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Inspired!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

There’s something magical about sports. I love it.

For the fun and joy it provides, of course. But also for the inspiration it provides to a mere mortal like me.

This week I had two such inspirational moments.

First was when I was reading through Andre Agassi’s biography. An extremely well written one, where he talks about his love and hate relationship with the game and his personal struggles to lay down the path of glory.

And second when I watched Virat Kohli get to his 30th hundred leaving behind the great Don Bradman. Having waited for more than a year, it was a sweet feeling to see him get there despite all odds and everyone having written him off.

These moments made me recall all the amazing things I have learnt from sports and sports people.

Playing made me grow as a person, both on and off the field. I always played something or the other – football, cricket, hockey, athletics, and volleyball.

Mutual respect, trust, resilience, discipline – all qualities I picked up along the way.

But the bigger lessons came watching some of the professional superstars.

Observing Tendulkar, and then Dravid on the cricket field made me respect discipline and humility. I modeled myself to not get swayed by success or stuck due to failure.

Following Agassi and then Federer, hitting tennis balls through the line, taught me how to do it elegantly with my head held high. Knowing I had given it my best.

Watching the great Schumacher zag through the lanes and winning against odds made me appreciate the value of never giving up. And continuing even after a bad start.

Enjoying Messi’s play on the football field helped me understand how skills and team work need to come together to do great things. And why I always need to collaborate.

There are many more instances I could take and learnings I could recall.

But one important thing I really imbibed reading about these greats behind the scene, was the fact that success doesn’t come overnight.

It has to be toiled for, day after day, hour after hour of practice. It has to be planned for, even when the chances are slim. And it has to be aspired for, to really make a dash for it.

As I wind up a whirlwind week, these are all good reminders of the game I am playing. And checking myself on how I am playing it…

And the Music begins…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Last few weeks have been a pleasant surprise for me!

Our daughter had shown no particular inclination until now towards music. She did recognise songs quickly, hummed some tunes silently while in a happy mood. And she sometimes remembered lyrics.

But I took it as a mark of her intelligence or soft skills.

Until, she took to Ukelele at school. And picked up the skills quite rapidly.

Last weekend she sang and played at a party in our community with an effusive attitude. Which again was another surprise because she hadn’t performed in front of a larger crowd earlier.

When we were talking the next day and she narrated her experience to me, it took me back to my own childhood.

As a child, I saw my uncle play a couple of traditional Indian instruments and took a liking to singing. It was my way of expressing myself musically.

I could be found singing anywhere. I became very good at remembering tunes and lyrics. Starting reluctantly at first, I also sang at school gatherings and social parties.

I then tried learning the guitar while at high school but gave it up for want of time. Singing continued sporadically. Some good streaks and then a period of hibernation.

The love for music has persisted throughout though. Increasing each year. Going beyond what I know, to discover newer forms of music and new (or rather old) artists.

However, as I reflect back, I feel that I could have done so much more but didn’t pay enough attention to the craft. A partial void in my life.

So when I heard my daughter’s experience, my heart was elated.

I could sense a pride in her voice, a feeling that she is turning into someone who appreciates music.

I didn’t tell her anything, except to encourage her and to guide her to continue learning and enjoying.

But somewhere in my mind, there’s a secret desire for her to be more regular with it. For, that will be my vicarious pleasure if I get to watch her lean into music, even as I grow older.

I cannot see clearly any more…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

All these years, I prided myself on my good eyesight.

Even though I have worked on screens for a very long time, I have never worn specs. Even though I have continued to grow older, my eyes have remained healthy.

It was all clear! But not any more…

Last week, while getting a regular eye test done, I discovered that my eyes have developed a slight weakness. And hence, I need glasses to see things clearer.

When the doctor told me, it took me a while to process that my pride had been hit. He helped me understand that what I have is a very common condition, due to aging. But I didn’t take it very well.

I went with the flow and ordered the glasses but somewhere deep down I was still fighting with the reveal.

While I knew that I would some day have to wear them, I had always thought of wearing glasses as a distant thing, to happen sometime in the future. Which isn’t going to come sometime soon.

Until it came. And signaled to me that my thinking cannot remain the same for years together!

It has taken me some time to get used to wearing my glasses. I am still going through the learning phase, getting in sync with the idea of having to wear them.

It’s the same with a lot of new things that happen with us through our life. When they happen, we are not sure about them. Sometimes we are surprised, sometimes we take it in our stride.

Then, as we begin to adapt to the new change, we feel certain inhibitions. How would things change? What does this mean? Etc.

Finally, if we agree with the change, we become one with it and accept it. If not, we reject it and move on. Either way, having gone through the experience enriches us.

Not that it helps us avoid those feelings in another instance. Or decide to accept or reject it immediately.

But it does give us a perspective about ourselves. About how our thought process changes and how new things get embedded in our being.

Unfortunately, for me this time, there’s no option to reject. But then, maybe, there’s a hidden good in all of this. I do look more serious and matured with the glasses!!! 🙂

The brighter side

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

I believe strongly in this saying, “Whatever happens, it’s for the good“. Something I learnt through personal experiences.

And yet, when something untoward happens, my mind first races to the negative side…

Why did this happen with me? How did I let it happen? What did I do wrong? And many such questions.

This weekend, when I missed my return flight from a longish business trip, it wasn’t a happy feeling. I felt like an idiot.

While I sorted out the mess and got myself booked again on another flight for the next day, my mind continued to swarm with negative thoughts. When I called up home to tell them of the mishap, it felt so bad I wanted to scream at myself.

But then, I calmed myself down. Sat down for a while and took some time to make peace with the fact that I could have done better.

In my sleep, I must have dreamt away those thoughts, for when I woke up, I felt neutral.

It took me longer to get back home but on the way I met a couple of good people, got some good me time at the right waking hours, and also got some work done.

Most importantly, I realized why the mishap had come to pass, and identified corrective actions, so that I do not let something similar happen again.

Maybe there are some other lessons or good that I don’t realize now or haven’t come true but will be revealed with time.

This has happened with me in the past too. I didn’t succeed in my business when I had put in so much effort. I didn’t get through a competitive exam when I wanted to pass badly. I had to give away my childhood dream due to an injury. But each time, I realized that mishap had made me stronger. And the future had in store for me better things.

That’s why some ask us to ‘be positive!’ Or you may call it ‘looking at the brighter side’…

Moral Compasses

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

What is it? Why do we need one? How do I explain this simply?

This question had been riling me for a while. Not because I didn’t know the explanation. But because that explanation was abstract or complex, not easily describable.

Then, this week something happened which helped me decipher the explanation!

As is the wont, our daughter made a mistake. A behavioral mistake. One that wasn’t agreeable to me or my wife. And we set out to make it right.

We knew we had to nip that behavior in the bud and at the same time help our daughter realize how she needs to change it.

This wouldn’t have been possible by positing as the usual dad, which I am often guilty of. It rather needed me to wear a different hat and check in my biases, inhibitions, and suggestions at the door. I chose to have a heart to heart with her.

Sitting down, we had a long conversation. About what had led her to behave like she did. How had it not been obvious to her that it wasn’t right. And what was her observation post her behavior. As well as of those around her.

I gave her the room to speak her mind and tell me what she was thinking before and after. And how did she perceive it.

As we dived in, I realized that I needed to give her a tool which could help her in similar situations going forward. So, I explained to her the code that I follow. “Don’t do something that you cannot tell about to everyone”.

She took my advice and has course corrected, apologizing to a couple of friends at the rough end of the behavior. As well as making peace with herself that although she slipped some, we caught on to her and she is back to her usual self.

But as I thought about it, I realized the simplicity with which I had explained a very important concept to her. That of morality and how to judge it!

For what is morality? How we ought to see ourselves or how we see others? How we ought to do ourselves or how we do to others? They are both intertwined I believe, in a circular motion.

Morality moves in tandem with who we are, and what we do. Whatever we choose, our morals become that. And that compass continues to guide us in the direction that we had already chosen…

The 5k Run.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I was panting. The display screen on the treadmill read 4 kms with a time of 24 minutes. A message flashed just then, ‘target set at 5 kms’…

After having stopped my exercise routine during the move back to India, I slowly got back to hitting the gym this past week. It was a welcome relief to not find myself out of shape. I could still walk at a good pace, lift weights, and do pull-ups and push-ups consistently.

Then, as the week was drawing to a close, and I pushed myself on Friday. What if I try and run a 5k, in 30 minutes? Can I do it?

There are many things that hold your fascination over a long period of time. 5k runs in 30 minutes or less are one such fascination for me.

You might ask, where is this coming from? To answer, I will have to take you back back to my academy days.

We were a bunch of boys with high adrenaline levels and much more gumption. The Indian Military Academy was however a no-nonsense place. You either fell in line or you fell in line!

As was the norm, for any deviation or mistake, punishments were doled out by the dozen. The smaller punishment was a 5k run, to be completed in under 30 minutes for it to be counted. The bigger one was a route march for 20k in under 3 hours. Mind you, with all the gear and a dummy rifle…

Some folks always bore the brunt, getting punished at the drop of a hat. They were constantly running those 5k’s and had become a champ at it. And then there were some of us, pretty lucky in those days, to have escaped any punishment. It seemed we had the golden touch.

Time however does catch up. And eventually I did land up with a couple of 5k runs and a couple of route marches.

I had heard from my friends how easy the 5k had become for even the slower runners, so I had confidence going behind me when I took the mark for the first time. However, as I soon realized, it’s one thing to talk and another to do!

Cutting to the chase, it took me all my might and the last ounce of energy to make the cut at just a few seconds shy of the 30 minute mark. The start had been fine but somehow I had trailed off in the mid sector and by the time I was on the last leg, my legs had started giving way. Until a batch-mate goaded me on and helped me finish.

Since then, the 5k became something of a mission for me to keep achieving. Even after I got out of the Army, I have kept going back to this run to time myself and check my fitness levels. Sometimes I have succeeded, sometimes I haven’t. And then I know it’s time to tighten the belt on the fitness routine.

Coming back to this week’s experience, I wasn’t sure if it was too early for me to attempt the 5k. But I wanted to at least try and see how I will fare.

So, there I was, on the treadmill. The target was 5k, the goal was to hit it in 30 minutes or less. I was going fine. Only if my legs would continue to support me and my lungs wouldn’t budge.

But as I neared the 4k mark, my feet started feeling a bit wobbly. I was panting a bit. I had it in my mind that I would stop if there was any danger sign but I didn’t sense any at that time.

I didn’t want to stop at that mark not just because of the target but also because I wanted to push myself a bit more. So, I chose to instead focus on my breath, count down the last 5 minutes, and the remaining distance to complete 5k.

Those were the longest 5 minutes for me in recent times. It took me all my running skills to make that last dash. Thankfully, my feet stopped wobbling and my lungs functioned well. I finished the 5k in exactly 30 minutes.

Mission accomplished! Time to continue the training!! Until the next checkpoint!!!

Remember the Highs!

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I was going through a dull moment. Feeling down and out.

My mind was racing down the spiral, into the nadir. And my demeanour had changed into a sobering, deflated one.

It was a low point. And I was thinking of all the things that had gone wrong. All those mistakes which I could have prevented.

As I gazed into the ether, my inner voice was somewhere egging me to get out of the slump. Trying to remind me of the good things that had happened or which were in store in the future.

But my mind had shut off the good side. The bad side was winning at the moment.

Seeing me lost, my wife came and sat besides me. And told me that when I had overcome so many bigger challenges in my life, what I was going through was relatively minor.

She added that she was fully confident that I would not only overcome this low point but come out stronger on the other side.

As I listened to these words, something stirred in me. I went back to those past challenges and compared those situations with the one I was in currently. I also recalled the success I had seen once I overcame those challenges.

And suddenly, just like a light bulb illuminating a dark hallway, my good side took over and started throwing light over the gloom, pushing the bad side away.

It was just a small statement by my wife. But meant so much to me in that moment when I was feeling low.

My confidence returned and my demeanour normalised. Positive thoughts started coming back and the feeling of I am not alone in this made me sit up with a resolve to fight.

Thankfully, I have her by my side, helping me avoid these pitfalls every now and then!

Special Days and Fun.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Our daughter turned 9 this week. As if a major milestone, she celebrated her special day thrice.

First while we were still in the US, to ensure she doesn’t miss partying with her friends there. Then back home in India on the actual day as well as over the weekend when we could arrange for another party with her friends in Bangalore!

While she spent time having fun and enjoying her moments, I observed how she was genuinely having fun, without any abandon. I marvelled at her attitude about enjoying life.

And not just her but even the friends she had invited. They all had a gala time.

Almost like a coincidence, while talking to a colleague, we ventured into the topic of how our children provide us with energy and a lot of learning because they are who they are.

Sitting alone, thinking about the week, this stayed with me…

Not for the fact that it brought forth the limitations we succumb to as grown ups, when it comes to enjoying life. Or the thought about how I as a child celebrated with equal abandon.

But the thought of how on most special days, we now end up doing something low key. Like a dinner. Or maybe a shopping or movie outing.

Why don’t we take that time or day to actually celebrate life and live it fully. Even if just for a day. The way we want to live it.

Perhaps it’s too radical for most of us. But maybe worth a try?

Maybe that will unlock the child in us, doing things with abandon, enjoying the smallest of the things, while being happy all through it.

Or maybe it will just help us relieve stress from our daily routines and enable us to recharge.

Either which way, something I want to try the next time there’s a special day coming!

States of Mind.

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Over the last couple of months, I have gone through a gamut of emotions.

At times, I have been elated. Maybe it was a new experience, or it was the feeling of having done something good at work or home. Or sometimes, just the invincible feeling of being in a good place!

And then, just the next day or immediately afterwards, I have felt gloomy and uncertain. Either because of something that occurred, or a worry about how things will turn out for us, or just anxiety about random life-related questions.

A few times, I have even felt frustrated and angry. About how things are turning out or not, or because of certain discussions at work or at home.

As I took some time this weekend to reflect on what’s happening around me, it took me a while to register that my state of mind has been quite haywire over these last couple of months.

I have been troubled, relieved, and happy. All within a short span. I cannot put a finger on why somethings happened the way they did, or why I reacted the way I did.

But as I dug deeper, I realised that I had taken a lot of pressure on myself owing to our move back. I was determined to get things done the right way and didn’t want to leave any stone unturned. In the process, the stress showed on me in these unpredictable manners.

Now that the move is done, and we are settling down, it is of course easier for me to relax a bit. But having lived in a heightened state of existence for a while, it’s not been as easy to switch off.

While I take my time to get back to normalcy, I realise that I shouldn’t have taken things so hard on myself. Maybe, the next time something so life altering is happening, I ought to take it easy. Or perhaps, adopt the same rigorous approach but with the allowance of slip ups.

After all, it’s important to not lose my state of mind in trying to get things done the right way always…

Back to home

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This is my last weekend in the US.

As I return back to India to start a new chapter in my life, many thoughts are running through my mind.

The past year and a half allowed us to experience different cultures, different cuisines, and be a part of the first world. It was both good and not so good.

First and foremost, it was a pleasant experience. We had never stayed outside India as a family for long, so we had no understanding or expectations about what we may come across. But the US wasn’t unwelcoming, perhaps because we were in the Bay Area.

But more so because we didn’t feel as out of place as someone coming from the India of 90’s or early 00’s may have. We weren’t in awe of the place or the people and that helped us settle down quickly. And comfortably.

We also enjoyed being on the other side, understanding the motives and inclinations of people we have worked with. It’s one thing to be aware of the other side of the world and completely different to actually appreciate why they think or act the way they do. It definitely made us wiser.

Our daughter studied in a truly multi-national setting with classmates from more than half a dozen countries. It was amazing to see her grasp some of the cultural nuances and feel at home with her own identity.

We got to visit many places across the US and experienced the country in a way which we wouldn’t have as a tourist. It was great travelling to such a diverse set of places and enjoying nature.

If we enjoyed being here, then why are we coming back to India? This is what I think is the difference between the outer and inner lives that we lead now. One that’s visible to the world outside and what we grapple with within.

What I wrote about above were all the things that I liked from the outside perspective. Internally though, I was in conflict.

I love India, not just because it’s where I was born or where I have stayed for forty years of my life. Also because I genuinely feel happy about being there. There’s something about the infectious bonhomie and camaraderie that we are known for!

I realised I needed to be around people I knew and am friends with. While I met many good people in the US, and had a couple of friends and cousins here, it couldn’t compare with the feeling of being amongst known faces.

I also figured that if I want to do something more in life, I will be better served being in India. Because I have the freedom there to experiment and do even offbeat things, which I cannot enjoy in the US with the pressures and travails of life (read constant need to work to earn enough).

Maybe it’s not true for everyone but I thought a lot about it before deciding. And the decision, even when I look back now, seems right.

Lastly, I believe it’s better to be decided in mind than live in a dilemma. I could have easily continued with the conflicted feelings and put up with them. But then, I would have constantly evaluated pros and cons. And whiled away my time thinking what’s the right thing to do.

Is it the right decision? I don’t know for sure. But it feels like.

Perhaps, if I had moved here a bit earlier in life or had given it more time, the decision would have been different. But then, it wouldn’t have been me as you know it…