cheering the countdown, he couldn’t help but notice his own mixed feelings about the year that had gone by. And how he felt about multiple things that happened in the course of the last twelve months.

He had begun the year on high hopes. There was not a single grain of doubt that 2023 was going to be a great year for him. His life was finally settling down with a steady job, a relationship he was happy in, and lovely friends all around.

But as life took its turns around the first few months, he saw his friends drifting away. One of them moved onto a new job and new city, another just got into a new relationship and spent lesser time with him.

His job, which he was so gung ho about, suddenly started seeming dreary. The promotion he was expecting came through but so came other challenges associated with the new position. He was doing the same thing he did the year before, with the same set of people, for the same set of clients. He started feeling he wasn’t growing and frustration started creeping in.

The only thing that remained steady during this period was his relationship. It was a source of strength for him and gave him confidence that better times will come again.

But as these images flashed back in front of his eyes, he realized that far more than ever, his life had remained steady. There was not a single mishap that had happened, in his personal life or on the work front.

He remembered how there was a health scare with his dad the previous year. And how it had disturbed everybody in the family. It could have been much worse. But nothing untoward had happened.

He recalled, how there were layoffs at his company. His division was also affected. But he had been doing well and wasn’t impacted. Instead, he ended up getting the promotion and role change.

And as he realized this, he became more grateful for how the year had gone by. For, that is how a typical good year goes by. There are some wins, some losses, some happiness, some sadness, some good and some bad outcomes. But you come out without being scathed much.

He joined the cacophony of voices that were counting down.

3… 2… 1…

As he kissed his partner and wished everyone around a happy new year, deep within he was contented and happy to step into a new year with new expectations and hopes of good things and changes…