Author: Rishi

Head or Heart?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It is the classic conundrum!

What do we do when faced with a situation and how do we decide? Or what perspective do we think from and act upon the most?

There have been reams of thesis work written on this I am supposing, from the 288 million results Google throws at us when we search for this term. And yet, we are none the wiser as to which one is better.

Going through life’s paces, this question somewhere stared at me during the week. And as I looked deep within, I was hit with the sheer complexity of it.

I for one, thought of myself as a heart person. I mostly tend to do what my heart / gut says, going with intuition rather than after a lot of thought / applying my mind. But it is ‘mostly’ and not ‘always’!

A few others I know up close and personal also fell into similar zones – choosing one over the other ‘most’ of the times. As much as I thought about, I couldn’t place a single person who was at either of the extremes all the time.

I didn’t get into full-on research mode, but I am guessing it will be almost impossible to place someone completely in a single category. We are by nature inclined towards one but cannot forego the other completely.

Is there a right choice between the two? I don’t know, as I will always choose the heart whereas someone who has had different experiences than me will probably lean on the other side. But we will never be able to side with our choice at all times.

In essence, it is one of those things in life which is never absolute!

In fact, if we look at many a things around, most of them are never absolute. We however try and categorise around groups, without realising that there are permeable boundaries in between.

We seek the absolute because there is comfort in knowing something sticks, in consistency, in predictability.

Life on the other hand is the complete opposite – shifting always, never settling in one direction. Always challenging us to change ourselves, to consider other sides and opinions, and to move even when there is uncertainity.

It is when we grasp this game and accept to play it as it comes, using our heart to gauge it and leaning on our head to pull us through, is when we move ahead and progress…

Win or Lose – what after the Games?

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

What is important? Is it even important to fuss over the result or is it sufficient to have just played? What to make of those who won? And those who lost? And what does all of this hold for us?

As the Olympic Games gala got over today, some of these questions floated into my mind…

These Olympic Games saw the best run ever by India, finishing with 7 medals. All of us Indians are ecstatic right now. After all, we won a Gold in a track and field event for the first time. Going with 2 silvers and 3 bronze medals, including one for Hockey which is our national sport, a lot of our champs proved their mettle.

It’s been an interesting last few weeks as I observed the commentary on the games and also had multiple chats at home and with friends on what to expect, how India is faring, good bad and ugly of Indian sports, and so on. I’m sure, for most of us, these last 2 weeks would have been in a similar zone – with sports dominating the conversations. And that too, not cricket for a change!

Depending on who you talked to, there would be different views – some focused on the personal aspects like what went behind the training of the sportsmen / women, who were they competing against, etc. And some focused on the collective aspects like is India really doing it’s best to provide facilities and infrastructure for fostering world-class sports stars, how is it that Chinese have started winning so many medals and their training regime, and so on.

You get it – most of these conversations we had were merely that. Talk of the town to berate or praise different aspects of sports without actually knowing what goes behind the scenes or what to attribute the outcome to. In fact, most of the conversations start with sports and then deviate into politics.

As with other seasonal topics, these will die down after a few days or weeks and will be replaced by other topical issues.

What I do hope remains though are the dreams that these games have given to the young ones in the country and how some of those dreams metamorphose into effort and training, leading to more glory in the coming years across different sporting disciplines.

What I also hope remains is the interest that has been generated in the other sports apart from cricket, which encourages many more kids to pick them up and many more parents to allow their children to pursue them seriously.

And what I certainly hope for is that all of us Indians start laying much more emphasis on sports as a medium of all round development for ourselves and our kids. For what is important is not to win or lose but to play well and gain from either of the experiences. Something that our kids generation definitely needs to imbibe whole-heartedly…

Only then, will the promise that we saw in these games will be translated into action not only in the sporting field but also in all aspects of our lives as a nation!

Friends

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I am not referring to the sitcom which had a reunion recently. I am talking about the real people in our lives, who make it real and fun.

1st August is celebrated as Friendship Day in India. As I got up today and saw some messages floating in, I was reminded of it. Curiously, I googled about its history and was surprised to note that it was initiated as a commercial gimmick in the 1920’s.

While it has taken more concerted efforts in parts of the world to commemorate the bonds of friendship / fellowship, I for one was taken aback by the origination story. Someone, somewhere had to thoughtfully create this day to help us all get reminded of one of the most important groups of people in our lives!

So, after sending greetings to friends across different groups, which is a newly adopted custom by most of us in this day and age of social media, I sat down reminiscing about my friends and the way they affected my life.

I had the privilege of studying in multiple places and hence had a new set of friends every few years. I had friends who were living in the neighbourhood, those who were in the school with me, and those whom I knew because of the social circle my family had.

And it was fun because while I made new friends every time I moved places, I also had an old set of friends whom I maintained communication with. So, while new bonds were built, there were old ones which made me feel special, every time I received a letter or a phone call in those days from an old friend.

A few of those friendships formed instantly, some of those built up over the years I spent with them, and some others blossomed in later parts of my life. But one thing was common – they all helped me evolve and become the person I am today.

The biggest thing for me though was and has been – friends always make me feel real and alive. Give me the assurance that there are people out there who care for me or will stand by me.

And yet, only a few of those I remain in touch with now regularly. They are the ones whom I forged special bonds with, which have stood the test of time. Some of the others are forgotten in the strands of time, in the vagaries of life, or in the ashes of the past.

However, as I sent those messages today, I realised that in the rigamarole of life, I have been sometimes guilty. Of not being in touch. Of not following up. Of taking things for granted.

Perhaps, it happened naturally and due to specific alignments during various phases of my life, nevertheless that is the truth.

Perhaps, some of them can still be rekindled. Time to give it a nudge and try then…

And more importantly, to continue being in touch with those whom I have been talking to and nurture those bonds!

Bonds…

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

…maketh a human being!

Right from the time we sound the bugle with our first wail to the time we utter our last word, there is always a bond we are making or breaking.

They range from our family to friends to teachers to neighbours to colleagues to acquaintances to anyone we are even remotely or virtually connected with.

And they pass through the hoops of joy and highs of success as well as through the rings of sadness and lows of failures.

Yet, what remains with us in the end is how they make us feel deep within – positive or negative, happy or sad, promising or disappointing!

Right from childhood, I have had special bonds with some people. Family members, friends, teachers, colleagues who made me feel special or wanted. At different points of time in my life, I would have given anything to spend time with them. To have fun, to learn, to play, to live life. Now, after all these years, while I may not be able to meet them often, or talk to them frequently, those memories remain. And the bonds sustain.

With others, not to disregard their presence, it was a weaker connection. The bonds snapped and we moved on to other things in life. Or due to some misunderstanding or circumstance or intention, the bond broke and we drifted apart. And yet, as long as it lasted, it ended up giving something to both of us.

While spending time with my family this week and celebrating our daughter’s sixth, I was reminded of this important aspect of our being. Of how the bonds we make or break as we go through our lives, define us as a person and move us forward.

And when I juxtaposed this thought with my daughter’s perspective, I realised that this is most true for children, as they grow out of the protective cocoon in the initial years. Their reactions, mannerisms, learnings, all get shaped up based on the bonds they form with the close circle of family, as well as with new people entering their expanded circle.

As a parent, it is fascinating to observe how they shape up around others and form these bonds. It is also a responsibility to not let our protective urge take over but to let them go through the process on their own and decide for themselves which bonds they want to foster.

That balance is perhaps how we shape up our bond as a parent with them and help them shape up their bond with life!

The Community Feeling…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It’s been almost one and a half years…

Since we huddled together in an office space for a meeting or gathering of the team and had disagreements and shared jokes while devouring coffee and tea.

Since we travelled together with a group of people for a trip and had a whale of a time in a new place along with them.

Since we had big celebrations or a party with friends and family where we threw caution to the winds.

Since we traveled comfortably in a public conveyance, including flights, accidentally meeting other people and making acquaintances.

Since children had a class in their school and had fun in the playgrounds or sang songs while being in the school bus.

Since housewives had their kitty parties in a club or at someone’s place, chatting up about anything and everything.

Well, for most of us!

I can go on and on with the list. The moot point though is, we have been missing the social in the animal within us. And that animal is now coming out in the open.

Sometimes, having been in isolation for so long, not able to find its rhythm in the usual social milieu.

Or sometimes being too aggressive and wanting it’s own way, come what may, as is the wont at home.

Or sometimes not knowing who to hobnob with and what to do in a new place or setting that’s unsettling.

And this is creating a void so big that it’s almost unnatural.

For as long as we have written history about our race, humans have been socially active and prospered with one another.

However, this pandemic has pulled those threads apart. In some cases, those threads have been torn or badly damaged. In some others, they are just about hanging in there.

And that’s causing a strain in relations, in companionship, in understanding other humans, in building and sustaining trust, and in a lot of other things as well.

It is a bad situation to be in. For us as individuals and as a society.

The solution, in my opinion, is that we need to remind ourselves to re-engage and re-discover others where required and to believe in and have trust in each other as much as we can. Most importantly, be our 2019 or earlier self when we are able to go out again safely, and behave and react normally.

So that, we don’t lose the most intricate and nuanced aspects of our being – our ability to form bonds and friendships and build communities, which foster our lives and our growth throughout that life!

Those forgotten gems!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There are lots of aspects in our life’s history that we cherish. Some of them are things we possessed once, some of them memories of times gone by, and some a recollection of events that happened.

These things, while from the past, always give us a smile and remind us of those good times. Keeps us in good spirits.

This week, my parents came over. And as my mother was unpacking, she took out a long forgotten relic for our daughter. Magnetic chess and Ludo game boards.

The moment I saw it, it instantly brought a smile to my face and flashes of those times when my brother and I played with them at home and during our train journeys. I was excited to see if the magnets still retained their properties and wanted to play again. And the little one was just excited to lay her hands on something which her dad used to play with!

As I thought back about this experience, I realised that in earlier days, we used to keep our stuff very carefully and preserve them for long. That meant rediscovering these treasures in the future and rekindling those memories was a possibility.

In today’s world though, we have somewhere moved on. A few of our things have gone in to the digital realm. And our attachment with those that we buy physically is lesser.

So, we throw away things which aren’t being used. Or give them away to others. And with them, go our associated memories and the chance of rediscovery.

The only things we do tend to keep for long these days are the memories that get stored digitally. Our pictures, videos, and notes.

And while, it can be argued that keeping all the obsolete or useless stuff isn’t helping much, it at least gives us the chance of remembering those times again. Whether physically storing them or digitally keeping them.

These stored relics form an important part of our life’s narrative and gives us a shot at reliving those experiences again.

And hence preserving these priceless gems as best as we can is even a responsibility that we owe to our next generations. To let them gain from life the same way we have!

Resilience

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

The capacity to recover from difficulties; toughness. That’s how the word is described in the dictionary.

It is an internal force that makes it possible for us to move ahead. In life. At any given stage.

It is what fills us with hope. Of the possibilities that lay ahead. Even when the chips are down and the path seems to have come to a dead end.

It is what gives us the strength to continue in spite of what people around us say. To us or behind us.

It is what helps us believe in ourselves when others may not. Even though we may not have all the qualifications or the experience to do it.

But only when, there is love and purpose.

For otherwise, there is no incentive, even for the most hard nosed, to rekindle that spark and forge ahead.

Only when we have love around us and for what we want to do, can we feel the passion to make things happen. Else, what we are planning to do will anyways feel like drudgery soon…

And only when there is real purpose in what we want to achieve. Though we know there could be multiple thorns lying around. And the path is too wound up and convoluted. With a great chance of failure.

Yet, most of us dream of achieving things in a jiffy. Of landing up where we want to be without much struggle or pain. Without being prepared for the many surprises that the path may throw at us.

No doubt, most times we quit. Within a short span or in the middle, when the entire plan seems stuck.

This is true for things in our personal life or at work. Whether it is being healthy and fit, or pursuing a serious hobby. Whether it is a project at work or a business plan in our head. Whether it is for ourselves or for our teams.

So, the first thing that we should ask ourselves then – “Do I have love and purpose for what I am going to pursue? Genuinely?”.

That would be half the battle won. In our minds. And on the field.

Legacy…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It is something we leave behind and hand over to the next generation.

Something that inspires a lot of people and helps them identify a meaning in all they have done through the years.

Or something that in hindsight helps us judge what we did in that particular phase of our life or work.

Well, I have always viewed the term with some suspicion. Not because I think it is over-rated but because I think it carries a negative stress in the present.

There are a few people who leave impressive legacies behind. But not because they started with that intention. They just wanted to do their best in the moment. And whatever they leave behind happens as a natural result of that effort.

On the other side, there are those who don’t bother at all about these matters and live their life without worrying about what they are leaving behind. They do their work or live their life and pass into oblivion, which isn’t a bad option in the larger scheme of things.

And then there are those who always get bothered by whether what they are doing will be enough to leave behind that impression. Now, that’s precisely the kind of negative stress I am referring to. Trying to prove a point and do something with the future in mind, without focusing on ensuring the best possible in the present.

A lot of us these days, either due to the hype around the term ‘legacy’ or because of the added pressure we put on ourselves to excel in whatever we do, land up in the third category. For some of us in fact, sometimes it gets complicated because once we start looking out into the future with one eye, the view isn’t complete in the present. And due to that stress we sometimes end up trying too hard and not being our natural self, or worse, doing things the wrong way to reach where we want to be through a shortcut.

Not something that we would recommend to any of our friends, leave along to ourselves!

As I served my last day in a company I have been with for almost 5 years and had a lengthy conversation with a senior about some of these aspects, these thoughts came into my mind…

When I dug deeper, I realised that if we look at this issue from another perspective, it is actually not what we have done and the accolades that we have bought to the table that matter. What matters is the foundation we built or built upon, and the strength of the pillars we erected during that phase of our life or work. In the present.

Are they going to sustain after we are gone? Will those, who are left behind after us, be able to live with it? Is the structure going to soar higher from where we left it?

I think that is a more pertinent way of looking at any phase of our life or work and determining the impression that we leave behind. It also gives us the luxury of focusing on the present completely without worrying about or stressing about what happens to it after we leave.

While all of us are wishful about the impact we have or may have with our actions or work or life in the future, I guess living in the present and staying focused on what we are doing in the here and now are way more important.

At least, that gives us a chance of leaving behind a legacy, if at all!

Forwards & Backwards

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Communication is a bedrock of our lives. If not for communication, we wouldn’t be half the race we are.

It helps us learn and unlearn, show our feelings whether they are positive or negative, and brings cohesion to our lives. Makes it easier for us to live with other fellow humans. Creates families and groups and fosters them.

In the present hyper-connected world, it’s become much more easier to do so. With umpteen ways to reach out to people, from messaging apps to platforms that enable all kinds of social connections, we have multiple options. And yet, often we find that communication is neglected. Or under/over-done.

This week, as I looked at my social media footprint, I figured that WhatsApp is the single most used app on my phone. I use it for all kinds of communication. Additionally, I am a part of multiple groups comprising of family, school friends, college friends, work colleagues, and so on. It’s wonderful to be one tap away from talking to anyone.

One thing troubled me though!

I realised that a lot of the groups that I am a part of, I don’t communicate within them often. Most of the messages that keep chiming in are forwards of different nature. Political discussions, information that is questionable, opinions, news items, etc. which have little direct relevance to our daily lives. In between those forwards, the group gets drowned in that noise.

Not just that. Most of these loaded forwards only create chances for loaded conversations between specific members. Some for and some against the original argument. Without the veracity being checked. Without understanding the point of view of others. And a lot of times being answered by counter arguments that are also forwards with similarly dubious origins.

Now, I am all for freedom of speech and having different and opposing viewpoints and for discussing them. But when the direction of the group becomes loaded, it doesn’t give much pleasure to the majority others who are silent spectators.

When those groups were formed, the thought behind them was to bring together people so that everyone could keep in touch. But now-a-days, there are very few groups which one is a part of, where real conversation between friends or family members happens.

For example, while some of the groups I am a part of have my family members or friends, I have consciously started ignoring the messages coming through on them. Because I don’t subscribe to the conversations happening there.

And I am sure it is true for most of us.

That’s the irony of the situation!

While we are always connected, we are being pulled backwards. Because we chose to believe in forwards and communicating based on those, rather than having real conversations with people we know and believe in…

We the People.

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Are the backbone of everything that happens…

It is people who build up a structure that moves forward to achieve the common goals.

Whether it is nations or organisations or families or groups, everything happens either for people or with people but always with them being front and center.

Yet, very often they are neglected or not paid enough attention to. In nations, in organisations and even in groups and families.

On the personal end of the spectrum, when people don’t get the feeling of being a part of the group or the family, they move out. They seek others who would make them feel special and wanted.

That’s perhaps why we always take care of those we want to keep close to us and don’t worry much about the others in the world. And that works for us because at the end, one can only manage being close to a few people.

At the collective end of the spectrum, nations do most of the things keeping in mind their people. Wanting to keep them united at all costs. And all of us, irrespective of our political inclinations or beliefs, want our community and our nation to succeed and feel strongly for it.

But when a nation fails to keep its people’s interests in mind, it starts lagging behind others. People overthrow the regime or vote it out of power. And reassert their right to be taken care of.

However, when it comes to somewhere in between the spectrum, where organisations exist, the same principles do not always apply. For an organisation is neither personal nor a community. It is a collective which is abstract in nature and bound by loose ideas which may not be agreeable to everyone.

People come in to work in an organisation or with it for their benefit. Knowing that whatever they do will at the same time benefit the organisation. And organisations also understand that nature of association.

So even if people leave, organisations survive. They are replaced by new or existing people. All for the good, of all the parties involved.

However, organisations that flourish are those that take care of their people, despite the transactional relationship. Because that is what gives its people the feeling of being wanted.

The ones that neglect their people or take them for granted or treat them as tools to achieve objectives, almost always fold up. If not in the short term then in the long run. Because people are intelligent.

And that is why it is so important to build teams, groups, and organisations in a way we build families and nations. Through trust, transparency, and respect. To make it endure. And succeed!