Observations

Being Grateful

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Being grateful is often something we talk about. How it’s an important aspect of leading a happy life.

And yet it is so difficult to feel that way constantly!

This weekend, I was speaking to my daughter about how wonderful a life she has and how she should be grateful about it.

While discussing the subject with her, I was telling her to look at the bright side of life always. As I gave her some examples of things she has, which others don’t, I realised the same holds true for me also.

Then, as the conversation progressed, and I was telling her about the numerous problems in the world and how we should be thankful that we are relatively better off, it occurred to me that this was applicable for me too.

Finally, we chatted about the notion of positivity and negativity, and how it is upon us to look at the bright side of things and lead a happy life. While she nodded, I felt like nodding too, to acknowledge this in my heart.

As she agreed with my reasoning and to keep these perspectives in mind, I couldn’t help but remember how I had had a similar conversation when I was young.

And then in a few years I had to be reminded of them again. Not because I had forgotten but because I had chosen to not remember.

It happens again and again. Every few months, I have to keep reminding myself of these truths.

Something so simple but so difficult to follow…

All in a Day’s Celebrations

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We celebrate days. We celebrate people on those days. We celebrate what those people achieved on those days.

But what we don’t celebrate enough is those same people and what they have achieved on other days of the year.

This week, as we celebrated the International Women’s Day and I checked my social media streams and general messaging getting flooded with messages, experiences, and comments, I was reminded of this stark reality.

I get it that there is a certain amount of respect that gets paid to women on the marked day. Or to mothers or fathers. Or to whoever we are celebrating.

But I find it disturbing when I hear about or observe the same set of people not keeping that feeling all through the year.

It’s as if we decide to take a short detour on our behaviour and mask our feelings for that day. And then, as soon as that short-lived, marketing-driven euphoria is behind us, we go back to our old ways. Of treating them as a second class citizen. Or of ignoring them.

Almost like we were obligated to do this once a year!

What if instead, we started believing what we are saying and doing a bit more? What if we genuinely chose to treat them as equals and not second guess them? What if we let them be in the drivers seat for any amount of time without worrying about where they are taking us?

I think it takes guts to accept we aren’t there yet as a society. We still have work to do.

We still need to believe more and trust more. And act in good faith. And not recede to where we were before.

Hopefully, sometime soon. Because, in my view, that’s the only way for us to truly rise up and get to a better, safer world.

Until that time, for those who don’t want to change or think it is beneath them, the annual celebration is a good reminder of where they came from on this earth in the first place!

Play Time

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Juhi was sitting with a sad face on the park bench. Alone.

Her friends had just gone back home but she still had to wait for a while. Her mom was outside for a quick grocery run and her dad was in the gym adjacent to the park.

At first, when her friends were leaving, she thought she could play for some more time. But then she realized playing alone in the park didn’t interest her.

So, she just sat down at a bench. Watching a couple of younger kids play near the slides.

The sadness wasn’t because her friends had gone back. It was because she thought she had more play time on hand.

Her dad saw her there sitting all alone and signalled for her to come over.

Juhi always wanted to use the gym equipment but being all of 10 years, her dad had asked her not to do so. He had explained to her that it’s not safe for little children to use these complex equipment and she had understood.

So, when today he motioned for her to come in, she was a bit surprised. However, not liking the feeling of sitting alone, she got up and walked over to the gym.

When she went nearby her dad, she felt a strong urge to hug him. Usually that meant a big thank you! Today, it meant she needed him to listen to her.

Her dad sat her down and when she spoke, he instantly understood that the reduced play time had played spoilsport with her mood.

He had almost finished his workout, so indulging her, he proposed that they play a few rounds of table tennis together. Juhi’s eyes lit up.

She had not played the game much. However, the prospect of getting some more play time with her dad was quite enticing.

That evening was one of the best ones Juhi had for a while. They only played for about 20 minutes but those moments made her enjoy and laugh much more than usual.

As they wound up and headed back home, Juhi hugged her dad again for a big thank you. He had made her evening fun.

That little extra play time was all she had needed…

The Slow Lane

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No one wants to be caught up in a slow lane. All of us want to move as swiftly as possible. Mostly.

Until, we can’t. Or maybe, in some cases, until we don’t want to.

This last week, I was contemplating the pace of life and how hectic it seems to have become!

We have all become slaves of pace. Constantly feeding on the frenzy. Be it news, views, reactions, joy, sorrow, or the many myriad emotions that now twitch at a faint hint.

So much so, when we do slow down due to a forced or a chosen reason, it seems excruciating. To the point that we want to get back on the treadmill as soon as we can.

Now, it’s common knowledge that if you continue to run and push yourselves harder, there will be a time when you will reach your limit. And will have to drop off at some point.

As I contemplated this fact more, I tried a couple of experiments on myself. One of the days, while practicing Yoga, I decided to try a module for sleep meditation.

I had to do nothing. Just lie down in Shavasana and meditate. I could hold myself still for only about 20 minutes. My mind and body gave up after that. And that’s when I hadn’t had a good night’s sleep!

Another one I tried was to do nothing during my commutes to office and back, and instead spend that time in thought on a particular topic. I could successfully only do it a few times, my mind wandering away to other things. Or worse, I took my phone to check something and the rabbit hole was waiting to consume me.

Then, as I was traveling to meet a friend on Friday evening, I saw a couple of young kids playing. They were fully engrossed in what they were doing, oblivious to the cacophony around them. It appeared as if their only purpose was to do that one thing. So refreshing!

Why have we become like this? Who’s pushing us to the wall and telling us to continue life at this frenetic pace? I guess it’s no one and it’s everyone.

It’s our choice!!!

When I look around, I see most folks are constantly busy. When I think about my own schedules, it’s relentless. If I look at most children, we have made a choice on their behalf to run harder.

The only group I see are taking it slow are the elderly. Senior citizens who have time on their hand to consider and do things as they wish to. When they wish to. And to cherish various moments through the day, not worry about taking off for the next critical thing. That’s such a bliss!

I do have a few friends, who lead a slow relaxed life. Either because they don’t have to earn for a living, or because of their life choices, have given up on this madness. And their life is much richer now.

Maybe, I will get enough conviction to emulate them one day. Until that day arrives, its back to the treadmill for another round then…

Empathy and Care

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In most things, we men are not as ripe between the ears as the women folk are…

Our wives are much better than us in most things. Our moms are way more perceptive than we can ever be. And our sisters are the elder one, even when we may have been born earlier.

I am sure there are numerous such anecdotes we can relate to. We have all heard about how women are great at making decisions or working through chaos to get to the right outcomes.

The reason? I think it has to do with empathy and care.

A few days back, as my wife and I were discussing something about our daughter’s behavior, I realized that she was looking at the matter through the eyes of our daughter. While I had been looking at it from only our eyes.

As we discussed more, and I looked deeper through her thoughts, it was all because of her empathy toward our daughter at all times.

My focus was on how our daughter should be behaving and therefore what we need to do to amend it. Whereas, my wife’s focus was on why she was behaving the way she had been and the gap that we need to fill – to help her get to where we want her to be.

We both care for our daughter and wanted to influence her toward the right path. My process was to point her directly to the path, my wife’s process was to stand with her and show her why the right path is the one to choose.

It isn’t that I am not empathetic. I think I am. But only when I want to be or when I think there is a need. She however, is so by nature.

Similarly, my mother’s perception of most situations is quite deep. Because she thinks empathetically about the people and the surroundings and cares. Whereas my father may only be looking at one angle and not considering all those aspects. I have seen it enough no. of times but hadn’t realized it until recently.

I could go on with more such examples but what I am driving to is this – most men are wired differently. We like to get to the point and stick to our opinions. We try and eliminate variables and focus on the main topic. And move on to the next problem or situation.

Women on the other hand, take their time to consider multiple things before deciding. They are not afraid to get into more complexities and while they may deviate sometimes, they always come back to the path.

Is it important then, for us men, to learn new ways? Of course, they can help us. But that’s not the point.

I think there must be contrasting views and approaches in most situations, coming from both men and women, for us to decide the best way forward. Sometimes we are right, sometimes we aren’t.

What’s important is to remember that we need not always be right. And our wife/mom/sister have an equally valid point of view, which must be considered and factored in the final decision!

Or better still, let them take the decision and follow along…

Teaming up with Analogies

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We use analogies when it’s difficult to explain something directly.

But we also use them when it’s fun or appealing to discuss the same concept but in two different walks of life.

The last few days, as I went through the motion of work and life, while also catching up with some colleagues turned friends, one word kept jumping at me.

“Team”.

And as it kept coming up, in my mind I started to draw parallels across other walks of life.

The thing that stuck with me was basketball. I don’t know why. Haven’t played it much. But it did.

A rookie in basketball first learns how to hold the ball before he can start to pass. Then he learns dribbling it with his hands, then shooting, and finally getting to a place that he can score consistently.

Teams are similar. We start as novices. Even if everyone has experience under their belt. As a unit, it’s always from zero.

Then, slowly the team starts to understand their own remits and how they interplay with each other.

After a while, if done right, the players on the team move to working with each other seamlessly, helping one another and standing in for a mate.

Only a few teams reach the highest level, where each player knows when to dribble, pass, or shoot. And keeping in mind who’s good at it, so that they play to win.

As a leader, I have experienced varied degrees of team building and operational success. Although the endeavour is always to build something high performing, it’s not always that I have reached that level.

The good thing though is, once you build a solid team, or are a part of it, that bond stays. And that carries you through for years.

Something I have been a proud beneficiary of more than once.

Just like scaling a summit gives you not just a momentary high but memories and learnings for life.

Well, here’s another analogy!

The Alter Ego

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Curtains lift up. There are two characters on stage. Abdul and someone who looks just like him.

Abdul: I have never felt this strong an urge to act. I need to take this plunge now and do something on my own.

His alter ego: Seriously? You are already doing so well in your current job with this company. Why would you want to change that?

Abdul: I have been working for so long, if I want to try something, the time is now. It may be too late otherwise.

His alter ego: Precisely. It is already late buddy. You don’t stand a chance in front of these youngsters.

Abdul: I don’t think so. I have an idea, I can build a business out of it.

His alter ego: What about the income you have coming regularly? That’s savings for your retirement kitty. Once you retire, you can then do whatever you want to.

Abdul. But I feel I am passionate about this idea and can make a difference. Besides, I have enough savings to live a decent life. In the end, if nothing works, I can resume in a job anytime.

His alter ego: And you think it will be a piece of cake? You will have to sacrifice many things. Your current lifestyle will have to be curtailed, which no one in the family will like.

Abdul: Oh, right. I didn’t think about that aspect.

His alter ego: See, I am your friend. If you listen to me, you will be safe!

Abdul: What if I talk to my family and tell them about my desire to do something of my own? I have been doing so many things for them, they ought to understand my needs too.

His alter ego: Why don’t you actually think out loud about what you want to do and find if it makes sense?

Abdul: Yes, why not? It wouldn’t hurt telling my friends and family about my idea and seeking their opinion.

His alter ego (smiling mildly): Now we are talking. Let’s do this comprehensively, and then we can take a calculated decision.

Abdul: Cool, let’s revisit the decision in a few months after I have evaluated everything.

His alter ego: Also, let’s remember, we are not going to do anything rash. Only if there’s a solid plan, will we move ahead.

Abdul: You’re right. I better be sure. I cannot jeopardise anything or anybody.

His alter ego: Back to work then, it’s time to start preparing for the office trip now, we’re out for this week. Once we come back, we will plan further.

The curtain closes. Another day in Abdul’s life…

Back to the Future

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The future is a subject of intense speculation…

It is scary. It is promising. It is unnerving. It is what we think it is.

But we plan for it with all our gusto. We lay out theories and approach it with a kind of certainty.

However, the reality is that we don’t really know what it holds in store for us. And specially for our kids.

As I was thinking about this last bit, a couple of conversations popped in my mind. With colleagues and friends about how things will be for our kids.

To make some sense to myself, I looked back to when I was a child. And how things have evolved.

Last 40 years have seen such rapid progress that most of us weren’t able to fathom back then. And yet, in our lifetime, we have seen so much change.

And that was magnitudes higher than what happened in the last 60-80 years!

If I apply the same logic, the progress over the next 10-20 years will be almost equivalent to what happened till now in my lifetime.

In such a scenario, those aspects of life that I hold true now, will they continue to remain relevant?

The society won’t be the same for sure. Bonds and relationships in the new generation will most likely evolve to be very different.

Work will exist but in probably different forms. There may be more reliance on technology, higher order work hopefully.

So, it seems to me, it is best to prepare our kids for a future which is most likely going to keep evolving. And will rapidly change. And get them to adjust and evolve with it.

We cannot be sure the degrees we hold or what are relevant today will continue to be relevant for our kids10-20 years from now.

We cannot be sure about how their subsequent work life will link to what they are studying.

What we can be sure of is that if we prep them up well, they will likely tide over those changes and be successful in life.

And that to me is the challenge we, as parents, must be prepared for!

In the moment!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We were at a school event. Our daughter and her classmates were going to perform in front of their parents.

Seated slightly far away, we were observing the kids performances relatively calmly. When our daughter’s turn came to perform, we took out our mobiles and captured it customarily on video.

Post that day, we haven’t looked at that video even once! And I am not sure if we will ever look at it again.

Except for maybe when the photos app throws it as a reminder, about what happened that day or month back in 2024. Which will be nostalgic and a memory worth preserving.

Or so it seems…

What about the actual event and why we had been there? What about capturing that memory in our hearts when it was actually happening?

That day, as well as every now and then, when there’s something happening worth watching, I see everyone zoom in on their phone cameras. Strategically positioned in front of their eyes or just above, to avoid the swarm of heads in front.

Trying to keep our hands stable, so that the video doesn’t shake, we strive to capture the happening for posterity.

But in that process, I haven’t seen myself enjoy the actual show as much. As much as when I don’t have my phone camera switched on.

Maybe it’s me. I don’t like to double task.

Or maybe it’s my rational mind. Why waste phone memory when I have the actual event captured in my mind and heart?

Or maybe it is the pressure of not doing what everyone else is doing. And how can I not follow societal norms!

Or maybe, it’s the anxiety of losing out on this moment once it’s gone and so capturing it makes more sense.

Or maybe (the last one), I do care about posterity and nostalgia and do want to save these memories forever, for some AI to notify and auto generate albums and slideshows somewhere in the distant future.

I don’t know which maybe is the correct one here. Genuinely.

Maybe (ah!), I ought to think more about when to capture and when to just enjoy what is happening in front of me. My own AI (active intelligence)!!!

Hindsight

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I have often wondered, with the wisdom of hindsight, about how I could have done certain things differently.

It seems so obvious or clear at times.

And yet, when we are in the midst of something, we don’t have the same line of sight.

So, we go with what is the best approach or the most sensible decision at that point of time. Then, when we look back, we realise whether that decision was a blunder or was fine.

This week, as I got some time to sit down with my parents and talk, we ventured into the past. And discussed how some things that we decided on panned out for us.

It was surprising for me to note that we made quite a few mistakes. But even then, overall life has turned out fine.

The most important realisation however was the fact that whatever we decided on, we did it with the right intention. And with a feeling that we are doing something because we will be happy about it. And we followed through.

Although, in hindsight, the outcome may have varied from what we desired, but the happiness out of that decision was real.

And that to me is the real treasure uncovered from all those decisions!

Being happy about having made that decision and not getting influenced by the anxiety post that decision, or the frustration of the decision not turning out well.

In this age, we often get befuddled about whether our decisions will turn out fine or not. Or what will be the outcomes.

Only if we could decide on things with purity of intention, and follow through with the right plan, we would be so much happier for it…