Observations

“Fear”

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We always want to succeed. But we often fail. Why does that happen? And what does it consciously or sub-consciously teach us?

These questions swirled in my mind as I was watching my daughter yesterday evening.

She was fearlessly trying gymnastic routines that she has been learning. Without the fear of falling or getting hurt. As I saw that, I recalled my own younger self playing with cousins, jumping on the ground from low heights, fearlessly oblivious to any potential hurt.

The kind of things that we did as kids! Without giving it a second thought. Without worrying about the consequences of a move gone wrong.

Most importantly, without fear of what would happen!

We used to say, let’s try. And if we failed, we just got up, dusted ourselves off, and probably had a go at it again. Until either we mastered the swashbuckling move we were trying, or were warned off by someone elder to us.

We wouldn’t stop and analyze what went wrong for a long time. We wouldn’t think about quitting because we didn’t succeed the first time. We wouldn’t give up so easily just because we didn’t know enough.

But now, as a grown up, we do that often.

We balk at the unknown all the time. We make calculated moves because we think it’s not worth risking things. We limit ourselves because we don’t want to stand out, we want to blend in.

And yet, we are none the wiser. We are far more conservative in our approaches, often short-sighted, and at times frustrated about our limitations.

Well, life happened and we faced enough failures through our journey that we started fearing a lot of things. We started obsessing about what shouldn’t go wrong. And what we shouldn’t do.

What if we keep that experience aside and instead adopt the approach we took in our childhood?

Go at things unhindered, without the fear of failure. Without the fear of “what if”. Without the fear of embarrassment. And without stopping when we meet obstacles or when our plans don’t go as we wanted them to.

Without wanting to succeed at all costs.

I believe we will do ourselves a world of good. And to those around us. By challenging ourselves and others, we will unearth more within us.

For what is life, if we don’t try enough…

Context and Culture

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It is fascinating how we view culture. Through our eyes and based on our past experiences. But do we miss the context sometimes?

I recently had an interesting experience that forced me to think in this direction…

This happened when we went to buy new phones for ourselves. It was a pending item on our list, and we took out sometime this week to check new iPhones at a nearby Apple store.

We have bought iPhones from an Apple store in India. So we were expecting a similar experience here in the US.

In India, I recall my interactions about 4 months back, when I took my sister-in-law to get her a new iPhone. The sales guy gave as much attention he could not only to explain the product to us but made sure he stayed with us till the time the transaction was closed. This, even when there were other customers in the store, checking out the phones or other products. Maybe, he had a knack of figuring out which customer would ultimately purchase, as I observed him quickly floating in and out of the conversation with us, and helping close the sale. But I was impressed that he could devote so much time to a single customer.

In the US, while we got attention from the sales rep at the store, she had others to attend to as well. Then, as we were taking our own time to decide, she got engaged with another customer. When we were ready to complete our purchase, she was indisposed and had to put us in a queue with a wait time of 30 minutes. We respected the process but as we wanted to trade in our devices only after duly transferring everything, we decided to instead order the phones online.

Eventually, Apple got our money for one of their products. However, I couldn’t help but wonder at the seemingly easy-going approach of the sales rep. I was almost going to classify her as being too high-handed but then realized that people here respect that they may not have someone’s attention all the time and are ready to wait their turn. That’s the culture they are accustomed to.

Now, I am no one to judge which system is better and am definitely not inclining toward any particular culture. All kinds of systems and cultures can work, provided they match the context and expectation of the constituents. But it is interesting to understand why these differences exist.

Imagine someone in India adopting the US approach to sales! He wouldn’t just risk losing the customer but will also most definitely get negative remarks on his scorecard. So, he will go all out to secure the business he sees on hand.

And specially if he is dealing with luxury products, like an iPhone, he will be expected to devote as much time to the customer as she needs. It will otherwise be considered rude and unbecoming of him. Plus he always will have this at the back of his mind that the customer can go and get another phone (or even the same phone) from a different shop next door. There’s just hyper competitiveness, fueling the need to be on top of the game at all times.

In the US, I presume the customer is walking in to the store knowing that they will need time to make a purchase. And they don’t have as many stores to purchase their phones from, for sure. So, the amount of competitiveness is lesser. More importantly, Apple being the dominant brand in the US, the brand recall is higher. It has hundreds of people walking in all day into their stores and the sales system works for most people and allows them to sell efficiently.

Difference in context, which leads to different cultures!

If a US citizen visits India and heads to a mobile shop, she will most likely feel that this sales person is behind her to buy the product, when in fact he would only be acting like he would with most customers. She will be coming from her experience and expectations and the sales person will be coming from his. Just like me, who was expecting a different experience but ended up with another.

The revelation? It is very easy to label cultures, to call out things that are not as per expectations, to make fun of those ‘other’ people. It is however in most cases not the entire picture. We need to look deeper into the context of the other person/party to understand where they are coming from and to respect their culture.

That is if we are trying to be genuine…

A Special Day…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Dusk had set in, with the sun ready to go down behind the horizon. And yet, as she pulled up into the parking lot, the lady of the house felt as if she had lived through an entire day.

With a couple of young kids, all the workplace stuff, as well as household chores to take care of, she had her hands full on the best of the days. Ever since they had moved to this new place, it had become even more hectic for her.

Parking the car, she knew that the kids would have been back from their after-school classes, waiting for her to reach home. Her husband would be busy as usual with his official calls, wrapping up work. There was still the evening dinner to take care of and then some more things before the day ended.

Before she entered the house, she sat in her car in the parking lot. It was as much to take a breather as to prepare herself for the remaining few hours in that long day.

After a few still minutes, she gathered her belongings, locked the car, and walked up to her apartment. There were a few people walking around on their evening stroll who she nodded to greet along the way.

Outside the door, she stopped for a while. There was no noise from inside the house and the lights were switched off. Could it be that her husband had taken the kids out for some play time or for running an errand? Would give her a few more minutes of solitude for sure, she thought.

Then, as she got in and switched on the light, a surprise awaited her. Her husband jumped out from behind her and embraced her. Her children, hiding away in one of the bedrooms, came running toward her shouting “Momma”, and joined their dad and mom. And then, all of them started to sing the birthday song!

The lady couldn’t understand. It wasn’t her birthday for sure. Nor it was anyone else’s at home…

When the song came to an end, she realized that it was actually the day they had moved into their new home a year ago. They were all wishing each other for completing a year in their new home.

More surprises awaited her. She was escorted to the dinner table, which was laid out with her favorite Thai food. Her husband served food while the children got out a cake. They made her feel like a queen, taking care of everything.

After the dinner was done with, they all sat down in the living room. The children got out a collage of various pictures they had taken during the time they were setting up the house. It was a good reminder of all the effort that had gone in to set it up.

She was overwhelmed and thanked them all for the evening. They just smiled and thanked her for doing all she had to turn that house into a home. And then revealed that they had been planning this for a while without giving her any hint.

That night, she slept with a smile on her face. Content with the recognition received. And happy about the achievement of having converted the house to a home.

What’s with the Age?

~ Rishi ~ 3 Comments

We have progressively started living longer lives. But what does it mean to age?

The past week, there were two instances which forced me to think in this direction.

The first one was when my daughter asked a great question, something kids are privileged with. It went something like “why do you need to work on a laptop”?

The second one emerged from a casual conversation with a colleague about how the world has changed for us over the last 25 odd years. And that means most things we do today are done in a different way than when we were born.

As I thought about it, I started looking at my life and how it’s progressed and then to make things more interesting, looked at it from my parents lives.

Imagine someone born in the 50’s in India. Didn’t have radio as a widely used medium, mostly consuming information through newspapers. As she grows up, most interaction is limited to immediate family or neighbourhood.

Then, once she reaches college, she starts to listen to radio and watching more cinema in the theatres. She gets an occasional new thing in her life like a watch or maybe takes a trip to different places to learn.

Years later, well in her 20’s she discovers television, refrigerators, and some bit of computers if she is lucky. But the usage is limited to occasional.

It’s only in her late 30’s that she learns about the Internet. She gets to know how to operate a microwave oven and a washing machine. And a car really becomes a regular vehicle of choice.

With the turn of the century, in her 40’s, life changes as the mobile phone becomes ubiquitous. Internet becomes comprehensible and working on computers becomes the main thing for most office goers. International vacations become widely affordable.

But it’s not until probably in her 50’s that this lady discovers a smartphone. Facebook and video calls. YouTube and WhatsApp. Connected cars and live streaming enter the lexicon in her 60’s.

This lady who is inching towards her 70’s now, has come a long way. And she has had to adapt every step of the way to new things that she couldn’t even imagine as a child. Learning and unlearning, adjusting and accommodating.

For us born in the 80’s or 90’s, most things today seem like a natural progression. But if we think through this lady’s perspective, we realise most of these are way too much to handle.

Yet, our parents handle them on a daily basis. Enjoying the process of getting to know new stuff. Sometimes befuddled, sometimes bemused, but mostly a sport.

And that’s the essence of aging beautifully in today’s material world. Adapting, learning, letting go of things but still holding on to the older self, exploring new things with a keen mindset, and being ready for new experiences.

Perhaps with a new set of questions that we need to ask our kids and grandkids as we make sense of the changes about to come…

When Input != Output

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There are times when we seek inputs. Or provide them to others. On myriad things.

Do we consider whether those inputs are really helpful? To get the right output? Or are they ineffective?

A couple of weeks before, me and wifey were discussing about how we need to provide better inputs to each other. Not just call each other out when something is wrong but also appreciate when something’s going right.

And then over these two weeks, I came across a couple of more situations where I realised the ‘input’ was a problem…

Well, at work and in our personal life, we often view things from our perspective and then help others understand what we are saying and why.

These perspectives, in our viewpoint, help the other person in whatever they are seeking our help on. Most times it is innocuous and good-hearted advise on what to do or not to do.

But we tend to go astray every now and then…

For sometimes, we provide unsolicited inputs. While they make us feel good, they don’t help either the person on the other side, or us. It only shows our eagerness to jump in without a need and isn’t appreciated.

Or other times, we provide solicited inputs even when we aren’t completely aware of the topic or aren’t confident enough. But we go with the flow, not wanting to miss a chance. Doing this, we only risk our reputation and authority in things we actually know.

And then there are times when we provide inputs just because we think we can. Because either the person on the other end is a junior or a child, or because everyone else has something to say. This, while going largely unnoticed, reduces the effectiveness of our future inputs to that same person.

Oh one more. We tend to provide more inputs and advise when we see something wrong or not good enough. We do that from a point of concern or to help out but if done quite often, can also come out as belittling.

What if instead we take our word to be precious and only speak when we are really being asked and when we know we have enough understanding of the subject at hand?

I have seen a few people do that consistently. And I always believe they are better off. By being choosy, they are being genuine. And also come off as someone you can depend on. You respect them.

Time then to reconsider where I stand to give my inputs and whether to give them or not. At work, at home. In all things that I do.

After all, why shouldn’t I try and retain my authenticity, regain my mental balance, and remove any false sense of superior knowledge from my being…

Needs and Wants…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Needs and Wants were two simple kids. Always ready to mingle and be a part of any group. They were always excited, full of questions in their minds, and ready to go places.

They were the best of friends, virtually inseparable. However, as both started growing up, their personalities started differing.

Needs retained his simpleton nature, happy in the small things of life. His mantra was live with what you have and enjoy life. Instead of worrying about other things that people have, share and work together. And make them feel satisfied about the small wins.

Wants became ambitious. He was always focused on how to excel. How to superimpose his questions on others and create islands of doubts and desires. And how to be persistent in going after something and get it anyhow.

Soon, due to these differing natures, they started drifting apart. They were still friends with each other but the glue holding the bond had become weak.

People around them still thought of them as kids but in their minds they had grown up. Naturally, they started influencing the kids around them considerably.

Needs and his core group of new friends found pleasure in small things. They were always a satisfied lot, only concerned about the bare essentials. With an attitude of focusing on what’s absolutely required, they transformed into a simple teenager.

Wants and his core group on the other side were focused on more. All the time. Their ambition led them into many things, a lot of them positively good but also a few things that weren’t desirable.

As time passed, Needs and his group realised that they also had to have some ambition. After all, what fun was life if they couldn’t aim for a few things also.

Almost simultaneously, Wants and his group also realised that they ought to enjoy some simple pleasures and not always be riding on the jet of tomorrow.

With this realisation, both decided to merge their groups. Needs and his friends wanting new experiences and ambition in life getting that. Wants and his friends needing simple things being able to enjoy those.

As the groups started to mingle with each other, it created some nice surprises. Like when a Wants group boy became too close to a Needs group girl and they loved and lived happily ever after. Or when two girls from either group found they had a lot in common and complemented each other, only to discover they were distant cousins.

But this amalgamation also meant a few disappointments. Like the time when a Wants boy discovered that he badly wanted to be a Needs boy and in the process confused himself for life. Or when a Needs boy remained cocooned in his shell instead of responding to the advances of a Wants girl, foregoing what would have been a great pair.

Time passed, this group of teenagers grew up. Some of them who formed new bonds between themselves and discovered a balance, had great fun. Those who went to the extremes, suffered through their young age.

In general, those who were clear in their head had a good life and those who were confused, remained unsatisfied all their life.

Years later, much after this group had yielded to nature, as their story kept being told, it became a fable. About how we need to balance between needs and wants to be successful.

A few decades passed and it transformed into a belief. And a century later, it became intertwined with how people viewed life. Full of possibilities, rooted in reality.

But as centuries passed, the message of maintaining a balance got lost and twisted. What had started as a beautiful intertwining of the present and the future got all mixed up.

And as the modern world took shape, it’s inherent confusion seeped into the basic understanding, with people often mistaking a need for a want and vice-versa.

And losing their sleep and life over something which ought to have been balanced…

Service matters…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We often miss the forest for the trees. Those trees may be wonderful in the short term but the forest is the real deal in the long term!

This week a personal experience got me thinking about this trait of ours and how by not following it we may be better off…

As it happened, to ease my commute to different parts of the Bay Area in the initial days, I went for a car rental. It was the best choice for me and also seemed apt considering I would be able to test drive cars of choice and decide on which one to buy.

The first week, I booked a car through Expedia and as I went in to pick it up, the executive at the counter turned out to be very friendly. Al (his short name) patiently explained me various options and made sure he gave me enough time to let my transaction through.

As I left the counter, he gave me his no. and asked me to call him in case of any issues. I had a good experience and got a good car thanks to his word to the delivery team.

After the week passed, I decided to get another car to try out a different model. However, owing to last minute bookings, I couldn’t get it from the same company and had to opt for a pricier option with another company.

While I had the guy’s contact details, I didn’t want to just call him out of the blue. But I went in after returning my car to the counter to see him. He recognised me and waved.

I was quite surprised that he could remember me. He must be dealing with so many people on a daily basis, sitting as he is at the airport counter.

Happy to see him, I went ahead and generally chatted with him. I was sure there was no other option for me at that company, having checked the availability online.

However he again surprised me. He asked me if I had a car already and when I replied in the negative, asked me if I still wanted another rental. I told him I had tried but couldn’t find any suitable option.

He requested me to stay put and called up a couple of people internally to arrange for a new car at the same price that I was paying earlier. He also helped me get the other booking cancelled and again put up with me all that while to complete the transaction. As we wound up, he told me he will put in a word to extend the rental at the same terms, if I choose to.

As I left his counter for the second time in seven days with a smile, I couldn’t help but wonder why we don’t have more such people across the board.

He could have chosen to ignore me or could have told me that there’s no car available or charged me higher. But he chose to give his time and put in efforts beyond what he was asked to do. That’s something we don’t come across often!

These are people who choose to delight, go overboard every time, treat others with a great sense of responsibility, and make the place a good one to do business with! They and their likes don’t just help put a smile on a customer’s face but gain them for life. And whether we believe it or not, form the backbone of any operation.

Only if all of us could be like them and do everything with a great sense of ownership and a friendly approach, the world would be so much more than a better place!

Faith

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

Children have special questions. Some which we can answer, some which we aren’t able to.

This past week, my daughter had a lot more free time than usual, and one day caught hold of me to ask a few of those difficult questions.

She began her questioning on the lines of how did the universe come into being. That diversified into how did humans evolve, ending with one on God and why we follow whom we follow.

Now, some of these were easily answerable for me from a scientific perspective. But as we got onto the theological plane, I had to think harder until I couldn’t any more!

We somehow got distracted and that conversation didn’t reach its logical conclusion…

We were at my in-laws place, Deoghar, in northern India. It’s known for being one of the twelve Jyotirlingas, special temples of lord Shiva. There are also a few other important historical sites nearby. So, two agenda items for the weekend were a visit to a nearby tourist spot and of course to the temple. Unknowingly, those trips proved insightful!

The spot we visited, Mandar hill, has a special role in the Hindu mythology. It’s believed by the locals that this mountain was used for the “Samudra Manthan”, or the churning of the oceans, that took place between Devas (Gods) and Asuras (Devils).

On the way back, I read out the story from Wikipedia to her, describing how the entire mythological tale panned out. As I read it (and would recommend for a lot of us who only know the term and not the story), I realised that it was heavily loaded in favour of the winning side. Seemed just like most other world history.

Then, in spite of I being weary of going to temples with large crowds, this time, I decided to take the risky bet. With some encouragement, I visited the Baidyanath temple, the Jyotirlinga.

It’s always been overcrowded and very congested and hence not to my liking. But since I had not been there for the last 10 years, I thought it will be good to seek some blessings. As it turned out, it was also a great exercise in observation.

From the time I set foot in the temple premises, I could feel two distinct vibes. One of the devotees who would do anything to get close to the lord they believe in. And the other of the priests who wanted to take advantage of that faith in whichever form and fashion. Don’t want to comment on the social fabric here, so I will cut out that bit.

Nevertheless, it was an eventful morning for me. As I walked out after offering our prayers, I realised that we have always been intricately intertwined with the beliefs and faith we follow.

The stories we are told and believe in, more than anything else, must have been spawned by the need to increase faith amongst people. That was perhaps the force that kept those medieval people together.

In modern times, it is the places of worship and the religious traditions we follow that probably help us stay together and chart a common course through our lifetimes.

Immense pride, love, respect, and the social compass keep us rooted into these traditions. And the belief and faith that these traditions invoke, help us stay together as a society and a community through generations. After all, what is religion if not a mechanism to align people to a common, shared perspective!

Ah, there is the answer to my daughter’s question…

‘The Human Touch’

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We are all human. Well, most of the time!

We want to socialize while seeking solace, we can’t live without others being around while also fighting with them, we love and hate others in equal measures for the same thing. We thrive in these dichotomies.

It’s a trait we remind ourselves about quite often. Mostly in reference to others, like, while mentioning how others ought to behave as humans while we can behave like we want to…

However, over the past couple of decades, the human element around us has been getting depleted. With some help from the internet, we are fast becoming averse to being around others, talking to them, taking help from them, and more than anything else trusting them.

We have instead started becoming more comfortable with being remote, chatting / texting, being on our own than amidst others. While, this has some benefits and brings a lot of efficiency in our daily lives, it also has some down sides.

This week, on more than one occasion, I observed instances which made me realize this side of the boundary-less world we have built for ourselves.

In the first instance, for an outstation visit, I preferred booking a cab through an online portal rather than calling up a known person in the city. I actually went through the process of identifying the cab owner’s contact no. who had provided good service earlier but stopped short of calling him. I instead chose anonymity of the new cab owner that the online platform would bestow on me because I wasn’t sure if the earlier person would again offer me a good rate / service when I wanted convenience and predictability.

As it happened, when I landed in the other city, the person who picked me up was from the same cab company. He mentioned to me how they had served me during my last visit also and requested me to call them directly for any future requirements. He in fact mentioned that I could have just called them directly this time around and they would have given me a better offer,

I hesitatingly accepted his offer, realizing that if I had just trusted them enough, I would have got a better deal for myself!

The second instance occurred while having lunch with a friend today. As is our ritualy, we caught up and chatted about myriad things for a couple of hours. The place where we were sitting was full of people with a singer belting out contemporary hits with all her vigor. We both wondered about why the restaurant had kept the speakers at such a high volume, where practically we had to shout to be heard.

But then, as I got up toward the end and was walking out, I realized that on most tables, people were sitting together but glued to their mobile phones, than engaged in a conversation. So, the music wasn’t a botheration at all. It in fact, was helping ease the uncomfortable setting that some of them were finding themselves in! So much for a lunch…

Perhaps the fault lies with us. Each one of us. By making technology an integral part of our lives, we have slowly become not only reliant on it but also caught up in its traps. Like the master turning into a slave.

Maybe, time to think about the role both of us play, unless this dichotomy caused by the blurring of the online and offline worlds around us costs us in the future…

Livin’ on the Edge!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This post is in fond remembrance of the roller coaster. Not that amusement parks have gone anywhere but it’s been ages since I visited one, so apt for me to pay my respects.

And not just because I want to go to such a place. Of course, who wouldn’t want to forget all worries and be childlike for those brief moments when you experience bliss (unless you’re freaking out about the possibility of a loose screw somewhere!).

It’s also because thanks to a few planned and unplanned trips, this past month made me remember the good old roller coaster again!

You see, when you travel on roads in India, that’s the feeling you live with all the time. Who said we don’t know how to have a good time. We do it every day of our lives.

As has often been written and mentioned, driving on Indian roads is an art. It’s one that all of us learn pretty much as we grow up and only hone as we get older.

It’s like an enthralling, never ending ride. You keep swerving and swooshing all around. Sometimes out of choice. Sometimes out of compulsion to avoid hitting someone. And sometimes just so that you remain alert while driving!

So, as it happened during my trips, I was mindlessly observing how most people drive. Sitting on the other side of the driver gave me all the time in the world to indulge in this guilty pleasure. And then I observed some more as I drove around town recently.

Well, most of us Indians drive crazily. Period. We don’t know what is a straight line, what is a lane, what are signals for, what is meant by road signs, why there needs to be space between two vehicles, why we need to drive on one side of the road if it doesn’t have a divider in between to separate up and down traffic. The list is endless.

But this is still ok. Our best behaviour is around a signal. When we all are supposed to come to standstill. It’s almost as revealing as attempting a psychometric test. Let me try to explain.

As soon as we near a signal, if it’s a green light, we want to cross over come what may. Even if that means running over someone. Or jumping the signal just as it’s changing colours. We pride ourselves on the ability to beat the timing. After all it’s all about living on the edge…

Even better is when the signal turns red. The vehicles come to a screeching halt. And then everyone starts swerving here and there. As if standing at one place is a crime. The bikes navigate every possible angle to squeeze into any open spaces. It’s like water taking the shape of the maze and filling up all the vacant areas. We don’t leave even an inch. Because of course why waste space! And don’t you forget, the marginal gain is much higher than the few seconds we would lose being two steps behind.

As the signal turns green and we start again, we start to play hide and seek. Swerving and changing lanes at will without any indications, driving as close to each other as possible with absolutely no margin for errors (we are born Schumachers!), honking mindlessly, swearing unconsciously. Mimicking a hungry snake trying to make its way through the ground, wanting to catch its prey at any cost.

Until we reach our destination, we keep up this behaviour. Because no one likes changes, you see. And then as we park and get out, we mention to ourselves “Indian traffic is getting worse by the day”…

For us, it was a hectic but satisfying ride. After all, we beat 3 autos and 5 cars to our destination. To an uninitiated onlooker, it might have been the best example of living on the edge. And how not to drive…