Personal

Suitability

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We Indians have many pre-conceived notions and beliefs. Some due to our traditions and some due to age old practices that are still prevalent today.

One of the biggest notions that I have encountered is that of getting girls married as early as possible. Even now, when girls are breaking all barriers and leading in most fields they chose to operate in, there is still this unsaid undercurrent that runs in most Indian families.

It is as if the prime responsibility of being a girl is to ensure that you get married. Hence, parents start searching for a suitable match as soon as they can and don’t sit still unless they find one. Or in a lot of cases now, until they accept the choice that their daughter has made for herself.

And while there are a few cases of girls choosing to marry when they believe is the right time for them, or placing career over marital decisions; in most cases, the tradition continues…

Therefore, those parents, who choose to let their daughters be and instead of pressurising her to get married, wait for the right time, unperturbed by the traditions and pressures of the society, deserve a special thank you.

For letting their daughter not be bogged down by an unworthy choice or a compromise. For letting her chart her own path in life. And for believing that even if she doesn’t get married, it doesn’t matter and is not the end of the world for her, for she has far greater powers in her to live a worthy life.

Because more than anything else, suitability is determined not by what the family wants but what the daughter wants. Unless she finds someone suitable and worthy enough to spend her life with, the family ought to support her choices and stand behind her. And even if she doesn’t find someone suitable, it’s fine.

I have seen a few cases in my family and have immense respect for them. And every time I meet someone like that, like I did this weekend, it inspires me with the thought that India is slowly changing and we are according more and more respect to the fairer and stronger gender…

More power to such girls. And ultra power to their parents!

The Festival Binge

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Festivals are a time to celebrate. To cherish. To meet and enjoy. Except that it has dwindled down from what it used to be for most of us…

When I was young, festival times in India meant round-the-year engagements. And with friends from all sects and religions, I used to have a gala time throughout.

It began with we launching into Makar Sankranti, transitioning to Mahashivaratri, plunging into Holi, moving to Navratri, Ramnavami, and Eid in the summer time, and then to Rakshabandhan followed by Janmashtmi and Ganesh pooja during the rains. Winters had their own charm with Navratri, Dusshera, Diwali and then Christmas.

However, the king of all festivities used to be the time around Dusshera and Diwali with the onset of winter season and the Christmas time with its 10-days holidays. With long holidays to go along during school times and exams still a long way away or having just finished, we kids used to enjoy this holiday period immensely.

I still remember those days fondly, when we would roam around with free abandon in the nearby localities, playing throughout the day with minimal home-work. The day used to start early, without someone having to wake us up, unlike the school days. We would meander from one playfield to another, one house to another, eating and having fun at every place, until the evening when we returned to our homes, exhausted.

As time wound down and we grew up, that group of friends started going their own ways. Once we graduated from school to college, the fun and frolic remained minus the madness. However, slowly in the transition from college to a professional life, that fun and frolic with friends also started getting limited. With new responsibilities, most of the festivals now are celebrated at home with limited get-togethers. Or given a pass altogether owing to new realities.

As I met a school friend today and we reminisced about the good old days, I realised that while there are limitations for us now and will possibly be as we grow older, there are always ways to make the festivities more interesting and fun with others.

And while we may never get to be a child again, it is important that we allow our children to enjoy the holidays and experience the same joyousness that we remember so fondly now!

The Core.

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I was in the second term at the IMA. For all us Gentlemen Cadets (that’s what we were called), the most important thing was to focus on passing the myriad tests. I had failed one of them that day. And it was worrisome…

It was the famed toe-touches I had failed at. You hang on a bar, like you would to do pull-ups. Only, instead of pulling the body up, you bring your legs closely up to your chest and bend your head backwards to let the toes touch the bar. Without swinging to and fro. And with control.

And I sucked at it. I knew it beforehand that I would fail. While, I had passed the other tests, knowing that I couldn’t even do one toe-touch after spending almost 8 months in the Academy was worrisome. Also, because unless one clears the tests, you cannot pass out.

When we look at the forces, we always associate them with strength, courage, and discipline. However, when you are in the training, going through the daily rigamarole, you wonder what more can you do. How can you surpass yourself. And go beyond your own limits. Limits that you attained inch by inch. And that’s where the mind comes to play.

As I went back to my room that day and sat down to reflect on my performance (or rather the lack of it), I realised I had not focused on my core. Literally. I had gained on my running technique and speed and become better at free-hand exercises. But I hadn’t worked too much on my core, it wasn’t strong enough for me to do toe-touches. And unless it was, I couldn’t rest.

So, back to the drawing board, I enlisted help of a couple of friends. The next test was about a month or so away and I had to focus every single day. Thus began my most gruelling physical training period in the Academy, when on a daily basis I focused on what I did to strengthen my core and measured myself rigorously, while eating extremely consciously.

Cutting the long story short, I worked upon myself and pushed things to the limit, to finally master the technique and have the strength in my core to clear the test the next time round. But this taught me two important things – to focus on the core and to do whatever it takes.

The core – it’s critical to master it and focus on maintaining it. Whether in physical standards, or in business matters.

Some of the successful businesses built in recent years have understood their core very well and trained for it to become strong. For example, how a bunch of 50+ aged founders have succeeded in building a successful e-commerce business (BigBasket – https://the-ken.com/story/interview-hari-menon-bigbasket/). I am sure there are similar stories behind other successful companies also. And same is the case with any team for that matter – if the core is strong, challenges are fun to solve for and invariably get surpassed.

Watching a fellow apartment dweller the other day working out in the gym, as I saw him giving his +100% to some of the core-building exercises, I realised the discipline he had set for himself to reach that level. His core was strong. And while mine isn’t as strong in terms of physical standards, I remember the above instance at IMA and try to ensure that I focus on the core and do whatever it takes to maintain it in order. Physically and at work with my team. Hopefully.

That Sweaty Feeling…

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This Friday, I overslept and missed my morning workout. The day ended without any exercise as I ended up working till late.

It isn’t that I am an everyday workout person and can’t live without sweating it out. Although I do try and keep fit, it is usual for me to workout for only 4-5 days a week. The other 2-3 days, I catch up with some rest. Or on weekends, end up watching a late night movie or reading something, which keeps me in bed for long the next morning.

In fact, all my adult life, I have tried to imbibe some kind of fitness into my routine. But it has always been for a few days a week, never on all the 7 days. Only during the Army days, was there a disciplined approach/push to do some physical exercise every day. However, that was a special setting and a specific purpose.

But over the last few months I started noticing that on the days I worked out, I ended up being more active and felt better generally. Perhaps the side effects of age! Or maybe I can attribute it to the ill-effects of the pandemic induced work from home!!

So, last month I promised myself to engage in some or the other physical activity every day. Except for Sundays (got to keep one cheat day at least). And to measure it, I engaged the services of my smartwatch – constantly checking whether I have closed my rings or not and ensuring I do so every day.

And while keeping up the commitment hasn’t been easy, it has been a fun ride with brisk walks, strength training, treadmill runs, and so on. The time spent in the activity spares me from the daily humdrum of life, allowing me to focus on random trains of thought. And the sweat worked up during that time is refreshing, allows me to feel a rush within, which is always welcome given the otherwise sedentary lifestyle.

More importantly, it has given me a reason to get back to a routine everyday in the morning and helped avoid a lacklustre start to the day, which was something that was happening quite too often during the initial lockdown period.

As I lied down to sleep on Friday night, I felt guilty. For not having given myself that 30-45 minutes of time. I missed that sweaty feeling. And while somewhere in my subconscious mind I tried to justify the miss, as I drifted into my sleep, I promised myself to be more disciplined. Hopefully…

Recovering oneself

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Goodnight, sleep tight! That’s what we said to each other at times. Wishing for the other person to sleep soundly and recover fully. The other day, as I was watching my daughter sleep next to me, I was reminded of this phrase.

There she was, sleeping in all her glory, without a worry in the world. Lying next to her, watching her angelic expressions, I was jealous and amazed at how she could just leave everything behind in her train of thoughts and go to sleep in 5-10 minutes, even when she wasn’t really very tired.

As I was wondering about it, I compared it with my own sleeping patterns off-late. I have never been one who slept immediately after hitting the sack. Always distracted by multiple chains of thoughts going through my mind, weird dreams about never-land, bouts of endless debates in my mind, and so on.

However, whatever sleep I got and maintained was always sufficient for me to be fresh for the next day. Whether less or more. Whether tired or not. It never used to matter.

But I noticed something unusual started happening in the last one year. I started getting erratic sleep, with my mind taking more time to switch off. And then, bang in the middle of the night, again getting activated. Preventing me from sleeping for a couple of hours at times.

At first, I ignored it, guessing that it was probably a passing phase. However, when it became a regular phenomenon and started affecting my waking hours, I resorted to hacking the problem.

Armed with a sleep tracking app on my smartwatch, I thought of understanding the core problem. But even after multiple days, I was nowhere close to cracking it. The erratic patterns continued. I even used sleep inducing music at times, tried shallow breathing lying on my bed, etc. But to no avail.

And then, it dawned upon me. I was having trouble sleeping, as I was not able to switch off mentally. With multitude of things needing my attention during the working day, there was a propensity to leave some things/discussions hanging in between, to be completed later. There were always a few things that were unresolved at the end of the day. And that was creating a dissonance within myself, leading to the heightened mind activity during the night.

Having understood the root cause finally, I consciously started trying to plan my day better and ensuring that I close on all the conversations/discussions the same day, or bring them to a logical point, from where to start off the next day. This simple hack made my mind accept the interim state of affairs and made it less anxious, resulting in some respite for me in the night. And slowly, the sleep pattern has improved.

It has been about 2 months that I have made those changes and it has helped me immensely professionally also. I seem to have more time on my hands to finish off things on the new day, without the burden of past discussions. My daily planning has led to a more structured and focused work pattern and better outcomes. And it has taught me one important aspect – closure, in whatever way, helps.

As we navigate the complex world of work, along with the various other aspects of life, I think it is imperative upon us to structure it better and give ourselves enough time to close matters on any given day. After all, winding down and recovering after a hard day’s work is the best remedy for being at your best the next day…

Success!?

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

A conversation with a friend over the weekend, on what’s happening around with people, led to an interesting perspective when we ventured into the topic of how are people reacting to the situation…

We were discussing about how the pandemic has hit people and business. We talked about friends from the business side, who have been hit hard by the slowdown. And about people who have lost their jobs or are in companies which are asking employees to leave.

And as we discussed this gloomy scenario, as well as when I was brooding afterwards, there were a few examples of how some have weathered the storm well or adapted well to it. A professional who had always been very conscious of his expenses and continues to exercise that caution and manage work well; a business-man who has identified new opportunities and pivoted his business to suit ground-reality; a senior manager who has made peace with hitting the ceiling in the organization.

This made me think about how we should measure success…

Humans are naturally competitive. We have been blessed with the survival instinct since our ape days and what made us save ourselves back in those times, has also helped us evolve and grow in the modern age. And that keeps us ticking as a race.

However, as we have grown and prospered, so has our hunger to succeed in everything we do. Whether it is studies, sports, work, or life in general, we measure our success relative to others.

A student is fed about how his success in life depends on studies and goaded to try harder. A girl playing sport (if the parents allow it after all) is made to focus on how to succeed at the professional level. Everyone at work is seeking the summit. And all of us want the best house to live in, the best car to drive, and the best vacation.

While there is nothing wrong in seeking the best or aspiring for the same, it creates a lot of pressure on us as individuals. It forces us to forego certain charms of daily life and/or miss the moments that matter after all. And in that race, sometimes we lose ourselves also.

As I thought more about it, the question that was tops was – then how do we cushion ourselves? How do we be a part of the society and try our best but without driving ourselves to the edge? And how do we maintain peace with the way life has laid down the cards for us and go on with it in the best way possible?

One of the plausible ways is to define the ceiling or floor for oneself – the room that we can live in comfortably without feeling lost. Another possible approach is to decide on what’s the parameter for success at every milestone and go about it in a methodical manner, without worrying about what lies next. Maybe dissociate ourselves from what others think or talk about us and focus instead on what success means to us.

There is no single right answer here. All of us have our own thought process and background to contend with, which makes us approach this question in our own way. However, if ever there was a question that we need to answer for ourselves, to make our life less complicated and more enjoyable, it is perhaps this. By defining our metrics, aligned with our life’s purpose, we can do a world of good to ourselves and to the ones who we love.

Will perhaps save many a heart attacks. Will also perhaps make the world a better place to live in!

Risky Propositions.

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

I just finished reading the book ‘Startup Nation’ – a good read, with insights on how Israel has come to be known by this name. The more I read the book and the authors description of how Israel has embraced innovation and risk-taking, the more parallels I drew from it to be applied to life in general.

Starting up is exciting. For the promise of what can be achieved and from the excitement for the ‘new’. However, beyond this excitement lies a lot of hard work and persistence. And the ability to take risks and fail without worrying about what will people think!

‘New’ is a risky proposition. But our life moves forward only when we take some sort of a risk. Be it the first steps we take as a toddler without the knowledge that we may fall, or when we learn new things by doing stupid experiments at home, or the time we leave our homes to achieve something bigger in the outside world, or when we get into a new relationship. If not for such endeavours without a worry in the world, our life would be monotonous and uninteresting.

In fact, the more I read the book and re-applied that to our life, I realised that ‘do the new’ should be an important mantra for all of us to measure how much we are moving forward.

Because if we don’t, someone else will. There are enough intelligent people, willing to try out new things. And they will move the entire ground to a different coordinate. The same ground, where we were standing proudly just some time ago. And then re-starting will be even more difficult.

And this is true for each and every aspect of life. Be it personal aspects where for example, if we don’t try and build new relationships, we will be left alone and people will move on. Or in professional aspects, where carrying on with the notions and practices that succeeded for us earlier may not result in the same outcomes now.

Yet, we push back. We resist the new. We hate change. We look at excuses to not adapt. And by doing so, we pull ourselves back. We discard the risky proposition in favour of the one which is known/comfortable. What we forget is that comfort breeds complacency also. And that leads to obfuscation.

But how do we do something new regularly and continue to move forward? Rather than being focused on risks, how do we focus on making things happen and looking to succeed? In whatever we want to do.

I think the answers lie in practicing with small baby steps. Doing small things which aren’t as risky to do, as per our psyche. And as we go along, building our confidence to try out even more new things and progressing from there. And as we go along, we would have dug a new tunnel, where none existed.

And that would be our personal startup, focused on whatever we want it to be…

Tough times…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

One of my friends is going through a tough time. The other day, when I was talking to him, he was sounding dismayed and mentioned “hope I get through this phase sound and safe”…

That conversation kept resurfacing in my thoughts over the past 2 weeks. And it led me to reflect on life’s vagaries.

It was April 2002. I was hospitalised for more than 6 months by that point for an injury I had sustained in my cervical spine. That was inarguably the toughest phase in my life. After passing out of the IMA, I had joined the corps of EME and was looking forward to an exciting career in the forces, when that accident had happened.

In the initial days I had tried to fight the problem and kept going but my health hadn’t improved. Then, on doctor’s advise, I had tried to take as much rest as possible, hoping that the rest would cure the fracture. I had tried alternate forms of medicine but none worked. And finally, after those six months in 3 hospitals, the decision was taken that I had to leave the Army due to medical disability.

It was devastating. It was this life I had envisioned all my childhood. I had done well in my course too. But clearly, life had other plans.

I didn’t know what to do next. I had no clue about anything else. I had not prepared for this unexpected turn. But as the reality dawned on me, some of the fellow officers, who were also admitted to the hospital for health reasons, gave me courage and hope. They told me not to worry, things will turn out fine.

Later on, 2013-14 bought a similar challenge to my doorstep. After having worked hard for 3 years to establish my business and putting in everything, I had to close it down. Again this time, I hadn’t prepared for this eventuality. I was wanting to build a successful business. But guess, things weren’t meant to be.

As I folded up my operations, I kept getting haunted by the past and whether life will give me another chance. There was a lot of uncertainty and without any clue, I sailed out again, hoping to find my rudder and get to the right shore.

As I moved out, still unsure about the future in both the cases, I realised that I was actually not going out empty handed. Even though I hadn’t been able to live the life I had wanted or fulfil my ambition, I had obtained a lot of knowledge and training, which I could utilise all my life. And as days and years have passed, a lot of it has come to good use.

It is those years of trial and tribulation that gave me some of the best learnings of life. Those troughs taught me never to under-estimate life but also that you can only plan so much. Not wanting to boast, but as age has advanced I have also realised that all those years have given me an edge – of handling the unexpected by taking it into my stride.

And I see the same edge in all those people who have gone through difficult and trying times. They get more resolute and more understanding, setting the stage for bigger things if they keep their focus up. And as life goes on and the peaks come, they are ready to conquer them with all their might.

As I talked to my friend, I assured him that whatever happens, will be for the good and he would look back at this time and remember it with respect for what it has taught him. Hopefully, things will turn out for the good for him and he will get back to his best form soon.

As this tough time rolls off and things get back to normal, it is the tough people who will last and win!

Dreams and Catalysts

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“The Magic Of Risking Everything For A Dream That Nobody Sees But You.” As I saw the movie Million Dollar Baby, this line really jumped out. And the more I thought about it, the more it took me to places in my past.

It was 1997. I had just finished 10th boards and was chilling out in the summer holidays, traveling to 2-3 places to spend time with my cousins, before returning back home to start higher secondary school. I recall, all my friends had started preparations for IIT/NIT exams or medicals. Those were the coveted professions those days, you had to be an engineer or a doctor if you were good in studies.

As I came back after my 2-month long tour and caught up with my friends, the talk of the town was the difficulty levels of their preparation classes and what awaited them at the best colleges. I was nonchalant about it, as I had decided to pursue neither of these streams.

Since childhood, my only dream had been to be in the Armed Forces. I had nurtured that dream quietly till then, not revealing it to many people. But as everyone kept asking me about my plans, I talked about preparing for the National Defence Academy exams and how I had started going for morning runs to build on my fitness levels.

I could see the level of surprise in the other person’s eyes – whether it was family, friends, or family friends. Most of them advised that I should also prepare for engineering so that I have some other options in hand. But I was adamant about not looking at other options. Thankfully, my parents respected my choice and supported me and I didn’t have to worry about anything else.

I couldn’t appear for the NDA exams while in 12th standard, as my age wasn’t within the cut-off range. Hence, I had to wait for the next attempt. After the 12th boards, my father advised me to take admission in a degree college, so that I don’t waste an academic year. He told me, you continue your preparations but don’t sit at home. Trusting his judgement, as I had all my life, I enrolled in one.

I wasn’t selected in my first attempt through the famed Services Selection Board process. I couldn’t figure out the exact reason but decided to double up my efforts and try harder again. That degree course was anyways never my main focus. Although I attended some classes, I re-focused and plunged in fully into preparing myself better for the next attempt.

When I went in for my next attempt at the Services Selection Board, my college exams were nearing. However, with my focus squarely on clearing my attempt, and with my parent’s blessings, I took off for the interview.

With all those blessings and the hard work I had put in earlier, I cleared the SSB and was then put on to the medical tests. By the time I returned home after 10 days at the SSB centre, with a temporary rejection for colour blindness, my college exams were on my head.

Not having any interest in giving those exams, as I was more focused on clearing the re-medicals, I talked to my father. He listened to me patiently and told me to go for my dreams. Never once did he feed any doubt in my mind. I don’t know whether he had foreseen anything or how he was allowing me to take that minor risk. But it gave me a lot of strength to know that he stood behind me.

After a month’s time, I cleared the re-medicals and was recommended for the Army. Although I couldn’t join the Air Force, which was my first choice, knowing that I had a slight disability, I chose to embrace it and move ahead to fulfil my dream of serving the nation in the uniform.

The dream was mine but it required a catalyst. My father, who always gave me hope and positive energy, was the true catalyst in the little magic that happened beyond the risk taking. And continues doing so!

So yes, dream on! Risk a little to achieve those dreams. And look for / identify a catalyst to push in the right direction to make it happen…

Reliving the Experience

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There are things we have experienced and moments we have lived that propel us to a higher plane. And those are what we want to relive again!

This weekend, I watched a TV series for the second time. After I had sat through the 5-6 hours and relived the story, my mind raced on to what compelled me to watch it again.

Art – be it any form – books, films, music, paintings or pictures – always has a shelf life. There are very few pieces of art that are able to transcend that time boundary and still retain their appeal. And as we navigate through life and come across them, some of them remain with us forever.

If I recall my own personal favourites, I would be able to count them pretty easily – specially books and films. Music of course is a different beast, as the volume of production is so high and there are almost hundreds of songs that are on my favourite list. Reliving those stories and melodies always brings a smile to my face.

Life is also similar. There are multiple moments we live through, but very few episodes of that life are what stay with us and if we had special powers, would want to relive. And we reminisce about them with friends and family, retelling the old tales, cherishing those times.

So has been the case with me at least. Those unforgettable moments are forever buried in my memory and keep playing in my head again and again. Ones I talk about.

But as I reflected on what is the compulsion or draw for me as an individual to engage with that art form again or to go back in time to relive those moments again, I realised it is because that art form or those moments generated feelings of love, hope, togetherness, happiness, etc.

All positive feelings…

Feelings which made me happy and helped me move forward in life. Feelings which created special bonds in those moments. Feelings which filled me with hope and determination.

It is these feelings which give me my life support. Which I turn back to when I am trying to figure things out. Which I think about and generate hope from.

As this realisation dawned on me, I went back in time and started reliving some of those moments again and smiling! And re-fuelled myself for the week ahead…