Observations

Back to the Future

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

The future is a subject of intense speculation…

It is scary. It is promising. It is unnerving. It is what we think it is.

But we plan for it with all our gusto. We lay out theories and approach it with a kind of certainty.

However, the reality is that we don’t really know what it holds in store for us. And specially for our kids.

As I was thinking about this last bit, a couple of conversations popped in my mind. With colleagues and friends about how things will be for our kids.

To make some sense to myself, I looked back to when I was a child. And how things have evolved.

Last 40 years have seen such rapid progress that most of us weren’t able to fathom back then. And yet, in our lifetime, we have seen so much change.

And that was magnitudes higher than what happened in the last 60-80 years!

If I apply the same logic, the progress over the next 10-20 years will be almost equivalent to what happened till now in my lifetime.

In such a scenario, those aspects of life that I hold true now, will they continue to remain relevant?

The society won’t be the same for sure. Bonds and relationships in the new generation will most likely evolve to be very different.

Work will exist but in probably different forms. There may be more reliance on technology, higher order work hopefully.

So, it seems to me, it is best to prepare our kids for a future which is most likely going to keep evolving. And will rapidly change. And get them to adjust and evolve with it.

We cannot be sure the degrees we hold or what are relevant today will continue to be relevant for our kids10-20 years from now.

We cannot be sure about how their subsequent work life will link to what they are studying.

What we can be sure of is that if we prep them up well, they will likely tide over those changes and be successful in life.

And that to me is the challenge we, as parents, must be prepared for!

In the moment!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We were at a school event. Our daughter and her classmates were going to perform in front of their parents.

Seated slightly far away, we were observing the kids performances relatively calmly. When our daughter’s turn came to perform, we took out our mobiles and captured it customarily on video.

Post that day, we haven’t looked at that video even once! And I am not sure if we will ever look at it again.

Except for maybe when the photos app throws it as a reminder, about what happened that day or month back in 2024. Which will be nostalgic and a memory worth preserving.

Or so it seems…

What about the actual event and why we had been there? What about capturing that memory in our hearts when it was actually happening?

That day, as well as every now and then, when there’s something happening worth watching, I see everyone zoom in on their phone cameras. Strategically positioned in front of their eyes or just above, to avoid the swarm of heads in front.

Trying to keep our hands stable, so that the video doesn’t shake, we strive to capture the happening for posterity.

But in that process, I haven’t seen myself enjoy the actual show as much. As much as when I don’t have my phone camera switched on.

Maybe it’s me. I don’t like to double task.

Or maybe it’s my rational mind. Why waste phone memory when I have the actual event captured in my mind and heart?

Or maybe it is the pressure of not doing what everyone else is doing. And how can I not follow societal norms!

Or maybe, it’s the anxiety of losing out on this moment once it’s gone and so capturing it makes more sense.

Or maybe (the last one), I do care about posterity and nostalgia and do want to save these memories forever, for some AI to notify and auto generate albums and slideshows somewhere in the distant future.

I don’t know which maybe is the correct one here. Genuinely.

Maybe (ah!), I ought to think more about when to capture and when to just enjoy what is happening in front of me. My own AI (active intelligence)!!!

Hindsight

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I have often wondered, with the wisdom of hindsight, about how I could have done certain things differently.

It seems so obvious or clear at times.

And yet, when we are in the midst of something, we don’t have the same line of sight.

So, we go with what is the best approach or the most sensible decision at that point of time. Then, when we look back, we realise whether that decision was a blunder or was fine.

This week, as I got some time to sit down with my parents and talk, we ventured into the past. And discussed how some things that we decided on panned out for us.

It was surprising for me to note that we made quite a few mistakes. But even then, overall life has turned out fine.

The most important realisation however was the fact that whatever we decided on, we did it with the right intention. And with a feeling that we are doing something because we will be happy about it. And we followed through.

Although, in hindsight, the outcome may have varied from what we desired, but the happiness out of that decision was real.

And that to me is the real treasure uncovered from all those decisions!

Being happy about having made that decision and not getting influenced by the anxiety post that decision, or the frustration of the decision not turning out well.

In this age, we often get befuddled about whether our decisions will turn out fine or not. Or what will be the outcomes.

Only if we could decide on things with purity of intention, and follow through with the right plan, we would be so much happier for it…

Give me more. Time.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Give me 15 seconds to explain. Or a minute to complete… How often have I heard it!

It seems as if all we want is to ask for some time when it’s run out already. Even if it doesn’t help us.

Wait. Maybe, it does? It makes our voice heard.

But what we can achieve in those 15 seconds or in a minute that we couldn’t all the while when we were in the meeting or in that situation?

Perhaps, we didn’t get a chance to speak. Or the time allotted was too short. Which are both good reasons to seek more time.

However, wouldn’t it make sense to then ask for 5 minutes or 15? Why a few meagre seconds?

Is it that we are so enamored to the concept of time that we don’t want to waste others or ours? Or is it that we are so perennially short of it that asking for more may show our greed / insensitivity?

I think it is neither but ignorance on our part. Ignorance to comprehend that we won’t be able to say something in a few seconds, that which we haven’t already said.

For, is it really possible to complete, let the other person comprehend and expect him/her to respond to what you have to say in 15 seconds?

It could also be a matter of greater complexity than originally thought. And if so, then the matter anyways needs more time and asking for a few seconds won’t help. Better to discuss in more detail when everyone has more time!

Whatever it may be, the best thing to do IMHO, is not to seek more time immediately but rather put forth your point separately – in the next meeting or when you have a chance to.

Maybe asynchronously? After thinking through deeply and then putting it forward.

For, if the matter would have been so urgent, the decision would have already been made. And if you hadn’t spoken for or against it then, likely you didn’t for a reason…

The (Road) Rage within(?)

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I recall watching a hilarious take on how traffic in India moves. It was a very good demonstration of all the wrong things we practice on the road in our country.

How we swerve to overtake, without worrying about the person behind or in front of us. How in the quest of reaching some place early, we break rules. How much we honk, as if it’s our birthright. And how we have a general disregard toward pedestrians.

After coming back to India, while driving around for the last two plus months, I have often wondered about this question – why are our worst behaviors coming out when on road?

Not that the US doesn’t have its share of such behavior. I did see a few cases when I was there. But when I compare those to India, we win handsomely. By a margin so big that I cannot even calculate!

I have been driving a car for more than twenty years. But we’ve never had the kind of insensitivity that we have now.

Earlier, there was a certain civility in the way we used to drive. The traffic was way lesser, and even though the roads weren’t as wide as now, it used to flow through pretty seamlessly. Pedestrians could coexist on one side of the road. Bikes weren’t approaching you to stomp over.

Now, everyone is in a mad rush, playing Roadrash all the time (my favorite game once :)). Not just the autos and taxis!

I have seen people not yielding to pedestrians even though there is not much room to move forward. I have seen bikers zoom past zigzagging at high speeds like they were playing a video game. I have heard countless and useless horns, without a need for them mostly. And I am sure I have been abused multiple times, by someone in a different vehicle…

But the worst part is not that. It is as if we don’t care anymore. We are just trying to get by, wading through the labyrinth, unhinged by what we leave in our wake.

All this makes me wonder if this behavior is just happening on the road or is it playing out in our minds. Are we so frustrated at life on the road that we take it out on the machine and on the fellow travelers? Or are we genuinely so pressed for time always that even a second’s delay isn’t affordable?

In our quest for survival and winning at all costs, we are taking it to an extreme everywhere? Or is it the lack of discipline and enforcement that’s letting us become the worst version of ourselves?

Whatever it is, I feel just like so many things around us, there is something that we must do about it. That I must do about it. It may not amount to much but at least it allows me to have a good feeling about my behavior.

The hack to conform to my own principles? Switch on some music, focus on staying in the lane, and drive with the same respect that I would accord to others in the US. One good thing that I carried with me…

For those who help us!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We are spoilt. There are too many folks helping us all around. Be it at our homes, offices, or in general across the society.

And yet, we don’t pay enough attention towards them. We don’t care much about who they are or how they are, only about what they do for us. And if it is done well.

This past week, three instances threw me into this side of the brooding pond, with questions like these.

The first one was at the office, where my company celebrated the Independence Day by inviting the support staff at the office to take the limelight and showcase their talent. Quite something, I must confess!

As I served some of them during the ensuing lunch, it allowed me a closer look at who they really were. I believe I have always been respectful to them while at the office, but that afternoon gave me a chance to observe them from close quarters, cheer for them as they performed, and serve them to show my gratitude.

What I saw was normal, regular folks, who had the same demeanour, similar preferences, and probably same aspirations. They are just in the role they are in today because of certain circumstances. But they deserve equally the same level of respect and courtesy as others around us.

The second one was when I was going through the process of hiring a driver for ourselves. I went through trials with a couple of recommendations. Post that, when I had to finally make a choice, it wasn’t an easy decision.

I had to weigh in their performance behind the wheel, their behaviour while being around, and their soft skills. As I thought through the final choice, I realised my decision had a bearing on not just my experience in those 30 minutes but also had a bearing on the person’s life and of those associated with him.

In the end, I decided based on not only the overall driving experience but also the personality and the real person behind them, as much as I could gauge during my interaction.

The third one was the flag hoisting and celebrations within my community. I saw smartly turned out security guards and helping staff, putting together a fine assembly and ceremony.

During my interactions with some of them this week, I got to know a few of them better and realised they were doing all they could to deliver the best on their job. And took pride in how they do it.

It made me realise that the only reason I can be confident about my community’s security, smooth functioning, cleanliness, and so many other things is because of all these people. And they deserve to be respected and supported for what they do for us.

These experiences made me question myself about how I look at those who serve me, help me, support me through my life. Am I being a good fellow human being to them? Or am I considering it my birthright to be served and helped so?

Hopefully, I am doing the right thing. And hopefully, I continue to do the right thing…

Second chances

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Our brains are small. Our hearts are smaller…

We are not hesitant in calling out mistakes or pointing misses…

We are very reluctant in accepting that we were the one who made one!

This week, while discussing a professional helper, me and my wife were talking about how he had done a good job the first time but his output had not been up to the mark recently. As we talked about it, I realized it wasn’t a great thing to do.

The person was probably having a bad day. Maybe, he had some other problem due to which he didn’t do as good a job as before. Or maybe he did the first one better by mistake.

Whatever the case, I argued, we shouldn’t be passing judgement on his capabilities this quickly. His output the first time deserves a recall again. We agreed to take his service once more and the conversation ended.

As I was thinking about it later that day, I realized this happens with us almost all the time. Whether it is work or home, we tend to categorize and label other folks far too quickly. Or worse, change our opinion quite soon. Without really giving the person benefit of doubt. Without allowing for any off days.

But when it comes to ourselves, we expect one more chance. Always. Even when we have made mistakes after mistakes. Because, we probably still genuinely want to do better. But the person on the other side doesn’t believe so. And we lose our chances sometimes.

The same is true in our public dalliances too. We are very forgiving of our own mistakes or misdemeanors but when it comes to others, expect them to always show up at the top of their game.

What if we became slightly more tolerant of deviations and really looked past the last report or day’s work, to evaluate how the other person had done so far? A good performer does need to be given some bit of an allowance. A second chance.

I think it will do us a world of good. We will stress less about doing everything right but still will generally do the right thing. We will focus more on ensuring positive outcomes consistently rather than worrying about completing the next iteration successfully.

And that will result in not only a happier but a more relaxed life. For all of us. I believe…

“The Eye of the Beholder”

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This ain’t no Rocky Balboa inspired post. It is but for sure one inspired by recent travels…

The last week, as we roamed around a couple of national parks in the US Midwest, one point repeatedly came across. What do I, or anyone, perceive what they see or experience?

The answer I landed up with repeatedly was that the beauty of the sight or the richness of the experience lay in the eyes of the beholder.

A couple of instances crossed my mind as those words came through my mouth the second time.

The first was a flashback to when I used to travel a lot in trains. I was fascinated by the countryside and would often stand near the gate or stare out the window, soaking in the beauty. Most people didn’t find it as interesting. But I did.

The second, was when I had to close my startup and get back to working in a regular job. For most, it might seem like a massive failure. Yet, what I experienced and how that built my character is so rich, I cannot even explain in words.

As I thought about and uttered the phrase, it occurred to me that my perception will of course be different than anyone else. And it should be. For that is how we maintain our individuality and our self.

Even then, we don’t value other perceptions enough. We label our understanding better than someone else’s. We call out those who deviate from the norms that we believe in, discounting their originality.

When we fall in this trap, which is almost every time, we land up in a tight spot. One where we no longer absorb new things and where we antagonise others.

Perhaps, sometimes it is warranted. But is it every time?

The “Me” Question

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

How would you describe yourself to someone?

This isn’t a self cantered question that I am asking of myself. It is a deeper reflection on how we come across as an individual to others.

We start in the unbridled, unhindered category. We are ecstatic to begin communicating while growing up and use any and every opportunity to make ourselves felt.

Right from our young age, we strive to talk and share. And we do so without any filters, without worrying about how we come across, and what’s our audience. It also helps that most folks we talk to in that age are close family and friends, not someone we want to hide from.

Then, as we start growing up, we realise that there are times when hiding our true feelings or being vague is beneficial for us. We do it a few times. Still, we are our authentic selves.

We pride being with like minded people, having friends who care for us, and a family that dotes on us. This all gives us confidence to continue speaking true and right.

However, this touch gets lost as our adulthood advances. We become more and more careful about what we want to reveal or hide. We use facades where necessary, whether professionally or personally.

And this removes us from the reality quite a bit. It also doesn’t help that most people we are surrounded by are acquaintances who we don’t know well or don’t trust enough.

We remain the same authentic self in front of our childhood friends or family but those are only a few days or moments. The heavy tilt towards our alter egos takes a toll on us. We begin to push the envelope on what’s real vs what’s made up about ourselves even with those who we know well.

Soon, the only difference that remains between the true self and the alter ego is what we retain in our heart. And that too contracts as time passes by.

By then our children are growing up and keenly observing us. We would have had the opportunity to pass on a more authentic outlook to them but we are too far down the road to do that now.

They too observe and learn how to not be authentic when it’s to one’s liking or advantage. Just like we did from our parents when we were teenagers. And the cycle repeats…

What if we decided to be true to ourselves and leave our facades behind? How would that change our and our children’s future choices and outcomes?

Maybe the fork in the road is now. Better late than never…

I am however, still grappling with this question even though the benefits are quite clear!

“Coloured”

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Deep was sitting at the sea shore, not believing himself. His group of friends had just fought between themselves and dispersed.

They had all been friends through middle and high school. Most of them for the entire time, except for Kavya.

Kavya had joined them in ninth grade and had soon become thick with most. He had an easy charm and was very good with words.

While Deep had welcomed Kavya in the group, he never got too close with him. Kavya tried a couple of times but Deep didn’t feel comfortable when he started raising points around skin colours, religion, social status etc. So, he had kept his distance.

Others weren’t so bothered. They knew Kavya came from a wealthy family and regularly lent his newest toys and gadgets to his friends. They all wanted to partake in that feast.

At first, it all seemed harmless. The gang was just having fun, and with Kavya’s generous attitude, they could do many more things.

But then, one day Kavya denied Romil his new headphones. He jokingly told him, “you cannot speak English fluently, how will you listen to my English song collection”. Others let it pass, not really bothering about correcting the bias.

Another time, he openly made fun of Karthik for his skin colour and religious beliefs in front of a couple of other group members. Again, everyone kept quiet. No one wanted to upset Kavya.

This behaviour continued but neither Deep, nor anyone else had the gumption or the sense to counter Kavya. Soon, it became the norm.

Kavya had once imitated Deep too and that had not gone down well with Deep. When he confronted Kavya, others in the group asked him to calm down and not take it seriously.

But as time progressed, the fissures within the group grew. Those who had been singled out, including Deep, felt wronged. And that feeling was not just for Kavya, but for others in the group too who had sided with him.

Deep had felt a sense of frustration in himself about his group of friends. He still continued to hang around with them because he considered them well.

But Kavya’s behaviour had rubbed off on others. Anand had reduced his interaction with Arif due to his religion. Jose had suffered bias at the hands of Bijoy due to his caste. Even Deep had felt unease about Romil’s non-vegetarian preferences. The group was starting to show fissures.

However, today was the worst. Kavya had openly made fun of people and that had led to Deep and Romil launching a tirade against his behaviour. Some others had opposed it even as Kavya threatened them.

Then, unimaginable to anyone, he kicked and punched Romil, who was standing nearby. Deep and Karthik in turn grabbed him and kicked him. Soon, everyone was fighting each other.

After a full ten minutes, some onlookers had separated the boys. The ‘friends’ had cursed each other and left. Only Deep continued to sit there, longing for an explanation about how it had come to this.

Then he recalled how he and the others had tolerated the initial bad behaviour. And how they had been coloured with how that behaviour was acceptable…