Lovingly, yours…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Rain was coming down with a patter on the streets. It was late and the man inside the car knew it.

As his car rushed through, piercing the silence of the night, he could almost feel the closeness of being home. His body was tired and his mind was overworked after the long trip. His heart was however longing for the known touch.

In a few more minutes, he got home. As he parked and went inside the house, there was a hushed silence. Everyone had slept off, rightfully so. He didn’t want to disturb his parents, wife, or the kids at this odd hour. So, he silently got in and used the guest room to change over. This was a routine affair for him.

Coming out of the shower, his mind reminded him of the fact that he had not slept properly for the last couple of days. Again, a common feeling, which would have led him to his bedroom. His heart however, moved him in another direction today.

He slowly entered his children’s room and saw his daughter and son sleeping soundly on their respective beds. He slowly sat down beside his daughter and pecked her on her forehead. In her sleep, her face brightened up and she held his hand, not wanting to let it go. He remained like that for a while, until he was sure that she had gotten back to her fairly land dream world.

He went over to his son, tucked him in nicely and stroked him, pecking him too on his forehead. His son turned over to the side and half opened his eyes. Not realizing it was dad, he again closed them and went back to sleep.

With a smile on his face, the man came out of the children’s room. He longed for these moments with his children, when he could be with them without any worries of the world.

Then, he cautiously opened his parent’s bedroom door. They were both light sleepers, and he didn’t want them to get a hint. He saw they were comfortable and closed the door. There was always the morning to meet them.

Finally, he went over to his own bedroom. His wife was fast asleep. He lay beside her, hugged and kissed her.

He had a lovely family. If not for his work, he would have liked to just hang around them all day long. He had been planning to do that soon enough, after all he had been working hard for almost twenty five years. He had thought he will take up a less demanding role, without travel, and slow down his life.

With these thoughts he passed out…

Next morning, as he woke up there was commotion all around. The kids were off to school, the wife was busy with household chores, the parents were just returning from their morning walk. He freshened up and came out. Just in time to wave a bye to his kids going out through the door.

As he sat down with his parents and his wife joined them too for the morning tea, he was back in familiar territory. This was home, his folks. A few minutes of chit-chat covered a couple of anecdotes from his trip, recent happenings in the house, and an upcoming social gathering at their cousin’s place.

The tea had finished. It was time to go and get ready. Everyone sitting there expected it.

But today was different. He didn’t get up. Instead he continued sitting there, chatting about other things. It was as if time didn’t count for him somehow. As if it was that rare holiday or the weekend when he had decided not to work.

His wife had a surprised look at her face. So did his parents. He looked at them and understood.

Leaning forward on his chair, he announced that he had decided he could skip the rest of the week at the office, taking time off completely, to be with them. Yes, there were some internal meetings. But they could happen the next week also.

He had envisioned this some times, while on a flight. But had always casted it away as a wishful dream. But now that he actually put words to the thought, he felt liberated. From the load of always taking his work more seriously than anything else.

His folks were elated. The conversation turned to the day’s plans, what they could do over the weekend, and how he could surprise his kids after their school…

He had always loved them all. But today, they had felt, perhaps after a long time, that he was lovingly theirs…

Playing the long game…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

This past week, I had three instances when I was talking to someone about how I am working on my first book.

As I wrote earlier, I have been inspired by my dad’s will to finish and publish my grandfather’s magnum opus. With this inspiration, I took it upon myself to translate the book, originally written in Hindi with Sanskrit words, into English.

I chose English because that’s how I think and write. But more importantly because I feel that will help me expose the book to a far wider audience.

As I was talking about it this week, it felt good that I am able to contribute to this legacy that our family holds.

Then, as I reflected back on those conversations, I realised that it isn’t just because I am contributing but also because I am picking up a challenge!

The challenge of translating my grandfather’s poetic flourishes into an equitable prose form. Translating a story steeped into mythology into something which is perhaps more relatable to the current generation.

While these thoughts were overwhelming, I also echoed the goals I have set for myself during these conversations.

This year is dedicated to understanding the original version. The next year is meant to start translating and writing down portions. And the one after is when I hope it will all come together.

By breaking down my ambitious take into smaller goals, I feel I am helping myself. To be able to measure progress in one’s pursuit is helpful and I should be able to do that with these goals.

I may slip a bit sometimes. For example, I haven’t been able to spend any time on the book reading with my dad for the past three months. But I know that having gone through sixty percent of it, I have time to do it before the end of the year.

Maybe I will slide some more and miss some goals. But I will continue to strive to keep myself in pursuit without too much deviation.

For playing the long game requires planning and patience…

It also requires to be appreciative of the phases when things don’t go as per plan. And then recover and start again.

Something worthwhile for us to think about in general in our life!

“Legend”

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It is a heavy word – Legend. Could be a person who has done something spectacular in his/her field or could point to notations on a map / drawing. But it also means a story that has carried on for years about someone or something.

I am talking about the third type today…

Idling around the house this weekend, this question raked up in my mind. What is it that people around us know us for? How is it that we come across when others talk about us, even when we are not there?

Not that it really matters to me much. I am someone who doesn’t care for what people talk about behind my back. And I rarely indulge in petty gossip.

But this weekend’s inquisitiveness was more from the fact that when we do so many things in our lives, what is it that we leave behind? How do people recall us? What do we stand for?

Long back, if someone would have asked me this question when I was in my early 20’s and 30’s, I would have pointed my finger at success. How successful I am in a particular endeavor. For I believed that nothing speaks like success does.

It does for sure. But I also discovered through my own life’s twists and turns that what matters more is what we do and how it turns out. And more importantly, how do we treat others working alongside us.

We may have done something really well and still failed to see success. Or we may go the extra mile to make things happen without getting adequate results. Those efforts still count. And are still remembered by people.

In fact, as I looked back into my own life, I realized that this is the value system that I had always received. At one point in time, somewhere in the early race for life, I put that aside for a while and started treating success as more important than effort.

It took me a few shocks to get back to my previous self and understand that what matters is how I do things and how I treat others and work with them during the course of my endeavors.

As I changed my approach and my thinking, my efforts improved and so did my relationships with those who I worked with. And eventually it led me to successful outcomes. For all.

For, what is success, if it comes at the cost of burnt bridges or sour feelings…

In the Zone

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

It’s only some times that we get into “the zone”. I mean a mind space where we are doing things right – in terms of effort and in most cases, output. And feeling good about what we are doing!

During our lives, we go through multiple ups and downs. And phases of high or low effort or output. But very few times we are in the zone.

The thing is, we are never pushed into these zones, we rather do it due to an intrinsic motivation. And that’s what makes it worth its while.

These last few weeks, I have been in that zone. Work wise as well as fitness wise. And it’s a good feeling.

I can distinctly recall those few times when I was in the zone. When I put in that extra effort because of an internal calling. And whenever I have a reference point of how I felt about my contribution on the work front or the effort I put in on myself, I always go back to those few times.

So, it has been a pleasant surprise to me that I have been able to maintain this streak!

I call it a streak because that’s what it is. Until it continues, I am in the zone. Then, something switches off and I move out of the zone. I don’t know what changes but that heightened level isn’t sustained beyond a particular period of time.

One thing that I have been able to recognize though is the fact that my internal feelings guide whether I continue in the zone or not.

As I reflected this weekend, taking time off my fitness routine to rest and recuperate, I realized that this probably isn’t just a pattern with me. When I look around, or when I think of people whom I know and have observed operating in their zone, it’s almost always been because they were feeling good inside in that period of time.

So, what’s important for us is to identify how to get to that sweet spot where we feel good. Where we feel we are doing something important. For ourselves and for those around us. Whether at work or in our personal lives.

We all possibly already know that sweet spot in our lives. But still, we don’t get there often. Not because we don’t want to. But perhaps because we don’t let ourselves.

We often get stymied by middling concerns that divert our mind. We lend our heart to unimportant things and give our time away. All the while thinking about how we could have done better.

Only if we could focus ourselves on what we want to do that gives us happiness. And then doing it religiously, for days to come, no matter what. Until we get to the zone and then strive to stay there…

“Breaking up”

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

No, I am not only talking about the kinds that come to our mind immediately…

Well, matters of the heart between two lovers are of course a much more difficult topic to deal with. A subject that can be written about endlessly and has been explored in depth by much more accomplished writers and thinkers.

So, the only thing I would like to mention on that aspect is that we have increasing rates and decreasing remorse. Something, that shows either we are becoming more experimental by nature or that we are becoming more intolerant.

But I am more interested in talking about the general culture of breaking up. Something that’s quite visible these days.

These are break-ups between friends, between siblings, between parents and children – human bonds which seemed made on another planet.

We as a society and as humans are drifting apart. In our thoughts. In our minds. In our behavior. And in our actions. We are becoming more intolerant of other views. Of other’s perspectives. And of other’s preferences.

And that is leading to breakage of long-held bonds!

Friends don’t talk to each other over a small skirmish and give up on that friendship that they held close to their heart for so long. Or they hold that grudge and increase the distance between each other, giving up on the string that pulled them both through laughter and sadness. Without realizing if it was worth it.

Siblings have always fought. Specially so in their childhood. But now they are fighting way too often over frivolous things, while being grown ups. Which ought not to matter so much in the grander scheme of life. But matters for some strange reason in that ephemeral moment when they must prove that their argument holds more weight. And then post that moment, the only way ahead between them is down.

Even parents and children are growing apart in some cases, which is quite shocking. May be due to mismatched expectations and thoughts or due to the age/cultural differences with the idea of living life on one’s own terms. Now, that’s a bond that forever existed and will continue to be and breaking up isn’t even an option. But then, such is life and we definitely have the capacity to surprise ourselves as people. So instead of talking things through with each other, we hold it in our heart and let it play with our mind.

These things I am talking about aren’t a figment of my imagination. They are happening around me and I am writing this with pain in my heart on having witnessed some of these situations first-hand.

We celebrate these relationships and friendships with special days. And yet, there are so many of us who aren’t going to celebrate knowing someone, somewhere. Because, well, we decided to break up!!!

The Cycle of Parental Love

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

We go through a lot of different emotions in our lives. One thing that remains constant though is our relationship with our parents…

This week, while talking to a friend we were casually chatting about spending time with our parents. And I realised that I have started enjoying and appreciating the time I get with them much more in the past few years.

It may be a realisation of how do I spend as much time I can with them, while I can. But it’s also a feeling of love far greater than I imagined let’s say a decade or two back.

Not that I have ever felt unloved by them or my love and care has suddenly risen. Hopefully, as far as I can think of.

But it’s a different feeling because I have perhaps gained some more wisdom over the latter half of my life. And an understanding of how important a role they have played and continue to play in my life.

I stayed with my grandma for the first ten years of my life. So my time with my parents was maybe half of what it should have been. And while I was attached to them, I was equally attached to my grandma and therefore didn’t feel any void.

When I entered teenage and started staying with my parents, there was an appreciation of their role and love but it was also blinded by other things demanding attention. Friends, studies, sports, and so on.

As life progressed and my career took precedence, life moved me around to different places, not always nearer or with them. During this period, the affection and appreciation continued to remain the same as in teenage.

But then as I became a father and saw my girl grow up to an 8 year old now, I think it pushed me to look at the role of my own parents differently. The appreciation and affection therefore has risen over the last few years.

And it has renewed the anticipation that I feel as a child to be with them and spend my time with them now a days.

This new found place has also positively impacted my relationship with my daughter. These formative years of hers are not only the most crucial for her as an individual but also for her relationship with us.

I would like to imagine the same feelings in her as she grows up and goes through this cycle. And hopefully I will be able to see and feel it as a parent!

For that’s the most selfless love one can ever get and give…

Unstructured structures

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

Growing up, there were so many fun things that I (and by extension other kids around me) did.

All, well most of them, were unstructured. We didn’t plan for it or specially took out time for specific things.

Instead, we were allowed to let things flow. If our heart desired to go out and play, we did that. If we wanted to be ensconced within our home and play indoors, we did that.

No one guided us or pushed us to structure ourselves. Our parents didn’t ask us to enrol in classes or pursue specific interests. We were left to our own devices.

As we grew up, some of us naturally picked up hobbies or things we liked doing. And enrolled for lessons. Some pursued those lessons seriously while others did it for fun.

But there wasn’t any pressure on us. From any quarters. We were free to do as we pleased. Well, mostly.

When I look back, this unstructured way of growing up allowed me to be a free bird. And without posing any pressure, allowed me to pursue things that I enjoyed during those growing up years.

As I was discussing with a few friends last week, we went into a discussion on how today we are all pushing our children to pursue things in a more structured manner.

I am sure we do it to expose our children to new things and allow them to experience them. In most cases without any pressure, but in some with expectations or a push to get involved seriously.

But are we restricting our children to gain very specific guided experiences instead of the serendipitous encounters we had in our childhood?

Are we, by design, moving them into a more defined and constrained environment? And thereby, reducing the choices they may have?

This approach may help to lower the choices or improve the experiences that our children may get. But is it really going to help them in the long run?

Well, the jury is out. Hopefully will be able to write about it in a couple of decades, looking back further…

Mental Make-up

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

I often get asked about how someone gets trained in the military academy or hear remarks about the physical aspect of the training. And I often tell people, it is all about mental toughness.

Well, that is what I learnt after spending time at the academy in India.

When we entered the academy, most of us weren’t physically fit. More importantly, we were mentally weak. The sergeants and officers tasked with training us and converting us into officers therefore had two specific objectives.

In the first few weeks, I recall that we went through a grueling schedule. Not being used to the rigor of the place, it was a challenge for most of us to meet the physical requirements of the training. But it was as much about the mental aspect.

When we thought we couldn’t run, we were made to do timed 5 km runs. When we thought we were hungry, we were forced to go without food. When we thought we needed sleep, we were made to stand outside in freezing cold in attention.

It was worse at best for us. But it was also necessary. For what use is physical strength if you don’t have the mental toughness to handle things.

As we progressed through the academy training, the mental toughness that we developed was what helped us ace tasks that we couldn’t even think were possible a few months back. By the time we graduated, we were all much more tougher overall.

I have realized that this is true in so many other things in life. If I am mentally tough and clear about what I want out of life in general or from a decision I take at any given point in time, it is much easier to navigate through things. If not, I remain confused or troubled.

Be it figuring out what I want to do in my professional life or what I aim for in my personal life. Clarity of thought is the most important aspect.

This past few weeks, as I have spent time meeting friends and family in India, I have often been asked questions about how I am settling down after relocation. Or what is my plan for the coming years when I plan to return. Or how do I see things panning out after I take that decision.

My answer always boils down to what I want in my mind. If I am clear about what I want of this stint outside India or how I plan to live my life when I return, I will always see things in the right perspective and take the right calls. If not, I will forever be confused and only trouble myself.

I may not have the right outcomes and change gears or my approach, and that is fine. But as long as I have an understanding of what I am doing and why am I doing that, things will pan out decently.

And if ever they don’t, well that’s a learning for me to carry along with through my life!

Not the same person…

~ Rishi ~ Leave a comment

The man looked around. He could see his colleagues applauding. With a big smile on his face, he strode toward the stage.

He had been chosen as the best performing sales person for the second year in a row. It was indeed a proud moment. His family was standing and cheering for him. So were some of his colleagues.

But only some…

Not as last year, when the entire team was on its feet, applauding him. Nor were some of the other peers standing, who had been good friends since they had started working in this organization a few years ago.

Going up to the stage, he kissed the trophy that was presented to him, and held his fist in the air. Signifying his win in yet another battle.

A battle he had made his own. Which he fought with his friends within the company and alienated them for. Which he fought without his team at times for he couldn’t afford to lose, bringing them down in the process.

Which he ultimately won after pulling some strings that weren’t the obvious ones to pull. After all, he knew how to get something if he really wanted to.

He got down, walked toward his wife, kissed her on the cheek and sat down. She noticed he did not hug her like last time nor was he holding her hand like he did every time he achieved something.

She wiped off her tears of joy, for they meant nothing to him. All the sacrifices she had to do to weren’t remembered. The smile on her face vanished and was replaced by a farcical grin.

As the ceremony closed, she could see that only a few people in his office approached him with real warmth. Most others just congratulated him quickly and went away on some or the other pretext.

From a simple boy, wanting to work hard and do good, he had transformed into a task master obsessed about winning. At all costs.

Winning had taken over him and consumed him. And he was not the same person anymore…

He had become a slave of victory in the professional arena. And in the process tasted defeat on personal grounds!

Notions and Perceptions

~ Rishi ~ 1 Comment

We often form notions and perceptions about people, places, or things.

Sometimes, they get formed after due diligence or experiences we have. Sometimes, without so, based only on hearsay.

These past few days, as I spent time in Kashmir on a holiday, I realised the false notions and perceptions a lot of us Indians hold about the region.

For those who don’t know, Kashmir has been a troubled part of India, with disputes running since the country’s independence. Off late, it had become infamous for terrorist activities and anti-establishment echoes.

While the situation has improved considerably and people are again returning in droves to this tourist heaven, the long held notions and perceptions haven’t changed much.

It was not surprising for me to note the same hospitality I had received in the state when I had visited it fifteen years back. But as I talked with my brother, for whom this was also his second visit, the feeling reverberated and that re-affirmed my thoughts.

Contrary to perception, most people in the valley are peace loving and cooperative. People here are genuine, well mostly. And they are very hospitable.

As I thought about my experience and the contrary nature to the notion most of us have, I realised that we make this mistake many a times in our daily lives.

We often accept what others perceive or tell us, without enough fact checking on our side. We follow the majority opinion, not wanting to be that one contrarian. We form our own notions based on someone else’s experience.

I have made these mistakes many a times. There have been times when thankfully I have been able to identify and correct that mistake. But I am sure there are many more such mistakes I don’t know about.

What if I start applying myself to understand a point of view better and without any bias always? What if I start to form any notions only after careful considerations?

I do think I will be a better person. And hopefully I will have the right perspective on those people, places, or things…